Friends - Who broke up Ross and Rachel?

girl in a cardigan · 09-12-2004, 11:42 PM

So, I'm watching TOW Ross and Rachel Take a Break and it made me think -- who was really at fault in the break up, Ross or Rachel? In our discussion of "the break," it seemed that most people didn't think that Ross was cheating on Rachel when he slept with the copy girl. Although that was the reason given for the break up, it doesn't seem that it was really the case.

So was it Rachel working too many hours? Was Ross too jealous of Mark and not trusting of Rachel? Did Ross really get that the job was more than a job to Rachel? Was Rachel right to put her job before her relationship? Was there something else below the surface that caused the break up?

I'll post my opinion in a bit.

**BehrItAll** · 09-13-2004, 01:12 AM

I think it was a whole combo of things.

Ross was jealous of Mark and didn't trust Rachel. He was also tired of having a relationship with her answer machine.

Rachel did work to many hours. I understand she had to work late b/c of the deadline/mix up, what ever the problem was. But she could have been more caring to Ross' feelings.

Rachel was the one who said she wanted to "take a break"

I have to go watch the episode again to analyize it more. Then I'll come back with a more detailed opinion.

Wilpen · 09-13-2004, 01:51 AM

This is coming from a die-hard R/R fan.. I honestly believe that Ross and Rachel broke up because it was time for them to break up and explore life apart and date other people in order to really answer the burning question of if they were meant to be together.

So, for me, Ross/Rachel broke up because the "timing" was right for them to do so. It wasn't just about Ross's jealousy towards Mark, Rachel working too many hours or Ross not taking Rachel's job seriously, or some other things. Those were just instances that kind of pointed to the fact that Ross and Rachel were meant to live life apart at this point and go on a journey separately to explore all that life had to offer, and if they were meant for each other, they would find their way back to each other, which, of course, happened in the end for them.

So, to answer the original question.. Who was at fault for their break up? It is hard to answer but I would say that BOTH of them were responsible for their break up. Neither really caused it so much as both subconsiously knew that they needed to break up at this point.. But their love story was certainly far from over.. They were always meant to be and both of their journeys apart led them to end up on the same path. Walking forward and back into each others arms in the end.. They were meant to be because sure enough, they got the happy ending.

**angelface211** · 09-13-2004, 03:31 AM

I think that it was a little bit of everything that broke them up. It wasn't anybodys fault it was just something that had to happen at that time in their lives.

anime_freak92 · 09-13-2004, 11:22 AM

I say it was Both, Ross for not Understanding that Rachel has a life other than him and for sleeping with someone else and Rachel for Being selfish and not understanding that Ross needed some attention and for the whole Mark Incedent.

girl in a cardigan · 09-13-2004, 06:19 PM

Quote:

Originally posted by anime_freak92
for the whole Mark Incedent.

I completely agreed with you until I got to this. What "Mark Incident" are you referring to? The fact that he came over to cheer her up and Ross heard him over the phone?

*Rach* · 09-13-2004, 07:42 PM

I think that they both broke up the relationship. It's not just anyone of their faults, it was both of them.

Ross should have been a bit more understanding about Rachel's new job and everything. With his jealousy, and then sending her all that stuff at work and everything, he was practically begging for her to say she wanted a break.

And Rachel, she should've found a better balance between work and Ross. Understanding that it was a new job and everything, but she should have at least understood that Ross just missed her, and possibly they should've talked about dealing with the relationship and her new job. She was being selfish for not understanding where Ross was coming from.

But Ross had no right to sleep with Chloe. It doesn't matter if Rachel had said they were on a break, and he thought that she was going to sleep with Mark. That doesn't grant him that right.

So overall, they are both to blame for the break-up. Rachel did say they were on a break, and Ross did sleep with Chloe. You can't blame it on either one of them, because the blame belongs to them both.

