1. eliminated round three

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Standing there, staring off at a cluster of trees without really seeing them, I was surprised to feel a spark of anger at Lissa and Christian. It must be nice, I thought bitterly, to do whatever the hell you wanted. Lissa had often commented that she wished she could feel my mind and experiences the way I could feel hers. The truth was, she had no idea how lucky she was. She had no idea what it was like to have someone else's thoughts intruding on yours, someone else's experiences muddling yours. She didn't know what it was like to live with someone else's perfect love life when your own was nonexistent.
She didn't understand what it was like to be filled with a love so strong that it made your chest ache—a love you could only feel and not express. Keeping love buried was a lot like keeping anger pent up, I'd learned. It just ate you up inside until you wanted to scream or kick something.
No, Lissa didn't understand any of that. She didn't have to. She could carry on with her own romantic affairs, with no regard for what she was doing to me.

2. -- Eliminated in ROUND EIGHT

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Lissa sat at a table by herself, looking serene and angelic in a white sweater. Her pale blond hair cascaded over her shoulders. She glanced up at my approach, and welcoming feelings flowed to me through our bond. She grinned. "Oh, look at your face. It's true, isn't it? You really are assigned to Christian." I glared.
"Would it kill you to be a little less miserable?" She gave me a censuring yet amused look as she licked the last of her strawberry yogurt off her spoon. "I mean, he's my boyfriend, after all. I hang out with him all the time. It's not that bad."
"You have the patience of a saint," I grumbled, slouching into a chair. "And besides, you don't hang out with him 24/7."
"Neither will you. It's only 24/6."
"Same difference. It might as well be 24/10." She frowned. "That doesn't make any sense." I waved off my idiotic remark and stared blankly around the lunchroom. The room was buzzing with news of the impending field exercise, which would kick off as soon as lunch ended.

3.

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Through our bond, I sensed Lissa wanting to tell me something. She was holding off because she was worried about my bad mood and wanted to make sure I got enough support. I smiled.
"Stop worrying about me. What's up?"
She smiled back, her pink-glossed lips hiding her fangs. "I got permission."
"Permission for—?" The answer flitted from her mind faster than she could have voiced it.
"What?" I exclaimed. "You're going to stop your meds?"
Spirit was an amazing power, one whose cool abilities we were just starting to figure out. It had a very nasty side effect, however: It could lead to depression and insanity. Part of the reason Adrian indulged in drinking so much (aside from his party nature) was to numb himself against these side effects. Lissa had a much healthier way of doing it. She took antidepressants, which completely cut her off from the magic altogether. She hated not being able to work with spirit anymore, but that was an acceptable trade-off for not going crazy. Well, I thought it was. She apparently disagreed if she was considering this insane experiment. I knew she'd been wanting to try the magic again, but I hadn't really thought she'd go through with it—or that anyone would let her.
"I have to check in with Ms. Carmack every day and regularly talk to a counselor." Lissa made a face at this last part, but her overall feelings were still quite upbeat. "I can't wait to see what I can do with Adrian."
"Adrian's a bad influence."
"He didn't make me do this, Rose. I chose it." When I didn't answer, she lightly touched my arm. "Hey, listen. Don't worry. I've been so much better, and lots of people are going to have my back."
"Everyone except me," I told her wistfully.

4. - Eliminated in ROUND ELEVEN

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My words fell short as we reached Lissa working at a table. Her face and feelings told me trouble was coming. Eddie stood a couple feet away from her, leaning against a wall and watching the room. His eyes widened when he saw me, but he didn't say anything at my approach.
I slid into the chair opposite Lissa.
"Hey."
She looked up and sighed, then returned her attention to the textbook open in front of her. "I wondered when you'd turn up," she said. "Did you get suspended?"
Her words were calm and polite, but I could read her underlying feelings. Annoyed. Even a little angry.
"Not this time," I said. "Just got stuck with community service."
She said nothing, but the irate mood I sensed through the bond remained unchanged.
Now I sighed. "Okay, talk to me, Liss. I know you're mad."
Adrian looked at me, then her, and then me again. "I feel like I'm missing something here."
"Oh, great," I said. "You went and busted up my fight and didn't even know what it was about."
"Fight?" asked Lissa, confusion joining her anger.
"What happened?" repeated Adrian.
I nodded to Lissa. "Go ahead, tell him."
"Rose got tested earlier and refused to protect Christian." She shook her head, exasperated, and fixed me with an accusatory glare. "I can't believe you're seriously still mad enough to do something like that to him. It's childish."
Lissa had jumped to the same conclusions as the guardians. I sighed. "I didn't do it on purpose!
I just sat through a whole hearing on this crap and told them the same thing."
"Then what happened?" she demanded. "Why did you do it?"
I hesitated, unsure what to say. My reluctance to talk didn't even have anything to do with Adrian and Eddie overhearing—though I certainly didn't want them to. The problem was more complex.

5.

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Lissa studied me intently, looking for any sign of dishonesty. It hurt to think that she'd mistrust me, except…well, I was actually lying. As I'd told Dimitri, though, I could be a good liar when I wanted to be. Lissa couldn't tell.
"I wish I could read your mind," she mused.
"Come on," I said. "You know me. Do you really think I'd do this? Abandon Christian and make myself look stupid on purpose just to get back at my teachers?"
"No," she said finally. "You'd probably do it in a way where you wouldn't get caught."
"Dimitri said the same thing," I grumbled. "I'm glad everyone has so much faith in me."
"We do," she countered. "That's why all of this is so weird."
"Even I make mistakes." I put on my brash, overconfident face. "I know it's hard to believe—kind of surprises me myself—but I guess it has to happen. It's probably some kind of karmic way to balance out the universe. Otherwise, it wouldn't be fair to have one person so full of awesomeness."
Adrian, blessedly silent for a change, was watching the two of us talk, much as one would look back and forth at a tennis match. His eyes were narrowed slightly, and I suspected he was studying our auras.
Lissa rolled her eyes, but fortunately, the anger I'd felt ear-Her lightened. She believed me. Her gaze then lifted from my face to someone beyond me. I felt the happy, golden emotions that signaled Christian's presence.

6.

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"What's wrong?" asked Lissa.
There was really no easy way to tell them, so I just pushed forward. "Well, it turns out that Victor Dashkov was never found guilty of what he did to us. He's just been locked up. But they're finally going to have an official trial—in another week or so."
Lissa's reaction to hearing his name was similar to mine. Shock shot through the bond, followed immediately by fear. A slide show of images flashed through her mind. The way Victor's sick game had made her question her sanity. The torture his henchman had subjected her to. The bloody state she'd found Christian in after he'd been attacked by Victor's hounds. She clenched her fists on the table, knuckles going white. Christian couldn't sense her reaction the way I could, but he didn't need to. He moved his hand over hers. She barely noticed.
"But… but…" She took a deep, steadying breath, fighting to stay calm. "How could he not be guilty already? Everyone knows…. They all saw…."
"It's the law. They supposedly have to give him a fighting chance."
There was confusion all over her, and slowly, she came to the same realization that I had last night with Dimitri. "So…wait… are you saying there's a chance they might not find him guilty?"
I looked into her wide, frightened eyes and couldn't bring myself to tell her. Apparently, my face said it all.
Christian slammed his fist against the table. "This is bull****." Several people at other tables glanced over at his outburst.
"This is politics," said Adrian. "People in power never have to play by the same rules."
"But he nearly killed Rose and Christian!" cried Lissa. "And he kidnapped me! How can there be any question?"
Lissa's emotions were all over the place. Fear. Sorrow. Anger. Outrage. Confusion.
Helplessness. I didn't want her delving into those dark feelings and hoped desperately that she'd grow calm again. Slowly, steadily, she did—but then I started getting angry again. It was like Ryan all over.

7.

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"I figured if we just explained things—why it was so important—they'd let us go," she murmured to me. "Rose, I can't sleep. … I just keep thinking about it. What if he gets loose?
What if they really set him free?"
Her voice trembled, and there was an old vulnerability there that I hadn't seen in a long time.
That sort of thing usually set off my warning bells, but this time, it triggered a weird rush of memories, of times past when Lissa had depended on me so much. I was happy to see how strong she'd become and wanted to make sure she stayed that way. I tightened my arm, hard to do while still walking.
"He won't get loose," I said fiercely. "We'll get to court. I'll make sure of it. You know I'd never let anything happen to you."
She leaned her head against my shoulder, a small smile on her face. "That's what I love about you. You have no idea how you'll get us to court, but you still push forward anyway to make me feel better."
"Is it working?"
"Yes."
The worry still lurked in her, but her amusement dampened its effects a little. Plus, despite her teasing me about my bold promise, my words really had reassured her.

