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Old 01-12-2021, 10:13 PM
  #271
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Old 01-13-2021, 07:52 AM
  #272
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Old 01-14-2021, 07:54 PM
  #273
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Old 01-17-2021, 03:42 AM
  #274
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With three votes, we must to...

Sperm Bank

Jackie [to Kelso]: I care [about what you do with your special men]! Because if there are gonna be any Kelso babies -- well, I want them to be ours.
Kelso: You wanna have my children?
Jackie: Yeah. If you get rich and don't lose your hair. Because I love you!
Kelso: I love you, too.

---


Vote for your least favorite! First quote with 3 votes or the most votes after 2 days is voted off

---

That 70s Show Season 4 Quotation Survivor!

“Kelso’s Career” (4x17)

1.
Fez: Guys, look what I got for Big Rhonda. Oh, it's so nice to have a girlfriend on Valentine’s Day.
Kelso: Yeah, it definitely increases your chances of getting your fun stuff touched.
Eric: Well -- [looks down at his crotch] -- sorry, fun stuff! Looks like it's just you and me this year! [Looks up at Donna] Unless…
Donna [looking at Eric’s crotch]: Sorry, fun stuff.

2.
Fez [holding a heart-shaped box of candies]: Oh, Rhonda's going to love. I just have to not eat them until Valentine’s Day.
Hyde [takes the box of candy]: But you love candy.
Eric: Some would say it's an un-natural love.

3.
Fez: Yes, I do love candy. But I love Rhonda more.
Hyde [opens Fez’s box of candy]: Really? Because there's three pieces missing.
Fez [takes back the box]: Fine, I love her the same.

4.
Kelso: How was work?
Jackie [who works at the Cheese Palace in the local mall): I am so exhausted.
Eric: Yeah, the commute from Austria must be a real bitch.

5.
Jackie: A bus full of old people stopped by the Cheese Palace, and when they saw free samples, all hell broke loose. The good news is -- [removes an envelope from her purse] -- I got paid!
Kelso [takes the envelope]: Oh, that's great. Because Valentine’s Day is coming up and I needed you to give me money to tell me whatever foo-foo crap gift you want me to get.
Jackie [takes back the envelope]: Michael, I'm not doing that again. Last year I gave you money, and you bought a bag of plastic dinosaurs.
Kelso: For you!

6.
Eliminated in Round 2

7.
Hyde [approaches Fez, whose back it to everyone]: Hey. Fez, how's it going with not eating the candy?
Fez [faces Hyde with chocolate covering his mouth]: Fine, thank you. [Eats a chocolate candy from the heart-shaped box.]

8.
The Hub.

Jackie: Oh, my god, Casey Kelso's here.
Donna: What? Oh my god, he is so fine!
Jackie: You know, if you marry Casey and I marry Michael, we could be like sisters! Yay! Go talk to him!
Donna: Oh, no.
Jackie: I wanna go baby shopping with you. Now go!

9.
Donna: Oh, my God! Casey.
Casey: Hey, Pinciotti. How ya been? Love the jeans.
Donna: Really? They're blue!

10.
Donna: Um, so what have you, like -- you know -- been up to?
Casey: I'm working part-time for the railroad. They leave a lot of stuff unlocked. You need any Cheerios or rebar?
Donna: No, I'm good, thanks.

11.
Casey: Well, listen, I'll give you a call sometime, but right now I have to see a guy. He's got a leather steering wheel cover.
Donna: Oh, yeah, for the Trans Am.
Casey: Yeah, I was thinking about using my GI bill for college, but Trans Ams just kick so much ass.
Donna: I love the Trans Am.
Casey: Everybody does.

12.
Donna [to Jackie]: [Casey’s] gonna call me!
Jackie: You gave him your number?
Donna: Of course I … didn't! Damn it!
Jackie: Oh, that's okay. Kelsos never call. They're like dogs. They're cute, but they can't work a phone.

13.
Kelso: Hey, Jackie. [Sits between Jackie and Donna at The Hub table.] I thought about what you said, about making money so I can get you a Valentine’s Day gift, right? And then I realized that'd mean a lot more if I gave you something that I crafted with my own two loving hands. [He opens a paper bag and removes a rock painted with the numbers 831. He places the rock on the table.]
Jackie: Oh, my, god, it's horrible!
Kelso: No, it's an address rock! You put it in your lawn! Happy Valentine’s Day, my love
Jackie: Michael, a rock is not a romantic gift, and that's not even my address!
Donna: That's my address! That's my dad's address rock!
Kelso: No, it isn't! [Grabs rock and runs out of The Hub.]

14.
The Formans’ Living Room

Eric: Hey, Dad, you want this? [Passes Red the newspaper.]
Red: Thanks, son! I love you.
Eric: I'm sorry, what?
Red: I love you! I really do.
Eric: Yeah … [laughs … yeah. [Dashes away from Red and up the stairs.]