Wilpen · 09-13-2004, 10:02 PM

I actually heard Marta Kauffman talking about the season 3 R/R break up and she said they wrote the 2 episodes by trying to be as equal as possible. Meaning that they wanted us to side with the both of them and that neither was really in the wrong.. Or if you were going to think there was wrong doing, they wanted you to feel that BOTH Of them were in the wrong. Circumstances just happened and they were meant to be apart at this point.

.:Lauren:. · 09-14-2004, 09:59 AM

Quote:

Originally posted by Wilpen
I actually heard Marta Kauffman talking about the season 3 R/R break up and she said they wrote the 2 episodes by trying to be as equal as possible.

I think they did a really great job of that. I don't think it was Ross' fault or Rachel's fault. Like most everyone has said, it was just a combination of things. They might not have broken up if Rachel didn't get her new job or if Ross hadn't slept with Chole or Mark hadn't come over or if Ross hadn't acted so possesive. Its hard to pin it on one specific thing. Unfortunately there were a whole series of events that led to their break up even though you could tell they still really loved eachother.

**silver screens** · 09-14-2004, 08:20 PM

Die-hard R/R shipper here too. I totally blame Ross. The cheating was unnaceptable. Rachel trusted him in the relationship, always had, but he didn't. So over the thought Rachel was sleeping with Mark (lack of trust), he went ahead and slept with someone else. The ''break'' for me wasn't a break up, it was a little time apart.

Overall though, I think it was good for both of them. They did need time to grow as separate people. And in the end they were both mature enough to be together

**BehrItAll** · 09-16-2004, 02:24 AM

Quote:

Originally posted by *Rach*

Ross should have been a bit more understanding about Rachel's new job and everything. With his jealousy, and then sending her all that stuff at work and everything, he was practically begging for her to say she wanted a break.

And Rachel, she should've found a better balance between work and Ross. Understanding that it was a new job and everything, but she should have at least understood that Ross just missed her, and possibly they should've talked about dealing with the relationship and her new job. She was being selfish for not understanding where Ross was coming from.

But Ross had no right to sleep with Chloe. It doesn't matter if Rachel had said they were on a break, and he thought that she was going to sleep with Mark. That doesn't grant him that right.

I completly agree with everything you said. Ross shouldn't have been so jealous & possesive. Rachel should have found a balance between work and Ross. And there was ABSOLUTLY NO escuse to sleep with Chloe five minutes after breaking up with Rachel.

But they definatly did need the time apart to grow a mature before ending up together. Plus, even though at the time no one knew it would last 10 seasons, I don't know how they would have came up with enough fresh stories for Ross and Rachel if they had kept them together the whole time.

own worst enemy · 09-16-2004, 05:54 AM

I think when she got the job and was working with Mark, they're relationship took a hit. And, as for the break, Ross shouldn't have slept with someone after Rachel needed a break. Sure he had every right to, but in the end he was just proving how much there relationship was done. By sleeping with Chloe the cop girl, he had in a way, ended his relationship with Rachel by moving on. I agree with Rachel, but think in the long run they had so many problems that made Ross do something entirely stupid and out of character. Thankfully, years later they figured out they were meant for eachother.

.:Lauren:. · 09-16-2004, 09:35 AM

Quote:

Originally posted by *Rach*
But Ross had no right to sleep with Chloe. It doesn't matter if Rachel had said they were on a break, and he thought that she was going to sleep with Mark. That doesn't grant him that right.

I agree, and Ross did too, which made the break up even more heartbreaking. You could tell how truly sorry and stupid he felt. He knew it was the wrong thing to do, but what's done was done. I felt so bad watching him plead with her, with him knowing that he had just royally screwed up a relationship with the only person in the world he wanted one with.

**BehrItAll** · 09-19-2004, 04:17 AM

I'm not a big R/R fan but in TOW the Morning after, when Ross is on his knees hugging Rachel's waist and she says he's the one person she thought could never hurt her - my heart breaks everytime I see that.
David and Jen were amazing in that episode.

09-19-2004, 03:11 PM

Quote:

Originally posted by BehrItAll
David and Jen were amazing in that episode.

I couldn't agree more. They blew me away.