8.

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"I don't know what's going on," she complained. We had almost reached the commons. Lissa and Christian had plans to watch a movie. I half-wondered how difficult it would be for me to watch the movie and be on alert. "It seems like I should be able to do something, but I still can't.
I'm stuck."
"That might not be a bad thing," I pointed out, moving away from Lissa so I could scan the path ahead.
She shot me a rueful look. "You're such a worrier. I thought that was my job."
"Hey, it's my job to look out for you."

9.

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I had drifted off a little when I felt a slight touch on my arm. "Rose?"
Opening my eyes, I peered at Lissa as she sat in Eddie's seat. Those bat-winged shapes flitted behind her, and my head still hurt. In those swirling shadows, I again saw what looked like a face, this time with a wide gaping mouth and eyes like fire. I flinched.
"You're still in pain?" Lissa asked, peering at me. I blinked, and the face was gone.
"Yeah, I—oh no." I realized what she was going to do. "Don't do it. Don't waste it on me."
"It's easy," she said. "It hardly fazes me."
"Yeah, but the more you use it… the more it hurts you in the long run. Even if it's easy now."
"I'll worry about that later. Here."
She clasped my hand between hers and closed her eyes. Through our bond, I felt the magic welling up in her as she drew upon spirit's healing power. To her, magic felt warm and golden.
I'd been healed before, and it always came through to me as varying temperatures: hot, then cold, then hot, etc. But this time, when she released the magic and sent it into me, I didn't feel anything except a very faint tingle. Her eyelids fluttered open.
"Wh—what happened?" she asked.
"Nothing," I said. "The headache's still going strong."
"But I…" The confusion and shock on her face mirrored what I sensed in her. "I had it. I felt the magic. It worked."
"I don't know, Liss. It's okay, really. You haven't been off the meds that long, you know."
"Yeah, but I healed Eddie the other day without any problems. And Adrian," she added dryly.
He was hanging over the seat again, watching us intently.
"Those were scrapes," I said. "This is a five-alarm migraine we're talking about. Maybe you've got to build back up."
Lissa bit her lower lip. "You don't think the pills permanently hurt my magic, do you?"
"Nah," said Adrian, head tilted to the side. "You lit up like a supernova when you were summoning it. You had magic. I just don't think it had any effect on her."
"Why not?" she demanded.
"Maybe she's got something you can't heal."
"A headache?" I asked in disbelief.
He shrugged. "What do I look like, a doctor? I don't know. Just telling you what I saw."
I sighed and placed a hand on my forehead. "Well, I appreciate the help, Liss, and I appreciate your annoying commentary, Adrian. But I think sleep might be the best thing for now. Maybe it's stress or something." Sure, why not? Stress was the answer to everything lately. Ghosts.
Incurable headaches. Weird faces floating in the air. "Probably can't heal that."
"Maybe," she said, sounding as though she took personal offense at me having something she couldn't fix. Inside her mind, though, her accusations were turned toward herself, not me. She worried she wasn't good enough.

10.

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I had just sprawled on the leather couch and turned on the TV when I felt Lissa in my mind.
Come talk, she said. I sat up, surprised by the message itself and the content. Usually our bond was all about feelings and impressions. Specific requests like this were rare.
I got up and left the room, going to the one next door. Lissa opened the door.
"What, you couldn't have come to me?" I asked.
"Sorry," she said, looking like she genuinely meant it. It was hard to be grouchy around someone so nice. "I just didn't have the time. I'm trying to decide what to wear."
Her suitcase was already open on the bed, with things hung up in the closet. Unlike me, she'd come prepared for every occasion, formal and casual alike. I lay down on the couch. Hers was plush velvet, not leather.
"Wear the print blouse with the black slacks," I told her. "Not a dress."
"Why not a dress?"
"Because you don't want to look like you're groveling."
"This is the queen, Rose. Dressing up is showing respect, not groveling."
"If you say so."
But Lissa wore the outfit I suggested anyway. She talked to me as she finished getting ready, and I watched with envy as she applied makeup. I hadn't realized how much I'd missed cosmetics myself. When she and I had lived with humans, I'd been pretty diligent about primping every day. Now, there never seemed to be enough time—or any reason. I was always in some kind of scuffle that made makeup pointless and ruined it anyway. The most I could do was to slather my face with moisturizer. It seemed excessive in the mornings—like I was putting on a mask—yet by the time I faced the cold weather and other harsh conditions, I was always surprised to see my skin had sucked all the moisture up.
The smallest pang of regret shot through me that I'd rarely have any opportunities to do this for the rest of my life. Lissa would spend most of her days dressed up, out at royal functions. No one would notice me. It was weird, considering that until this last year, I'd always been the one who was always noticed.
"Why do you think she wants to see me?" Lissa asked.
"Maybe to explain why we're here."
"Maybe."

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11.

"You have nothing to be afraid of, Liss. You haven't done anything wrong. And really, you've been doing everything right. Your grades are perfect. Your behavior's perfect. Remember all those people you impressed on the ski trip? That bitch has nothing to get on you about."
"You shouldn't say that," said Lissa automatically. She applied mascara to her eyelashes, studied them, and then added another coat.
"Just call 'em like I see 'em. If she gives you any grief, then it's just going to be because she's afraid of you."
Lissa laughed. "Why would she be afraid of me?"
"Because people are drawn to you, and people like her don't like it when others steal all the attention." I was a bit astonished at how wise I sounded. "Plus, you're the last Dragomir. You're always going to be in the spotlight. Who's she? Just another Ivashkov. There are a ton of them.
Probably because all the guys are like Adrian and have all sorts of illegitimate children."
"Adrian doesn't have any children."
"That we know of," I said mysteriously.
She snickered and stepped back from the mirror, pleased with her face. "Why are you always so mean to Adrian?"
I gave her a look of mock astonishment. "You're standing up for Adrian now? Whatever happened to you warning me to stay away from him? You practically bit my head off the first time I hung out with him—and that wasn't even by my choice."
She took a thin golden chain out of her suitcase and tried to fasten it around her neck. "Well, yeah … I didn't really know him then. He's not so bad. And it's true I mean, he's not a great role model or anything, but I also think some of those stories about him and other girls are exaggerated."
"I don't," I said, jumping up. She still hadn't managed to fasten the chain, so I took it and put the clasp together for her.
"Thanks," she said, running her hands over the necklace. "I think Adrian really likes you. Like, in a wanting-to-be-serious way."
I shook my head and stepped back. "Nope. He likes me in a wanting-to-get-the-clothes-off-the-cute-dhampir way."
"I don't believe that."
"That's because you believe the best about everyone."
She looked skeptical as she began brushing her hair smooth over her shoulders. "I don't know about that either. But I do think he's not as bad as you think. I know it hasn't been that long since Mason, but you should think about going out with someone else…."
"Wear your hair up." I handed her a barrette from her suitcase. "Mason and I were never really going out. You know that."
"Yeah. Well, I guess that's more reason to start thinking about dating someone. High school's not over yet. Seems like you should be doing something fun."

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12.-- Eliminated in ROUND FIVE

She looked at the clock, and her fear returned. "I've gotta go. Will you … will you go with me?"
"You know I can't."
"I know… not in body… but like, will you do that thing? Where you're watching in my head?
It'll make me feel like I'm not alone."
It was the first time Lissa had ever asked me to purposely do that. Normally, she hated the thought of me seeing through her eyes. It was a sign of how nervous she really was.
"Sure," I said. "It's probably better than anything on TV anyway."

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13.

"There you are. What happened? You missed dinner."
I'd completely forgotten. "Sorry … got carried away with some guardian stuff. It's a long story."
She'd changed for dinner. Her hair was still pulled up, and she now wore a form-fitting dress made out of silver raw silk. She looked beautiful. She looked royal. I thought about Victor's words and wondered if she really could be the power for change he swore she was. Looking like she did now, so glamorous and self-composed, I could imagine people following her anywhere. I certainly would, but then, I was biased.
"Why are you looking at me like that?" she asked with a small smile.
I couldn't tell her that I'd just seen the man who frightened her the most. I couldn't tell her that while she'd been out living it up, I'd been off watching her back in the shadows, like I would always do.
Instead, I returned her smile. "I like the dress."