15.
The Kelsos’ Front Door

Kelso [opens the front door from inside the house]: Donna what are you doing at my house?
Donna: Nothing. I just thought I'd come by and see what you were up to!
Kelso: Oh, you're here to see Casey, aren't you? [Shouting into the house:] Casey, your lover’s here! [To Donna, singing;] You love my brother. You're gonna do it [Casey yanks Kelso away from the door by the hair] Ow! Mom!
Donna: Thank you.
Casey: No problem.
Kelso [from inside the house]: Spaz face!

16.
Eliminated in Round 3

17.
Eric: Mom, was Dad abducted by aliens or replaced by an identical creature programmed to love?
Kitty: Honey, this is breakfast, don't ask me things.

18.
Eric: [Dad] told me he loved me.
Kitty: Your father? No.
Eric: Yeah.
Kitty: I think I know what happened! I gave your father an early Valentine’s Day card that said what a wonderful husband and father he is, and it rhymed, and maybe it touched him … It didn't look like it touched him. It's just he got up and got a beer. But maybe deep down … deep, deep, deep down, something woke up. I am so glad he loves you!

19.
Eric: But, Mom, this is weird. He's never said that -- ever. I mean, one time I saved him from getting hit by a lumber truck, and I think he was about to say it; but then he said, “Get in the car.” But how am I supposed to handle this? You think I should say it back? … He's gonna hit me.
Kitty: Maybe not.

20.
The Circle

Kelso: I can't believe that Jackie wants me to get a job. I mean, my plan has always been to coast through life on my good looks. I mean, look at me! It's like I was chiseled out of marble!

21.
The Circle

Eric: Okay, you guys, here it goes. Dad, I love you! I love you, Pop! Poppy. Pappy. … Daddy. No.

22.
The Circle

Fez [pours chocolate syrup on a chocolate Valentine’s candy]: Oh no. I have to -- I have to stop eating Rhonda's chocolates! [Pops the candy into his mouth.] I'm hopeless! [Drinks directly out of the can of chocolate syrup.]
Hyde: Kelso, if you need to make some quick cash, just sell your blood. [To Fez;] And you – [grabs can of chocolate syrup, but Fez maintains his own grip on it] -- yu've had enough of this!
Fez: No, I can stop any time I want!

23.
The Circle

Kelso: I am not selling blood. I mean, there's no way that anything inside of my body is coming out for cash.
Eric: Well, that's too bad, Kelso, 'cause I hear there's this clinic in Madison that'll pay you for your, um, “manly donations”.
Kelso: Manly donations? No way! They'll pay you for that? Well I'll do it. I'm good at that!

24.
Sperm Bank

Kelso [filling out a form on a clipboard]: Do I have any serious medical conditions? Puked after Crunch-Berry- eating contest.
Receptionist: You know what, I'll just finish that for you. [Takes clipboard.]
Kelso: Thank you!

25.
Sperm Bank

Receptionist: Now, Mr. … Chang, you'll be in Room 2. Some clients prefer a magazine. Would you like one?
Kelso: Nah. Farrah was on Carson last night, I should be good to go.

26.
Eric: Okay, so I was in the kitchen, and Red came in, and I was gonna tell him I loved him. But, uh, then he said if my hair got any longer, he was gonna buy me a pair of boobs.
Hyde: Yeah, you're in a tough spot. But just know I'm here for you … because I love you.

27.
Hyde [to Fez]: You know what would make Forman feel better? A piece of that candy
Fez: No, no, no. There's only nine left. I will guard them with my life.

28.
Kelso: Easiest money ever made. They paid me fifty buck for my underpants navy.
Hyde: You mean your corduroy commandos?
Fez: Yeah, your team from the inseam?
Eric: Your Battlepants Galactica?
Hyde: Battlepants Galactica. Nice one. Wow.
Eric: It just came to me. Thank you.

29.
Kelso: Man, this job is the greatest! It combines all my interests, hobbies, and skills into one money-making endeavor! I'm gonna get Jackie a sweet gift

30.
Donna: All right, Kelso, where's your moron brother? He was supposed to meet me at The Hub, and he totally blew me off!
Eric: Whoa, a Kelso blew you off? Oh, my God, what a shock! Oh, hey, Colonel Mustard called; he said get a clue.

31.
Kelso [to Donna]: You know, if you're mad at Casey, why don't you go yell at him. I'm too tired from working all day to argue.
Fez: Oh, to be a working stiff.

32.
Kitty: So, Red, you big old softy! Did anything special happen yesterday
Red: Special? Oh, let's see. The dentist called with a cancellation, so I went in, and that sadistic son-of-a-bitch found a cavity! Next thing I know, I'm hopped up on drugs and he's taking a jackhammer to my jaw! I spent the rest of the day in a fog.
Kitty: Oh, no. Oh, my God. You don't remember what you said to Eric?
Red: Kitty, I don't even remember how I got home!

33.
Eric: All right, Dad, look -- I've tried to figure out the right words, and then I realized I just gotta say it. So …
Kitty: Wait, Eric--
Eric: Mom, please. Dad, I--
Kitty: No, don't! He was drugged!
Eric: --love you.
Red [angry]: Go to your room!

