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Old 01-26-2011, 03:17 AM
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I got home at about 11, was getting ready to open up my computer, and then got a text from a friend telling me that a group of them were hanging out in the nearby park. So I went to meet them, spent 3 hours playing hide and go seek and tag (much longer than I'd anticipated), and am finally home again at 2 am.

I'm still gonna try to type up notes of everything before I go to sleep for myself, but it looks like the actual report won't be up until sometime tomorrow afternoon.

In the meantime, a few tidbits: The episode title is The Cohabitation Formulation. This is the episode with Priya, and the B plot (or actually maybe the A plot, since that's where the title comes from?) involves Howard choosing between his mom and Bernadette. Amy's in the episode too.

ETA - Never mind, here's the report tonight after all. When I started typing it was just easier to write it all out anyway, so here it is. As always, please don't post elsewhere, just link to the forum.

Scene 1 - Bernadette’s bedroom

Howard and Bernadette are lying in bed. Bernadette giggles, and says she was just thinking of the noises people make during sex. Howard says yeah, sometimes he gets a little carried away. Bernadette says he sounds like a drunk monkey, and imitates. He says he means it as a compliment, and she says she knows.

They’re snuggling he says he wishes this moment would just last forever, and she says so does she. Then he suddenly gets up out of bed and says he’s gotta go home, and starts getting dressed. Bernadette says he could stay, but he says his mom needs him in the morning. She says that his mom can put on a wig by herself. He says it’s not just the wig, she’s also got to draw on her eyebrows, and pin back her hair - it’s a two person job.

Bernadette says that when he leaves right after they make love, it makes her feel cheap. He asks what she wants him to do, and she says stay. So he climbs back in bed with her, and after a few seconds asks, what, five, ten minutes? She tells him to go home. He says fine, your call.

She asks if he’s ever thought about them living together. He says, “I dunno, you, me, my mom…” She says just the two of them, not his mom. He could move in with her, or they could find a place together. Howard says or, even better, they can wait for his mom’s heart to explode from all the salt she eats, and then put her in the group, flip over the mattress, and move into the big bedroom.

Bernadette dully says great. Howard, still not noticing she’s upset, says, look at us, planning for the future!

Scene 2 - Howard’s porch (pre-taped)

Howard’s unlocking the front door, and his mom yells, who’s there? Are you a sex criminal? Howard yells back that sex criminals don’t have keys. He goes in, so you just hear them yelling off-camera. She asks if he’s just getting home, and he says he was with Bernadette. Mrs. Wolowitz says she knows what that means, she watches Dr. Phil, and she hopes he was using condoms. She doesn’t want him to get one of those new fangled STDs, especially since she shares a toilet with him. Howard finally gets fed up and leaves, but then goes back in because he forgot his Claritin.

Scene 3 - Guys’ apartment

Leonard’s watching TV when there’s a knock at the door - it’s Howard, who wants to know if he can spend the night cause he got in a fight with his mom. Leonard asks if they were arguing over which CSI was best. Howard says no, they agree they all have their merits, this was about Bernadette.

Sheldon walks in and asks what’s going on, and Leonard tells him Howard’s staying cause he fought with his mom. Sheldon asks Leonard if he offered Howard a hot beverage. Leonard just stares and asks, what?, and Sheldon says that it’s social protocol to offer a friend who’s upset a hot beverage, such as tea. Howard says tea would be nice. Sheldon tells Leonard, you heard him, and snaps his fingers and points to the kitchen.

As Leonard goes to the kitchen, Sheldon tells him that he’s distressed because of the unexpected house guest, and he’d like some coco. Then Sheldon asks Howard why he came to Leonard, his secondary friend, over Raj, his primary friend. Howard says that Raj doesn’t have room, because Priya’s in town. Then he starts to talk about his mom, but Leonard walks over and cuts in, asking, Priya’s in town?

At one point they were redoing this part, and said to go from “Priya’s in town,” meaning when Johnny says it. But he didn’t know that was him, so was just fiddling with the stove in the back of the kitchen on action. When he realized that it was supposed to be him, he said something like, “Well, lots of people say it.”

