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Old 08-18-2011, 12:37 AM
Master Fan

ennaxor's Avatar
Joined: Dec 2006
Posts: 21,907
Please don't post this info elsewhere without crediting me. I honestly don't care if you share it, but at the very least give credit for where it's from. It takes a long time to type these up.

There are probably typos here, but I know people are waiting, so here it is...

The Skank Reflex Analysis


Leonard and Sheldon are sitting in the university cafeteria eating lunch, Sheldon repeating to himself, “It’s now what it looks like… it’s not what it looks like…” Leonard asks Sheldon what she’s grinding on about. Sheldon says Penny’s brain teaser from that morning - he says she and Koothrappali emerged from Leonard’s room, Penny disheveled, Raj wearing nothing but Leonard’s sheet, and their only clue is “It’s not what it looks like.”

Leonard tells him to drop it. Sheldon says “If I could, I would, but I can’t, so I shan’t.” Sheldon goes on that, knowing Penny, they probably had coitus, but since it’s not what it looks like, they can rule that out. Leonard says “oh boy.” Sheldon says they should put on their thinking caps, then reaches over to grab and put on an invisible hat, and tightens the “strap” under his chin (Leonard looks around to see if anyone’s watching). Sheldon says that Raj is from India, which is a tropical country, with third world hygiene, and widespread parasites, such as pinworm… And the only way to diagnose pinworm is to wait for the person to fall asleep, and then watch to see if the worms come out of the anus for air.

Leonard spits out his food (spaghetti?) onto his plate, and Sheldon says “Yes, just like that.” (Jim messed up his line right before Leonard spits out the food a couple times, so Johnny had to get up and spit the mouthful out elsewhere… The first time Johnny said something jokingly about “the glamour.”) Sheldon says that Penny must be a true blue friend. Leonard tells Sheldon they slept together. Sheldon says, “You weren’t listening, she said it’s NOT what it looks like.” Leonard says she was lying. Sheldon says oh, and then, “Well not I just look silly wearing this,” and takes off his thinking cap.


Raj and Howard walk up and join them at the table. Howard and Raj each say a quiet “hey” in greeting, after a pause Leonard returns in, and then Sheldon imitates and gives a “hey” of his own. Sheldon looks back and forth between Leonard and Raj, then asks Leonard if it’s uncomfortable for him knowing that one of his dearest friends had sexual intercourse with the woman he used to love in the same place where he lays his head. Leonard says no, he’s completely fine with it. On the first take, Sheldon was just like good, moving on… I can’t remember what the second version was. The third one was Sheldon saying that sounds like sarcasm, but he has an agenda, so he’s going to ignore it.

Sheldon goes on to talk about the interdepartmental paintball game coming up, and how they need to organize a power of command. Obviously Sheldon outranks them, but he says the question is by how much. He says he doesn’t want them to think of him as some four star general, off in his own office, playing golf… But sergeant doesn’t work either, because that might imply that he’s one of the guys. Sheldon says this will take some thought, and tells them to carry on as they were.

After a beat, Leonard demands of Raj something like, “How could you do that??” Howard jumps in, agreeing with Leonard. Raj asks why Howard cares, and he says he’s got Leonard’s back. Raj says Howard’s just upset that “it turns out I’m Penny’s second choice after Leonard.” Howard says that if he wasn’t engaged, that totally could have been him. Leonard says that it would have been Sheldon before Howard, “and he may not even have genitals.” Raj asks why Leonard cares, since he’s dating Priya, and “Penny and I are in love.” Leonard and Howard both ask at the same time, “You’re what??”

Sheldon says that he’d like to interject something, and says he’s decided on Captain - if it’s good enough for Kirk, Crunch, and Kangaroo, it’s good enough for him. Howard tells Raj that they’re not in love. Raj says they were hit by the flaming arrows of… someone whose name I can’t remember. Howard asks, who? Raj says it’s the Hindi version of Cupid, only he’s better because he rides a parrot.

Leonard tells Raj that he falls in love with any woman who smiles at him, and just last month he was writing poems about Howard’s fiance. Howard’s shocked into silence for a moment, then asks, you did what? Raj says that Leonard’s just talking rubbish. Lenard quotes “Bernadette, won’t you play my clarinet?” On the first take, Raj said “Okay, you got me there.” Then it was changed to Raj scoffing and saying that could be about anyone. Then Raj tells Howard he doesn’t have to worry anymore, because… and then I never understood what he said there. It sounded like he said “Koothrappali” in the end, but on the last take it could have maybe been “Koothra-Penny.” Then Sheldon informs them that he does have genitals, and they’re functional and aesthetically pleasing.