34.
Fez: Rhonda's going to be so disappointed. All that remains is one lonely candy. [Lifts the first layer of the chocolate box, revealing another layer full of chocolates.] Look! More candies! It's a Valentine's Day miracle. Oh, candy, you've got me under your spell! [Begins eating the candies.]

35.
Kelso: I couldn't wait until Valentine’s Day, so here. [Gives Jackie a small gift box.]
Jackie [opens the box: Oh, my God – Michael, these earrings are gorgeous!
Hyde: Big day at the office?
Kelso: Yeah, I worked a double shift.

36.
Jackie: Wait, wait. You got a job? Michael, I am so proud of you!
Kelso: Oh, no. If it wasn't for you pushing me, I would have never realized how good it feels to roll up my sleeves, get a little sweaty, and earn some cash!
Jackie: Oh, this is so exciting! I can't wait to go visit you at work!
Hyde: That'll speed things up!

37.
Jackie: What's [Steven] talking about?
Kelso: Oh, I've been selling my love nectar.
Jackie: What? Michael, you can't do that! You're hot! Women are gonna want to take your little Kelsos home!
Hyde: My God, she's right. Think about it: a world full of Kelsos. Libraries will fall into disrepair. There'd be feathered hair as far as the eye can see. We'll have to put padding on every sharp corner!
Kelso: Those sharp corners could be hazardous, man! I mean, come on: it's 1978. Things should be round by now!

38.
Eliminated in Round 4

39.
Donna: I just think that if you say you're gonna be someplace, that you should be there.
Casey: I guess I flaked. I just got this thing where a lot of times I don't show up. I don't know what to do about it.
Donna: How about showing up?
Casey: I guess I could give that a shot.
Donna: So this'll never happen again?
Casey: No, I'm pretty sure it'll happen again. But we'll light that firecracker when we come to it.
Donna: Fair enough.

40.
Donna: I can't believe this. When I got here, I was so mad at you, and I already totally forgave you.
Casey: Everybody does.

41.
Sperm Bank

Receptionist [to Jackie]: I'm sorry, miss, but I can't give it to you. The donor is the only one who has legal rights over the specimen.
Jackie: Fine! [To Kelso]: Michael, you get them! You're the only one who has rights over your special men!
Kelso: Jackie, what do you care what I do with my special men?
Receptionist: Specimen! I said specimen!

42.
Eliminated in Round 5

43.
Sperm Bank

Receptionist [watching Jackie and Kelso make out]: You can't do that here!
Kelso: Oh, yeah. She's right. [Grabs key from the front desk.] We'll be in Room 2.

44.
The Formans’ Den

Eric: Dad.
Red: Oh, crap. I was hoping that you wouldn't find me back here.
Eric: Well that's a good icebreaker.

45.
Eric: Look, about the love incident--
Red: All right, stop right there. There are only a few times in life when it's acceptable for a man to use that phrase: when he's drunk, when he's dying, or when he's in big trouble and that's the only way out -- which usually means he's drunk.
Eric: Other than that?
Red: Other than that it's just a given.
Eric: Hey, you just kinda told me--
Red: No, I didn't.
Eric: Yes, you did.
Red: Well, I'm drunk. Clearly I'm drunk.
Eric: Daddy, be my Valentine!
Red: Do I have to hit you? Go to your room!

46.
Eliminated in Round 1

47.
Eric: Kelso, get that nasty bag of genetics out of my basement.
Kelso: This bag? [Tosses paper bag onto the couch, and everyone leaps away.] Burn! It's just a big bag of candy!
Fez: Candy? What kind of candy?
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Old 01-17-2021, 06:16 AM
  #275
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Old 01-18-2021, 09:20 AM
  #276
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s h e feels like l i f e and she feels like h o m e
she feels like I don’t have a single reason left to roam
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Old 01-18-2021, 07:46 PM
  #277
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#43
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“I am the one thing in life I can control
(Wait for it, wait for it, wait for it, wait for it)
I am inimitable
I am an original”
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Old 01-18-2021, 10:44 PM
  #278
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With three votes, we must to...

Sperm Bank

Receptionist [watching Jackie and Kelso make out]: You can't do that here!
Kelso: Oh, yeah. She's right. [Grabs key from the front desk.] We'll be in Room 2.

---


Vote for your least favorite! First quote with 3 votes or the most votes after 2 days is voted off

---

That 70s Show Season 4 Quotation Survivor!

“Kelso’s Career” (4x17)

1.
Fez: Guys, look what I got for Big Rhonda. Oh, it's so nice to have a girlfriend on Valentine’s Day.
Kelso: Yeah, it definitely increases your chances of getting your fun stuff touched.
Eric: Well -- [looks down at his crotch] -- sorry, fun stuff! Looks like it's just you and me this year! [Looks up at Donna] Unless…
Donna [looking at Eric’s crotch]: Sorry, fun stuff.

2.
Fez [holding a heart-shaped box of candies]: Oh, Rhonda's going to love. I just have to not eat them until Valentine’s Day.
Hyde [takes the box of candy]: But you love candy.
Eric: Some would say it's an un-natural love.

3.
Fez: Yes, I do love candy. But I love Rhonda more.
Hyde [opens Fez’s box of candy]: Really? Because there's three pieces missing.
Fez [takes back the box]: Fine, I love her the same.

