[BL.Arinna_1982]

I like... absolutely nothing in this script.

[Deni269]

Hi all, I purchased the screenplay on ibooks. I enjoyed it...for a 2 hour movie. we have to remember Jordan was trying to compromise them down to a 2hr movie from a 10 hr series so surely he would have had to cut out a heap of important scenes. I think it was entertaining for what it was but in no way would it do justice to the series. We need an entire season! As for the body stabbing and lip cutting I think Jordan was trying to show Cesare's decent.
I made my own additions to the screenplay. I would like to share. can I do that here?

[Deni269]

Oh and question.
Did anyone else read it in such a way that it seemed Lucrezia was responsible for poisoning Cesare and Alexander?

[cheekymonkey503]

Sure you can I'm only happy that if SMGO gets enough votes they won't use this script but commission a rewrite.

[Deni269]

What other scenes would you have liked to see in it?

[cheekymonkey503]

Myself I would like a total rewrite but personally I was smart and never read this disaster others here can probably tell you better what scenes they would like to see in this script.

[DGSAFDMD]

I just read parts of it but pretended it never happened I think, by what I know about it, just seemed weird altogether... super OOC sometimes for certain characters, some "weird" scenes between Micheletto and Cesare, too rushed, some extremely OOC stuff for Lucrezia when insinuating she killed Rodrigo and almost killed Cesare? LMFAO. YEAH NO. BYE.

[PhoenixRising]

I think Arinna and I have some new perspective on this, given what's happened on PLL recently. When writers begin making characters act OOC and start to stretch credibility by contradicting what's been established in previous seasons..... yeah, that's when you know they've gone off the deep end. Characters must drive the plot, and the plot must drive the story. When it goes the other way around, writers often fall into the trap of altering the characters in order to serve the plot, and you should never do that.

[BL.Arinna_1982]

^ I couldn't say it better!

[Deni269]

So here is the link
https://www.fanfiction.net/s/1014243...Fan-Screenplay

I'm adding new scenes to try to get it to stretch out to a a full 10 episodes, so there are some things that will change. I'm also making changes in response to feedback. I sometimes think I should pull it down until I'm finished, but then I wouldn't be able to get feedback so...
I want it to be perfect so when I read it back its like I'm experiencing a proper season

I kept it as close to Jordans TBA as possible because I want it to still have the Jordan feel.

I welcome your feedback. Anything you think I should change or add, just let me know.

[PhoenixRising]

Wow, thank you for the link, Deni! But when you say you want your fanfic to be as close to Jordan's version as possible, does this include Cesare and Lucrezia's roles as well? Because I know Jordan's Apocalypse didn't go over well with Cesare/Lucrezia fans.

[Deni269]

Yes. It ends up the same way. Unfortunately as much as we want them to live happily ever after we know that there is no way this could possibly be. However I do give them more reason to take the path that Jordan gives them.
I think some endings are supposed to be tragic.

[PhoenixRising]

I understand. Well, I do know how the story of the Borgias ends, but I have to admit that I prefer the ending of the BBC version(even though I hate the BBC version's storyline) because it was closer to the actual history. Cesare dying on the battlefield with his last thoughts being of Lucrezia as she reads Cesare's last letter to her and her children was the better ending, I think. History said that Lucrezia was crushed and heartbroken when she heard of Cesare's death, and she was never the same afterwards. And there's never been any historian who has linked Rodrigo's death to Lucrezia. I don't think she was anywhere near Rome at the time, as she was married to the Duke of Ferrara. Jordan's ending, with Lucrezia poisoning Rodrigo and Cesare, and Cesare calling out Micheletto's name instead of Lucrezia's as he is dying on the battlefield.... well, it's not only historically inaccurate, it's inconsistent with how the characters are portrayed in the first three seasons. I'm not really sure what Neil Jordan was going for with that ending. If I were doing the series, I wouldn't mind a Jordan look and feel with an ending closer to the BBC version. Tragic ending, to be sure, but it also makes more sense.

I hope you can finish your fanfic soon so we can see the entire finished product.

[cheekymonkey503]

Originally Posted by Deni269 (View Post) Yes. It ends up the same way. Unfortunately as much as we want them to live happily ever after we know that there is no way this could possibly be. However I do give them more reason to take the path that Jordan gives them. I think some endings are supposed to be tragic.

Deni while I admire the work and dedication you've devoted to this project I would encourage you instead of rewriting something that will never be seen or made, to devote your writing talent in something that is more worthwhile and the whole Borgias fandom doesn't loath.
Everything in this script not only is historically wrong it seemed so completely OOC from what NJ wrote for S3. Why I believe after watching the lastest interview with him on Feb 11th this script WAS NOT meant for this series.

[Deni269]

I haven't seen the BBC version. unless thats the one called just 'Borgia' which was developed in 2011. I couldn't stand that one the acting was sooooo bad, i gave up after one episode. I fell in love with Jordans 'the borgias' not the characters from history. I know nothing about the characters from history other than bits and pieces from a few fictional and inaccurate sources. So it made sense to me to make Jordan's screenplay work for me. If I wrote something completely original on my own, it wouldn't be the same. It would just be Denis' crappy version of innacurate historical events. I wouldn't want to read that, never mind everyone else

I did actually enjoy his screenplay for what it was. It was clearly rushed and if given more time I'm sure he would have developed it better. I like the ending. sure its completely innacurate (as is much of the series) but its dramatic, and I like drama. I think if he had of taken it right up to Cesare's death there would have been a lot of fluff, and not so much action so I liked the ending. Thats why I worked with it.