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14.

"Hey," I said. "I thought you'd be on the plane?"
"Nope. They delayed it by a few hours."
"Oh." Going home suddenly sounded like the best idea ever.
"What'd the queen want?" asked Lissa.
"To congratulate me," I said glibly. "Over my Strigoi kills. I didn't expect that from her—it was kind of weird."
"Not that weird," she said. "What you did was amazing. I'm sure she just wanted to recognize you for what you did."
"Yeah, I guess. So what's going on? What are we going to do with the extra time?" There was excitement in both her eyes and her feelings, and I welcomed a change in subject.
"Well… I was thinking. Since we're at the Royal Court… don't you want to check it out?
There's gotta be more to it than a bar and a coffee shop. Seems like we should know this stuff if we're going to be living here. Besides, we've got a lot to celebrate."
The full force of our situation hit me. I'd been so distracted by Victor that I hadn't even really let things sink in: We were at the Royal Court, the center of Moroi leadership. It was nearly as big as the Academy, and there had to be more to it than the all-business side we'd seen so far.
Plus, she was right. We had a lot to be happy about. Victor had been put away. She'd gotten a sweet college deal. Only my alleged affair with Adrian had been a downside, but I was willing to put that aside as Lissa's contagious excitement seized me.
"Where's Christian?" I asked.
"Doing his own thing," she said. "You think we need him along?"
"Well, he usually is along lately."
"Yeah," she admitted, "but I'd kind of like just us to hang out." I sensed the thoughts behind her decision. Our brief conversation just before she'd gone to see the queen had made her nostalgic for the old days, back when it had just been the two of us on our own.
"No complaints here," I said. "How much can we cover in three hours?"
A mischievous grin lit her face. "The essentials."

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15. -- Eliminated in ROUND NINE

Lissa walked up to the receptionist and told her who we were. The woman immediately recognized our names but seemed surprised to be letting a dhampir in. I didn't care, though. I was too bedazzled by the sights and sounds around me. Compared to the harsh, practical lifestyle I usually led, this sort of luxury almost defied belief.
After checking in, Lissa turned to me, face eager and radiant. "I got us set up to get massages with these—"
"Nails," I interrupted.
"What?"
"I want my nails done. Can I get a manicure?"
It was the most exotic, completely useless thing I could imagine. Well, it wasn't useless for ordinary women. But for me? With the way I used my hands and subjected them to blisters, bruises, dirt, and wind? Yes. Useless. I hadn't painted my nails in ages. There was no reason.
Half the nail polish would probably chip off after one practice session. A novice like me couldn't afford that kind of luxury. And that was why I so, so desperately wanted one. Seeing Lissa wear makeup had awakened that longing in me for some beautification of my own. I accepted that it could never be a regular part of my life, but if I was in a place like this today, then by God, I wanted my nails done.
Lissa faltered a little. She'd apparently had big plans for this massage thing. But, she had a hard time refusing me and spoke to the receptionist again. It sounded like the receptionist had to do a bit of juggling with her schedule, but she said she could make it work.
"Of course, Princess." She smiled happily, entranced by Lissa's natural charisma. Half the time, Lissa didn't even need spirit to get people to help her.
"I don't want to be an inconvenience," Lissa said.
"No, no. Definitely not!"

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16. -- Eliminated in ROUND SIX

Lissa, astute enough to sense me being flustered, could barely stop from laughing. I heard her thoughts in my head: Cute, huh? I cut her a look, refusing to voice my thoughts out loud. He's Tatiana's personal masseuse. That practically makes you royalty. I sighed loudly to let her know she wasn't as funny as she thought she was. And when I say personal, I mean personal.
I jerked in surprise, accidentally kicking one of my feet out. Ambrose's deft hands caught it before I hit him in his pretty face, thankfully. I might not have been able to communicate telepathically but I was pretty sure there could be no question to Lissa that the look on my face said, You can't be serious because if you are, you're in big trouble.
Her grin widened. I thought you'd like that. Pampered by the queen's secret lover.
Pampered wasn't exactly the word that came to mind. Looking at Ambrose's young, beautiful features, I just couldn't picture him getting it on with that old hag. Of course, that denial might have just been my brain's way of refusing to acknowledge that someone who had touched her was now touching me. Ew.
Ambrose's hands were checking out my calves along with my feet, and he struck up a conversation about what elegant legs I had. His dazzling white smile never left his face, but most of my answers were curt. I still couldn't get over the thought of him and Tatiana together.
Silently, Lissa groaned. He's flirting with you, Rose! she thought to me. What are you doing?
You can do better than that. I went to all this trouble to get you the hottest guy here, and this is what I get!
This one-sided-conversation thing was becoming a pain in the ass. I wanted to tell her that I'd never asked for her to rent out this guy for me. In fact, I suddenly had images of the queen calling me in for another meeting to yell at me for having a nonexistent affair with Ambrose too. Wouldn't that be perfect?

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17. -- ELiminated in ROUND FOUR

LISSA HAD BEEN MY best friend ever since elementary school, which was why keeping so many secrets from her lately had hurt so much. She was always open with me, always willing to share what was on her mind—but then, maybe that was because she had no choice. I used to be that way with her, yet at some point, I'd started locking my secrets in, unable to tell her about Dimitri or the real reason I'd messed up with Stan. I hated it being that way. It ate me up inside and made me feel guilty around her.

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18.

''Rose …" began Lissa uneasily. A hurricane of emotions was beating through to me from her.
Fear. Concern. Shock. Her compassion made me feel that much worse.
I shook my head. "No, Liss. Please. You guys can think whatever you want about me or make up your own theories, but we're not going to talk about it. Not now. Just leave me alone about it."
I expected Lissa to badger me because of her normal persistence. I expected Adrian and Christian to because of their irritating natures. But even though my words had been simple, I realized I'd delivered them with a harshness both in voice and manner. It was Lissa's surprised mental reaction that alerted me to that, and then I needed only to look at the guys' faces to realize I must have sounded incredibly bitchy.
"Sorry," I mumbled. "I appreciate the concern, but I'm just not in the mood."
Lissa eyed me. Later, she said in my mind. I gave her a brief nod, secretly wondering how I could avoid that conversation.

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19. - Eliminated in ROUND TEN

"Stop it," I said. The feel of this twisted magic was making me nauseous. She and Adrian had mentioned something like this before, this idea of making people see things that weren't there.
They'd jokingly called it super compulsion—and it was horrible. "This isn't how spirit is supposed to be used. This isn't you. It's wrong."
She was breathing heavily, sweat breaking out along her brow. "I can't let go of it," she said.
"You can," I said. I touched her arm. "Give it to me."
She briefly turned from Jesse and looked at me, astonished, before fixing her gaze back on him.
"What? You can't use magic."
I focused hard on the bond, on her mind. I couldn't take the magic exactly, but I could take the darkness it brought on. It was what I'd been doing for a while now, I realized. Every time I'd worried and wished she'd calm down and fight dark feelings, she had—because I was taking it all from her. I was absorbing it, just as Anna had done for St. Vladimir. It was what Adrian had seen when the darkness jumped from her aura to mine. And this—this abuse of spirit, using it to maliciously harm another and not for self-defense, was bringing the worst side effects of all in her. It was corrupting and wrong, and I couldn't let her have it. All thoughts of my own madness or rage were completely irrelevant at this moment.
"No," I agreed. "I can't. But you can use me to let it go. Focus on me. Release it all. It's wrong.
You don't want it."
She stared at me again, eyes wide and desperate. Even without direct eye contact, she was still able to torture Jesse. I both saw and felt the fight she waged. He'd hurt her so much—she wanted him to pay. He had to. And yet, at the same time, she knew I was right. But it was hard.
So hard for her to let go …
Suddenly, the burn of that black magic vanished from the bond, along with that sickening sensation. Something hit me like a blast of wind in the face, and I staggered backward. I shuddered as a weird sensation twisted my stomach. It was like sparks, like a coil of electricity burning within me. Then it too was gone. Jesse fell to his knees, free of the nightmare.
Lissa sank with visible relief. She was still scared and hurt over what had happened, but she was no longer consumed with that terrible, destructive rage that had driven her to punish Jesse.
That urge within her had disappeared.
The only problem was, it was in me now.