4.
Kelso: How was work?
Jackie [who works at the Cheese Palace in the local mall): I am so exhausted.
Eric: Yeah, the commute from Austria must be a real bitch.

5.
Jackie: A bus full of old people stopped by the Cheese Palace, and when they saw free samples, all hell broke loose. The good news is -- [removes an envelope from her purse] -- I got paid!
Kelso [takes the envelope]: Oh, that's great. Because Valentine’s Day is coming up and I needed you to give me money to tell me whatever foo-foo crap gift you want me to get.
Jackie [takes back the envelope]: Michael, I'm not doing that again. Last year I gave you money, and you bought a bag of plastic dinosaurs.
Kelso: For you!

6.
Eliminated in Round 2

7.
Hyde [approaches Fez, whose back it to everyone]: Hey. Fez, how's it going with not eating the candy?
Fez [faces Hyde with chocolate covering his mouth]: Fine, thank you. [Eats a chocolate candy from the heart-shaped box.]

8.
The Hub.

Jackie: Oh, my god, Casey Kelso's here.
Donna: What? Oh my god, he is so fine!
Jackie: You know, if you marry Casey and I marry Michael, we could be like sisters! Yay! Go talk to him!
Donna: Oh, no.
Jackie: I wanna go baby shopping with you. Now go!

9.
Donna: Oh, my God! Casey.
Casey: Hey, Pinciotti. How ya been? Love the jeans.
Donna: Really? They're blue!

10.
Donna: Um, so what have you, like -- you know -- been up to?
Casey: I'm working part-time for the railroad. They leave a lot of stuff unlocked. You need any Cheerios or rebar?
Donna: No, I'm good, thanks.

11.
Casey: Well, listen, I'll give you a call sometime, but right now I have to see a guy. He's got a leather steering wheel cover.
Donna: Oh, yeah, for the Trans Am.
Casey: Yeah, I was thinking about using my GI bill for college, but Trans Ams just kick so much ass.
Donna: I love the Trans Am.
Casey: Everybody does.

12.
Donna [to Jackie]: [Casey’s] gonna call me!
Jackie: You gave him your number?
Donna: Of course I … didn't! Damn it!
Jackie: Oh, that's okay. Kelsos never call. They're like dogs. They're cute, but they can't work a phone.

13.
Kelso: Hey, Jackie. [Sits between Jackie and Donna at The Hub table.] I thought about what you said, about making money so I can get you a Valentine’s Day gift, right? And then I realized that'd mean a lot more if I gave you something that I crafted with my own two loving hands. [He opens a paper bag and removes a rock painted with the numbers 831. He places the rock on the table.]
Jackie: Oh, my, god, it's horrible!
Kelso: No, it's an address rock! You put it in your lawn! Happy Valentine’s Day, my love
Jackie: Michael, a rock is not a romantic gift, and that's not even my address!
Donna: That's my address! That's my dad's address rock!
Kelso: No, it isn't! [Grabs rock and runs out of The Hub.]

14.
The Formans’ Living Room

Eric: Hey, Dad, you want this? [Passes Red the newspaper.]
Red: Thanks, son! I love you.
Eric: I'm sorry, what?
Red: I love you! I really do.
Eric: Yeah … [laughs … yeah. [Dashes away from Red and up the stairs.]

15.
The Kelsos’ Front Door

Kelso [opens the front door from inside the house]: Donna what are you doing at my house?
Donna: Nothing. I just thought I'd come by and see what you were up to!
Kelso: Oh, you're here to see Casey, aren't you? [Shouting into the house:] Casey, your lover’s here! [To Donna, singing;] You love my brother. You're gonna do it [Casey yanks Kelso away from the door by the hair] Ow! Mom!
Donna: Thank you.
Casey: No problem.
Kelso [from inside the house]: Spaz face!

16.
Eliminated in Round 3

17.
Eric: Mom, was Dad abducted by aliens or replaced by an identical creature programmed to love?
Kitty: Honey, this is breakfast, don't ask me things.

18.
Eric: [Dad] told me he loved me.
Kitty: Your father? No.
Eric: Yeah.
Kitty: I think I know what happened! I gave your father an early Valentine’s Day card that said what a wonderful husband and father he is, and it rhymed, and maybe it touched him … It didn't look like it touched him. It's just he got up and got a beer. But maybe deep down … deep, deep, deep down, something woke up. I am so glad he loves you!

19.
Eric: But, Mom, this is weird. He's never said that -- ever. I mean, one time I saved him from getting hit by a lumber truck, and I think he was about to say it; but then he said, “Get in the car.” But how am I supposed to handle this? You think I should say it back? … He's gonna hit me.
Kitty: Maybe not.

20.
The Circle

Kelso: I can't believe that Jackie wants me to get a job. I mean, my plan has always been to coast through life on my good looks. I mean, look at me! It's like I was chiseled out of marble!

21.
The Circle

Eric: Okay, you guys, here it goes. Dad, I love you! I love you, Pop! Poppy. Pappy. … Daddy. No.

