Harry Potter - Harry Potter jokes

Lady Amalthea · 09-21-2006, 01:56 PM

Make up a Harry Potter-related joke and post it here! Apologies if there's already a topic similar to this one.

Here's mine:

Q: What is a hippie wizard's favorite treat?
A: Acid Pops

Lady Amalthea · 09-22-2006, 10:08 AM

Here's a few more, they're a little dirty

I hope this topic doesn't suck!

Q: What did the house elf say to the proctologist?
A: Put a sock in it!

Q: Why do the Weasleys have so many darn kids?
A: Of all his muggle interests, Arthur never discovered the Trojan man.

Top Five Deal-Breakers for Bill and Fleur:
5. Bill meets Fleur's veela mother and calls her a "MILF"
4. Fleur throws the boquet and Bill fetches it
3. Twins spike the punch with love potion; Bill falls in love with the preacher
2. The moon comes out and Bill starts humping people's legs
1. Fleur gives birth to their first child and it looks suspiciously like Snape...

**baileycat** · 09-22-2006, 10:20 AM

No, it's a great topic Lady Amalthea. I just can't think of any off the top of my head. But I do remember seeing HP being a punchline during Stephen Colbert's Report a couple of nights ago.

Here it is - The Word - Lose - you have to watch the entire thing to really get it.

Anna-Liisa · 09-22-2006, 11:02 AM

I don't like Bush or 'his men' so I liked that link Amy posted

And I love the Arthur joke

Lady Amalthea · 09-22-2006, 11:14 AM

thanks baileycat and annalisa! I love Stephen Colbert

I watch it almost every night if I can!

**baileycat** · 09-22-2006, 11:34 AM

Me too. I've gotten to the point that if I can't watch it I set the VCR to tape it instead.

Lady Amalthea · 09-22-2006, 02:57 PM

Here's some more Harry Potter silliness from Youtube. This is the claymation spoof of Harry Potter from the TV show "Robot Chicken"

YouTube - Harry Potter Spoof

potc-obsessed · 09-22-2006, 05:02 PM

Thats funny..both vidz. I love everything Steven Colbert does. He's like amazing.

He should have his own thread..Anyway I don't have any jokes, but I heard this once: Save a broom, Ride a Quidditch player. Not a joke, but still pretty cool.

*antarian angel* · 09-26-2006, 11:08 PM

I got these lists from this site. They're lists of quotes from PoA and OotP that have hints of innuendo to them.

Prisoner of Azkaban quotes...

Quote:

"You are easily satisfied. Lupin is hardly overtaxing you--" (171)

"Can we have another go? Just one more go?"
"Not now," said Lupin firmly. "You've had enough for one night." (242)

"Harry had a confused impression of noise and bodies pressing in on him." (312)

Lupin let go of Black and turned to her. She had raised herself off the floor and was pointing at Lupin, wild-eyed. "You-- you--"
"Hermione--"
"--you and him!"
"Hermione, calm down--"
"I didn't tell anyone!" Hermione shrieked. "I've been covering up for you--"
"Hermione, listen to me, please!" Lupin shouted. "I can explain--" (344)

"I'm going to tie him up," said Lupin. "That's all, I swear" (376)

"I bound and gagged Black, naturally" (387)

"Hermione, what--?" "In here!" Hermione seized Harry's arm and dragged him across the hall to the door of a broom closet; she opened it, pushed him inside among the buckets and mops, then slammed the door behind them. (394)

"But Harry could hardly swallow." (418)

"Why so miserable, Harry?" he said quietly. "You should be very proud of yourself after last night." (425)

Order of the Phoenix quotes...

Quote:

"What d'you mean, I'm not brave in bed?" said Harry, completely nonplussed. (14)

"...I know you did Mark Evans two nights ago --"
"He was asking for it," snarled Dudley. (13)

"I heard you last night," said Dudley breathlessly. "Talking in your sleep. Moaning." (15)

"...screwing up her eyes each time with the same pained expression she had worn back in Harry's bedroom." (85)

"Quite astonishing, the way you contrive to wriggle out of very tight holes." (154)

"He was on all fours again on Snape's office floor." (536)

"Yeah, Montague tried to do us during break," said George.
"What do you mean, 'tried'?" said Ron quickly. (627)

"Snape eyed Harry, tracing his mouth with one long, thin finger as he did so." (531)

"What did he do to you, Diddy?" Aunt Pentunia said in a quavering voice, now sponging sick from the front of Dudley's leather jacket. "Was it-- was it you-know-what, darling? Did he use-- his thing?" (26)

"He bit hard on his pillow, to stop himself from making a noise." (518)

Harry snorted. He walked around the room again, looking anywhere but at Ron and Hermione. "So what have you two been doing if you're not allowed in meetings?" he demanded. "You said you'd been busy." (68)

"... every part of him screaming for release, Harry felt the creature use him again..." (720)

"...and Fred, George, and Ginny were doing a kind of war dance to a chant that went "He got off, he got off, he got off...." (156)

"He came last night, when you were in bed," said Mr. Weasley. (120)

"He [Harry] tried to eat, but it was like chewing carpet." (122)

"One more lesson like that and I might just do a Weasley." (676)

"...which left Harry free to sit down on the grass between the beech and the bushes and watch the foursome under

"Harry's heart began to pump very fast indeed. Defence against external penetration?" (458)

...She pressed hard on the top of his head. "Doesnt it ever lie flat?" she said desperately. Harry shook his head. (123)

"Panting, Harry fell forwards over the hydrangea bush, straightened up and stared around. There were several faces peering trough various nearby windows. Harry stuffed his wand hastily back into his jeans and tried to look innocent." (10)

"We're not going to use magic," Ron ejaculated loudly. (242)

"I was sure if he realized that our relationship was - or ever had been - closer then that of headmaster and pupil..." (828)

"A couple of weeks after his dream of Rookwood, Harry was to be found, yet again, kneeling on the floor of Snape's office..." (520, Australian edition)

Snape's office door banged open and Draco Malfoy sped in.
"Professor Snape, sir - oh - sorry -"
Malfoy was looking at Snape and Harry in some surprise. (562, Australian edition)

"Mrs Weasley returned from Diagon Alley around six o' clock, laden with books and carrying a long package wrapped in brown paper that Ron took from her with a moan of longing." (153, UK edition)

ImmortallyUsed · 09-26-2006, 11:31 PM

haha they were great

**baileycat** · 09-27-2006, 06:39 AM

Those are hilarious Sam. Thanks for posting them.