Howard says yeah, something for business. And somewhere in here as Leonard’s asking, Sheldon tells him yes, she’s in town, and he needs to focus on the coco. Then he starts to continue about how Bernadette doesn’t like how he helps his mom, but his mom doesn’t trust Bernadette, but Leonard interrupts again, asking how long she’s been in town. Howard says maybe two or three days.

Leonard basically says yeah, that Bernadette and your mom stuff is bad, then says he’ll see them later, and grabs his jacket and leaves. Sheldon tells Howard that as his tertiary friend he’s there to listen to his narcissistic complaints.

Scene 4 - Raj’s apartment

Leonard knocks on the door, Raj opens in a crack, and tells him he can’t come in. Leonard says he just wants to talk to her. Raj says no, he forbids it. Priya tells Raj to open the door, but Raj closes it and tells her, “No, I forbided it.” Priya asks, forbided it? Raj tries again, “Forbaded it?”

She walks around him, opens the door, and asks Leonard, “What are you doing here?” and he asks her the same question. She says she’s in town for businesses, and he asks why she didn’t call. Raj says she was clearly sending him a message, and then said something to the similar effect of “hit the road, Jack,” except it rhymed.

Priya ignores Raj, and tells Leonard she thought about calling, but wasn’t sure if it would be a good idea or not. Leonard tells her he knows he got clingy the last time, then asks if they can talk in private. Raj says no, but she says yes, so Leonard goes in.

Raj says that it’s not right for a single woman to entertain a man in private, so they have to talk on the couch, but they walk back towards the bedroom. Raj says fine, they can talk in the bedroom, but the door must stay open, but they close it. So then Raj says okay, they can close the door just this once, but he’ll be standing right outside, monitoring the situation.

He ends up sitting on the couch, pulls out his phone, and then says into it, “Hi Leonard, it’s Raj, call me when you get this message.” He tries again, leaving a message for Priya, first telling her to call him when she gets the message, then on a different take telling her to tell Leonard to check his voicemail.

Scene 5 - Cheesecake Factory

Raj, Sheldon, and Howard at a table. Sheldon asks Howard if he’ll be staying over again, and he says no, he’s made other plans. Sheldon reminds him that as his tertiary friend, he’s available if Howard needs a slightly-apathetic listener.

Leonard and Priya join them, and Raj asks why they’re holding hands. Priya tells him that he knows she and Leonard spent the night together, and Raj says yes, but they were just talking, because he “forbode” them from having sex. Leonard tells him that the word is “forbade,” and Raj frowns and says no, that doesn’t sound right.

Priya tells Raj that she and Leonard are seeing each other again, and that Raj can’t tell her who she can have a relationship with. Sheldon says actually he can, according to the Hindu code, in the absence of the father, it is up the next closest male relative to control the base urges of a woman, which in this case is Raj. And if she disobeys, she’ll be reborn in the stomach of a jackal, and tormented by diseases, which is an awful big risk to take for Leonard.

Raj tells her, see, we’re Hindu, we believe that. Priya says the Hindu code also says that if you eat beef you have to live with cows for 60 days and drink their urine. Raj says that some of it’s crazy, but some of it makes sense, and she can’t see Leonard.

Penny walks up to refill their water glasses, and asks, who can’t see Leonard? Leonard looks up and introduces her to Priya, says she’s Raj’s sister. Penny smiles and says nice to meet you. Sheldon tells Priya that if she’s sensing any tension, it’s because Penny and Leonard used to, to quote Howard, do the dance without pants. Penny and Leonard glare, Penny exclaiming, “Sheldon!” and Leonard asking “Why?” On the second take, they added Sheldon clarifying after that that it means intercourse.

Bernadette’s walking by, and Howard asks if he can talk to her real quick. So they walk off, and as Penny’s still refilling the water, Raj asks her to tell Priya why she stopped seeing Leonard.

Cut to Howard and Bernadette talking on the side - Howard tells her that his mom’s going to be in Palm Springs for a short visit, so they’ll have two days where he can stay with Bernadette all the way into morning. Unless the dry air gets to his mom’s nose, in which case he’ll have to meet her out there with the humidifier.

