AmeliaBeck

So Cristal let me know the other day that the board was closing and this is almost a relief. I can't believe what all has happened, yet I'm not even surprised. It's unsettling too look back and realize how fooled we all were for this charlatan's ways.

For those of you in the dark, it's not all that hard to see, and instead of being coy I'll just spell it out: Chad Michael Murray isn't a role model or hero or great guy as we all thought. He's a disturbed man child who needs a lot of help. He has very little respect from people who honestly want(ed) him to do well. He doesn't seem to have a grasp on how to have decent human relationships. He doesn't seem to care at all for all his dedicated and loyal fans do/did for him. He literally would have fallen off the face of the earth if it wasn't for us, on this particular web forum, after 2005-2006. He might put on a fun façade for us, that he thinks we're awesome after carrying his butt for almost a decade now, but I don't think he cares. If he does, his silence really shows for it.

Chad seems to have very little respect for any and every women he's engaged in a sexual/romantic relationship with. Every single woman that has come out of a relationship with him doesn't seem to think highly of him and distances herself from him as much as possible. I wonder why...

Chad's actions have hurt Sophia, Kenzie, Nicky, and every other unnamed woman he's discarded. He doesn't seem to value any of these women enough to be faithful. Whatever issues he seems to have -- probably stemmed from when his mother left his family as a child -- he should spend time in therapy or with a counselor to straighten them out. I'm not being cruel, and I hope whomever reads this now or 10 years from now realizes that. He has relationship problems that we all here, as fans, tried to cover up or excuse when we didn't need to, and should not have. His actions have affected the lives of each women he betrayed, and the lives of their families and friends as well. And as fans, especially on this board, it affected us a lot too.

If you go through the hundreds of thousands of pages on this board, you will see that, like many of you, my fingerprints are on them. Year after year, day after day. And for a lot of us here, the story is similar. Though a lot of us reading and posting in this thread didn't overlap with each other, each of us contributed our time, our money, our spirits and our hopes onto Chad Michael Murray. We idolized him, we respected him. We thought he was talented and attractive and many other wonderful qualities. We spent YEARS either defending him or giving him enough attention when we should have stepped back and went "Hey, who is this man that we are defending? How much do we really know versus what we want to see?"

It's amazing how we basically saved this guy. There are so many people that spent an inordinate number of hours fighting other people over his relationships. Actual feelings were hurt, and it wasn't healthy. It might have been "fun" at the time to be cruel to one another and throw around gossip or words as to feel like "s/he who speaks loudest, knows best", but in the end, a lot of people were angry and a lot of time was wasted. Imagine what we could of actually accomplished if we didn't waste time fighting...

I still don't care about Sophia Bush. I don't think I ever will, mainly because I have many various interests that consume my time now that isn't a part of. But I wish I could actually apologize to her for things I said. I threw around words and phrases, calling her a **** or a whore for sleeping around with her co-stars, and blamed the majority of their breakup on her. And now, I'm appalled by many of my actions. I don't know Sophia Bush. I've physically have met her, I know second hand gossip surrounding her. But as a woman, I should have never dragged her name through the mud like I did. It was very hateful of me. I was an ignorant kid and all I cared about was protecting Chad's name, so I did what I thought at the time was "the right thing to do." But it wasn't right, it was just mean.

And the same goes for those CSers who were extremely cruel to Kenzie. I know a lot of us weren't nice to Sophia, but just thinking about some of the things that were said about Kenzie, who is almost blameless in this whole mess, when she was just a teenager chill my spine. I think Era said it best:

I honestly never want to go back and read things that were said in some of those CS threads because they were downright cruel to Kenzie. She was a young girl who had a famous actor as a boyfriend. I don't think she had any idea what she was really getting into, as shown by how hurt she is now.

Like many of you here, I basically idolized Chad, hardcore, for a good four or five years. And now, it's like it was all for nothing. I'm grown up now and I see what he is. I'm sorry to all of you guys who fell victim too. A lot of y'all seem smarter than I was at least, to realize that something wasn't a-okay with the dude's persona. I wish I had been like you guys.

I have made some awesome friends here. One of my very best friends now is Marissa aka RiSSLESz (from back when the HOW/Chad-Elisha threads were popular ), after we reconnected last year, and my life would suck without her. I'll always be so grateful towards friends like Cristal, Manu, Laura, Marie, Sonia, Natalie, et cetera. These ladies knew me when I was just a teen posting here, going gaga for Chad, and you guys still mean so darn much to me, even if we haven't REALLY spoken in years. Thank you for that.

Maybe we should use this time as therapy to get it all out of our system Sigh. I wish this hadn't turned out this way, and I hope none of you guys are offended by anything I said. I don't want to leave this board with any bad vibes. We are all better people now, and we know Chad is the enemy here.

I hope one day, Chad will be able to love himself and get the help he needs to be a stronger and wiser person. I hope one day, everything we put into our opening threads of how much we loved and admired him come to fruition, and we feel less like fools than we do now. I think there's too much fame in Chad's eyes to be clear for him to be a better person. I honestly wish him no harm, and I'll probably always hold onto the tiny bit of hope that he'll actually change. It's for your own good, bud.

I'm glad this board made it to a solid decade. Sorry this is how it goes out.