Star Trek - Gotta love the "Quark"iness of... The Ferengi.

TrekGoddess · 01-03-2005, 07:36 AM

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Ferengi

The homeworld of the Ferengi species is Ferenginar. The Ferengi have a culture which is based entirely upon commerce. They follow a code of conduct known as "The Ferengi Rules of Acquisition." These rules ordain conduct such as "Never place family before business." Reportedly these rules are subject to interpretation depending upon the situation. Plea bargaining is a legal tradition, as is the purchasing of an apprenticeship following the Attainment Ceremony. There is no distinction between business and pleasure in Ferengi culture.
Money is expected to accompany every interchange of life, even private visits to family and friends' homes and government business. Quark pays to have his FCA charges announced and to get admission into his own mother's home, as well as sign off on legal waivers there. Domes, rounded archways, low ceilings, food cellars and a lack of windows mark typical home architecture. Towels are provided at entrances to dry off from the constant rain. A typical home-welcoming greeting exchange between host and visitor is: "My house is my house/as are its contents." Tooth-sharpening is a personal hygiene habit. Pressing noses is a loving familial greeting. A woman talking to a stranger is considered an insult; a clothed one is cause to shield or avert one's eyes.

Ferengi typically emit a high-pitched shriek when attacked; they are likewise pained by ultrasonics too high for human ears — such as those aimed at eradicating Cardassian Voles. Due to their use of insects as edibles, Nog presumes Entomology is the study of becoming a chef.

Naming Day is an important landmark in a child's life.

The Ferengi brain is composed of four distinct nodes, possibly what prevents them from being read empathically by Betazeds. Ferengi blood is yellow, turning dark blue-green when oxidized. Bodies are not autopsied or even touched until after death rituals — which have been seen to be the desiccation and sale of the remains. The Ferengi culture does not embrace science, except where it will provide profit. Large earlobes are a sign of virility in Ferengi culture, and also an erogenous zone, sexually stimulated when stroked as in the performance of Oo-Mox.

Ferengi females have smaller lobes then males and are not permitted to go out in public, hold jobs, wear clothing or particpate in trade or commerce. Quark says spouses never argue and that divorce and broken homes are unknown. Women are even asked to cut up food and chew it softly for their mates and children. They are also forbidden to travel.

Quark threatens a diplomatic incident to guilt Ensign Harry Kim of the U.S.S. Voyager into buying an overpriced trinket at space station Deep Space Nine when the ensign says he was "warned about Ferengis" at the Academy. They are known to have deceived other passing ships by pretending to be damaged, according to the one-time Maquis Crewman Chell.

TrekGoddess · 01-03-2005, 07:38 AM

Ferenginar

The Ferengi homeworld is a feted dismal swamp with a near-endless planetwide downpour.

Its capital city is a series of domes broken by a tall spire, the Tower of Commerce in the Sacred Marketplace, the center of all Ferengi civilization.

TrekGoddess · 01-03-2005, 07:41 AM

Well... I suppose that if we "Hoomans" eat with our lips and they are an erogenouz zone... then... why not the Ferengi's having their ears as an E-Zone.

However... I can't imagine living on a planet that has rain 24/7/365. (shiver)

