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Talula78 06-24-2020 11:18 AM

NITL(anti-Rj) 34: Jess is a Mess. How could he be the best?
Not In This Lifetime
:: Where the hate never dies ::

"Only say NO if you really DON'T want to be with me"

ASP intended Rory and Jess to end up together, they gleefully claim. Call us skeptics.

+ Who We Are +
We are a group of Gilmore Girls fans that absolutely dislike Rory Gilmore and Jess Mariano and their 'relationship', if it can even be called that. We truly think the show would have been better off without it! Despite our sometimes long and rather intense rants and discussions, we really are friendly and love to meet new people. Haters and lurkers alike, please don't be shy! Come in and vent to your heart's content! Any defense of these two is purely satirical.

~Character NITLs~
Lorelai Gilmore
Luke Danes
Emily Gilmore
Dean Forester
Logan Huntzburger
Lane Kim
Christopher Haden
Taylor Doose
TJ (Gary)
Miss Patty
Mrs Kim

~ Reasons ~
1. Because he's selfish
2. Because he ran away without saying goodbye
3. Because he said ILY and ran away
4. Because NO was what she said when he wanted to leave with her to NY
5. Because they never talked
6. Because he screams at her and leaves her devastated
7. Because he ended up not taking her to her prom and not coming to her graduation
8. Because she moved on
9. Because storming in and out isn't our idea of a relationship
10. Because he was rude to her mom
11. Because both Lorelai and Emily think that Jess isn't good for Rory!!
12. Because he is hated by the Swan!
13. Because he causes fights between L/L
13. Because he is not Rory's Luke
14. Because he thinks only about himself
15. Because Miss Patty never flirted with him
16. Because he has really bad hair
17. Because she is stronger without him
18. Because he enjoys getting into physical fights
19. Because "chip on your shoulder" is not attractive
20. Because he broke his promise to Luke
21. Because of him, the town ganged up on Luke
22. Because he had to be bribed to go to FND
23. Because all they ever had in common was books...and you need more than that for a relationship
24. Because he lied to Rory
25. Because he yelled at her for not being ready to have sex
26. Because he trashed Kyle's house
27. Because he blew Rory off....for WALMART
28. Because he makes Brian Hutchins look pretty good
29. Because he didn't have the first idea as to how Rory should be treated
30. Because he disobeyed the Beach boys, and left his best girl home on a Saturday night
31. Because he didn't call, and Rory had to spend Friday night cleaning her keyboard
32. Because he stole Pierpont
33. Because Rory wasn't impressed by his little magic trick (2.05)
34. Because he's "way more screwed up than you think he is"
35. Because Lorelai wanted to smash an enormous cream pie in his face
36. Because his own mother kicked him out of the house
37. Because their kisses were like a couple chickens pecking at each other
38. Because he wanted her to run away from Yale and Stars Hollow
39. Because he didn't have the guts to tell Rory he wasn't going to graduate
40. Because he turned Rory into that girl "who lets her boyfriend treat her like dirt and then lies to her mom about it"
41. Because she's soon-to-be his cousin
42. Because even after reading the self-help book, he was still clueless
43. Because Lorelai asked Rory for permission to spit in his face
44. Because had expectations out of line with what he deserved
45. Because Jess can't afford to bargain with Rory when he can't take care of himself.
46. Because "Dodger" is not a romantic nickname
47. Because Rory said it best. He doesnt know her.
48. Because less than 24 hours after his return to Stars Hollow, and Lorelai already wanted to kill him
49. Because Luke warned him to stay away from her
50. Because he and Rory are "ancient history"
51. Because he called himself a loser
52. Because Dean was right, Jess treated Rory like dirt
53. Because in the case of a fire we would save our shoes instead of Jess
54. Because he thought he could make Rory's feelings for Dean go away by stealing her bracelet
55. Because writing a book is not enough to make you a good person. Even Paris Hilton wrote a book.
56. Because he was going to climb out her window, even though Sookie prepared a special dinner for him.
57. Because "the verbal thing comes and goes." Yeah, that's right, when something he doesn't want to deal with comes up, it's gone.
58. Because if Richard had been at FND when Jess came, there would have been a funeral on the show.
59. Because relationships are built on honesty- like the honesty Jess showed by not telling Rory that he stole her bracelet, and the honesty Rory showed by not telling Jess that she was friends with Dean.
60. Because he's an "abonimable thug"
61. Because "he belongs in jail"
62. Because we just want to slap that monosyllabic mouth of his, too.
63. Because "Lord Jim has decided that cell phones are beneath him."
64. Because he's an animal abuser- 'cause, c'mon, swans don't just attack people. They have to be provoked.
65. Because he was responsible for the case of the missing baseballs.
66. Because even Milo knows that Jess is wrong for Rory.
67. He didnt think she could be an overseas correspondent.
68. He had the nerve to call both Dean and Logan jerks, when he was the one who was the jerk.
69. Because he snores.
70. Because Luke kept giving him chance after chance after chance, and he still lied to him.
71. Because everything's fixed does not mean come and get it
72. Because Rory pulled away after they kissed
73. Because his book is so easy to skim (That was a quote by April)
74. Because he admitted that doesn't even know what love is. (Love, huh?)
75. Because even birds can get stuck in his gel filled hair.
76. Because even Rory called him a punk.
77. Because nothing says love like ignoring your Great-uncle's funeral.
78. Because Slacker does not mean true love.
79. Because even Luke admits Jess is not right for Rory...she needs a prince...(like Logan)
80. Because she never said that she loved him.
81. Because he called Lorelai ma'am
82. Because he made her question her dreams
83. Because Rory is good natured, and Jess is just...NASTY! Not a good combo!
84. Because he doesnt fit into the merger
85. Because he wouldn't accept the life she wants to lead.
86. Because he doesn't support her dreams, and barely has any of his own.
87. Because a successful business woman living a new york slob life doesn't make sense
89. Because he's a schmuck
90. Because he only brings more sad faced Lorelai
91. Because no means no
92. Because he was just the default guy for Tristan
93. Because he was brought as just another conflict for L/L