Penny’s got a bottle of wine, and she’s looking for a glass. She pulls a dirty one from the sink, puts it back, then picks up a measuring cup and uses that. There’s a knock at the door, and as Penny goes to answer she says to herself that wine glasses should have handles. Amy’s at the door, and says it’s good that Penny’s keeping closer track of her alcohol intake, and makes some comment about how she can get when she’s had too much to drink. (I’m not sure if Mayim forgot the line, or just got distracted, or what, on the first take, but she got through half of it, then she and Kaley started laughing.) Penny asks, “You heard what I did?” Amy says “I heard who you did.”

Penny goes to sit on the couch, and says she screwed everything up, she hurt Leonard, she hurt Raj. She says it’s like she’s two different people, Dr Jekyl and Mrs. Whore. Amy asks if she’s heard of Catherine the Great, Penny says no. Amy tells her that she ruled Germany, and once had sex with a horse using a pulley system. Penny asks what this has to do with her. Amy says that Catherine had interspecies sex, and people still called her great, so Penny’s reputation will survive “sex with a little Indian boy.”


Raj is at his computer, drinking a beer, and someone’s at the door. He opens it, and Bernadette bursts in, yelling at him, asking if he told Howard there was something going on between them, because he thinks there is, and he’s freaking out. Raj, who has backed up as she advanced and is on the other side of the apartment now from the door, says, “Please, come in.” Berndatte (still yelling - she yells angrily through the whole scene!) asks what’s wrong with him. He says that she was always nice to him, and he thought she might like him.

Bernadette says that she’s nice to everyone, she’s a people pleaser! And it’s how she survived having four brothers and sisters and an emotionally distant father. She tells Raj to tell Howard that there’s nothing going on between them, and he agrees. Before she leaves, he asks her if she thinks he has a chance with Penny. She says, “Of course, you’re a cutie pie, any girl would be lucky to have you!”


Back to Penny’s apartment. Penny says that she’s done this before, in kindergarten, she was supposed to marry some boy, but by recess he was engaged to another girl. So she hung upside-down n the monkey bars and showed all the other boys her underwear. Amy says that it’s not her fault - when your frontal lobe doesn’t make you happy, sexual promiscuity rewards you with dopamine to do the job - neurobiologists call it the Skank Reflex.

Penny stands up and says she wants to go somewhere. Amy asks where, and Penny says somewhere where people haven’t seen her naked, and they might have to drive a while… She opens the door, to see Sheldon and Leonard across the hallway about to open their own door. She winces and slams her door shut. Sheldon says “Subtlety never was a strength of hers, was it?” (On one take Kaley started her line right after slamming the door, forgetting to wait for Jim, then she bit her fist when she realized what she did! Jim kept talking at first, and didn’t realize what happened, and Johnny looked amused.)

Penny asks Amy if she can stay with her for a few days. Amy asks, like a sleepover? Penny says sure. Amy asks if they can eat popcorn, and watch movies, and other sleepover stuff, and Penny agrees. Amy asks if they can talk in secret languages, and Penny says she doesn’t know any. Amy says she knows them all, Pig Latin, one I can’t remember, and her personal favorite, Op. (This exchange was done a second time, and shortened a bit.) Penny says that sounds great. Amy says, no, that sounds “gop rop e a top” (something like that… I think that’s how it worked. She said it really quickly!) Penny says she’ll go back a bag, and Amy says no, she’ll “pop a cop, kop a bop a gop.” And Amy’s really excited for the sleepover, and says “yay!” to herself.

SCENE (pre-taped)

Guy’s apartment. Sheldon’s at his laptop, and Leonard comes in, wearing a full camouflage outfit and hat. Leonard asks if they really have to wear the camouflage. Sheldon turns around, and pretends like he can’t see Leonard until Leonard takes off the hat. Leonard says he’s not really in the mood. Sheldon says that he has something to cheer him up, motioning towards his computer, and Leonard says he doesn’t want to talk to Amy.

