Joined: Dec 2009
| | HONORARY Fake Empire (fanfiction) OP credit to Tweety for the chapter picspam Shoutout from Whitney (FE writer) to us
I wanted to do a special shoutout to the fanforum CB thread girls. From the reviews on here I finally ventured over there, and I was really blown away by the amazing support for this fic that I found. The fanart, the reviews, THE THREAD TITLES (loved them!) all made me feel warm and fuzzy inside. I especially loved the picspams dedicated to the chapters, thank you Tweety. Truly inspired! If only I could steal EL, and force them to put this to the screen, haha. Thank you, thank you, thank you! I promise to do my best to keep FE going while we all survive this painful drought on the show. Chapter 1; Falling through the sky She’d kissed boys before, but they were only boys, and she knew right from the first moment she’d seen Chuck Bass he’d never been a boy. He’d been born with this power and confidence that she so desperately craved for herself. It was what her mother had, but her father lacked, what she herself could never hope to attain. Chuck Bass made it all seem effortless though, and she envied him for that. They came from the same world, but some part of her knew even then they were light years apart.
“Happy Birthday,” he whispered. His voice was soft and gravelly, and it echoed all around them in the deserted room. Blair blinked in response, and opened her mouth to respond, but the smile that flitted across his face ever so briefly stopped her. Whoosh. There he went again, stealing all her air.
He rose from the chair beside her, and her dress fell back onto her own lap. It looked lonely and bereft there, exactly how Blair felt. She looked up to watch him leave, and found him hovering over her. His eyes had the faraway look in them again, and she wanted more than anything to ask him what he was thinking. He didn’t give her the chance though. He leaned in quickly, and placed a chaste kiss upon her cheek, before running his finger through a lock of her hair, and then disappearing again.
“Thank you,” Blair whispered once he was finally gone. Chapter 2; Breath in, Breathe out “Oh Charles, I just realized. You and Blair haven’t met before, have you?”
“We’ve run into each other before.” That was all he offered, and before Eleanor could press further. He set his empty brandy glass down, and stood up from his seat. “I’m afraid I must be going.” He turned to Eleanor as he spoke, realizing she wore the pants in that family. “The dinner was lovely. Thank you for allowing me to share it. Mr. Waldorf.” He nodded at Harold, and then turned to find Dorota eagerly waiting with his coat. He took it from her with a charming smile, and turned towards the outer room where he could finally escape.
“I love it.” She breathed, and was surprised by her own voice. Chuck turned to her, surprise evident on his face, before he covered it again with that familiar blank expression she was getting used to. “Do you?” She could tell he genuinely wanted to know.
“I do.” She nodded.
He was holding her close, and she let herself cuddle into his side, taking in the hard planes of his body. It felt wonderful, and she burrowed in even closer. She gripped his shirt when they made it outside, and ducked her head. He helped her into the limo first, and she leaned back into him the moment he got in beside her.The arm Chuck had curled around her shoulders pulled her even closer, and she leaned in resting her face against his chest. Her eyes closed next, and then oblivion. Chapter 3; Special Unspoken Without Sound “I want you to come.” He told her directly, their eyes meeting in the middle and holding. She could see that he meant it. He wanted her there, not because of Serena, and not for pity. He wanted her company. Maybe not as much as she wanted his, but that was alright.
“Why?” She asked again, needing something from him. She was about to jump off a cliff for him, and go to bat with Eleanor. She was about to permanently mar her reputation by linking it with his. It was a foregone conclusion. She would go to Barcelona. She’d go anywhere with him. She just needed a reason, even something insignificant.
“You’re different. I knew it the first time I saw you.” He shrugged his shoulders, and turned away from her gaze after that. She saw remnants of the shy little boy he had once been in that confession, and she yearned to reach out to him.
The final text message came right before one am. She expected it to be Serena again, but it wasn’t. C.B her phone read off, and a thrill ran through her body. She took a deep breath, closed her eyes, and then finally clicked on the text.
“Ignore Carter. See you in the morning.”
Blair smiled big, and then reread it about twenty times before finally putting her phone down. Maybe Chuck wasn’t daydreaming about kissing her on the sandy beaches like she was dreaming about him, but he was thinking about her. And he was telling her to ignore Carter. Those were all positive signs to Blair. She went to sleep content, and when Dorota woke her the next morning, she was more than ready to go.