"I’m sorry, but when my daughter comes home BROKEN I get to HATE the guy who broke her!"

Pamie from Television Without Pity (Recaps Here)
Tv Guide
princess isabel
Miss Jewelry
scott family
Miss Sullivan
China Tequila
La flauta

"That kid is WAY more SCREWED UP than you think he is."

~Our NITL Alphabet~
A - Arrogant, annoying, abnoxious, air head
B - Bully, brat
C - Condescending, callous, closet stuffer
D - Drop out, deadbeat, disrespectful
E - Exculpatory
F - Flunkie, Fatuous
G - Gel, gel overloader, gel boy, groper
H - Haircut, hangover inducing
I - Irritating, irrational, irate, ignoble, inimical, immature
J - Judgemental, jerk, jejune
K - Klepto, killjoy, knave
L - Loser, liar, lame
M - Moron, monosyllabic, mean
N - Nasty
O - Obnoxious, ornery
P - Pig, pugnacious, prank caller, puerile
R - Rude, runner
S - Stalker, self-centered, selfish
T - Tacky, terrible, tongue shover
U - Useless
V - Vile
W - Whiny, wasteful S6 storyline
Y - Yuckey
X - 'Cause that's all he is to Rory
Z - Zero

"How can you let your daughter be with that ABOMINABLE THUG?"

~Memorable NITL Quotes~

Jess: What are you sleeping with him or something?
Lorelai: Excuse me?
Jess: I don't know. The whole starry eyed 'you're so much better off, just give it a chance' speech.
You're either really naïve, or you're getting some.
Lorelai: Ugh. There have been very few moments in my life where I have actually wished I had one of those enormous cream pies you can just smash in someone's face, but this is definitely one of them.

Luke: Where's Jess?
Lorelai: Outside working on his "Breakfast Club" audition. He's getting good.
Luke: What?
Lorelai: Luke, I'm sorry. That kid is way more screwed up than you think he is.

Luke: You stay away from her while you're here.
Jess: Stay away from who?
Luke: You know who I mean.
Jess: Gee, you're so cryptic.
Luke: You've done all the damage there you're gonna, okay?