22.
The Circle

Fez [pours chocolate syrup on a chocolate Valentine’s candy]: Oh no. I have to -- I have to stop eating Rhonda's chocolates! [Pops the candy into his mouth.] I'm hopeless! [Drinks directly out of the can of chocolate syrup.]
Hyde: Kelso, if you need to make some quick cash, just sell your blood. [To Fez;] And you – [grabs can of chocolate syrup, but Fez maintains his own grip on it] -- yu've had enough of this!
Fez: No, I can stop any time I want!

23.
The Circle

Kelso: I am not selling blood. I mean, there's no way that anything inside of my body is coming out for cash.
Eric: Well, that's too bad, Kelso, 'cause I hear there's this clinic in Madison that'll pay you for your, um, “manly donations”.
Kelso: Manly donations? No way! They'll pay you for that? Well I'll do it. I'm good at that!

24.
Sperm Bank

Kelso [filling out a form on a clipboard]: Do I have any serious medical conditions? Puked after Crunch-Berry- eating contest.
Receptionist: You know what, I'll just finish that for you. [Takes clipboard.]
Kelso: Thank you!

25.
Sperm Bank

Receptionist: Now, Mr. … Chang, you'll be in Room 2. Some clients prefer a magazine. Would you like one?
Kelso: Nah. Farrah was on Carson last night, I should be good to go.

26.
Eric: Okay, so I was in the kitchen, and Red came in, and I was gonna tell him I loved him. But, uh, then he said if my hair got any longer, he was gonna buy me a pair of boobs.
Hyde: Yeah, you're in a tough spot. But just know I'm here for you … because I love you.

27.
Hyde [to Fez]: You know what would make Forman feel better? A piece of that candy
Fez: No, no, no. There's only nine left. I will guard them with my life.

28.
Kelso: Easiest money ever made. They paid me fifty buck for my underpants navy.
Hyde: You mean your corduroy commandos?
Fez: Yeah, your team from the inseam?
Eric: Your Battlepants Galactica?
Hyde: Battlepants Galactica. Nice one. Wow.
Eric: It just came to me. Thank you.

29.
Kelso: Man, this job is the greatest! It combines all my interests, hobbies, and skills into one money-making endeavor! I'm gonna get Jackie a sweet gift

30.
Donna: All right, Kelso, where's your moron brother? He was supposed to meet me at The Hub, and he totally blew me off!
Eric: Whoa, a Kelso blew you off? Oh, my God, what a shock! Oh, hey, Colonel Mustard called; he said get a clue.

31.
Kelso [to Donna]: You know, if you're mad at Casey, why don't you go yell at him. I'm too tired from working all day to argue.
Fez: Oh, to be a working stiff.

32.
Kitty: So, Red, you big old softy! Did anything special happen yesterday
Red: Special? Oh, let's see. The dentist called with a cancellation, so I went in, and that sadistic son-of-a-bitch found a cavity! Next thing I know, I'm hopped up on drugs and he's taking a jackhammer to my jaw! I spent the rest of the day in a fog.
Kitty: Oh, no. Oh, my God. You don't remember what you said to Eric?
Red: Kitty, I don't even remember how I got home!

33.
Eric: All right, Dad, look -- I've tried to figure out the right words, and then I realized I just gotta say it. So …
Kitty: Wait, Eric--
Eric: Mom, please. Dad, I--
Kitty: No, don't! He was drugged!
Eric: --love you.
Red [angry]: Go to your room!

34.
Fez: Rhonda's going to be so disappointed. All that remains is one lonely candy. [Lifts the first layer of the chocolate box, revealing another layer full of chocolates.] Look! More candies! It's a Valentine's Day miracle. Oh, candy, you've got me under your spell! [Begins eating the candies.]

35.
Kelso: I couldn't wait until Valentine’s Day, so here. [Gives Jackie a small gift box.]
Jackie [opens the box: Oh, my God – Michael, these earrings are gorgeous!
Hyde: Big day at the office?
Kelso: Yeah, I worked a double shift.

36.
Jackie: Wait, wait. You got a job? Michael, I am so proud of you!
Kelso: Oh, no. If it wasn't for you pushing me, I would have never realized how good it feels to roll up my sleeves, get a little sweaty, and earn some cash!
Jackie: Oh, this is so exciting! I can't wait to go visit you at work!
Hyde: That'll speed things up!

37.
Jackie: What's [Steven] talking about?
Kelso: Oh, I've been selling my love nectar.
Jackie: What? Michael, you can't do that! You're hot! Women are gonna want to take your little Kelsos home!
Hyde: My God, she's right. Think about it: a world full of Kelsos. Libraries will fall into disrepair. There'd be feathered hair as far as the eye can see. We'll have to put padding on every sharp corner!
Kelso: Those sharp corners could be hazardous, man! I mean, come on: it's 1978. Things should be round by now!

38.
Eliminated in Round 4

39.
Donna: I just think that if you say you're gonna be someplace, that you should be there.
Casey: I guess I flaked. I just got this thing where a lot of times I don't show up. I don't know what to do about it.
Donna: How about showing up?
Casey: I guess I could give that a shot.
Donna: So this'll never happen again?
Casey: No, I'm pretty sure it'll happen again. But we'll light that firecracker when we come to it.
Donna: Fair enough.

