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Old 04-06-2011, 12:23 AM
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Joined: Dec 2006
Posts: 21,300
Same request as before - link to the forum instead of posting this elsewhere, and don't spread the spoilers like they're you're own exclusive. Give me credit, please.

The title is "The Engagement Reaction."

Scene 1 - Cheesecake Factory

The guys and Priya are sitting at their table. Off to the side, Penny asks Bernadette if she doesn’t mind taking table 7. Bernadette asks, the one with my 118 pound rock solid fiancé who’s prone to canker sores and pink eye? Penny says she was looking at it as the one with her ex-boyfriend and his new girlfriend who’s beautiful and very successful - not that that bothers her because she’s secure with herself. Then her line was changed to her ex and his new girlfriend who’s beautiful and successful and sophisticated and makes her feel like a toothless hokey.

Bernadette asks if Penny wants her to spill hot soup on Priya. Penny says no, Bernadette’s not that type of person. Bernadette says okay, but if Priya asks for something non-fat, she’ll totally give her the full fatty version.

At the table, Sheldon takes a drink of water, and Leonard tells him that was his water. Sheldon asks what, and Leonard repeats that Sheldon just drank out of his cup. Sheldon asks Leonard if he’d drank out of it, and Leonard says yes, it was his water. Sheldon says that’s it, he’s dead.

Sheldon says that the backwash from the water will contain all the germs that reside in Leonard’s mouth, along with those that came from the dancing tongue of his exotic girlfriend. Raj says hey, that’s my sister and my country. He says Leonard may have defiled one, but he won’t let Sheldon defile the other.

Bernadette comes up and asks what she can get them, and Sheldon says a 7 day course of antibiotics, and some syrup to prevent vomiting, plus a breath mint. She asks why, and Howard says that Sheldon drank out of Leonard’s water glass. Sheldon repeats that, “Sheldon drank out of Leonard’s cup,” and says that will be on his tombstone.

Sheldon starts to repeatedly wipe his tongue with a napkin, until Leonard points out that’s his napkin too. Sheldon jumps up from the table and says he’s going to the bar to sterilize his mouth with alcohol, and on his way out says “move, dead man walking!” to a woman in his way.

Scene 2 - Same place, slightly later

Sheldon’s still gone. Bernadette brings drinks - lemonades for Raj and Howard, an iced tea for Leonard, and a root beer for Priya. Priya asks, it’s diet, right? Bernadette says “that’s what you ordered.”

Priya asks if Howard and Bernadette have started planning their wedding. Bernadette says yes, they’re thinking about getting married on a cliff overlooking the ocean. Howard says there’s nothing to sooth your wedding nerves like the thought of falling and drowning.

Leonard asks how Howard’s mom took the news, and Bernadette says he hasn’t told her yet, he’s waiting for the right time. Howard says something about waiting to work it into her eulogy. Leonard says that he has to tell her, and Howard asks if Priya has told her parents that she’s dating Leonard yet. Priya says that’s different; for one, they’re not engaged, and second, Indian parents are very protective of their children. Howard says sure, and Jewish mom’s are just la-di-da with their children.

Sheldon comes back, saying that he gargled tequila, and he thinks he might have swallowed some. Leonard asks if he’s okay, and Sheldon says something like, “Yes, thank you for asking. I love you very much.”

Scene 3 - Guys’ apartment

The four guys are playing Mystic Warlord’s of Ka’a. Sheldon plays something like Fire Demon, and Raj comments that Sheldon’s bringing the heat. Howard plays some sort of Troll card, and Raj says that Howard’s pulling it out from under the bridge. Leonard plays Water Nymph, and Raj says that it’s got all the particles in all the right places.

Sheldon asks if Raj can just play the game without commenting on every card. Raj reluctantly agrees, then plays Walking Tree. He looks at Sheldon, who says fine, one more time, and Raj says something like he’s going for a stroll and he’s got wood.

Howard gets a text on his phone, and says the eagle has landed. Bernadette’s having lunch with his mom and some deli as a get-to-know-you thing. One of the guys asks if Howard’s met Bernadette’s parents yet, and Howard asks, Adolf and Eva? No, they’re taking it one step at a time.