TrekGoddess · 01-03-2005, 08:03 AM

#1: Once you have their money, you never give it back. "The Nagus"
#3: Never spend more for an Acquisition than you have to. "The Maquis, Part II"
#6: Never allow family to stand in the way of opportunity. "The Nagus"
#7: Keep your ears open. "In the Hands of the Prophets"
#8: Small print leads to large risk.
#9: Opportunity plus instinct equals profit. "The Storyteller"
#10: Greed is eternal. "Prophet Motive"
#13: Anything worth doing is worth doing for money.
#16: A deal is a deal ...until a better one comes along. "Melora"
#18: A Ferengi without profit is no Ferengi at all. "Heart of Stone" & "Ferengi Love Songs"
#19: Satisfaction is not guaranteed. "Meridian"
#21: Never place friendship before profit. "Rules of Acquisition"
#22: A wise man can hear profit in the wind. "Rules of Acquisition"
#27: There's nothing more dangerous than an honest businessman.
#31: Never make fun of a Ferengi's mother ...insult something he cares about, instead. "The Siege"
#33: It never hurts to suck up to the boss. "Rules of Acquisition"
#34: War is good for business. "Destiny" and "The Siege of AR-558"
#35: Peace is good for business. "Destiny"
#40: She can touch your lobes, but never your Latinum.
#41: Profit is its own reward.
#44: Never confuse wisdom with luck.
#47: Don't trust a man wearing a better suit than your own. "Rivals"
#48: The bigger the smile, the sharper the knife. "Rules of Acquisition"
#52: Never ask when you can take.
#57: Good customers are as rare as Latinum. Treasure them. "Armageddon Game"
#58: There is no substitute for success.
#59: Free advice is seldom cheap. "Rules of Acquisition"
#60: Keep your lies consistent.
#62: The riskier the road, the greater the profit. "Rules of Acquisition" & "Little Green Men"
#65: Win or lose, there's always Huyperian beetle snuff.
#74: Knowledge equals profit. VOY "Inside Man"
#75: Home is where the heart is, but the stars are made of Latinum. "Civil Defense"
#76: Every once in a while declare peace--It confuses the hell out of your enemies. "The Homecoming"
#79: Beware of the Vulcan greed for knowledge.
#82: The flimsier the product, the higher the price.
#85: Never let the competition know what you're thinking.
#89: Ask not what your profits can do for you; ask what you can do for your profits.
#94: Females and finances don't mix. "Ferengi Love Songs" and "Profits and Lace"
#95: Expand or die. VOY "False Profits"
#97: Enough... is never enough.
#98: Every man has his price."In the Pale Moonlight"
#99: Trust is the biggest liability of all.
#102: Nature decays, but Latinum lasts forever. "The Jem'Hadar"
#104: Faith moves mountains... of inventory.
#106: There is no honor in poverty.
#109: Dignity and an empty sack is worth the sack. "Rivals"
#111: Treat people in your debt like family--exploit them. "Past Tense, Part I" and "The Darkness and the Light"
#112: Never have sex with the boss's sister. "Playing God"
#113: Always have sex with the boss.
#121: Everything is for sale, even friendship.
#123: Even a blind man can recognize the glow of Latinum.
#125: You can't make a deal if you're dead."The Siege of AR-558"
#139: Wives serve. Brothers inherit. "Necessary Evil"
#141: Only fools pay retail.
#144: There's nothing wrong with charity... as long as it winds up in your pocket.
#162: Even in the worst of times someone turns a profit.
#168: Whisper your way to success. "Treachery, Faith, and the Great River"
#177: Know your enemies... but do business with them always.
#181: Not even dishonesty can tarnish the shine of profit.
#189: Let others keep their reputation. You keep their money.
#190: Hear all, trust nothing. "Call to Arms"
#192: Never cheat a Klingon... unless you're sure you can get away with it.
#194: It's always good business to know about new customers before they walk in your door. "Whispers"
#202: The justification of profit is profit.
#203: New customers are like razor-toothed Greeworms--They can be succulent, but sometimes they bite back! "Little Green Men"
#208: Sometimes the only thing more dangerous than a question is an answer. "Ferengi Love Songs"
#211: Employees are the rungs on the ladder of success--don't hesitate to step on them. "Bar Association"
#214: Never begin a business negotiations on an empty stomach. "The Maquis, Part I"
#217: You can't free a fish from water. "Past Tense, Part I"
#218: Always know what you're buying.
#223: Beware the man who doesn't make time for oo-mox.
#229: Latinum lasts longer than lust. "Ferengi Love Songs"
#236: You can't buy fate.
#242: More is good... all is better.
#255: A wife is a luxury... a smart accountant a necessity.
#261: A wealthy man can afford anything except a conscience.
#263: Never allow doubt to tarnish your lust for Latinum. "Bar Association"
#266: When in doubt, lie.
#284: Deep down, everyone's a Ferengi.
#285: No good deed ever goes unpunished."The Sound of Her Voice"