40.
Donna: I can't believe this. When I got here, I was so mad at you, and I already totally forgave you.
Casey: Everybody does.

41.
Sperm Bank

Receptionist [to Jackie]: I'm sorry, miss, but I can't give it to you. The donor is the only one who has legal rights over the specimen.
Jackie: Fine! [To Kelso]: Michael, you get them! You're the only one who has rights over your special men!
Kelso: Jackie, what do you care what I do with my special men?
Receptionist: Specimen! I said specimen!

42.
Eliminated in Round 5

43.
Eliminated in Round 6

44.
The Formans’ Den

Eric: Dad.
Red: Oh, crap. I was hoping that you wouldn't find me back here.
Eric: Well, that's a good icebreaker.

45.
Eric: Look, about the love incident--
Red: All right, stop right there. There are only a few times in life when it's acceptable for a man to use that phrase: when he's drunk, when he's dying, or when he's in big trouble and that's the only way out -- which usually means he's drunk.
Eric: Other than that?
Red: Other than that it's just a given.
Eric: Hey, you just kinda told me--
Red: No, I didn't.
Eric: Yes, you did.
Red: Well, I'm drunk. Clearly I'm drunk.
Eric: Daddy, be my Valentine!
Red: Do I have to hit you? Go to your room!

46.
Eliminated in Round 1

47.
Eric: Kelso, get that nasty bag of genetics out of my basement.
Kelso: This bag? [Tosses paper bag onto the couch, and everyone leaps away.] Burn! It's just a big bag of candy!
Fez: Candy? What kind of candy?
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Last edited by MistyMountainHop; 01-19-2021 at 06:59 AM Reason: Fixed my own typo. :)
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Old 01-19-2021, 06:59 AM
  #279
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Old 01-19-2021, 10:21 PM
  #280
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Old 02-19-2021, 12:59 PM
  #281
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With two votes, we must to...

Casey: Well, listen, I'll give you a call sometime, but right now I have to see a guy. He's got a leather steering wheel cover.
Donna: Oh, yeah, for the Trans Am.
Casey: Yeah, I was thinking about using my GI bill for college, but Trans Ams just kick so much ass.
Donna: I love the Trans Am.
Casey: Everybody does.

---


Vote for your least favorite! First quote with 3 votes or the most votes after 2 days is voted off

---

That 70s Show Season 4 Quotation Survivor!

“Kelso’s Career” (4x17)

1.
Fez: Guys, look what I got for Big Rhonda. Oh, it's so nice to have a girlfriend on Valentine’s Day.
Kelso: Yeah, it definitely increases your chances of getting your fun stuff touched.
Eric: Well -- [looks down at his crotch] -- sorry, fun stuff! Looks like it's just you and me this year! [Looks up at Donna] Unless…
Donna [looking at Eric’s crotch]: Sorry, fun stuff.

2.
Fez [holding a heart-shaped box of candies]: Oh, Rhonda's going to love. I just have to not eat them until Valentine’s Day.
Hyde [takes the box of candy]: But you love candy.
Eric: Some would say it's an un-natural love.

3.
Fez: Yes, I do love candy. But I love Rhonda more.
Hyde [opens Fez’s box of candy]: Really? Because there's three pieces missing.
Fez [takes back the box]: Fine, I love her the same.

4.
Kelso: How was work?
Jackie [who works at the Cheese Palace in the local mall): I am so exhausted.
Eric: Yeah, the commute from Austria must be a real bitch.

5.
Jackie: A bus full of old people stopped by the Cheese Palace, and when they saw free samples, all hell broke loose. The good news is -- [removes an envelope from her purse] -- I got paid!
Kelso [takes the envelope]: Oh, that's great. Because Valentine’s Day is coming up and I needed you to give me money to tell me whatever foo-foo crap gift you want me to get.
Jackie [takes back the envelope]: Michael, I'm not doing that again. Last year I gave you money, and you bought a bag of plastic dinosaurs.
Kelso: For you!

6.
Eliminated in Round 2

7.
Hyde [approaches Fez, whose back it to everyone]: Hey. Fez, how's it going with not eating the candy?
Fez [faces Hyde with chocolate covering his mouth]: Fine, thank you. [Eats a chocolate candy from the heart-shaped box.]

8.
The Hub.

Jackie: Oh, my god, Casey Kelso's here.
Donna: What? Oh my god, he is so fine!
Jackie: You know, if you marry Casey and I marry Michael, we could be like sisters! Yay! Go talk to him!
Donna: Oh, no.
Jackie: I wanna go baby shopping with you. Now go!

9.
Donna: Oh, my God! Casey.
Casey: Hey, Pinciotti. How ya been? Love the jeans.
Donna: Really? They're blue!

10.
Donna: Um, so what have you, like -- you know -- been up to?
Casey: I'm working part-time for the railroad. They leave a lot of stuff unlocked. You need any Cheerios or rebar?
Donna: No, I'm good, thanks.