Sheldon drinks from a water bottle, and Raj says that was his. Sheldon jumps up and runs down the hall. Leonard says to Raj, that wasn’t your water bottle. Raj smiles and says he knows. Sheldon can be heard yelling “Where’s the mouthwash??” Raj pulls out the mouthwash bottle from behind a pillow on the couch, and says “Where indeed.”

Scene 4 - Wolowitz’s upstairs hallway

Howard walks in, yells to his mom that he’s home. He asks where she is, and she yells from behind a door that she’s on the toilet. He asks how it went, and she says it’s too soon to tell, she’s not done yet.

He says no, he meant her lunch with Bernadette. Mrs. Wolowitz says she had some sandwich, and Bernadette had the eggplant lasagna, and asks who orders that at a Jewish deli. Howard asks if they talked, if she liked her, and she asks if he knew that she was going to school to be a microbiologist. He says no, she never told him. She says she bets Bernadette did, and he just wasn’t listening.

Howard asks if they got along, what she thought, and Mrs. Wolowitz says she’s a sweet girl. Howard says he’s glad to hear that, and he’s got some news for her. She says she hopes it’s good news, because all she’s getting in there is disappointment. Howard tells her that he and Bernadette are going to get married. There’s just silence from the other side of the door. He asks, Ma? And asks if she can’t speak cause she’s bearing down.

Then there’s a loud thump from the other side of the door. Howard tries to open it, but it’s locked, and tells her to stand back cause he’s going to break it down. So he backs up, gets a running start, throws himself against the door, and basically bounces off and falls to the floor. (On the first take, one of the pictures on a small table against the wall actually fell over from the jolt.) He’s crumpled on the floor, holding his arm, yelling for help.

Scene 5 - Laundry room

Sheldon’s doing his laundry as Penny comes in. She’s happy to see him, and says it’s been a while, and asks how he is. He gives some long answer about how he’s basically waiting for the germs to grow and spread through his system. Penny giggles. Sheldon asks if he said something amusing. She says she doesn’t know, she doesn’t know what he said.

He asks, so your mirth was just nervous energy, and had no semantic meaning? Penny says, “My mirth, classic” and laughs again. I can’t remember what Sheldon said here on the first take, but on the second take he asked if there was an upcoming station where he could get on her giggle train.

Penny says that with Leonard dating Priya she’s had to back off, and she’s missed Sheldon’s jibber jabber. Sheldon says he doesn’t jibber jabber. Penny asks him how it’s going at work. He goes on some long explanation, something about string theory, and when he finishes Penny says okay, even you have to admit that was jibber jabber. Sheldon starts to say something about the origin of the phrase jibber jabber, and Penny says oh god, you’re going to jibber jabber about jibber jabbering.

Leonard suddenly rushes in, saying Howard and Mrs. Wolowitz are in the hospital, and they’ve gotta go. Penny asks what’s wrong, and he says he doesn’t know, he just got a text. Penny immediately starts to follow him out, but they stop in the doorway, because Sheldon hasn’t moved. They tell him to come on, but Sheldon just asks, the hospital? With sick people?

Penny says don’t tell me you’re scared of germs. Sheldon says not all germs, just the ones that might kill him. Just like he’s not scared of all steak knives, just the ones that might stab him. Leonard says he guesses he’ll just have to tell Howard that Sheldon’s well-being is more important to him than Howard’s. Sheldon says he thought Howard would have already known that.

Penny tells Sheldon that she can’t believe he buys so many superhero t-shirts, but when the time comes to do something he just hides out in the laundry room. Sheldon gives in and says he’ll go, but informs them that his aunt died in a hospital. She went in to visit her husband, and then died a few days later from germs she’d caught while she was there, and now they share a coffee can on Mrs. Cooper’s mantle. Jim had some trouble with this line, and needed a few takes to get it right.

Scene 6 - Hospital waiting room

Penny, Leonard, Howard, and Bernadette are all sitting together, Sheldon pacing in the background. Howard says so he broke the door down, picked up his mom, carried her downstairs, put her in the car, and drove like a mad man to the hospital. Bernadette tells him that he was a real hero. He says he was just doing what any son would.