Barcelona and Chuck Bass better be ready she decided, because Blair Waldorf was on her way. Chapter 4; It's Easier to Hide “What happened to your face?” She repeated, refusing to back down.
“It really looks gross?” He returned, dodging the question. He brought his fingers up to his cheek again, and winced when he touched it. She grabbed an ice cube from his glass, and walked around the bar to meet him. He watched her every move, but didn’t turn away when she lifted the ice up to his cheek, and pressed it against his purpled skin.
“A little bit,” she admitted with a shy smile, and continued to hold the ice to him.
“You’re like a naughty nurse fantasy.” He smirked at her when her cheeks filled with color. She dropped her hand from his cheek, and dropped the ice cube back into the glass, but she didn’t step away from him.
“So, you ran into a door?” She tried to go for comedy, but it fell flat around them. It was very obvious who had punched Chuck, and yet Blair still couldn’t believe it. Her mother was a beast, but she’d never raised a hand to her. It just wasn’t done.
“My father’s fist.” Chuck shrugged. “I displeased him.” He said this all very matter of fact, and Blair ached for him. This couldn’t be the first time, Chuck was too used to it.
“Blair?” Her name was a command, and he gripped her chin, pulling her face back around so she couldn’t look anywhere else but at him. “Do you think I’m bad news?”
She sucked in a deep breath. “Absolutely.” She answered with conviction, and the air swooshed out of both of them for a moment. For once she could read every emotion on his face. He was surprised, angry, impressed… it was all right there, and she felt elated. She’d made a crack in that big wall he always greeted the world with. Finally, he composed himself, and moved back from her. She felt a chill come over her when the warmth of his body was gone, but she didn’t move. He ran a hand through his hair, and pulled a flask out of his pocket. He uncapped it, and swigged some back, before turning to face her again. “Smart girl.”
Once inside he threw off his jacket, and began unbuttoning his shirt. Blair stumbled past him, and dropped down onto the couch, stretching her body out against it. He pulled a few bottles of water from the mini bar, and handed one to her when he came to sit beside her on the couch. Blair awoke sometime later to find Carter and Nate stumbling into the suite, alone thankfully. She had somehow found herself cuddled up with Chuck on the couch. His arm thrown over her hips, and his face buried in her neck. Blair kept her eyes closed, and remained as still as possible as the boys came in.
There was some more shuffling around, and then complete silence. Blair opened her eyes slowly, and looked around the darkened room. Nate was sprawled against the couch across from them, and the door to Chuck’s room was closed. She was glad she didn’t have to deal with Carter anymore that night. She started to move out from under Chuck’s arm, and head into her bedroom with Serena, but his grip on her tightened, and she felt his breath stir against her neck.
“Go back to sleep,” he mumbled against her neck. “I promise not to ravish you tonight.” He added, and she could almost feel him smirking against her neck.
She settled back down in his arms, and grabbed for a throw blanket they’d kicked off onto the floor. She pulled it up over them, and Chuck helped her adjust it until they were both covered. Chapter 5; I Fight My Demons Everyday “Do you like Barcelona?” He asked after his bacon arrived. “From what I’ve seen. Serena wants to go down to the harbor today and shop. I do love to shop,” she admitted. His posture had relaxed, and that dark broody look in his eyes had started to dissipate.
“Your father has always kind of scared me,” Blair admitted. “He seems like the all powerful Oz… you know Dorothy and the…” Blair felt like she’d just put her foot in her mouth again.”The Tin Man.” He smiled at her. “Humphrey’s little jest doesn’t bother me. It’s probably true.” He said this so casually as if it meant nothing. Blair couldn’t believe he really thought he didn’t have a heart. He did, maybe it was buried beneath all those walls he put up, but she was sure it was there.
They made their way across the city to Montjuic, and stopped in front of the amazing fountains out front. “Let’s get a picture.” She grabbed for his phone, and set up the camera on it. Then she pulled him up closer to the fountain, and leaned up on her tiptoes so she could press her face in closer to his for the picture. Once she got herself positioned, she asked him if he was ready, he mumbled something unintelligible, and she snapped it quickly.