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20. - Eliminated in ROUND TWO

I felt Lissa's hands clawing at me, trying to pull me off, but she wasn't strong enough. I kept hitting him. There was no sign of the strategic, precise fighting I'd used earlier with him and his friends, or even against Dimitri. This was unfocused and primal. This was me being controlled by the madness I'd taken from Lissa.
Then another set of hands ripped me away. These hands were stronger, dhampir hands, backed by muscles earned through years of training. It was Eddie. I struggled against his hold. We were closely matched, but he outweighed me.
"Let me go!" I yelled.
To my complete and utter horror, Lissa was now kneeling at Jesse's side, studying him with concern. It made no sense. How could she do that? After what he'd done? I saw compassion on her face, and a moment later, the burn of her healing magic lit our bond as she took away some of the worst of his injuries.

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21. -- Eliminated in ROUND SEVEN

I didn't even realize I'd fallen asleep until Lissa woke me up. She looked like an angel herself, the pale hair hanging long and loose around her face. Her eyes were as gentle and compassionate as those of the saints.
"Rose," she said. "We've been looking all over for you. Have you been here the entire time?"
I sat up, feeling tired and bleary-eyed. Considering I hadn't slept the night before and had then gone on a massive raid, my fatigue was understandable.
"Pretty much," I told her.
She shook her head. "That was hours ago. You should go eat something."
"I'm not hungry." Hours ago. I clutched her arm. "What time is it? Has the sun come up?"
"No. It's still about, oh, five hours away."
Five hours. How could I wait that long?
Lissa touched my face. I felt magic burn through our bond, and then the warm and cold tingling coursed through my own skin. Bruises and cuts disappeared.
"You shouldn't do that," I said.
A faint smile crossed her lips. "I've been doing it all day. I've been helping Dr. Olendzki."
"I heard that, but wow. It just feels so strange. We've always kept it hidden, you know?"
"It doesn't matter if everyone knows now," she said with a shrug. "After everything that's happened, I had to help. So many people are hurt, and if it means my secret getting out…well, it had to happen sooner or later. Adrian's been helping too, though he can't do as much."

___________________________________

22 - Eliminated in ROUND ONE.

"Hey," I said.
"Hey." She wrapped her arms around herself, cold even in her coat. Moroi didn't have the same resistance to temperature changes that dhampirs did. What I found warm and springlike was still chilly to her. "I knew it," she said. "Ever since that day they said his body was gone.
Something told me you'd do this. I was just waiting."
"Can you read my mind now?" I asked ruefully.
"No, I can just read you. Finally. I can't believe how blind I was. I can't believe I never noticed.
Victor's comment… he was right." She glanced off at the sunset, then turned her gaze back on me. A flash of anger, both in her feelings and her eyes, hit me. "Why didn't you tell me?" she cried. "Why didn't you tell me you loved Dimitri?"
I stared. I couldn't remember the last time Lissa had yelled at anyone. Maybe last fall, when all the Victor insanity had gone down. Loud outbursts were my thing, not hers. Even when torturing Jesse, her voice had been deadly quiet.
"I couldn't tell anyone," I said.
"I'm your best friend, Rose. We've been through everything together. Do you really think I would have told? I would have kept it secret."
I looked at the ground. "I know you would have. I just… I don't know. I couldn't talk about it.
Not even to you. I can't explain it."
"How…" She groped for the question her mind had already formed. "How serious was it? Was it just you or—?"
"It was both of us," I told her. "He felt the same. But we knew we couldn't be together, not with our age…and, well, not when we were supposed to be protecting you."
Lissa frowned. "What do you mean?"
"Dimitri always said that if we were involved, we'd worry more about protecting each other than you. We couldn't do that."
Guilt coursed through her at the thought that she'd been responsible for keeping us apart.
"It's not your fault," I said quickly.
"Surely…there must have been a way. … It wouldn't have been a problem…."
I shrugged, unwilling to think about or mention our last kiss in the forest, back when Dimitri and I had thought we'd figured out a solution to all of our problems.
"I don't know," I said. "We just tried to stay apart. Sometimes it worked. Sometimes it didn't."
Her mind was a tumble of emotions. She felt sorry for me, but at the same time, she was mad.
"You should have told me," she repeated. "I feel like you don't trust me."
"Of course I trust you."
"Is that why you're sneaking off?"
"That has nothing to do with trust," I admitted. "It's me…well, I didn't want to tell you. I couldn't bear to tell you I was leaving or explain why."
"I already know," she said. "I figured it out."
"How?" I asked. Lissa was full of surprises today.
"I was there. Last fall when we took that van into Missoula. The shopping trip? You and Dimitri were talking about Strigoi, about how becoming one makes you something twisted and evil…how it destroys the person you used to be and makes you do horrible things. And I heard
…" She had trouble saying it. I had trouble hearing it, and my eyes grew wet. The memory was too harsh, thinking of sitting with him that day, back when we were first falling in love. Lissa swallowed and continued. "I heard you both say you'd rather die than become a monster like that."
Silence fell between us. The wind picked up and blew our hair around, dark and light.
"I have to do this, Liss. I have to do it for him."
"No," she said firmly. "You don't have to. You didn't promise him anything."
"Not in words, no. But you … you don't understand."
"I understand that you're trying to cope and that this is as good a way as any. You need to find another way to let him go."
I shook my head. "I have to do this."
"Even if it means leaving me?"
The way she said it, the way she looked at me … oh God. A flood of memories flitted through my mind. We'd been together since childhood. Inseparable. Bound. And yet…Dimitri and I had been connected too. Damn it. I'd never wanted to have to choose between them.
"I have to do this," I said yet again. "I'm sorry."
"You're supposed to be my guardian and go with me to college," she argued. "You're shadow-kissed. We're supposed to be together. If you leave me …"
The ugly coil of darkness was starting to raise its head in my chest. My voice was tight when I spoke. "If I leave you, they'll get you another guardian. Two of them. You're the last Dragomir.
They'll keep you safe."
"But they won't be you, Rose," she said. Those luminous green eyes held mine, and the anger in me cooled. She was so beautiful, so sweet… and she seemed so reasonable. She was right. I owed it to her. I needed to—
"Stop it!" I yelled, turning away. She'd been using her magic. "Do not use compulsion on me.
You're my friend. Friends don't use their powers on each other."
"Friends don't abandon each other," she snapped back. "If you were my friend, you wouldn't do it."
I spun back toward her, careful not to look too closely into her eyes, in case she tried compulsion on me again. The rage in me exploded.
"It's not about you, okay? This time, it's about me. Not you. All my life, Lissa … all my life, it's been the same. They come first. I've lived my life for you. I've trained to be your shadow, but you know what? I want to come first. I need to take care of myself for once. I'm tired of looking out for everyone else and having to put aside what I want. Dimitri and I did that, and look what happened. He's gone. I will never hold him again. Now I owe it to him to do this. I'm sorry if it hurts you, but it's my choice!"
I'd shouted the words, not even pausing for a breath, and I hoped my voice hadn't carried to the guardians on duty at the gate. Lissa was staring at me, shocked and hurt. Tears ran down her cheeks, and part of me shriveled up at hurting the person I'd sworn to protect.
"You love him more than me," she said in a small voice, sounding very young.
"He needs me right now."
"I need you. He's gone, Rose."
"No," I said. "But he will be soon." I reached up my sleeve and took off the chotki she'd given me for Christmas. I held it out to her. She hesitated and then took it.
"What's this for?" she asked.
"I can't wear it. It's for a Dragomir guardian. I'll take it again when I …" I had almost said if, not when. I think she knew that. "When I get back."
Her hands closed around the beads. "Please, Rose. Please don't leave me."
"I'm sorry," I said. There were no other words to offer up. "I'm sorry."
I left her there crying as I walked toward the gate. A piece of my soul had died when Dimitri had fallen. Turning my back on her now, I felt another piece die as well. Soon there wouldn't be anything left inside of me

1. eliminated round three

___________________________________

Standing there, staring off at a cluster of trees without really seeing them, I was surprised to feel a spark of anger at Lissa and Christian. It must be nice, I thought bitterly, to do whatever the hell you wanted. Lissa had often commented that she wished she could feel my mind and experiences the way I could feel hers. The truth was, she had no idea how lucky she was. She had no idea what it was like to have someone else's thoughts intruding on yours, someone else's experiences muddling yours. She didn't know what it was like to live with someone else's perfect love life when your own was nonexistent.
She didn't understand what it was like to be filled with a love so strong that it made your chest ache—a love you could only feel and not express. Keeping love buried was a lot like keeping anger pent up, I'd learned. It just ate you up inside until you wanted to scream or kick something.
No, Lissa didn't understand any of that. She didn't have to. She could carry on with her own romantic affairs, with no regard for what she was doing to me.