Bernadette asks, that’s your big solution, two days if your mom’s nose holds up? Howard says yeah, isn’t it great? Bernadette tells him that he’s going to have to choose between her or his mom. Howard can’t come up with a response, and she says wrong answer, and starts to walk away. He stops her, saying he wasn’t done, so she says she’s listening, but then he still can’t say anything. So she walks away in a huff.

Scene 6 - Penny’s apartment

Amy knocks on the door, and when Penny answers Amy tells her that she came as soon as she could. Penny says great… then asks why. Amy says that Sheldon told her Leonard is not seeing Raj’s sister, so she came to pick up the broken pieces of Penny’s heart. Penny tells her that she’s fine, but Amy tells her that it’s okay, she doesn’t need to be strong for her. Amy walks in saying now lets talk about Priya, that man stealing bitch.

Penny asks, what? Amy says that in situations like this, it is helpful for the friend to act catty towards the other woman, and then goes a meow with hand motions. Penny tells her really, she’s fine. Amy says in that case, maybe Penny doesn’t understand the situation. Leonard has now begun seeing another woman, who is attractive and well-suited for him, perhaps even more well-suited than Penny. Penny says, oh that, then asks, what do you mean more well-suited?

Amy says that while Penny may be easy on the eyes (line later replaced with something about Penny’s secondary sexual characteristics), Priya is well educated, a professional, and comes from the culture that literally wrote the book on neat ways to have sex. While Penny on the other hand… And Penny interrupts and says yeah, she’s got it.

Then it was changed, so Amy finished that Penny is a college dropout, who comes from the culture that wrote the book on tipping cows, and Penny then said yeah, she’s got it. Then Penny asks what the wires are that Amy’s pulling out.

Amy says she’s doing research on emotions and brain activity, and with the wires attached to Penny’s head, she can see which parts of her brain are stimulated when she starts to cry. Then she will stimulate the same part of the brain in a monkey, and see if it will cry too.

Scene 7 - Bernadette’s place

Bernadette answers the door the find Howard, who’s got multiple, large, suitcases with him. He says he’s moving in with her. She’s excited, and asks what his mom said. He doesn’t know yet, she hasn’t responded to his email.

Howard asks what’s for dinner, and Bernadette says she actually doesn’t have much in the house right now. Howard says that’s okay, and suggests they go fool around in their bedroom, and as they walk away says then she can go shopping afterwards.

Scene 8 - Guy’s apartment

Leonard, Priya, and Sheldon are sitting on the couch, Amy in the armchair, Raj on the wooden chair, eating pizza. Leonard tells Priya that he was thinking they could catch an early movie, and she says that sounds great. Leonard says he loves how that sounds with her accent, and repeats it. Raj says that she says it the same way he does, the same way everyone in India does, it’s really not that special.

Priya gets up to get something from the fridge, and as she passes Raj tells him not to be childish. He says he’s not being childish, but then tells Leonard that if his sister ever comes to town, he’s going to have his way with her. Leonard says that his sister is 38 and married. Raj says that’s all the more shame to the House of Hofstadter.

Then Penny walks in, and says she thought she smelled pizza. (Kaley flubbed this on one take, something like, “I knew I thought -”) Sheldon tells her that if pepperoni was an explosive, she could replace the dogs at the airport. Priya comes back and says, oh, you’re name was Penny, right? Penny says yeah, and she didn’t realize they had company, she doesn’t want to intrude, as she takes a few steps back towards the door.

Sheldon tells Penny that in their ecosystem she’s like the little bird that eats the leftover food between the teeth of a crocodile, and tells her to fly in and take some. At first Penny gives in and says okay, she is hungry. Then her line was changed to basically, sure, why not. Then changed again to her saying if she had more than just a box of baking soda in her fridge, she wouldn’t have to put up with this.

Amy pats the space on the chair next to her, so Penny shares the chair with her. Amy whispers to her and asks how she’s holding up, I think, and Penny still says she’s fine. I can’t remember Amy’s response, but Penny ended up rolling her eyes.

