Season 1 Ned/Chuck Quotes Survivor
Vote for 4 to eliminate


#1


Ned: I used to... when I lived next door to you... I had a cru-- I was in-- you were my first kiss.
Chuck: Yeah? You were my first kiss, too. You want my last kiss? First and last, or is that weird?
Ned: That’s not weird. It’s symmetrical.
[Pie-lette, 2.01]


#2


Chuck: I can’t even hug you? What if you need a hug? A hug can turn your day around.
Ned: I’m not a fan of the hug.
Chuck: Then you haven’t been hugged properly. A hug is like an emotional Heimlich: they put their arms around you and give you a squeeze and all your fear and anxiety goes shooting out of your mouth like a big, wet wad and you can breathe again.
Ned: That’s fine for someone else to do if I’m choking on something other than emotion, but you can’t touch me.
Chuck: So a kiss is out of the question?
Ned: I lost my train of thought.
[Pie-lette, 1.01]


#3


Ned: This is Digby.
Chuck: Wasn’t your old dog named Digby?
Ned: This is him.
Chuck: Did you... ? And now he’s... ?
Ned: Yeah.
Chuck: You seem to do that a lot. Why do you do that a lot?
Ned: It’s just the two of you. I hate to be a bad host, but I’m sort of exhausted from chasing your coffin.
Chuck: Oh, yeah, of course.
Ned: I’m gonna sleep here. You take the bed: I insist. My eyes are rolling into the back of my head. I’m laying down now.
Chuck: I’d kiss you if it wouldn’t kill me.
[Pie-lette, 1.01]


#4


Chuck: Was this really an act of kindness? Me, here? Were you really trying to do something good for no other reason to help me?
Ned: I was being selfish. I’d love to tell myself I was being unselfish, but I know deep down in my primal sweet spot I was being unselfish for selfish reasons. I just thought my world would be a better place if you were in it.
[Pie-lette, 1.01]


#6


Ned: Get in.
Chuck: The front?
Ned: You can drive now, too, if you want. But I kinda love driving.
Chuck: Really? I didn’t know that about you. What is that?
Ned: It’s for, um... Steering emergencies.
Narrator: He lied.
Chuck: Perfect. That’s what I thought.
Narrator: She lied, too.
[Dummy, 1.02]


#7


Ned: A minute’s a long time, a lot can happen in a minute. Besides, the longer someone’s around that’s not supposed to be around the more likely that something will happen. Not necessarily directly or by any fault of theirs, but y’know, butterfly wings and all.
Chuck: What about them?
Ned: They cause hurricanes.
Chuck: Am I a hurricane?
Ned: A little bit, but I um, like the weather--
[Fun in Funeral, 1.03]


#8


Ned: Chuck is private, part of my private.
[Fun in Funeral, 1.03]


#9


Chuck: I want to think of you as Prince Charming.
[Fun in Funeral, 1.03]


#10


Ned: I would do it again.
Chuck: Hmm? I think it’s nice the way it is.
Ned: No. I made a choice and I would do it again. I let Lawrence Schatz die and if I was faced with that choice right now, I would make that same choice. You could put me in a loop and I would make the same choice every time, that’s how confident I am that it was the right choice for me to make. I’m sorry if that makes me a bad person. But I’m not sorry that you’re alive.
Chuck: I like that you made that choice and the fact that you did it on purpose? Makes it more fun than if you did by accident.
Ned: I’m going to see if I’ve got some plastic wrap.
[Fun in Funeral, 1.03]


#11


Chuck: We can plant wild flowers on rooftops and be unorthodox, urban honey pioneers! Thank you, thank you, thank you: if I could hug you right now, I know that I can’t, but just know that I want to.
Ned: I do.
[Pigeon, 1.04]


#12


Chuck: There’s so much I’m learning about you.
Ned: Such as?
Chuck: You’re a romantic.
Ned: When the mood strikes.
Chuck: And you’re jealous when the mood strikes!
[Pigeon, 1.04]


#13


Ned: I’ll check out the stables, see if the perp left behind any clues.
Chuck: You mean like protoplasm or melted crucifixes?
Ned: Or, y’know, real clues.
Emerson: Did you say ‘perp’?
Chuck: He did. Isn’t he cute?
[Girth, 1.05]


#15


Ned: Lots of stuff happens in the course of a day that I don’t bother sharing: for instance, yesterday’s 4-Berry Pie was actually 3½ because I ran out of cranberries. I didn’t tell you that.
Chuck: Actually, you did. You asked if orange counted as a berry and I said that it didn’t but no one had to know but us.
Ned: I liked that you said "us".
Chuck: Well, we are an "us", aren’t we? We’re just an "us" with special circumstances.
[Bitches, 1.06]


#16


Ned: You’re the only one for me.
Chuck: I know you feel that now, but there are things you want. There are things we both want...
Ned: So? Everyone wants stuff, we wake up every day with a list of wishes and we spend our whole lives trying to make those wishes come true, but just because we want them doesn’t mean we need them to be happy.
Chuck: What do you need to be happy?
Ned: You.
[Bitches, 1.06]


#18


Chuck: I may be clean, but my mind is still in the gutter.
Ned: Dirty thoughts? Lascivious pinings?
Chuck: Oscar Vibenius.
Ned: Oh, that gutter.
[Smell of Success, 1.07]


#19


Ned: Am I your boyfriend? And I realize that boyfriend and girlfriend are familiar, trite labels, if convention were soaked in boyfriend would be dripping with it, but we’ve never actually said it. And not that we need to define our relationship, but it might be helpful in a familiar, trite way, the way on a holiday created to sell greeting cards, it’s still nice to get a card and are you going to cut me off with a "Yes" anytime soon?
Chuck: Yes!
[Bittersweets, 1.08]


#20


Ned: ...so people can actually feel their limbs after they’re gone. It’s weird, but I like it.
Chuck: I know, me too.
Ned: When I was in jail, I think you were my phantom limb.
Chuck: Aww, I was?
Ned: You were. I felt like you were with me the whole time.
Chuck: I’m so glad you’re back.
[Bittersweets, 1.08]


#21


Is "a little while" over yet? Because I can't bear the thought of you hating me still.
Chuck: I feel better.
[Corpsicle, 1.09]