11.
Eliminated in Round 7

12.
Donna [to Jackie]: [Casey’s] gonna call me!
Jackie: You gave him your number?
Donna: Of course I … didn't! Damn it!
Jackie: Oh, that's okay. Kelsos never call. They're like dogs. They're cute, but they can't work a phone.

13.
Kelso: Hey, Jackie. [Sits between Jackie and Donna at The Hub table.] I thought about what you said, about making money so I can get you a Valentine’s Day gift, right? And then I realized that'd mean a lot more if I gave you something that I crafted with my own two loving hands. [He opens a paper bag and removes a rock painted with the numbers 831. He places the rock on the table.]
Jackie: Oh, my, god, it's horrible!
Kelso: No, it's an address rock! You put it in your lawn! Happy Valentine’s Day, my love
Jackie: Michael, a rock is not a romantic gift, and that's not even my address!
Donna: That's my address! That's my dad's address rock!
Kelso: No, it isn't! [Grabs rock and runs out of The Hub.]

14.
The Formans’ Living Room

Eric: Hey, Dad, you want this? [Passes Red the newspaper.]
Red: Thanks, son! I love you.
Eric: I'm sorry, what?
Red: I love you! I really do.
Eric: Yeah … [laughs … yeah. [Dashes away from Red and up the stairs.]

15.
The Kelsos’ Front Door

Kelso [opens the front door from inside the house]: Donna what are you doing at my house?
Donna: Nothing. I just thought I'd come by and see what you were up to!
Kelso: Oh, you're here to see Casey, aren't you? [Shouting into the house:] Casey, your lover’s here! [To Donna, singing;] You love my brother. You're gonna do it [Casey yanks Kelso away from the door by the hair] Ow! Mom!
Donna: Thank you.
Casey: No problem.
Kelso [from inside the house]: Spaz face!

16.
Eliminated in Round 3

17.
Eric: Mom, was Dad abducted by aliens or replaced by an identical creature programmed to love?
Kitty: Honey, this is breakfast, don't ask me things.

18.
Eric: [Dad] told me he loved me.
Kitty: Your father? No.
Eric: Yeah.
Kitty: I think I know what happened! I gave your father an early Valentine’s Day card that said what a wonderful husband and father he is, and it rhymed, and maybe it touched him … It didn't look like it touched him. It's just he got up and got a beer. But maybe deep down … deep, deep, deep down, something woke up. I am so glad he loves you!

19.
Eric: But, Mom, this is weird. He's never said that -- ever. I mean, one time I saved him from getting hit by a lumber truck, and I think he was about to say it; but then he said, “Get in the car.” But how am I supposed to handle this? You think I should say it back? … He's gonna hit me.
Kitty: Maybe not.

20.
The Circle

Kelso: I can't believe that Jackie wants me to get a job. I mean, my plan has always been to coast through life on my good looks. I mean, look at me! It's like I was chiseled out of marble!

21.
The Circle

Eric: Okay, you guys, here it goes. Dad, I love you! I love you, Pop! Poppy. Pappy. … Daddy. No.

22.
The Circle

Fez [pours chocolate syrup on a chocolate Valentine’s candy]: Oh no. I have to -- I have to stop eating Rhonda's chocolates! [Pops the candy into his mouth.] I'm hopeless! [Drinks directly out of the can of chocolate syrup.]
Hyde: Kelso, if you need to make some quick cash, just sell your blood. [To Fez;] And you – [grabs can of chocolate syrup, but Fez maintains his own grip on it] -- yu've had enough of this!
Fez: No, I can stop any time I want!

23.
The Circle

Kelso: I am not selling blood. I mean, there's no way that anything inside of my body is coming out for cash.
Eric: Well, that's too bad, Kelso, 'cause I hear there's this clinic in Madison that'll pay you for your, um, “manly donations”.
Kelso: Manly donations? No way! They'll pay you for that? Well I'll do it. I'm good at that!

24.
Sperm Bank

Kelso [filling out a form on a clipboard]: Do I have any serious medical conditions? Puked after Crunch-Berry- eating contest.
Receptionist: You know what, I'll just finish that for you. [Takes clipboard.]
Kelso: Thank you!

25.
Sperm Bank

Receptionist: Now, Mr. … Chang, you'll be in Room 2. Some clients prefer a magazine. Would you like one?
Kelso: Nah. Farrah was on Carson last night, I should be good to go.

26.
Eric: Okay, so I was in the kitchen, and Red came in, and I was gonna tell him I loved him. But, uh, then he said if my hair got any longer, he was gonna buy me a pair of boobs.
Hyde: Yeah, you're in a tough spot. But just know I'm here for you … because I love you.

27.
Hyde [to Fez]: You know what would make Forman feel better? A piece of that candy
Fez: No, no, no. There's only nine left. I will guard them with my life.

28.
Kelso: Easiest money ever made. They paid me fifty buck for my underpants navy.
Hyde: You mean your corduroy commandos?
Fez: Yeah, your team from the inseam?
Eric: Your Battlepants Galactica?
Hyde: Battlepants Galactica. Nice one. Wow.
Eric: It just came to me. Thank you.