TrekGoddess · 01-03-2005, 08:07 AM

Rule 001 » Once you have their money, you never give it back.
Rule 002 » The best deal is the one that brings the most profit.
Rule 003 » Never spend more for an acquisition than you have to.
Rule 004 » A woman wearing clothes is like a man in the kitchen.
Rule 006 » Never allow family to stand in the way of opportunity.
Rule 007 » Keep your ears open.
Rule 008 » Small print leads to large risk.
Rule 009 » Opportunity plus instinct equals profit.
Rule 010 » Greed is eternal.
Rule 011 » Even if it's free, you can always buy it cheaper.
Rule 012 » Anything worth doing is worth doing for money.
Rule 013 » Anything worth doing is worth doing twice.
Rule 014 » Keep your family close, keep your Latinum closer.
Rule 016 » A deal is a deal. (until a better one comes along).
Rule 017 » A contract is a contract is a contract - but only between Ferengi.
Rule 018 » A Ferengi without profit is no Ferengi at all.
Rule 019 » Satisfaction is not guaranteed.
Rule 020 » Only give money to people you know you can steal from.
Rule 021 » Never place friendship before profit.
Rule 022 » A wise man can hear profit in the wind.
Rule 024 » Latinum can't buy happiness, but you can sure have a blast renting it.
Rule 025 » There's always a way out.
Rule 026 » As the customers go, so goes the wise profiteer.
Rule 027 » There's nothing more dangerous than an honest businessman.
Rule 028 » Whisper your way to success.
Rule 029 » What's in it for me?
Rule 031 » Never make fun of a Ferengi's mother. (insult something he cares about, instead).
Rule 033 » It never hurts to suck up to the boss.
Rule 034 » War is good for business.
Rule 035 » Peace is good for business.
Rule 037 » If it's free, take it and worry about hidden costs later.
Rule 039 » Friendship is temporary; profit is forever.
Rule 040 » She can touch your lobes, but never your Latinum.
Rule 041 » Profit is its own reward.
Rule 042 » What's mine is mine, and what's yours is mine too.
Rule 044 » Never confuse wisdom with luck.
Rule 045 » Ambition knows no family.
Rule 046 » Make your shop easy to find.
Rule 047 » Don't trust a man wearing a better suit than your own.
Rule 048 » The bigger the smile, the sharper the knife.
Rule 049 » Everything is worth something to somebody.
Rule 050 » Gratitude can bring on generosity.
Rule 051 » Reward anyone who adds to your profits so they will continue to do so.
Rule 052 » Never ask when you can take.
Rule 057 » Good customers are as rare as Latinum, Treasure them.
Rule 058 » There is no substitute for success.
Rule 059 » Free advice is seldom cheap.
Rule 060 » Keep your lies consistent.
Rule 062 » The riskier the road, the greater the profit.
Rule 065 » Win or lose, there's always Huyperian beetle snuff.
Rule 068 » Ear stroking will get you anything.
Rule 069 » Ferengi are not responsible for the stupidity of other races.
Rule 072 » Never trust your customers.
Rule 073 » If it gets you profit, sell your own mother.
Rule 075 » Home is where the heart is, but the stars are made of Latinum.
Rule 076 » Every once in a while, declare peace. "It confuses the hell out of your enemies".
Rule 077 » It's better to swallow your pride than to lose your profit.
Rule 078 » When the going gets tough, the tough change the Rules.
Rule 079 » Beware of the Vulcan greed for knowledge.
Rule 082 » The flimsier the product, the higher the price.
Rule 084 » A friend is not a friend if he asks for a discount.
Rule 085 » Never let the competition know what you're thinking.
Rule 087 » A friend in need means three times the profit.
Rule 089 » Ask not what your profits can do for you, ask what you can do for your profits.
Rule 092 » There are many paths to profit.
Rule 093 » Act without delay! The sharp knife cuts quickly.
Rule 094 » Females and finances don't mix.
Rule 095 » Expand or die.
Rule 096 » For every Rule, there is an equal and opposite Rule, (except when there's not).
Rule 097 » Enough... is never enough.
Rule 098 » Every man has his price.
Rule 099 » Trust is the biggest liability of all.
Rule 100 » If they take your first offer, you either asked too little or offered too much.
Rule 101 » The only value of a collectible is what you can get somebody else to pay for it.
Rule 102 » Nature decays, but Latinum lasts forever.
Rule 103 » Sleep can interfere with...
Rule 104 » Faith moves mountains... (of inventory).