She pulled back, and examined the picture. She was smiling brightly, happier than she had been in a quite a while, and he was looking down at her. He looked a little sad, and a lot lost, but there was a hint of a smile on his lips. The picture was perfect, and she immediately sent it to her own phone so she could obsess about it later. Then she handed him his phone back.
Carter’s mouth moved along her neck, and he pushed the straps of her dress down. She brought her hand up into his hair, and held him closer to her, making him chuckle against her skin. It felt good. It felt wrong, but it still felt good. A door creaked open to her side, and she opened her eyes to find Chuck staring at her. There was an unfathomable expression on his face, and she couldn’t force herself to look away. She waited for Chuck to say something, to turn around and leave or make his presence known to Carter. He did nothing, just stood. She sighed and closed her eyes as Carter found a particularly sensitive spot on her neck. When she opened them again Chuck was gone, and his door was closed. He reached out to her, and his thumb slid slowly across her cheek. She felt the moisture then, and realized what he was doing. “You’re crying.” He seemed just as surprised as she felt, but neither said anything more. He let out a disappointed sigh, and then grabbed for the blanket at the end of the couch. He threw it over her, and headed for the door. Chapter 6; Knowing Truth, Whispering Lies "You and Carter." He finally said it, but it wasn't a question. He thought he already had the answer. He thought she was just like him, and Carter, and Serena, who could just take sex that lightly, and be fine the next morning. She couldn't, and she hadn't. "I saw you." That was all he said. There was no recrimination behind his words, no accusation that she had betrayed him. She hadn't of course. They were nothing more than friends, and even that seemed iffy at times. Still, she wanted something from him. Some jealousy. Some reaction. Anything that told her she wasn't in this alone, hadn't imagined those moments of connection with him.
"What do you see me as?" Her question was earnest, and her stomach dropped when he groaned. He obviously was in no hurry to answer this, and that just spurred her on. "I need to know," she practically pleaded.
He opened his eyes, and stared straight into hers. "That's not an easy answer." She could see that he wasn't just dodging her question, he was being honest. "Blair…" There was such softness in his voice, that it undid Blair. She moved in the remaining few inches until their faces were only a breath apart. His eyes were dark pools of emotion, and she knew her own mirrored his. "Don't."
One minute they were staring at each other, and the next she slid her lips against his own. She'd always been kissed before, never the one initiating the kissing, and it was terrifying, but also thrilling. His hand tightened on her waist, and he tilted his face at a better angle, and suddenly they were kissing, really kissing. She was no longer the person leading the game, it was all him, and it felt wonderful. Her heart was pounding so hard she couldn't even think, didn't even want to think. She just wanted to feel, and she did. His lips were soft, and well tutored, and she followed his lead. He coaxed his tongue slowly into her mouth and she tasted coffee and peppermint, and it was wonderful. It would always remind her of him now, of this moment, of this thrill. And then without warning, he pulled away from him, and rolled over onto his back.
Chuck walked up behind her, and stopped at her side, staring at the same vast terrain she was looking at. "You're beautiful." She could tell he meant it, but she was still afraid to look at him, so they both just stayed facing forward. "I like you. I enjoy your company." It sounded like he was pulling teeth, but he didn't stop, and Blair was glad. She needed to hear this. "I don't want to see you with Carter, either. He'll hurt you. He hurts everyone… so do I. It's the way we were made." Chuck let out a long breath, and Blair could feel the pain in his words. He was giving her something right then, and she was terrified of what the outcome would be. Would he resent her for this conversation, for this honesty? She hoped not. "You and I… we're friends. I want to be your friend."
Blair turned towards him then, and he turned as well. Their gazes locked, and Blair understood that he meant what he said. She just wasn't sure if she wanted the same thing. "Friends talk, they know each other… they don't totally disappear when something gets too real." Blair aimed each word at him, and she could see the confusion in his eyes. He honestly didn't understand, and she wasn't sure if she had the guts to explain.
"We talk. I've talked to you more than I have most people. That's why I like you… it's different. We're different. Attraction is fun, but it means nothing in the end. It's not even real, not for me." Chuck's blunt words were a little shocking, but it told Blair a lot more about him. She knew she'd obsess about this conversation later, try to decipher every clue, but for now, she had to stay in the moment. He wasn't giving up on her, and that meant something.