But it’s not Amy on the computer, it’s Beverly! Leonard says, you contacted my mother? Sheldon says that Leonard always states the obvious. Beverly says that he’s done that as a child - “look, mommy, a butterfly!” Leonard’s surprised that she wants to help, but Beverly says that she’s his mother and she does love him. Leonard’s touched, and says so, and Beverly says there he does stating the obvious again. But Leonard still explains to her that he doesn’t want to get back with Penny - they tried that and it didn’t work - but he’s still upset that she slept with Raj. And he found out that Priya’s moving back to India, so he just feels confused and lonely. Beverly tells him to buck up. Leonard asks, really, all your research on child development and parenting, and all you have is buck up? Beverly says, “Sorry. Buck up, sissy pants.” And says that if he wants more help her books are on eBay, before disconnecting. Sheldon praises her, and says that sometimes he pretends that she’s his mother.

They told us that Christine was still in New York filming The Good Wife, so that scene with her was really taped over skype!


Amy’s apartment, her and Penny sitting on the couch. Penny’s eating while Amy brushes her hair, counting with each stroke until she reaches 100, then comments that it’s like liquid gold. Then Amy says it’s her turn, so Penny sets down her food and turns around (on the second take Kaley hesitated with the food, then said “I forgot where I put it and I got scared!), and starts to brush Amy’s hair.

Penny says she wonders sometimes what she’s still doing in LA, with her acting career not going anywhere. The best thing she’s had is an audition for a hemorrhoids commercial. Amy says she can totally see Penny as the new face of hemorrhoids, and Penny says “I know, right?” Penny says she’s thinking of going back to Nebraska, and Amy says “I can’t let you do that.” Penny asks why, and Amy says that she’s finally got a social life, and it hinges on Penny.

Amy answers a knock at the door, and it’s Raj (taking a swig out of a flask), who wants to talk to Penny. Penny asks him how he knew he was there, and he says it was all over Amy’s facebook page (Amy turns and smiles). Amy says she’ll go put Penny’s things away and clear a drawer, and tells Penny to “keep it in your pants.”

Penny asks Raj what’s up, and he says he was wondering if she’s free on Friday, because it’s 80’s night at some place, and he’s listing the groups that will be there. Penny says, “That sounds great, but here’s the thing -” And Raj says of course, there’s a thing. Penny says that she was really drunk last night, and they shouldn’t have slept together, and sex ruins friendships. Raj says that’s ridiculous, that’s like saying that ice cream is ruined by chocolate sprinkles. Penny says she’d really like to go back to how their friendship was before, without the sprinkles. Raj is disappointed (there was a lot of awwing for him), but he agrees.

Then after a moment, he says that as a friend, she might want to know that they didn’t have sex in the traditional way. Penny narrows her eyes (though Kaley cracked up here on one take), and asks if he tried some weird Indian thing with her. He says no, but after they took of their clothes, and got in bed, she asked if he had protection - Penny cuts in, “You did, didn’t you?” And Raj says of course, he’s always packing. And he says that he had trouble getting it on, and she tried to help… he trails off, and then says, “And that’s all she wrote.”

Penny starts to ask, “So we didn’t-?” and Raj says, “No, but I did. It was beautiful.” Penny looks relieved, and Raj asks her to please not tell anyone, and she says okay. He asks if they can tell people that their love burned too bright and too strong, like a candle in the wind type thing, and she smiles and says sure. He asks if they can tell people that it didn’t work out because she wanted to have his babies, but he was too rock’n’roll to be tied down, and Penny says no. He asks if they can tell people that he made her feel things she’d never felt before / he ruined her for white men (they both laughed after this second version on the first time), and Penny says, “Again, no.” And Raj says they’ll just stick with the candle in the wind thing.

So they say, well, see you later… And Raj starts to leave, but Penny stops him, and gives him a hug, and says “thanks for being my friend.” As she’s hugging him, Raj says “It’s starting to get beautiful again,” and Penny quickly lets go and backs away. (And they both laughed after the first take, and Kaley pretended to kick Raj in the groins.)


The four guys, wearing camouflage, are crouched down in a shack. Sheldon’s holding an iPad (I think), and says that this is a google maps view of the paintball field. Howard says he doesn’t see anything, and Sheldon says it’s loading, and then says something like, “Anytime now, AY&T.” He points out where the geology department is, and they tweeted that they’re out of sunscreen, so they’ll have to stay close to the tree line or risk melanoma - that’s their edge. Then Sheldon says something else about “those pasty rock-worshippers.”