Penny then says to Priya, so you’re a lawyer? And Priya says yes, but it’s boring. Leonard says it’s not boring at all, and then goes into a long explanation about the work that she’s doing in LA, and when he finishes Priya sarcastically says thanks, that doesn’t sound boring at all.

On the second take Johnny’s pizza slipped off his plate and onto his pants, so they stopped to clean that up. Kunal said something about “Who wants to take a bite of that,” and when Johnny heard him he was all “Kunal!”

Priya then asks Penny about being an actress, and says that must be exciting. Penny says not really, the other day she drove toe Van Nuys for what she thought was a cat food commercial, but it turned out to be porn. Sheldon asks if she got the part. She tells him she didn’t audition. Sheldon asks if she can really afford to be picky.

Priya says that she studied acting some at Cambridge, and loved it, she was in a production of The Taming of the Shrew. Leonard says he loves that play, he wrote a paper on it in high school. Then they start quoting lines back and forth, ending with Leonard saying, “What, with my tongue in your tail?” Raj just glares at them. Amy whispers to Penny that she regrets her earlier cattiness, because Priya is a real delight.

Scene 9 - Bernadette’s bedroom

Howard and Bernadette in bed, Bernadette says she can’t believe they’re finally living together. Howard says yeah, and you know what would make this moment even better? A snack. And he asks if she has string cheese. She says no, but she might have cheddar. He says you can’t make strings with cheddar, and says he’ll add it to her shopping list.

Then he asks if she has some special laundry detergent, because if she uses regular for his clothes his skin condition will act up / he’ll get little red bumps on his tookus. Amy asks, I’m doing your laundry? He says well it’s not going to do itself. And then he says that she gets to drive him to the dentist the next morning.

She asks, I have to drive you to the dentist? He says no, she gets to. She asks if his mom usually drives him, and he says yeah, but there are lots of other kids there with their moms. And if he doesn’t have any cavities, they can go out for a treat. Bernadette says let’s make this clear, she is not going to be his mom. And Howard says whoa, whoa, whoa, where did that come from?

Scene 10 - Howard’s porch

Howard’s returning home. As he unlocks the door his mom again asks if he’s a sex criminal. He says no, it’s just him. She asks where he’s been, and he asks didn’t she read his email. She says he knows that she can’t work the computer. She tells him she left out a brisket on the counter for him, and he yells thank you. And she reminds him to brush his teeth, because they have the dentist in the morning.

Scene 11 - Penny’s apartment

Penny again opens the door to find Amy, who says that she’s come to check on how she’s doing, and Amy mentions Priya in some way that highlights her good qualities. Penny says that if anything, she’s happy that Leonard has found someone great, but halfway through she starts crying. (The audience awwed here on the first take, but then we were told not to.) Bernadette tries to comfort her, and then says let’s get these electrodes attached to see what’s going on in that noggin of yours.

Scene 12 - Guy’s apartment (pre-taped)

Penny opens the door and says she thought she smelled Chinese. Sheldon, sitting alone, says it’s Thai, but close enough. Penny asks where everyone else is. Sheldon says that Leonard and Priya went to Catalina, Raj is at home forbidding it, and Howard’s mom grounded him for running away from home.

Penny sits on the couch and says well, I guess it’s just you and me. Sheldon says no, they’ve got one more, and turns his laptop to show Amy on video chat. Amy asks if Penny’s feeling any better, and Penny says no, not really. Amy tells her that she was able to successfully make a monkey cry using the data from Penny’s brain.

Near the end of the taping they also did some wild lines (just getting audio of a line). First it was one of Bernadette’s lines (can’t remember which), then one of Howard’s from episode 15 (him asking Leonard “How was she?” at the very end in the cafeteria). Then they got Leonard and Priya having a brief conversation, which will be in the background during the first time Amy and Penny talk during the pizza dinner scene.

The director came over to the audience to tell us what the context was for the last one, describing it as “unimportant background conversation.” Then when the AD was setting up what it was before they started, he couldn’t remember what the episode number was to label it with, and Johnny quipped, “Apparently we’re just the unimportant background conversation,” then thanked the director for his vote of confidence.
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Last edited by ennaxor; 01-26-2011 at 04:41 AM
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