Emily: How can you let your daughter be with that abominable thug?
Lorelai: Mom –
Emily: First he arrives late, how disrespectful is that? Then he’s rude to Rory, rude to me.
Lorelai: Mom –
Emily: Oh, and that attitude – I wanted to slap that monosyllabic mouth of his. And God forbid they’re in another accident together or his heap of a car breaks down and Lord Jim has decided cell phones are beneath him and they’re stranded in the middle of nowhere. How can you let this happen? He had a black eye. He belongs in jail!

Lorelai: I know you think that Jess is your friend, but he’s not. He is a completely out of control, really angry kid who has no respect for Luke, who has no respect for me. . .

~Jess' Rules To A Successful Relationship~
Rule 1: Use words..not sentences.
Rule 2: Its sex--not making love
Rule 3: Tell her off if she chooses not to comply with your sexual needs.
Rule 4: Throw her out like trash
Rule 5: Romance is sex in the backseat of a car.
Rule 6: Why spend time with your girlfriend when you can work at Walmart?
Rule 7: Mocking family portraits is the way to go.
Rule 8: There is no such thing as too little hair gel.
Rule 9: Being rude to her family members is A-OK.
Rule 10: Mock the rich lifestyle because working at WalMart will never get you there
Rule 11: Play the victim--its works everytime
Rule 12: Treat her like dirt--she'll keep coming back for more.
Rule 13: Don't take her where she wants to go--do what you want
Rule 14: Keep her waiting for your call on a Friday night
Rule 15: Pick on animals, swans are a good choice.
Rule 16: Tell her to run off with you and live in a sack
Rule 17: Tell her current boyfriend he is a jerk when you were one
Rule 18: Always yell at her when something doesn't please you
Rule 19: Always run away when things get ugly.
Rule 20: Tell her you love her, but drive away right after that.
Rule 21: Make a move towards her even if she has a boyfriend.
Rule 22: Make a move towards her if she shows up where you are alone.
Rule 23: Always tell her a lie, doesn't matter what the lie is about.
Rule 24: Leave without saying goodbye.
Rule 25: After you leave, prank call her all the time.
Rule 26: If she does something you don't like, she's wrong. You're right.
Rule 27: Meet her family for the first time with a black eye
Rule 28: Only go to events with her when you see her ex boyfriend
Rule 29: Don't listen to the advice of a self help book
Rule 30: Make sure she is home on a Saturday night waiting for your call.
Rule 31: Even if you are wrong, you are the only one with the right to be mad.
Rule 32: Have fights with her current/ex boyfriends
Rule 33: Remember that you are perfect--everything else must be fixed.
le 34: Steal the bracelet that her boyfriend gave her
Rule 35: Only go to family dinners when your being bribed
Rule 36: Mock those who love you and want to help.
Rule 37: Stick your nose in where it doesn't belong--cause problems.
Rule 38: Take credit when problems YOU caused have been fixed by others.
Rule 39: Blame other people for problems you caused
Rule 40: Leave without telling her where/when/why/
Rule 41: When she goes to a certain event alone, that automatically makes her single and available no matter what her dating status was when you left her.
Rule 42: Use your wal mart money to buy yourself out of an argument.
Rule 43: Stalk her until she gives in.
Rule 44: Disappear into a bedroom and she will come and find you.
Rule 45: If nothing else is available, a tree is a good make out place.
Rule 46: No matter the situation, no mean yes.
Rule 47: Taking something from someone you care about without asking, is always BORROWING not stealing!
Rule 48: Take whatever you want, whenever you want. If people look annoyed, dont worry. Its because they secretly wish they were you
Rule 49: You can miss as much school as you want for wal mart--you are smarter than anyone and everyone
Rule 50: Bras in the backseat are a sign of your manliness. Collect as many as possible
Rule 51: You are automatically the smartest person in your class if you read and defy other peoples property by writing in the margins of there books
Rule 52: Say you don't deserve rejection even though you do
Rule 53: Refuse people's help--my rules are all you need.
Rule 54: I am God...remember that
Rule 55: Don’t aspire for much---that’s not my style.
Rule 56: Put your uncle and Girlfriends mother in the position they to tell her you left town
Rule 57: Never apologize for your actions
Rule 58: Never Learn from your mistakes
Rule 59: No matter what people say, you fixed her by yelling at her and repeating the same thing 500 times
Rule 60: When something happens that you dislike--use the magic line "what's going ooooooonnnnnn" and repeat it as many times as necessary!
Rule 61: Mock two people who actually have a real friendship
Rule 62: Always have a scowl on your face
Rule 63: Always answer in a monosybolic answer
Rule 64: Don't make any effort to make any body feel welcome(Logan might not have been on his best behavior, but Jess didn't exactly go out of his way to make him feel okay)
Rule 65: Yell at a girl that you haven't seen for two years
Rule 66: Run away after you wrecked someone's car
Rule 67: Mock two people who actually have a healthy relationship
Rule 68: Simply because people are connected to you or the ones you supposedly love in some way, shape or form, does not automatically mean that you have to be nice to them.
Rule 69: If someone offers you a coke, and you accept it even if you don't like the coke, that automatically makes you the friendliest and most chatty one in the group
Rule 70: Relationships are all about compromise...that is..her compromising her life for you not vice versa.
Final Rule: If all else fails, write a book.