"And we're real?" She pushed.
He turned away from her again, and looked back out at the city. It was starting to rain outside, and they could both hear the thunder cracking in the distance. "You're real," he answered. Chapter 7; You Sit Completely Unaware "One." She whispered at last, gripping his hand tighter than ever. He leaned down then, and for a moment she was sure he was going to kiss her, but his lips slid against her cheek instead of her mouth, and she closed her eyes, hoping to freeze the moment in place.
"Happy New Year, Blair." He kissed the side of her cheek, next to her ear, before pulling back. He slid his hand out of hers, and turned back towards the party. "Keep the coat." He told her, before walking inside. Blair watched as Georgina launched herself into his arms, and a blonde came up beside him waiting her turn. It was a sad picture of a sad boy, and Blair understood more than she wanted to. He would lose himself for a while, but then he'd wake up just as empty as before, still searching for whatever he thought would make him whole. Blair worried he would never find it.
"I'm going to take that as a rhetorical question, and move on." He informed her, his voice still a bit frosty. She sat up on his lap, and twisted around so they were face to face."Why do the two of you do that?" Blair asked, curiosity finally getting the best of her. "Serena and I fight, but… not like that."
"Carter doesn't like to lose. Neither do I." Chuck explained casually, and took a sip from the drink in his hand.
"Simple as that?" Blair shot right back.
Chuck nodded. "Simple as that."
"Come on." Chuck wrapped an arm around Blair's waist and helped her up from the couch. He walked with her back into the foyer, and practically lifted her up the stairs one by one. Her legs were that useless. Once they got to the top, it was only a few more feet until he was pulling her into an unoccupied bedroom.
Blair looked around the room, and realized it must have been his.
"Sleep it off in here. I'll have my maid call your mother with some excuse for your absence." Chuck's offer was kind, and Blair nodded in agreement. He quickly pulled back the covers on his bed, and helped her slide in. She was nearly asleep the second her head hit the pillow, his unique scent hitting her full force, and making her snuggle in deeper. He walked back over to her at the bed, and she twisted around so he could unzip her dress. He did it slowly, inch by inch, and the cold air felt good against her skin. His warm hands swept across her upper back, pushing the dress forward, and off her shoulders. The pretty back lingerie set she'd bought before going to Barcelona was on view for him, and he stopped undressing her for a moment just to stare. She could feel a blush creeping up her neck, but she was too tired, and still a little drunk, so she didn't try to cover up.
He headed for the door, only turning back once he'd opened it. His eyes were taunting her, and she stared back for as long as she could, before her will power took a major nose dive. Chapter 8; And She Waits Blair tried to reach over Chuck for her purse, but he dodged her, and she ended up in a heap on his lap. He smiled down at her where her head was perched on his legs, and her hair was spilling over the side. She could just imagine what this would look like if someone walked in. She tried to right herself, but he held her down.
"Let me enjoy this for just a moment longer." He leered at her, and she glared back, but didn't move. Finally, he let go of her arms, and she righted herself beside him. She still couldn't reach her purse, but she was planning her next move carefully. "Are you concerned I'll beat you, Waldorf?" He returned to the poker theme.
They finally made it into Blair's room, and she shut the door quietly behind her. For good measure she locked it as well. Her parents never barged in on her, but there was always a first time, and she wasn't taking chances. When she turned back to Chuck he was surveying her room, taking in every little detail, smirking and smiling through most of his perusal. "Explanation," she demanded.
He used his bedroom eyes, and most seductive voice to answer her. "Maybe I just wanted to see you." He reached for her hand beside him, and pulled it into his. He held it there, playing with her fingers, and sliding them between his own, refusing to meet her eyes as she watched him.
"What was that about?" Chuck appeared behind her, staring after his mother with a suspicious scowl.
Blair turned to him, her shock still evident on her face. She wanted to tell him what his mother said, ask him what it all meant, but she didn't. She pulled herself together instead, schooled her features into a cool expression, and smiled. "She was just thanking me for coming." Blair lied.