2. -- Eliminated in ROUND EIGHT

___________________________________

Lissa sat at a table by herself, looking serene and angelic in a white sweater. Her pale blond hair cascaded over her shoulders. She glanced up at my approach, and welcoming feelings flowed to me through our bond. She grinned. "Oh, look at your face. It's true, isn't it? You really are assigned to Christian." I glared.
"Would it kill you to be a little less miserable?" She gave me a censuring yet amused look as she licked the last of her strawberry yogurt off her spoon. "I mean, he's my boyfriend, after all. I hang out with him all the time. It's not that bad."
"You have the patience of a saint," I grumbled, slouching into a chair. "And besides, you don't hang out with him 24/7."
"Neither will you. It's only 24/6."
"Same difference. It might as well be 24/10." She frowned. "That doesn't make any sense." I waved off my idiotic remark and stared blankly around the lunchroom. The room was buzzing with news of the impending field exercise, which would kick off as soon as lunch ended.

3. - Eliminated in ROUND TWELVE

___________________________________

Through our bond, I sensed Lissa wanting to tell me something. She was holding off because she was worried about my bad mood and wanted to make sure I got enough support. I smiled.
"Stop worrying about me. What's up?"
She smiled back, her pink-glossed lips hiding her fangs. "I got permission."
"Permission for—?" The answer flitted from her mind faster than she could have voiced it.
"What?" I exclaimed. "You're going to stop your meds?"
Spirit was an amazing power, one whose cool abilities we were just starting to figure out. It had a very nasty side effect, however: It could lead to depression and insanity. Part of the reason Adrian indulged in drinking so much (aside from his party nature) was to numb himself against these side effects. Lissa had a much healthier way of doing it. She took antidepressants, which completely cut her off from the magic altogether. She hated not being able to work with spirit anymore, but that was an acceptable trade-off for not going crazy. Well, I thought it was. She apparently disagreed if she was considering this insane experiment. I knew she'd been wanting to try the magic again, but I hadn't really thought she'd go through with it—or that anyone would let her.
"I have to check in with Ms. Carmack every day and regularly talk to a counselor." Lissa made a face at this last part, but her overall feelings were still quite upbeat. "I can't wait to see what I can do with Adrian."
"Adrian's a bad influence."
"He didn't make me do this, Rose. I chose it." When I didn't answer, she lightly touched my arm. "Hey, listen. Don't worry. I've been so much better, and lots of people are going to have my back."
"Everyone except me," I told her wistfully.

4. - Eliminated in ROUND ELEVEN

___________________________________

My words fell short as we reached Lissa working at a table. Her face and feelings told me trouble was coming. Eddie stood a couple feet away from her, leaning against a wall and watching the room. His eyes widened when he saw me, but he didn't say anything at my approach.
I slid into the chair opposite Lissa.
"Hey."
She looked up and sighed, then returned her attention to the textbook open in front of her. "I wondered when you'd turn up," she said. "Did you get suspended?"
Her words were calm and polite, but I could read her underlying feelings. Annoyed. Even a little angry.
"Not this time," I said. "Just got stuck with community service."
She said nothing, but the irate mood I sensed through the bond remained unchanged.
Now I sighed. "Okay, talk to me, Liss. I know you're mad."
Adrian looked at me, then her, and then me again. "I feel like I'm missing something here."
"Oh, great," I said. "You went and busted up my fight and didn't even know what it was about."
"Fight?" asked Lissa, confusion joining her anger.
"What happened?" repeated Adrian.
I nodded to Lissa. "Go ahead, tell him."
"Rose got tested earlier and refused to protect Christian." She shook her head, exasperated, and fixed me with an accusatory glare. "I can't believe you're seriously still mad enough to do something like that to him. It's childish."
Lissa had jumped to the same conclusions as the guardians. I sighed. "I didn't do it on purpose!
I just sat through a whole hearing on this crap and told them the same thing."
"Then what happened?" she demanded. "Why did you do it?"
I hesitated, unsure what to say. My reluctance to talk didn't even have anything to do with Adrian and Eddie overhearing—though I certainly didn't want them to. The problem was more complex.

5.

___________________________________

Lissa studied me intently, looking for any sign of dishonesty. It hurt to think that she'd mistrust me, except…well, I was actually lying. As I'd told Dimitri, though, I could be a good liar when I wanted to be. Lissa couldn't tell.
"I wish I could read your mind," she mused.
"Come on," I said. "You know me. Do you really think I'd do this? Abandon Christian and make myself look stupid on purpose just to get back at my teachers?"
"No," she said finally. "You'd probably do it in a way where you wouldn't get caught."
"Dimitri said the same thing," I grumbled. "I'm glad everyone has so much faith in me."
"We do," she countered. "That's why all of this is so weird."
"Even I make mistakes." I put on my brash, overconfident face. "I know it's hard to believe—kind of surprises me myself—but I guess it has to happen. It's probably some kind of karmic way to balance out the universe. Otherwise, it wouldn't be fair to have one person so full of awesomeness."
Adrian, blessedly silent for a change, was watching the two of us talk, much as one would look back and forth at a tennis match. His eyes were narrowed slightly, and I suspected he was studying our auras.
Lissa rolled her eyes, but fortunately, the anger I'd felt ear-Her lightened. She believed me. Her gaze then lifted from my face to someone beyond me. I felt the happy, golden emotions that signaled Christian's presence.

6.

___________________________________

"What's wrong?" asked Lissa.
There was really no easy way to tell them, so I just pushed forward. "Well, it turns out that Victor Dashkov was never found guilty of what he did to us. He's just been locked up. But they're finally going to have an official trial—in another week or so."
Lissa's reaction to hearing his name was similar to mine. Shock shot through the bond, followed immediately by fear. A slide show of images flashed through her mind. The way Victor's sick game had made her question her sanity. The torture his henchman had subjected her to. The bloody state she'd found Christian in after he'd been attacked by Victor's hounds. She clenched her fists on the table, knuckles going white. Christian couldn't sense her reaction the way I could, but he didn't need to. He moved his hand over hers. She barely noticed.
"But… but…" She took a deep, steadying breath, fighting to stay calm. "How could he not be guilty already? Everyone knows…. They all saw…."
"It's the law. They supposedly have to give him a fighting chance."
There was confusion all over her, and slowly, she came to the same realization that I had last night with Dimitri. "So…wait… are you saying there's a chance they might not find him guilty?"
I looked into her wide, frightened eyes and couldn't bring myself to tell her. Apparently, my face said it all.
Christian slammed his fist against the table. "This is bull****." Several people at other tables glanced over at his outburst.
"This is politics," said Adrian. "People in power never have to play by the same rules."
"But he nearly killed Rose and Christian!" cried Lissa. "And he kidnapped me! How can there be any question?"
Lissa's emotions were all over the place. Fear. Sorrow. Anger. Outrage. Confusion.
Helplessness. I didn't want her delving into those dark feelings and hoped desperately that she'd grow calm again. Slowly, steadily, she did—but then I started getting angry again. It was like Ryan all over.

7.

___________________________________

"I figured if we just explained things—why it was so important—they'd let us go," she murmured to me. "Rose, I can't sleep. … I just keep thinking about it. What if he gets loose?
What if they really set him free?"
Her voice trembled, and there was an old vulnerability there that I hadn't seen in a long time.
That sort of thing usually set off my warning bells, but this time, it triggered a weird rush of memories, of times past when Lissa had depended on me so much. I was happy to see how strong she'd become and wanted to make sure she stayed that way. I tightened my arm, hard to do while still walking.
"He won't get loose," I said fiercely. "We'll get to court. I'll make sure of it. You know I'd never let anything happen to you."
She leaned her head against my shoulder, a small smile on her face. "That's what I love about you. You have no idea how you'll get us to court, but you still push forward anyway to make me feel better."
"Is it working?"
"Yes."
The worry still lurked in her, but her amusement dampened its effects a little. Plus, despite her teasing me about my bold promise, my words really had reassured her.