Penny asks, “You carried her? Her legs can barely do that.” Howard says that it must have been the adrenaline, like those women who pick up cars off of babies. Penny says that she’s saying it would be easier to pick up a car.

Leonard asks Howard how his mom’s doing, and he says they’re doing tests right now, and it might be a heart attack or a heart attack-like event. Penny asks what the difference is. Sheldon says that it’s an event that is like a heart attack. Penny thanks him for clearing that up. Sheldon says that cardiac problems can be treated, and what will kill Mrs. Wolowitz is the antibacterial-resistant super bugs that she’ll pick up in the hospital. Penny tells him he’s not helping. Sheldon says “disagree.” Leonard points off to the corner and tells Sheldon to go sit down over there. On the first take Sheldon says good choice, he was going to make that his spot. Then it changed to Sheldon saying no, he’ll sit over there (pointing to a different spot), cause it looks cleaner.

Leonard asks Howard if his family has a history of heart disease. Howard says his family is the history of heart disease - there’s a cave painting in Italy of his ancestor going like this, and then he poses with a hand over his chest and a look of pain/surprise. Bernadette says so it was probably genetic. Howard says maybe, his mom did just get some news that might have upset her.

Bernadette asks what news, and Howard says it’s not important. Bernadette says that they’re going to be married, and he should be able to tell her anything. Howard says yeah, you’d think so, but no. Bernadette realizes that he’d told her they were going to get married, and then she had the heart attack. Howard tells her not to take it personally. Penny asks him how she’s supposed to take it.

Howard tells Bernadette that she needs to understand that since his dad left, he’s all his mom has left, and she’d be threatened by any woman who could give him what she can’t. Bernadette asks if he means sexual intercourse. Howard says well when you say it like that, it sounds creepy.

Raj and Priya enter, and asks how things are going. Bernadette says that Mrs. Wolowitz had a heart attack because she has sex with Howard, and Mrs. Wolowitz can’t, and storms out. Howard follows her. Sheldon comes up, and tells Raj he’ll pay him a thousand dollars to drive him home.

Scene 7 - Same place, slightly later

Penny and Priya are both getting coffee. Priya says that it was nice of Penny to come to support Howard, and Penny says that’s what you do for a friend, and then laughs. Priya asks if she missed something, and Penny says it’s just the fact that Howard is her friend. And she tells Priya that once Howard tried to stick this tongue down her throat, and she broke her nose.

Priya says that she finds that easier to believe than Penny being Howard’s friend, and Penny says tell me about it. Priya says that Raj had a similar group of friends back in India, and they wore leotards and goggles and called themselves the New Delhi Power Rangers. Penny asks, when he was younger, right? Priya says not as much younger as you’d like.

Penny says the coffee there is terrible, and asks Priya if she’d like to go with her to find the cafeteria and real coffee. Priya says sure, and asks the guys if they want anything. No one does, so they leave. Leonard, sitting next to Raj, says it’s good to see them getting along. Raj says sure, your current girlfriend and your ex-girlfriend, this can only end well for you.

Leonard asks what he means, and Raj says that one of those girls broke up with him, and does Leonard want her to tell the other one why? Leonard says he doesn’t have anything to hide. Raj says sure… and then said something else that I can’t remember, but Leonard glares at Raj and says he’s a very mean little man. Raj smiles and says you’d think it was because his parents didn’t love him enough, but they actually did.

On the other side of the room Howard and Bernadette are talking - I think he was trying to reassure her it wasn’t her fault. Bernadette says that he told his mom they were engaged and then she had a heart attack, and asks how they’re supposed to get married now. Howard says that’s just the circle of life, and one day they’ll have a son and he’ll get married and it’ll kill Bernadette.

Sheldon comes up and says he has to use the bathroom, and the others won’t drive him home, and asks if Howard will drive him. Howard says no, his mom’s on her deathbed, and his fiancé is feeling guilty for putting her there, and asks what’s wrong with the bathrooms there. Sheldon says they’re full of… and lists a bunch of germs.

Sheldon asks if Howard will at least come with him to open the door and flush the urinal, but Howard still says no. A doctor enters, and Sheldon tells him to hold the door, then slips out without though it. Howard asks the doctor how his mom is, and the doctor says that it wasn’t a heart attack, but they’re still doing tests, and she’s resting now. Howard asks if he can see her, but the doctor says she actually asked for “the little Catholic girl.”