29.
Kelso: Man, this job is the greatest! It combines all my interests, hobbies, and skills into one money-making endeavor! I'm gonna get Jackie a sweet gift

30.
Donna: All right, Kelso, where's your moron brother? He was supposed to meet me at The Hub, and he totally blew me off!
Eric: Whoa, a Kelso blew you off? Oh, my God, what a shock! Oh, hey, Colonel Mustard called; he said get a clue.

31.
Kelso [to Donna]: You know, if you're mad at Casey, why don't you go yell at him. I'm too tired from working all day to argue.
Fez: Oh, to be a working stiff.

32.
Kitty: So, Red, you big old softy! Did anything special happen yesterday
Red: Special? Oh, let's see. The dentist called with a cancellation, so I went in, and that sadistic son-of-a-bitch found a cavity! Next thing I know, I'm hopped up on drugs and he's taking a jackhammer to my jaw! I spent the rest of the day in a fog.
Kitty: Oh, no. Oh, my God. You don't remember what you said to Eric?
Red: Kitty, I don't even remember how I got home!

33.
Eric: All right, Dad, look -- I've tried to figure out the right words, and then I realized I just gotta say it. So …
Kitty: Wait, Eric--
Eric: Mom, please. Dad, I--
Kitty: No, don't! He was drugged!
Eric: --love you.
Red [angry]: Go to your room!

34.
Fez: Rhonda's going to be so disappointed. All that remains is one lonely candy. [Lifts the first layer of the chocolate box, revealing another layer full of chocolates.] Look! More candies! It's a Valentine's Day miracle. Oh, candy, you've got me under your spell! [Begins eating the candies.]

35.
Kelso: I couldn't wait until Valentine’s Day, so here. [Gives Jackie a small gift box.]
Jackie [opens the box: Oh, my God – Michael, these earrings are gorgeous!
Hyde: Big day at the office?
Kelso: Yeah, I worked a double shift.

36.
Jackie: Wait, wait. You got a job? Michael, I am so proud of you!
Kelso: Oh, no. If it wasn't for you pushing me, I would have never realized how good it feels to roll up my sleeves, get a little sweaty, and earn some cash!
Jackie: Oh, this is so exciting! I can't wait to go visit you at work!
Hyde: That'll speed things up!

37.
Jackie: What's [Steven] talking about?
Kelso: Oh, I've been selling my love nectar.
Jackie: What? Michael, you can't do that! You're hot! Women are gonna want to take your little Kelsos home!
Hyde: My God, she's right. Think about it: a world full of Kelsos. Libraries will fall into disrepair. There'd be feathered hair as far as the eye can see. We'll have to put padding on every sharp corner!
Kelso: Those sharp corners could be hazardous, man! I mean, come on: it's 1978. Things should be round by now!

38.
Eliminated in Round 4

39.
Donna: I just think that if you say you're gonna be someplace, that you should be there.
Casey: I guess I flaked. I just got this thing where a lot of times I don't show up. I don't know what to do about it.
Donna: How about showing up?
Casey: I guess I could give that a shot.
Donna: So this'll never happen again?
Casey: No, I'm pretty sure it'll happen again. But we'll light that firecracker when we come to it.
Donna: Fair enough.

40.
Donna: I can't believe this. When I got here, I was so mad at you, and I already totally forgave you.
Casey: Everybody does.

41.
Sperm Bank

Receptionist [to Jackie]: I'm sorry, miss, but I can't give it to you. The donor is the only one who has legal rights over the specimen.
Jackie: Fine! [To Kelso]: Michael, you get them! You're the only one who has rights over your special men!
Kelso: Jackie, what do you care what I do with my special men?
Receptionist: Specimen! I said specimen!

42.
Eliminated in Round 5

43.
Eliminated in Round 6

44.
The Formans’ Den

Eric: Dad.
Red: Oh, crap. I was hoping that you wouldn't find me back here.
Eric: Well, that's a good icebreaker.

45.
Eric: Look, about the love incident--
Red: All right, stop right there. There are only a few times in life when it's acceptable for a man to use that phrase: when he's drunk, when he's dying, or when he's in big trouble and that's the only way out -- which usually means he's drunk.
Eric: Other than that?
Red: Other than that it's just a given.
Eric: Hey, you just kinda told me--
Red: No, I didn't.
Eric: Yes, you did.
Red: Well, I'm drunk. Clearly I'm drunk.
Eric: Daddy, be my Valentine!
Red: Do I have to hit you? Go to your room!

46.
Eliminated in Round 1

47.
Eric: Kelso, get that nasty bag of genetics out of my basement.
Kelso: This bag? [Tosses paper bag onto the couch, and everyone leaps away.] Burn! It's just a big bag of candy!
Fez: Candy? What kind of candy?
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Old 02-19-2021, 08:34 PM
  #282
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Lulu, you can make the first vote if you like.
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Old 02-20-2021, 04:25 AM
  #283
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Thank you!

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Old 02-20-2021, 07:36 AM
  #284
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Old 02-20-2021, 03:17 PM
  #285
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