8.

___________________________________

"I don't know what's going on," she complained. We had almost reached the commons. Lissa and Christian had plans to watch a movie. I half-wondered how difficult it would be for me to watch the movie and be on alert. "It seems like I should be able to do something, but I still can't.
I'm stuck."
"That might not be a bad thing," I pointed out, moving away from Lissa so I could scan the path ahead.
She shot me a rueful look. "You're such a worrier. I thought that was my job."
"Hey, it's my job to look out for you."

9.

___________________________________

I had drifted off a little when I felt a slight touch on my arm. "Rose?"
Opening my eyes, I peered at Lissa as she sat in Eddie's seat. Those bat-winged shapes flitted behind her, and my head still hurt. In those swirling shadows, I again saw what looked like a face, this time with a wide gaping mouth and eyes like fire. I flinched.
"You're still in pain?" Lissa asked, peering at me. I blinked, and the face was gone.
"Yeah, I—oh no." I realized what she was going to do. "Don't do it. Don't waste it on me."
"It's easy," she said. "It hardly fazes me."
"Yeah, but the more you use it… the more it hurts you in the long run. Even if it's easy now."
"I'll worry about that later. Here."
She clasped my hand between hers and closed her eyes. Through our bond, I felt the magic welling up in her as she drew upon spirit's healing power. To her, magic felt warm and golden.
I'd been healed before, and it always came through to me as varying temperatures: hot, then cold, then hot, etc. But this time, when she released the magic and sent it into me, I didn't feel anything except a very faint tingle. Her eyelids fluttered open.
"Wh—what happened?" she asked.
"Nothing," I said. "The headache's still going strong."
"But I…" The confusion and shock on her face mirrored what I sensed in her. "I had it. I felt the magic. It worked."
"I don't know, Liss. It's okay, really. You haven't been off the meds that long, you know."
"Yeah, but I healed Eddie the other day without any problems. And Adrian," she added dryly.
He was hanging over the seat again, watching us intently.
"Those were scrapes," I said. "This is a five-alarm migraine we're talking about. Maybe you've got to build back up."
Lissa bit her lower lip. "You don't think the pills permanently hurt my magic, do you?"
"Nah," said Adrian, head tilted to the side. "You lit up like a supernova when you were summoning it. You had magic. I just don't think it had any effect on her."
"Why not?" she demanded.
"Maybe she's got something you can't heal."
"A headache?" I asked in disbelief.
He shrugged. "What do I look like, a doctor? I don't know. Just telling you what I saw."
I sighed and placed a hand on my forehead. "Well, I appreciate the help, Liss, and I appreciate your annoying commentary, Adrian. But I think sleep might be the best thing for now. Maybe it's stress or something." Sure, why not? Stress was the answer to everything lately. Ghosts.
Incurable headaches. Weird faces floating in the air. "Probably can't heal that."
"Maybe," she said, sounding as though she took personal offense at me having something she couldn't fix. Inside her mind, though, her accusations were turned toward herself, not me. She worried she wasn't good enough.

10.

___________________________________

I had just sprawled on the leather couch and turned on the TV when I felt Lissa in my mind.
Come talk, she said. I sat up, surprised by the message itself and the content. Usually our bond was all about feelings and impressions. Specific requests like this were rare.
I got up and left the room, going to the one next door. Lissa opened the door.
"What, you couldn't have come to me?" I asked.
"Sorry," she said, looking like she genuinely meant it. It was hard to be grouchy around someone so nice. "I just didn't have the time. I'm trying to decide what to wear."
Her suitcase was already open on the bed, with things hung up in the closet. Unlike me, she'd come prepared for every occasion, formal and casual alike. I lay down on the couch. Hers was plush velvet, not leather.
"Wear the print blouse with the black slacks," I told her. "Not a dress."
"Why not a dress?"
"Because you don't want to look like you're groveling."
"This is the queen, Rose. Dressing up is showing respect, not groveling."
"If you say so."
But Lissa wore the outfit I suggested anyway. She talked to me as she finished getting ready, and I watched with envy as she applied makeup. I hadn't realized how much I'd missed cosmetics myself. When she and I had lived with humans, I'd been pretty diligent about primping every day. Now, there never seemed to be enough time—or any reason. I was always in some kind of scuffle that made makeup pointless and ruined it anyway. The most I could do was to slather my face with moisturizer. It seemed excessive in the mornings—like I was putting on a mask—yet by the time I faced the cold weather and other harsh conditions, I was always surprised to see my skin had sucked all the moisture up.
The smallest pang of regret shot through me that I'd rarely have any opportunities to do this for the rest of my life. Lissa would spend most of her days dressed up, out at royal functions. No one would notice me. It was weird, considering that until this last year, I'd always been the one who was always noticed.
"Why do you think she wants to see me?" Lissa asked.
"Maybe to explain why we're here."
"Maybe."

___________________________________

11.

"You have nothing to be afraid of, Liss. You haven't done anything wrong. And really, you've been doing everything right. Your grades are perfect. Your behavior's perfect. Remember all those people you impressed on the ski trip? That bitch has nothing to get on you about."
"You shouldn't say that," said Lissa automatically. She applied mascara to her eyelashes, studied them, and then added another coat.
"Just call 'em like I see 'em. If she gives you any grief, then it's just going to be because she's afraid of you."
Lissa laughed. "Why would she be afraid of me?"
"Because people are drawn to you, and people like her don't like it when others steal all the attention." I was a bit astonished at how wise I sounded. "Plus, you're the last Dragomir. You're always going to be in the spotlight. Who's she? Just another Ivashkov. There are a ton of them.
Probably because all the guys are like Adrian and have all sorts of illegitimate children."
"Adrian doesn't have any children."
"That we know of," I said mysteriously.
She snickered and stepped back from the mirror, pleased with her face. "Why are you always so mean to Adrian?"
I gave her a look of mock astonishment. "You're standing up for Adrian now? Whatever happened to you warning me to stay away from him? You practically bit my head off the first time I hung out with him—and that wasn't even by my choice."
She took a thin golden chain out of her suitcase and tried to fasten it around her neck. "Well, yeah … I didn't really know him then. He's not so bad. And it's true I mean, he's not a great role model or anything, but I also think some of those stories about him and other girls are exaggerated."
"I don't," I said, jumping up. She still hadn't managed to fasten the chain, so I took it and put the clasp together for her.
"Thanks," she said, running her hands over the necklace. "I think Adrian really likes you. Like, in a wanting-to-be-serious way."
I shook my head and stepped back. "Nope. He likes me in a wanting-to-get-the-clothes-off-the-cute-dhampir way."
"I don't believe that."
"That's because you believe the best about everyone."
She looked skeptical as she began brushing her hair smooth over her shoulders. "I don't know about that either. But I do think he's not as bad as you think. I know it hasn't been that long since Mason, but you should think about going out with someone else…."
"Wear your hair up." I handed her a barrette from her suitcase. "Mason and I were never really going out. You know that."
"Yeah. Well, I guess that's more reason to start thinking about dating someone. High school's not over yet. Seems like you should be doing something fun."

___________________________________

12.-- Eliminated in ROUND FIVE

She looked at the clock, and her fear returned. "I've gotta go. Will you … will you go with me?"
"You know I can't."
"I know… not in body… but like, will you do that thing? Where you're watching in my head?
It'll make me feel like I'm not alone."
It was the first time Lissa had ever asked me to purposely do that. Normally, she hated the thought of me seeing through her eyes. It was a sign of how nervous she really was.
"Sure," I said. "It's probably better than anything on TV anyway."

___________________________________

13.