Rule 105 » Don't trust anyone who trusts you.
Rule 106 » There is no honor in poverty.
Rule 107 » A warranty is valid only if they can find you.
Rule 109 » Dignity and an empty sack is worth the sack.
Rule 111 » Treat people in your debt like family, exploit them [ruthlessly].
Rule 112 » Never have sex with the boss' sister.
Rule 113 » Always have sex with the boss.
Rule 115 » The best contract always has a lot of fine print.
Rule 116 » There's always a catch.
Rule 117 » Everything is for sale, including friendship.
Rule 119 » Never judge a customer by the size of his wallet, (...sometimes, good things come in small packages).
Rule 121 » Everything is for sale, including friendship.
Rule 123 » Even a blind man can recognize the glow of Latinum.
Rule 125 » You can't make a deal if you're dead.
Rule 126 » Count it.
Rule 127 » Stay neutral in conflict so that you can sell supplies to both sides.
Rule 135 » Never trust a beneficiary.
Rule 139 » Wives serve, brothers inherit.
Rule 141 » Only fools pay retail.
Rule 142 » There's no such thing as an unfair advantage.
Rule 143 » Risk is part of the game... play it for all it's worth.
Rule 144 » There's nothing wrong with charity...as long as it winds up in your pocket.
Rule 146 » Necessity, n. The mother of invention. Profit is the father.
Rule 152 » A lie is a way to tell the truth to someone who doesn't know.
Rule 153 » Sell the sizzle, not the steak.
Rule 162 » Even in the worst of times, someone turns a profit.
Rule 168 » Whisper your way to success.
Rule 169 » Competition and fair play are mutually exclusive.
Rule 171 » Blood is thicker than water, and Latinum is thicker than both.
Rule 172 » Chances aren't what they used to be.
Rule 177 » Know your enemies... but do business with them always.
Rule 181 » Not even dishonesty can tarnish the shine of profit.
Rule 188 » A fool and his money is the best customer.
Rule 189 » Let others keep their reputation. You keep their money.
Rule 190 » Hear all, trust nothing.
Rule 191 » A Ferengi waits to bid until his opponents have exhausted themselves.
Rule 192 » Never cheat a Klingon... unless you're sure you can get away with it.
Rule 194 » It's always good business to know about new customers before they walk in your door.
Rule 200 » If you're going to have to endure, make yourself comfortable.
Rule 202 » The justification of profit is profit.
Rule 203 » New customers are like razor-backed Gree worms... They can be succulent, but sometimes they bite back!
Rule 204 » It takes a Ferengi to cheat a Ferengi.
Rule 208 » Sometimes the only thing more dangerous than a question is an answer.
Rule 211 » Employees are the rungs on the ladder of success... don't hesitate to step on them.
Rule 214 » Never begin a business negotiation on an empty stomach.
Rule 216 » Never gamble with an empath.
Rule 217 » You can't free a fish from water.
Rule 218 » Always know what you're buying
Rule 219 » Possession is 11/10 of the law.
Rule 223 » Beware the man who doesn't make time for oo-mox.
Rule 229 » Latinum lasts longer than lust.
Rule 231 » There's a sucker born every minute; be sure you're the first to find each one.
Rule 236 » You can't buy fate.
Rule 239 » Never be afraid to mislabel a product.
Rule 241 » Never trust a hardworking employee.
Rule 242 » More is good... all is better.
Rule 253 » Synthehol is the lubricant of choice for a customer's stuck purse.
Rule 255 » A wife is a luxury... a smart accountant, a necessity.
Rule 256 » Accountants do not play the game; they only keep the score
Rule 260 » Life's not fair. How else would you turn a profit?
Rule 261 » A wealthy man can afford anything except a conscience.
Rule 262 » A verbal contract isn't worth the paper it's written on.
Rule 263 » Never allow doubt to tarnish your lust for Latinum.
Rule 265 » The customer is always right, (...until you get their cash).
Rule 266 » When in doubt, lie.
Rule 267 » If you believe it, they believe it.
Rule 270 » In business deals, a disruptor can be almost as important as a calculator.
Rule 277 » Anything worth fighting for is worth hiding from.
Rule 284 » Deep down, everyone's a Ferengi.
Rule 285 » No good deed ever goes unpunished.
Rule 286 » When Morn leaves, it's all over. (Quark made this rule up)
Rule 299 » Whenever you exploit someone, it never hurts to thank them. That way, it's easier to exploit them the next time. (Neelix made this rule up)