May 20th, May 11th and April 11th
These dates were the airing of the 3 episodes that showed the best NITL scenes ever! Rory rejecting and cutting off Jess for good!

fox24 06-25-2020 07:35 PM


Talula78 06-26-2020 07:40 AM

You're welcome. :)

TL22 07-02-2020 01:00 PM

You know, out of Rory's three boyfriends, Jess was the only one she did not have sex with? [Smart girl.]

He also did try to force himself upon her.

fox24 07-02-2020 08:36 PM

One of my main reasons I am not a lit. I dont care in what bad mood you are you do not yell at your g like that

Talula78 07-03-2020 08:45 AM

He’s not a character I’d wish for my heroine to be with romantically. He’s a RED FLAG guy if there ever was one.

TL22 07-06-2020 05:23 AM

I am sure Emily was condemned for her actions when Rory invited Jess to dinner at her grandmother's house, by most RJer's.

Actually her observations were quite accurate. What usually gets me is all Jess had to do was tell the truth, but he was one of those individuals that would rather tell a lie, even though the truth would have served him better.
What a cretin.

Talula78 07-06-2020 07:03 AM

Which episode was that in? I want to revisit that scene to see what you’re talking about.

TL22 07-06-2020 09:11 PM


Originally Posted by Talula78 (Post 101199969)
Which episode was that in? I want to revisit that scene to see what you’re talking about.

Season 3 episode 14.

Talula78 07-07-2020 12:26 PM


Originally Posted by TL22 (Post 101207914)
Season 3 episode 14.

Thanks! I’m going to watch that episode tonight.

TL22 07-07-2020 02:18 PM


Originally Posted by Talula78 (Post 101215352)
Thanks! I’m going to watch that episode tonight.

Let me know what you think.

fox24 07-08-2020 07:03 AM

Emily was trying hard to be nice to him. She was nicer to him then luke and Dean.emily can be a classist but her criticism had nothing to do with his upbringing. We joked that if Richard had been there would have been a funeral lol.

TL22 07-08-2020 08:29 AM

All Jess had to do was tell the truth. I know a novel concept for him.

You know even in the four episode run on Netflix Jess still didn't have sex with Rory. It seemed to me at the end Rory had sex with a lot of people in a small time frame, but alas, not Jess.

You know with Jess's attitude and demeanor I doubt any girl would sleep with him. Hmmm, Jess a thirty something virgin.

fox24 07-09-2020 07:18 AM

Lol. I do think he did it with shane but that's funny

Talula78 07-09-2020 07:30 AM


Originally Posted by TL22 (Post 101222522)
You know with Jess's attitude and demeanor I doubt any girl would sleep with him. Hmmm, Jess a thirty something virgin.

Unfortunately there are a lot of insecure women who’d have sex with him as soon as he batted an eye in their direction. :( Bad boys prey on women like that.

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