"There you are. What happened? You missed dinner."
I'd completely forgotten. "Sorry … got carried away with some guardian stuff. It's a long story."
She'd changed for dinner. Her hair was still pulled up, and she now wore a form-fitting dress made out of silver raw silk. She looked beautiful. She looked royal. I thought about Victor's words and wondered if she really could be the power for change he swore she was. Looking like she did now, so glamorous and self-composed, I could imagine people following her anywhere. I certainly would, but then, I was biased.
"Why are you looking at me like that?" she asked with a small smile.
I couldn't tell her that I'd just seen the man who frightened her the most. I couldn't tell her that while she'd been out living it up, I'd been off watching her back in the shadows, like I would always do.
Instead, I returned her smile. "I like the dress."

___________________________________

14.

"Hey," I said. "I thought you'd be on the plane?"
"Nope. They delayed it by a few hours."
"Oh." Going home suddenly sounded like the best idea ever.
"What'd the queen want?" asked Lissa.
"To congratulate me," I said glibly. "Over my Strigoi kills. I didn't expect that from her—it was kind of weird."
"Not that weird," she said. "What you did was amazing. I'm sure she just wanted to recognize you for what you did."
"Yeah, I guess. So what's going on? What are we going to do with the extra time?" There was excitement in both her eyes and her feelings, and I welcomed a change in subject.
"Well… I was thinking. Since we're at the Royal Court… don't you want to check it out?
There's gotta be more to it than a bar and a coffee shop. Seems like we should know this stuff if we're going to be living here. Besides, we've got a lot to celebrate."
The full force of our situation hit me. I'd been so distracted by Victor that I hadn't even really let things sink in: We were at the Royal Court, the center of Moroi leadership. It was nearly as big as the Academy, and there had to be more to it than the all-business side we'd seen so far.
Plus, she was right. We had a lot to be happy about. Victor had been put away. She'd gotten a sweet college deal. Only my alleged affair with Adrian had been a downside, but I was willing to put that aside as Lissa's contagious excitement seized me.
"Where's Christian?" I asked.
"Doing his own thing," she said. "You think we need him along?"
"Well, he usually is along lately."
"Yeah," she admitted, "but I'd kind of like just us to hang out." I sensed the thoughts behind her decision. Our brief conversation just before she'd gone to see the queen had made her nostalgic for the old days, back when it had just been the two of us on our own.
"No complaints here," I said. "How much can we cover in three hours?"
A mischievous grin lit her face. "The essentials."

___________________________________

15. -- Eliminated in ROUND NINE

Lissa walked up to the receptionist and told her who we were. The woman immediately recognized our names but seemed surprised to be letting a dhampir in. I didn't care, though. I was too bedazzled by the sights and sounds around me. Compared to the harsh, practical lifestyle I usually led, this sort of luxury almost defied belief.
After checking in, Lissa turned to me, face eager and radiant. "I got us set up to get massages with these—"
"Nails," I interrupted.
"What?"
"I want my nails done. Can I get a manicure?"
It was the most exotic, completely useless thing I could imagine. Well, it wasn't useless for ordinary women. But for me? With the way I used my hands and subjected them to blisters, bruises, dirt, and wind? Yes. Useless. I hadn't painted my nails in ages. There was no reason.
Half the nail polish would probably chip off after one practice session. A novice like me couldn't afford that kind of luxury. And that was why I so, so desperately wanted one. Seeing Lissa wear makeup had awakened that longing in me for some beautification of my own. I accepted that it could never be a regular part of my life, but if I was in a place like this today, then by God, I wanted my nails done.
Lissa faltered a little. She'd apparently had big plans for this massage thing. But, she had a hard time refusing me and spoke to the receptionist again. It sounded like the receptionist had to do a bit of juggling with her schedule, but she said she could make it work.
"Of course, Princess." She smiled happily, entranced by Lissa's natural charisma. Half the time, Lissa didn't even need spirit to get people to help her.
"I don't want to be an inconvenience," Lissa said.
"No, no. Definitely not!"

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16. -- Eliminated in ROUND SIX

Lissa, astute enough to sense me being flustered, could barely stop from laughing. I heard her thoughts in my head: Cute, huh? I cut her a look, refusing to voice my thoughts out loud. He's Tatiana's personal masseuse. That practically makes you royalty. I sighed loudly to let her know she wasn't as funny as she thought she was. And when I say personal, I mean personal.
I jerked in surprise, accidentally kicking one of my feet out. Ambrose's deft hands caught it before I hit him in his pretty face, thankfully. I might not have been able to communicate telepathically but I was pretty sure there could be no question to Lissa that the look on my face said, You can't be serious because if you are, you're in big trouble.
Her grin widened. I thought you'd like that. Pampered by the queen's secret lover.
Pampered wasn't exactly the word that came to mind. Looking at Ambrose's young, beautiful features, I just couldn't picture him getting it on with that old hag. Of course, that denial might have just been my brain's way of refusing to acknowledge that someone who had touched her was now touching me. Ew.
Ambrose's hands were checking out my calves along with my feet, and he struck up a conversation about what elegant legs I had. His dazzling white smile never left his face, but most of my answers were curt. I still couldn't get over the thought of him and Tatiana together.
Silently, Lissa groaned. He's flirting with you, Rose! she thought to me. What are you doing?
You can do better than that. I went to all this trouble to get you the hottest guy here, and this is what I get!
This one-sided-conversation thing was becoming a pain in the ass. I wanted to tell her that I'd never asked for her to rent out this guy for me. In fact, I suddenly had images of the queen calling me in for another meeting to yell at me for having a nonexistent affair with Ambrose too. Wouldn't that be perfect?

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17. -- ELiminated in ROUND FOUR

LISSA HAD BEEN MY best friend ever since elementary school, which was why keeping so many secrets from her lately had hurt so much. She was always open with me, always willing to share what was on her mind—but then, maybe that was because she had no choice. I used to be that way with her, yet at some point, I'd started locking my secrets in, unable to tell her about Dimitri or the real reason I'd messed up with Stan. I hated it being that way. It ate me up inside and made me feel guilty around her.

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18.

''Rose …" began Lissa uneasily. A hurricane of emotions was beating through to me from her.
Fear. Concern. Shock. Her compassion made me feel that much worse.
I shook my head. "No, Liss. Please. You guys can think whatever you want about me or make up your own theories, but we're not going to talk about it. Not now. Just leave me alone about it."
I expected Lissa to badger me because of her normal persistence. I expected Adrian and Christian to because of their irritating natures. But even though my words had been simple, I realized I'd delivered them with a harshness both in voice and manner. It was Lissa's surprised mental reaction that alerted me to that, and then I needed only to look at the guys' faces to realize I must have sounded incredibly bitchy.
"Sorry," I mumbled. "I appreciate the concern, but I'm just not in the mood."
Lissa eyed me. Later, she said in my mind. I gave her a brief nod, secretly wondering how I could avoid that conversation.

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19. - Eliminated in ROUND TEN

"Stop it," I said. The feel of this twisted magic was making me nauseous. She and Adrian had mentioned something like this before, this idea of making people see things that weren't there.
They'd jokingly called it super compulsion—and it was horrible. "This isn't how spirit is supposed to be used. This isn't you. It's wrong."
She was breathing heavily, sweat breaking out along her brow. "I can't let go of it," she said.
"You can," I said. I touched her arm. "Give it to me."
She briefly turned from Jesse and looked at me, astonished, before fixing her gaze back on him.
"What? You can't use magic."
I focused hard on the bond, on her mind. I couldn't take the magic exactly, but I could take the darkness it brought on. It was what I'd been doing for a while now, I realized. Every time I'd worried and wished she'd calm down and fight dark feelings, she had—because I was taking it all from her. I was absorbing it, just as Anna had done for St. Vladimir. It was what Adrian had seen when the darkness jumped from her aura to mine. And this—this abuse of spirit, using it to maliciously harm another and not for self-defense, was bringing the worst side effects of all in her. It was corrupting and wrong, and I couldn't let her have it. All thoughts of my own madness or rage were completely irrelevant at this moment.
"No," I agreed. "I can't. But you can use me to let it go. Focus on me. Release it all. It's wrong.
You don't want it."
She stared at me again, eyes wide and desperate. Even without direct eye contact, she was still able to torture Jesse. I both saw and felt the fight she waged. He'd hurt her so much—she wanted him to pay. He had to. And yet, at the same time, she knew I was right. But it was hard.
So hard for her to let go …
Suddenly, the burn of that black magic vanished from the bond, along with that sickening sensation. Something hit me like a blast of wind in the face, and I staggered backward. I shuddered as a weird sensation twisted my stomach. It was like sparks, like a coil of electricity burning within me. Then it too was gone. Jesse fell to his knees, free of the nightmare.
Lissa sank with visible relief. She was still scared and hurt over what had happened, but she was no longer consumed with that terrible, destructive rage that had driven her to punish Jesse.
That urge within her had disappeared.
The only problem was, it was in me now.