The Unwritten Rule
»
When no appropriate Rule applies, make one up!

--------------------------------------------------------------------------------

Zek's Revised Rules

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Rule 001
» If they want their money back, give it to them.
Rule 010 » Greed is dead.
Rule 021 » Never place profit before friendship.
Rule 022 » Latinum tarnishes, but family is forever.
Rule 023 » Money can never replace dignity.
Rule 285
» A good deed is its own reward.

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Notes

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Some of these rules came from the Internet Competition, "The Rules of Netquisition",
this contest has been run several times on the rec.arts.startrek.current newsgroup.

While not everyone excepts them as true rules, they are included for the non-geeks,
when we have a little more free time - these "Net" rules will be marked as such...

TrekGoddess · 01-14-2005, 07:56 AM

Let's see... Liquidator Brunt would be my least favorite Ferengi and Rom would be like the village idiot.

**wickedrum** · 10-28-2016, 03:32 PM

I love how Quark, dubious character he is, is still everyone's friend and everyone would miss him

***Chris*** · 10-29-2016, 07:29 AM

DS9 is airing here again, so I've recorded the first season and will watch when I get a chance.

**wickedrum** · 10-29-2016, 08:06 AM

the first season isn't their best

***One Thing Remains*** · 12-24-2016, 03:39 PM

The is the only series that I haven't watched all of. I have caught an episode here and there but that's it. I liked Quark. I really need to watch the whole series soon.

***Chris*** · 12-27-2016, 12:06 PM

I've managed to watch several episodes and I'm enjoying it more this time around.

From The Jem'Hadar

Quark: I think I figured out why Humans don't like Ferengi.
Sisko: Not now, Quark.
Quark: The way I see it, Humans used to be a lot like Ferengi: greedy, acquisitive, interested only in profit. We're a constant reminder of a part of your past you'd like to forget.
Sisko: Quark, we don't have time for this.
Quark: You're overlooking something. Humans used to be a lot worse than the Ferengi: slavery, concentration camps, interstellar wars. We have nothing in our past that approaches that kind of barbarism. You see? We're nothing like you... we're better.

**wickedrum** · 12-27-2016, 02:37 PM

the more you get into it, the better it gets

***Chris*** · 12-27-2016, 03:22 PM

I'm enjoying Quark & Odo's ... friendship.

Still haven't seen much in the way of a Odo & Kira relationship.

**wickedrum** · 12-27-2016, 03:38 PM

oh yeah, Quark and Odo are so unique!

where are you at?

***Chris*** · 12-28-2016, 01:15 PM

Towards the end of the second season, although I didn't get every episode.

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