Howard tells Bernadette it’ll be okay, and then hides her cross necklace, on the first take saying they shouldn’t poke the bear with a stick, then it was changed to him saying it’ll burn his mom if she touches it. As Bernadette leaves, the doctor asks, you brought a Catholic girl home to your mom? Then he tells Howard he’ll write him a prescription for Xanax.

Scene 8 - Hospital hallway (pre-taped)

A man enters the men’s room, and Sheldon slips out as the door is open, saying “finally.” A coughing man on a gurney is wheeled by, and Sheldon backs away from him, entering a room in the process with a biohazard warning on the door. He turns around to see a man lying in the bed, with three nurses wearing biohazard suits around him. Sheldon starts to leave, but one of them tells him to stop, he’s been exposed.

Out in the hallway Penny and Priya are walking around the corner. Penny says something like, you want to talk about crazy mom’s, Leonard’s mom never loved him as a kid, that’s why he’s always seeking out approval from women, and that’s why the foreplay lasts forever. Priya I think laughed and agreed, and Penny advices her not to doze off, or she’ll never hear the end of it. They pass by the room where Sheldon’s now being held in, and don’t hear him yelling for help.

Scene 9 - Waiting room

Leonard and Raj are still on the couch. Raj says if there’s one thing Leonard needs to remember about his sister, it’s that she’s worldly, and there’s probably nothing Penny can say to upset her. Leonard says right. Then Leonard says there were some things he did with Penny that were kind of silly. Raj asks like what. Leonard says sometimes he’d put on a little show for Penny before they went to bed. Raj asks what kind of show, and Leonard says like how he’d take off his clothes. (On one take Kunal started laughing after Johnny’s line, and then Johnny shook his shoulders and leaned forward towards Kunal.)

Raj asks if there was music, and Leonard says he’d look pretty stupid if there wasn’t music. Raj says, so you strip teased. Leonard says not exactly, it’s not like he was swinging around a pole. But there was one time he did wear body glitter. Raj says Leonard probably doesn’t have to worry about Penny telling Priya that, and Leonard says you’re right, Penny wouldn’t share that. Raj adds that Leonard just has to worry about him telling Priya now, and Leonard says, “You really are a mean little man.”

Penny and Priya enter, laughing about something. Leonard asks what they’re talking about, and Penny says they’re just comparing notes about Leonard in the sack. They all laugh, Leonard says funny, and the girls go sit elsewhere together. Raj asks Leonard what if she wasn’t kidding. Leonard says he doesn’t have to worry, he’s the king of foreplay.

Bernadette comes in, and Howard asks how it went. Bernadette tells him he’s a putz, and asks if he knows that that means. Howard says yes he knows, and asks if she knows. She says yes, his mom just taught her. Mrs. Wolowitz thinks she got food poisoning from the deli, and wanted to make sure Bernadette was okay. Howard asks if she was, and she says no, because she’s engaged to a putz.

Bernadette says that Mrs. Wolowitz thought she was a great girl, and Howard was lucky to have her, and turns to leave. Howard asks where she’s going, and she yells (sounding like Mrs. Wolowitz), to the bathroom, do you have a problem with that? Howard asks if it’s just him, or does she sound sexy when she’s mad.

Scene 10 - Patient room

Sheldon’s in a hospital bed, the three guys around him wearing biohazard suits, and they’re playing Mystic Warlord’s of Ka’a again. And once again, as they go around playing their cards, Raj makes his silly little comments. I remember Howard playing something like Hell Hounds, and Raj says something like who let the demon dogs out. Can’t remember what Leonard played, but then Raj played Zombie, and said it’s Sheldon’s new facebook profile photo. Jim actually was trying really hard not to smile after this line on the first take, and the other guys sort of were laughing at him.

Sheldon then plays whatever his card was, and says he won. Howard says sure, if winning is getting exposed to some disease, and then having to be in isolation for three weeks. And I’m pretty sure there were another couple lines or so, but I’m completely blanking on what they were. (They did the scene just once, only repeating the part where Jim smiled.)
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