Chuck watched her carefully, deciding if he believed her or not. "You're lying. Come on." Chuck grabbed Blair's hand, and pulled her out of the main room, into the next, and then finally onto their balcony. Because in Blair's mind, it was all theirs, where they had their own little world, safe from his mother, and Georgina, and anyone else who wanted to hurt them.
"What did she say to you, Blair?" Chuck asked when she handed it back to him. She ignored him in response, and just stared down at the city below them. It had been snowing earlier in the week, and some remnants of that still remained. Blair wished more than anything she was five again, in Central Park, making snowmen with her father. That was such a simple time. "Blair." Nothing else, just her name. She turned towards him, and their eyes met. She was surprised to find genuine concern there. A tiny smile turned at the edge of her lips. This was the Chuck that no one else knew, the one she loved, even when she tried not to. "I'll ask her," he threatened.
"I don't ask a lot of you, Chuck." She told him, keeping eye contact as she spoke. "But I'm asking you to drop this. Just drop it." She stared right at him, forcing him to bend to her will for once.
"Don't let her get to you… don't let any of them get to you. They're nothing." Chuck promised. It was a harsh thing to say, but there was so much sweetness there, that Blair smiled at him. Chapter 9; Time and Time Again "What did he say to you?" Chuck asked again, and the vunerability in his eyes killed her. Her face fell, and he read her reaction immediately. "That bad." He swallowed hard, choking on the pain that his father always seemed to inflict. "He probably wishes you were his kid. Who wouldn't with the choice."
"Stop it," Blair demanded. "This self pitying crap isn't you. He's just a man, Chuck. No more than me or you."
Chuck jerked around to meet her eyes again. He smiled at her, but it was a cruel smile, and Blair tensed up in his arms. "And Eleanor is just another woman?" Blair couldn't respond. "Just what I thought." He tried to get up then, but she held onto him and pulled him back to her.
She felt him the minute he came up beside her. His side brushed against her, and his arm slowly slid around her waist until it was resting on her hips. She glanced at him through half closed lids, and found him watching her intently. She didn't say anything, and neither did he. He pulled her around, until she was in front of him, and both his arms were bracketing her. They were dancing, slowly, feet barely moving, bodies touching at nearly every point. Her body was humming with pleasure as she looped her arms around his neck, and let her eyes close again. He moved her with the beat, and she gave herself over to him, feeling safe, and wanted.
Desire was a heady thing. Blair had known very little of this variety in her life. It consumed her, making her blood sizzle, her body come alive, and her heart beat so fast she thouht it might seriously jump out of her chest and make a run for it. She wondered if Chuck had any idea what he did to her, if she made even the littlest effect on him. She would never be sure, his face remained impassive, his hands soothing.
The song came to a close, and he pulled her even closer to him, moving his arms higher up so he was holding her in his arms, secure against his chest. Blair laid her head on his shoulder, and her eyes remained closed. She briefly wondered if the others were watching them, but quickly decided she didn't care. Her feelings for Chuck weren't something she could control. She loved him. She loved him. The thought made her smile.
"What?" He whispered, and she felt his warm breath against her neck as he bent down to talk to her.
She opened her eyes, and met his for a brief moment. "Nothing," she smiled. Admitting it to herself, and telling him were two different things. She doubted those words would ever leave her mouth, and she'd do her damnest to make sure they didn't. He didn't need to know how much influence he had over her, even though she had an inkling that she had some influence of her own. Eventually she would test that, but not tonight. Tonight she just wanted to enjoy him and forget the rest of the world. Chapter 10; So Close, No Matter How Far “Blair…” There was a warning in his tone, and she whipped her head around to face him. “What’s going on with you… you can tell me.” He added in a softer tone, and her irritation and anger disappeared altogether. She’d wanted to keep her guard up for this conversation, keep a healthy dose of anger in store to deal with the eventual rejection when she asked him. But she knew it was a useless attempt when he looked at her the way he currently was, with concern, and care… in a way he looked at no one else. She loved and hated that look in equal measure, because it made her hope for things she knew would never happen. It made her dream that they could be different one day… one day, it was such bull****.
“Cotillion is next week.” She met his eyes directly for a minute, but then she chickened out and turned back to the window. If he was going to laugh at her, or call it some dumb tradition she couldn’t be looking at him. He would see how much it hurt her, and she hated giving that to anyone. Her weaknesses were hers, she refused to even share them with him.