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20. - Eliminated in ROUND TWO

I felt Lissa's hands clawing at me, trying to pull me off, but she wasn't strong enough. I kept hitting him. There was no sign of the strategic, precise fighting I'd used earlier with him and his friends, or even against Dimitri. This was unfocused and primal. This was me being controlled by the madness I'd taken from Lissa.
Then another set of hands ripped me away. These hands were stronger, dhampir hands, backed by muscles earned through years of training. It was Eddie. I struggled against his hold. We were closely matched, but he outweighed me.
"Let me go!" I yelled.
To my complete and utter horror, Lissa was now kneeling at Jesse's side, studying him with concern. It made no sense. How could she do that? After what he'd done? I saw compassion on her face, and a moment later, the burn of her healing magic lit our bond as she took away some of the worst of his injuries.

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21. -- Eliminated in ROUND SEVEN

I didn't even realize I'd fallen asleep until Lissa woke me up. She looked like an angel herself, the pale hair hanging long and loose around her face. Her eyes were as gentle and compassionate as those of the saints.
"Rose," she said. "We've been looking all over for you. Have you been here the entire time?"
I sat up, feeling tired and bleary-eyed. Considering I hadn't slept the night before and had then gone on a massive raid, my fatigue was understandable.
"Pretty much," I told her.
She shook her head. "That was hours ago. You should go eat something."
"I'm not hungry." Hours ago. I clutched her arm. "What time is it? Has the sun come up?"
"No. It's still about, oh, five hours away."
Five hours. How could I wait that long?
Lissa touched my face. I felt magic burn through our bond, and then the warm and cold tingling coursed through my own skin. Bruises and cuts disappeared.
"You shouldn't do that," I said.
A faint smile crossed her lips. "I've been doing it all day. I've been helping Dr. Olendzki."
"I heard that, but wow. It just feels so strange. We've always kept it hidden, you know?"
"It doesn't matter if everyone knows now," she said with a shrug. "After everything that's happened, I had to help. So many people are hurt, and if it means my secret getting out…well, it had to happen sooner or later. Adrian's been helping too, though he can't do as much."

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22 - Eliminated in ROUND ONE.

"Hey," I said.
"Hey." She wrapped her arms around herself, cold even in her coat. Moroi didn't have the same resistance to temperature changes that dhampirs did. What I found warm and springlike was still chilly to her. "I knew it," she said. "Ever since that day they said his body was gone.
Something told me you'd do this. I was just waiting."
"Can you read my mind now?" I asked ruefully.
"No, I can just read you. Finally. I can't believe how blind I was. I can't believe I never noticed.
Victor's comment… he was right." She glanced off at the sunset, then turned her gaze back on me. A flash of anger, both in her feelings and her eyes, hit me. "Why didn't you tell me?" she cried. "Why didn't you tell me you loved Dimitri?"
I stared. I couldn't remember the last time Lissa had yelled at anyone. Maybe last fall, when all the Victor insanity had gone down. Loud outbursts were my thing, not hers. Even when torturing Jesse, her voice had been deadly quiet.
"I couldn't tell anyone," I said.
"I'm your best friend, Rose. We've been through everything together. Do you really think I would have told? I would have kept it secret."
I looked at the ground. "I know you would have. I just… I don't know. I couldn't talk about it.
Not even to you. I can't explain it."
"How…" She groped for the question her mind had already formed. "How serious was it? Was it just you or—?"
"It was both of us," I told her. "He felt the same. But we knew we couldn't be together, not with our age…and, well, not when we were supposed to be protecting you."
Lissa frowned. "What do you mean?"
"Dimitri always said that if we were involved, we'd worry more about protecting each other than you. We couldn't do that."
Guilt coursed through her at the thought that she'd been responsible for keeping us apart.
"It's not your fault," I said quickly.
"Surely…there must have been a way. … It wouldn't have been a problem…."
I shrugged, unwilling to think about or mention our last kiss in the forest, back when Dimitri and I had thought we'd figured out a solution to all of our problems.
"I don't know," I said. "We just tried to stay apart. Sometimes it worked. Sometimes it didn't."
Her mind was a tumble of emotions. She felt sorry for me, but at the same time, she was mad.
"You should have told me," she repeated. "I feel like you don't trust me."
"Of course I trust you."
"Is that why you're sneaking off?"
"That has nothing to do with trust," I admitted. "It's me…well, I didn't want to tell you. I couldn't bear to tell you I was leaving or explain why."
"I already know," she said. "I figured it out."
"How?" I asked. Lissa was full of surprises today.
"I was there. Last fall when we took that van into Missoula. The shopping trip? You and Dimitri were talking about Strigoi, about how becoming one makes you something twisted and evil…how it destroys the person you used to be and makes you do horrible things. And I heard
…" She had trouble saying it. I had trouble hearing it, and my eyes grew wet. The memory was too harsh, thinking of sitting with him that day, back when we were first falling in love. Lissa swallowed and continued. "I heard you both say you'd rather die than become a monster like that."
Silence fell between us. The wind picked up and blew our hair around, dark and light.
"I have to do this, Liss. I have to do it for him."
"No," she said firmly. "You don't have to. You didn't promise him anything."
"Not in words, no. But you … you don't understand."
"I understand that you're trying to cope and that this is as good a way as any. You need to find another way to let him go."
I shook my head. "I have to do this."
"Even if it means leaving me?"
The way she said it, the way she looked at me … oh God. A flood of memories flitted through my mind. We'd been together since childhood. Inseparable. Bound. And yet…Dimitri and I had been connected too. Damn it. I'd never wanted to have to choose between them.
"I have to do this," I said yet again. "I'm sorry."
"You're supposed to be my guardian and go with me to college," she argued. "You're shadow-kissed. We're supposed to be together. If you leave me …"
The ugly coil of darkness was starting to raise its head in my chest. My voice was tight when I spoke. "If I leave you, they'll get you another guardian. Two of them. You're the last Dragomir.
They'll keep you safe."
"But they won't be you, Rose," she said. Those luminous green eyes held mine, and the anger in me cooled. She was so beautiful, so sweet… and she seemed so reasonable. She was right. I owed it to her. I needed to—
"Stop it!" I yelled, turning away. She'd been using her magic. "Do not use compulsion on me.
You're my friend. Friends don't use their powers on each other."
"Friends don't abandon each other," she snapped back. "If you were my friend, you wouldn't do it."
I spun back toward her, careful not to look too closely into her eyes, in case she tried compulsion on me again. The rage in me exploded.
"It's not about you, okay? This time, it's about me. Not you. All my life, Lissa … all my life, it's been the same. They come first. I've lived my life for you. I've trained to be your shadow, but you know what? I want to come first. I need to take care of myself for once. I'm tired of looking out for everyone else and having to put aside what I want. Dimitri and I did that, and look what happened. He's gone. I will never hold him again. Now I owe it to him to do this. I'm sorry if it hurts you, but it's my choice!"
I'd shouted the words, not even pausing for a breath, and I hoped my voice hadn't carried to the guardians on duty at the gate. Lissa was staring at me, shocked and hurt. Tears ran down her cheeks, and part of me shriveled up at hurting the person I'd sworn to protect.
"You love him more than me," she said in a small voice, sounding very young.
"He needs me right now."
"I need you. He's gone, Rose."
"No," I said. "But he will be soon." I reached up my sleeve and took off the chotki she'd given me for Christmas. I held it out to her. She hesitated and then took it.
"What's this for?" she asked.
"I can't wear it. It's for a Dragomir guardian. I'll take it again when I …" I had almost said if, not when. I think she knew that. "When I get back."
Her hands closed around the beads. "Please, Rose. Please don't leave me."
"I'm sorry," I said. There were no other words to offer up. "I'm sorry."
I left her there crying as I walked toward the gate. A piece of my soul had died when Dimitri had fallen. Turning my back on her now, I felt another piece die as well. Soon there wouldn't be anything left inside of me