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#136 | |||
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*************************************** I'm not an accomplished writer, so I'm only going to proof for grammar and typos. I don't want to comment on content. I assume you are referring to Chapter 9 only and I don't believe I have read this fanfic before as I tend to stay away from the unfinished ones, so if there is any fact checking required, I would need more time to read the rest of it. 1.0 Paragraph 4 - You have holy tear and you should have holy terror when referring to Amy 2.0 Paragraph 5 - it should read we wouldn't have it any other way & you put haven't 3.0 Paragraph 11 - There is a well known phrase we use "to give as good as you got" not sure if you would prefer that to what you had at the end of that paragraph. 4.0 Paragraph 15 - You may want to take out the second "her" in the first sentence and then the last word should be say not day. 5.0 Paragraph 19 - would it read better if you put dimly lit living room 6.0 Paragraph 21 - he didn't know much about anything about the future at the particular moment - should the be that 7.0 Paragraph 28 - mauling should be mulling 8.0 Paragraph 48 - I think a couple of the sentences would flow better if they were joined with the next sentence and just use commas. 9.0 Paragraph 67 - you need an ed on the end of brighten 10.0 Paragraph 70 - It's should just be It 11.0 Paragraph 73 - you need a space between Itwas 12.0 Paragraph 77 - should the word be couldn't instead of could in the 2nd last sentence? I hope I didn't lose track of the Paragraph numbers 13.0 Paragraph 110 - you need an "a" in this sentence -- he moved to New York for her without __ second thought 14.0 Paragraph 120 - I think you want to say Drue's eyes lit up I love the Wall thing. __________________
Last edited by JJH85; 06-11-2018 at 09:55 PM |
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#137 | |||
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Christina
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#138 | |||
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#139 | |||
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Oh thank you so much, but I meant proofreading the new chapter I haven't posted yet, Chapter 10. I have it in a Word Document that I could send to you in an email. I will still edit Chapter 9 with your suggestions. __________________
Christina
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#140 | |||
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I sent you my email via PM. __________________
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#141 | |||
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#142 | |||
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#143 | |||
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Joined: Aug 2016
Posts: 362
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Christina, I just started reading your fanfic. It's fantastic, l love it. I am on chapter 6 right now. Hope I can read more tonight when kids are in bed.
Thanks for sharing this with us. |
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#144 | |||
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I'm writing the last chapter now. __________________
Christina
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#145 | |||
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And I got through a good portion of the chapter you sent me to proofread. So far no Notes on that.
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#146 | |||
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#147 | |||
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Did you ever get to read the fanfics I sent you? __________________
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#148 | |||
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I read some, but hoping to get back to them soon. __________________
Christina
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#149 | |||
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Joined: Aug 2016
Posts: 362
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Christina, I just finished your story. I absolutely love it!!!
Will you post Chapter 10 soon on fanfiction.net? Can't wait to read more |
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#150 | |||
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Hopefully I'll post the last chapters soon. I'm still writing Chapter 11, but have gotten distracted. __________________
Christina
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