“You’re supposed to know because you’re my friend. Like how I know that you’re always moody and morose right after you’ve seen your father, or how you’re always really angry after you see your mother. These are the things I know because I care about you, but you just don’t make any effort at all. You don’t care, Chuck!” She yelled this right in his face, and ripped her arm away from him. She stomped into the bathroom, and tried to shut the door, but he was right behind her, and held it open.
“I don’t care because I won’t take you to cotillion? Are you serious, Blair? I hate cotillion. My parents made me go my junior year and it was hell. Why would I ever want to do that again? And you still didn’t answer the question. Stop avoiding it.” He was vibrating with anger, and Blair stepped back from him.
“It matters to me, Chuck. Maybe it’s just cotillion to you,” she emphasized, “but it matters to me. I wanted tonight to be the perfect evening, and I wanted it to be with you. Happy now? Just get out, Chuck. I have things to do, and I can’t deal with you…” She faced him down this time, her glare unwavering. Chuck finally nodded, and backed away from her.
She was out there for just a few minutes when she felt someone tapping her on her shoulder. It was either the persistent prince, or Serena with more pity. She snapped around ready to berate either one of them for interrupting her solitude, but not a word came out. It wasn’t Serena or the prince, it was Chuck and for a minute Blair worried she was now having delusions. He was shaved, perfectly groomed, and looking more than amazing.
“Chuck…” She didn’t know what to say.
“I was a dick. If it matters to you…” he looked away, and for the first time since Blair had met him he seemed a bit shy. This stunned her even more than him showing up. “I care, Blair,” he promised. His eyes implored her to believe him, so she nodded. She did believe him. She could see it, feel it. It was real, and she knew she wasn’t making it up. Chuck Bass cared about her. He cared about her so much that he’d come to a place he hated just to make her happy. Chapter 11; Just Keeping Coming Around She kept her slip on as decency (and her pride) demanded and slipped under the covers next to him. His arm immediately slid up and around her, looping around her waist and anchoring her to him.
"What are you wearing?" His groggy voice was barely a whisper in her ear.
"Clothes," she answered tartly.
He moved closer to her so his entire chest was pressed against her back. His hand moved from her waist, over the curve of her hip, down to her thigh, where the short slip ended. His fingers traced the edge of her slip where it met bare skin and she tried not to shiver in his arms. "Hardly," he growled.
His mouth moved from her ear to her neck and she felt his warm breath caress her as his lips found a particularly sensitive spot. She writhed against him unable to stop herself, and his fingers made a slower path across the seam of her panties. Finally, when she thought she was literally going to scream, he finally dipped below them. His fingers sliding across her bare skin was a complete (and pleasant) shock to her. "Feel good?" He asked softly. He was right there at her center, a few more inches and… She didn't know. She wanted to know, though. She wanted him to know, as well. "Blair?" He waited. He wasn't going any farther unless she verbalized it.
"Yes," she managed to get out. "Yes," she whispered again.
He moved into her then, and she had to bite down on her lip not to cry out. Everything about this was so new… So much sensory overload. He worked her with the ease and skill of someone who knew exactly what they were doing. Her mind balked at this for a minute before she pushed it all aside. She didn't care. She didn't care about anything but this moment. His rhythm sped up and she began moving against him, reaching but not quite finding what she was looking for. Chapter 12; I Need To Know "Just say it." He demanded impatiently. His eyes were darker than usual and he was moving closer and closer to her on the bed.
"I don't want it to be weird between us…" She knew it was such a cliché thing to say but it was truthful. She'd grown accustomed to him being in her life. She liked him there. It almost felt like he belonged at this point. No matter what happened she didn't want to lose that. She couldn't lose that.
He laughed under his breath but didn't respond for a few minutes. Blair had almost given up hope that he would when he spoke. "People always say that. They always say nothing will change, everything will stay the same… they lie, Blair. Things always change. Sometimes for the good, sometimes not. I don't want to lie to you."
"I'm thinking that I like you like this," she admitted shyly and looked away from him again. She glanced at Nate and Serena to see if they were watching but thankfully they were shoving food into each other's mouths and laughing like jackasses. Typical behavior for them.