Leonard bursts out to Raj asking why he didn’t tell him that Priya was moving back to India. Howard says that he was too busy writing bad penis metaphors. On the first take, Raj asked “What penis metaphor?” Then it was changed to Raj defending it, saying it was beautiful. Leonard says they should just forget about paintball, and Raj and Howard agree. They stand to leave, and Sheldon tries to stop them. Leonard says now’s not a good time for the game. Sheldon asks, “Is this just a game to you? Was the battle of Antietam just a game? Was the sacking of Rome just a game?” Leonard says “Yes, no, and no.”

They try to leave again, but Sheldon stops them, saying he forgives them, and this is his fault, he’s not a good leader, he didn’t earn these bars on his uniform. He tries to pull the patch off, unsuccessfully, then says that apparently what he lacks in leadership, he makes up in sewing skills. Howard offers to buy Sheldon a Jamba Juice on the way home, but Sheldon says that’s just for champions, and they’re not.

Then Sheldon hands Leonard his own gun, and walks towards the door. Leonard asks what he’s going. On the first take, Sheldon said “I’m going to fake-die for your very real sins.” On the second take, Sheldon said, “I’m going to give you glorious bastards something to die for.” On the third take, she said, “I’m going to follow in the footsteps of Kirk, Crunch, and Kangaroo.” And he pulls on his goggles and steps outside. (On one of the takes, as he pulled on the goggles, they just fell off his face!)

Outside (this part was pre-taped), Sheldon stands up on a hill, holds out his arms, and yells that geology isn’t even a real science. He’s bombarded with paintballs, and falls to his knees in slow motion. The guys see this from the shed’s door, Howard says something like “those sons of bitches,” and they get pumped up and run out yelling, shooting at the geologists. Sheldon watches them go, and says that if there’s ever a church of Sheldon, this will be the day it starts.


The four guys at Leonard and Sheldon’s, a trophy’s on the coffee table. Leonard toasts to Captain Sheldon, but Sheldon corrects that it’s Major Sheldon now - in his last breaths on the battlefield, he awarded himself a promotion.

Penny knocks and comes in, and asks if they have a minute. They guys turn to Leonard, who’s surprised, but says okay. She says that she’s already talked to Raj, but she just wanted to apologize to them for everything. Raj stands up and puts an arm around Penny, and starts to talk about what they decided as a couple… Penny asks him what he’s doing, and reminds him that “I own you,” and Raj sits back down. On the second take, she made some comment regarding his speed as a reminder before he sits down.

Penny also tells them that she’s been thinking about her acting career, and has decided she has to face the facts, she’s just not a good actress. So she’s moving back to Nebraska. Leonard asks, “You’re leaving?” Howard asks what she’s going to do back there. She says she doesn’t know, maybe teach acting. Then her phone rings, and as she answers it Leonard stands and says to her something like, “I hope this has nothing to do with us, because I have a girlfriend, and you’re single…” and Penny tells him to shush, it’s her agent.

She’s excited, and says thank you, and then tells the guys that she got the hemorrhoids commercial. Someone asked about Nebraska, and Penny says forget Nebraska, she’s going to be a star! And she happily leaves. Leonard goes back to his seat, and Sheldon asks him if he’s ever considered teaching physics.


The guys, Penny, Bernadette, and Amy are all in at Leonard and Sheldon’s, watching Penny’s commercial. In the commercial, Penny and her “mom” are brushing horses, and the woman asks Penny if she feels up for riding today, and Penny says not really. The mom asks, hemorrhoids? And Penny says you don’t know the half of it. And the woman says she does, and holds up some cream and names it, and says “the H stands for her.”

Leonard tells Penny that he’s so proud of her, and she shushes him and says here comes her joke. Back in the commercial, Penny and the mom are riding their horses now. The mom asks how Penny’s doing, and she replies “Sitting pretty!”

Behind-the-scenes wise, there was a really sweet hug between Johnny and Kaley at one point between scenes. She had her arms around his neck, and his hands were on her waist, and they were just talking a bit.

The Maccabeats (Mayim's favorite music group) was in the audience, so she kept waving up to them, and pointing them out to the other cast members. At various points, they yelled out, "We love you Johnny!" "We love you Kaley!" and "We love you Melissa!"

At one point, Mayim was laughing so hard watching the entertainment going on up in the audience, she poor makeup lady couldn't get the makeup on her!

And when it was all over, I got autographs from Johnny, Kaley, Simon, Kunal, and Bill.
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