Rules
• Vote for your least favorite cold open during each round
• You only get one vote per round
• Once a cold open gets 5 votes, it's out
• If no cold open has 5 votes after two days of voting in a round, the one with the most votes is out

Have fun!

Round 1




1. Mafia wedding (2x01 – "Undercover")
"You just got slapped with the best life sentence there is: marriage."

x



2. Vasectomy (2x02 – "Chocolate Milk")
"Sergeant, is this gonna go on your 'sperm-anent record'?"

x



3. Spread my legs (2x03 – "Jimmy Jab Games")
"I pine for years. I still think about Mia, the nurse that helped my nana pass."

x



4. Gay Robin Hood (2x04 – "Halloween II")
"Every Halloween I dress up in an amazing costume and you never get what I am."

x



5. I know these guys (2x05 – "The Mole")
"You're a poor police officer if you don't think people can surprise you."

x



6. 70 seconds late (2x06 – "Jake and Sophia")
"She clearly slipped through a subway grate and is having terrible sex with a mole man."

x




7. Stinky butt (2x07 – "Lockdown")
"I think a thoughtful email is the way to go here."

x



8. Scully’s birthday (2x08 – "USPIS")
"We’re both geniuses."

x



9. Vaughn Tom Tucker (2x09 – "The Road Trip")
"And I'm Twink Tucker."

x



10. Merry Judy Christmas (2x10 – "The Pontiac Bandit Returns")
"Ho, ho, ho, and a bottle of rum."

x



11. Wuntch-time is over (2x11 – "Stakeout")
"You won. Go ahead and gloat, you toad."

x



12. Holt in undies (2x12 – "Beach House")
"His knees are in the breeze."

x



13. Marcus' birthday (2x13 – "Payback")
"If you can't get a reservation, you can always go home and shampoo his hair."

x



14. The ant invasion (2x14 – "Defense Rests")
"Okay, that’s it, we have got to fight back. This is our planet!"

x



15. Cathart your brains out (2x15 – "Windbreaker City")
"You need to embrace the pain so you can get through it."

x



16. El-Baboso (2x16 – "The Wednesday Incident")
"Get to work! And de-ball these bands."

x


17. Dismissed (2x17 – "Boyle-Linetti Wedding")
"Status update, Rosa. How are the flowers? "
"I don't know. Yellow."

x


18. Bianca (2x18 – "Captain Peralta")
"It looks like you unclogged a shower drain with your mouth."

x


19. Failed drug test (2x19 – "Sabotage")
"What is your excuse today?" "More bad luck."

x


20. Foot chase (2x20 – "AC/DC")
"My birthday wish finally came true!"

x


21. Mr. Grapes (2x21 – "Det. Dave Majors")
"If I wore a pink shirt, you'd tear me to shreds."
"Well, yeah, but you'd look like a My Little Pony with a gun."

x


22. Gina's phone (2x22 – "The Chopper")
"Gina may never look at another real human being again."

x


23. Goodbye, beautiful machine (2x23 – "Johnny and Dora")
"Thank you for your service."

x

Rules
• Vote for your least favorite cold open during each round
• You only get one vote per round
• Once a cold open gets 5 votes, it's out
• If no cold open has 5 votes after two days of voting in a round, the one with the most votes is out

Have fun!

Round 2




1. Mafia wedding (2x01 – "Undercover")
"You just got slapped with the best life sentence there is: marriage."

x



2. Vasectomy (2x02 – "Chocolate Milk")
"Sergeant, is this gonna go on your 'sperm-anent record'?"

x



3. Spread my legs (2x03 – "Jimmy Jab Games")
"I pine for years. I still think about Mia, the nurse that helped my nana pass."

x



4. Gay Robin Hood (2x04 – "Halloween II")
"Every Halloween I dress up in an amazing costume and you never get what I am."

x



5. I know these guys (2x05 – "The Mole")
"You're a poor police officer if you don't think people can surprise you."

x



6. 70 seconds late (2x06 – "Jake and Sophia")
"She clearly slipped through a subway grate and is having terrible sex with a mole man."

x




7. Stinky butt (2x07 – "Lockdown") - eliminated Round 1
x




8. Scully’s birthday (2x08 – "USPIS")
"We’re both geniuses."

x



9. Vaughn Tom Tucker (2x09 – "The Road Trip")
"And I'm Twink Tucker."

x



10. Merry Judy Christmas (2x10 – "The Pontiac Bandit Returns")
"Ho, ho, ho, and a bottle of rum."

x



11. Wuntch-time is over (2x11 – "Stakeout")
"You won. Go ahead and gloat, you toad."

x



12. Holt in undies (2x12 – "Beach House")
"His knees are in the breeze."

x



13. Marcus' birthday (2x13 – "Payback")
"If you can't get a reservation, you can always go home and shampoo his hair."

x



14. The ant invasion (2x14 – "Defense Rests")
"Okay, that’s it, we have got to fight back. This is our planet!"

x



15. Cathart your brains out (2x15 – "Windbreaker City")
"You need to embrace the pain so you can get through it."

x



16. El-Baboso (2x16 – "The Wednesday Incident")
"Get to work! And de-ball these bands."

x


17. Dismissed (2x17 – "Boyle-Linetti Wedding")
"Status update, Rosa. How are the flowers? "
"I don't know. Yellow."

x


18. Bianca (2x18 – "Captain Peralta")
"It looks like you unclogged a shower drain with your mouth."

x


19. Failed drug test (2x19 – "Sabotage")
"What is your excuse today?" "More bad luck."

x


20. Foot chase (2x20 – "AC/DC")
"My birthday wish finally came true!"

x


21. Mr. Grapes (2x21 – "Det. Dave Majors")
"If I wore a pink shirt, you'd tear me to shreds."
"Well, yeah, but you'd look like a My Little Pony with a gun."

x


22. Gina's phone (2x22 – "The Chopper")
"Gina may never look at another real human being again."

x


23. Goodbye, beautiful machine (2x23 – "Johnny and Dora")
"Thank you for your service."

x