"Forty? FORTY? Justin! That's just this side of a nursing home!"

naming the puppy Mrs. Kinney

It started with a slight twitch. Driving down the highway one Saturday afternoon, Brian cursed the light that was causing the involuntary fluttering of his right eye. He slammed down the visor to block the sun's rays. Leaning over a bit, Brian checked his reflection in the rear-view mirror, blinking a few times to clear his sight.

The sudden swerve awoke Justin from a sound sleep in the passenger seat. He yawned and quickly wiped the drool from his cheek using the sleeve of his shirt. "What's wrong?"

"That ****ing ******* needs to learn to stay on his side of the road." Brian was covering his eye with his hand, trying in vain to stop the increased twitching.

Justin turned and gave him a pointed look."Do you have something in your eye?"

"I don't know. It feels weird."

"Could be a crusty. Want me to get it?"

Brian slapped his hand away. "No, I don't want you to get it."

"Did you wash your face this morning?"

"**** you."

And then came the jerk of the neck.

*~*~*~*~*

"Brian, people are staring at you!" Justin called behind him. He walked briskly a few steps ahead of Brian, who followed hunched-over at a leisurely gait. Under a floppy, wide-brimmed fedora, his head was hidden by the upturned collars of his tan overcoat. Liberty Avenue was known for its oddities, but this was pushing the boundaries of decency. Justin blushed as passersby ogled the two-man freak show parading down the sidewalk.

The top of Brian's head peeked out from the felt lining just enough to bark out a response. "And what about you, Flock of Seagulls boy? You ain't exactly a prize, either."

Justin stopped suddenly and gaped, causing Brian to crash into him. His hands flew to his head. "I thought you said you liked it! Said it gave me character."

"Yeah, a ****ing cartoon character. You give Woody Woodpecker a run for his money. Besides, I wanted to ****. What was I supposed to do? Go to bed horny while you pouted like a princess in the corner? Think again."

Now even more self-conscious, Justin pulled up the hood of his sweatshirt until it covered his eyebrows.

Brian continued hurriedly past into the diner, snatched a few menus from the counter, and slid soundlessly into one of the back booths. He arranged the menus in a single-file on the tabletop and then slouched in his seat. He hoped the makeshift barricade would obstruct the view of anyone looking for him. Justin entered with his head down and made a beeline for Brian's booth.

"Hurry up and eat. We're not staying long," Brian ordered.

"Did you have to make fun of my hair? Now I'm all weirded out."

"Your choice, Edward Scissorhands. Shut up and decide what you want."

"Well, if it isn't the Captain and the Unibomber! Where the hell have you two been?" Emmett asked as he slid in beside Brian.

"Brian hasn't felt like leaving the loft lately."

"Oh, is that tick still bothering you, sweetie?"

"It's not a ****ing tick."

"Possibly too much partying finally caught up to you," Emmett concluded.

"Well, have you seen the doctor?" Ted piped in as he sat next to Justin.

"What for? So he can charge me a ****ing arm and a leg for something that'll go away in a few days? It's nothing."

"Well, it's been more than a few days. It could be stress," Ted commented through a mouthful of lemon bar.

Justin watched as Brian's eye fluttered faster and faster, and knew trouble was imminent. He recalled what Brian had inadvertently blurted out last night and the menacing threat Brian had laid on him. If you tell anyone...

Justin looked worriedly at his three companions before stuttering. "No, it's really nothing...Brian let's go."

"I love Justin!"

"What did you just say?" Ted and Emmett chimed.

"Nothing. I didn't say anything. Justin, let's go, now."

"He didn't say anything! It was nothing! Ha-ha!" Justin pushed at Ted's side insistently, willing to disappear as soon as possible.

"Actually, I think he just--"

"I love Justin!"

"Oh my God!" Emmett shrieked.

"Oh my God." Ted deadpanned.

"Oh my God!" The entire diner echoed in unison.

"Oh my God." Brian scrambled out of his seat, trampling Emmett in the process.

"Oh my God," Justin whispered, drawing the strings of his hood tighter around his neck until he resembled a shrunken head.

Excited tones ringing throughout hurt Justin's ears. "Where's he going?" "He said it! Kinney said it!" "I think he's headed for the nearest toilet." "I never thought I'd see the day!" "Do you think he's all right?" "He did look kinda green."

"I love Justin!"

The gurgles of vomit failed to overpower the words coming from the bathroom.

"I love Justin!"

"Oh, honey! I'm so happy for you!" Emmett wiped away tears from the corners of his eyes. "We must have a party! Let me think...let me think...oh yes! A Valentine's Day party! I know it's not Valentine's Day, but can you think of the costumes? Oh and the decorations! Ted, you can wear that cute red number I got you last year..."

Justin prayed for death.