[MistyMountainHop]

Closets are definitely out. As are dresser drawers. Maybe Kitty should just carry the candy on her in a purse marked, "Not Candy". That'll trick him.

[msstock87]

Hopefully that would trick him!

[MistyMountainHop]

Because Fez would take that label, "Not Candy," at face-value.

[rishik5]

Fez is so naive...

[MistyMountainHop]

Originally Posted by rishik5 (View Post) Fez is so naive...

That naivety can help curb some of his weirder tendencies. Maybe that's advice Eric gave Red in dealing with Fez.

[MistyMountainHop]

Red's Diary Entry: #1

Dumbasses. I am constantly surrounded by dumbasses. If it's not Eric, it's someone at Pricemart. If it's not someone at Pricemart, then it's Bob. If it's not Bob, it's Midge, but she's in a class of her own. Nah, she's not a dumbass; she's just dumb. Anyway, if it's not Bob, it's Kelso … why, oh, why is Laurie with him? Anyway, if it's not the foreign kid, it's Steven. Although, Steven is not so bad. I would never tell him that because that would not be good … for me. Plus, Eric would get bent out of shape, which is a good thing, actually. One day, I don't know when, I will live in a dumbass-free world with my sweet and loving wife, Kitty. That's why I gotta get Laurie working and married and Eric into a college away from here. If Eric's not here, his friends won't be here. If Laurie's not here, Kelso won't be here. Then -- and only then -- will there be peace in my world. Wait! Bob and Midge will still be next door. Damn!

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That '70s Show diary entries copyright The Carsey-Werner Company, LLC and Twentieth Century Fox Home Entertainment, LLC.

[msstock87]

I love it.

[hanselnext]

Red's gonna have to move then

[rishik5]

Last line really cracked me up

[alyak0807]

[FuriosityShell]

Poor Red.

[MistyMountainHop]

Red's Diary Entry: #2

Red realizes that if murder was legal, Bob would be the first one to go...

I just read in the paper that last year (1977) there were 130 murders in the state of Wisconsin. So I started thinking that if the rest of Wisconsin had a neighbor like Bob, there would be a lot more murders. That idiot volunteered Point Place to be on the route of the first (and I’m guessing only) Wisconsin Cross-State Bike Tour. He is the head of the committee, and I’m thinking maybe instead of volunteering for a committee like that, he should GET A JOB!

Anyway, so now I have all these committee people showing up at Pricemart to ask me (force me is more like it) to donate supplies to the bikers when they ride through the town. I said sure, if by donate you mean you will pay me for every last item you take out of the store. But before they could answer, I asked why in Sam Hill would someone want to bike across Wisconsin? They said it would be an opportunity for fellow Wisconsonites to explore friendly communities, meet great people, and have lots of fun. I told him that wasn’t a good enough reason and that if anyone of ’em clog up the traffic on my street, they’re getting a stick in their spokes. That’s friendly.

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That '70s Show diary entries copyright The Carsey-Werner Company, LLC and Twentieth Century Fox Home Entertainment, LLC.

[msstock87]

I can see Red saying all of that!

[hanselnext]

Red really doesn't like people

[MistyMountainHop]

Red's Diary Entry #3

So, last night we threw a surprise party for my neighbor Bob. He’s been out of work for a while now, and Kitty thought it’d be nice to do something special for him (I thought a man who’s been sitting on his ass shouldn’t be out celebrating anything, but of course Kitty disagreed -- and she keeps throwing it in my face that Bob was nice to me when I was out of work. How many times will that come back to haunt me?) Anyway, while Kitty did all the preparations for the party, it was my job to get Bob to come over at the appointed time (Kitty was originally gonna have Bob’s wife, Midge, be the one who tricked him into coming over. But, hell, Midge couldn’t trick a kindergartner with a two-headed coin).

So at 8 pm I head over to Bob’s and ask him if he wants to come over to watch the game. But he says, "I’m just gonna watch it here, Red." So I tell him, "But we’ve got chips, Bob. I know how much you love chips.” But lazy Bob says, “Well why not bring ‘em over here, Red? You know I got the nicer TV anyway.” Damn wiseass. So after that comment, I just happened to trip on the TV’s plug, causing the thing to short out. Oops.

Then I asked, “Who’s got the nicer TV now, Bob?” (Heh, heh. I get happy just remembering it.) That’s when Bob claimed I owed him a new TV and took off to my house to go take ours. Of course, when he opened the door, all the people Kitty dragged over yelled, “Surprise!” (except Midge, who yelled, “What are you doing here, Bob?”) Pretty soon he forgot all about the TV. (And, sure, maybe it wasn’t the nicest thing to do, but come on -- does he really think his foreign-made TV is better than mine, which was made by hard-working Americans? So his has color? Big deal. He’s still an unemployed goof-off.)

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That '70s Show diary entries copyright The Carsey-Werner Company, LLC and Twentieth Century Fox Home Entertainment, LLC.