"Hey." His voice got all low and whispery and Blair couldn't stop herself from looking at him again. He was watching her with that dark, broody look she was becoming used to. "How am I like?"
"Nice." Blair bit her lip and tried not to laugh at the confused look on his face. "Sweet," she continued to tease him.
"I'm always nice to you, and I am NEVER sweet." He sounded downright indignant, and a soft giggle slipped past her lips at his expense. Nate and Serena look up from their dessert, but whatever they saw made them turn right back to it. Blair appreciated that.
"I'm glad that you care. I…" He took in a deep breath, and turned away from her again. He reached for another cigarette, but she held her hand over his to stop him. He didn't fight her, and slid the cigarettes away again. "I need you." The confession was ripped from somewhere deep inside of him, and she heard the pure anxiety in his voice when he finally released it.
It felt like a victory for Blair. After all the pieces of herself that she had willingly and unwillingly handed over to him, she was finally getting something in return. Need wasn't love. She wasn't delusional enough to confuse them, but in Chuck's world need might have been more important. She moved in closer to him and linked her shaky hand with his own. He laced their fingers together, and for a few minutes they just stood there looking out at the water together. Blair wasn't really seeing the water, or the beautiful scenery surrounding it though. All she could see was Chuck. Always, Chuck.
"I don't want Georgina. I never have. She's just another way to bury all the **** I can't handle thinking about. You're not like that for me. You're different, and that scares me, and it makes me do all kinds of **** I shouldn't do. I shouldn't even be saying this to you, because you're right… I'll break your heart, Blair." His admission landed with a heavy thud upon them both, and before she could even think up a response he dropped her hand, and walked away from her.
She didn't follow him. Chapter 13; Stripped "I'm scared," she whispered. She regretted the confession, but she couldn't take it back. She tried to look away from him, but he reached out and guided her chin back so she had to face him. His eyes were so familiar, but so foreign at the same time. She was too scared to look too deeply in them.
"Tell me to stop, Blair." It was a desperate plea. She shook her head. She couldn't do it. She wanted him. She had always wanted him. She'd been fooling herself when she'd thought she could control this in any way. If he wanted her, he had her. The truly scary part to her was that he did want her. She could finally see it as he stood there before her. He still didn't want to want her, that hadn't changed, but he could no longer fight himself.
He stepped right in front of her, and reached out to cup her face between his hands. He waited until she looked up, and met his eyes to speak. "You're beautiful." He leaned his forehead down against hers, and with infinite tenderness he began placing soft kisses all along her face, over her eyelids, her cheeks, and even her nose. She laughed softly, and he pulled back to look at her again. "Blair, I…" She could see he wanted to say something to her. Maybe he wanted to say everything, but it got stuck inside of him.
She leaned up then, and kissed him. It was a benediction. Everything happened all at once then. The ache that had been on a slow burn for so long finally exploded between them. Chuck divested them both of their clothes, and guided her over to the bed with him. He lowered her onto it, his lips never leaving her own. It felt surreal being with him like this. For so long she'd fantasized about being with Chuck. What it would mean. When it would happen. How it would feel. This was nothing like any of her fantasies. He was so real, so solid in her arms, and she just wanted to hold him close to her forever. It didn't feel like she was losing anything to him in that moment, but rather she was gaining something. She felt free. She felt wild. She felt loved.
He hovered over her, and she knew this was it. His eyes bored into her own. There was so much there in his gaze. She couldn't even begin to figure any of it out. He linked her hands with his, and then she was there in the moment with him. The initial uncomfortable feeling faded quickly, and all clear thinking swept from her brain. She gripped him to her as tightly as she could, and reveled in the completeness of the moment. For so long she'd tried to tie him down. She'd wanted something substantial, something real, something she could hold onto, and lying in his arms she found that. She found that, and so much more. Part of her was terrified, but she pushed those feelings away.
He leaned down, and whispered something in her ear, but she was too far gone to understand anything he said. The sudden onslaught of pleasure that overtook her caused her to cry out, and she immediately tried to cover her own mouth. Chuck laughed, and pushed her hand away so he could kiss her again. Her last coherent thought as she drifted off in his arms was that this was perfection.
Victory. Chapter 14; Careful Child Day 34
"Thirty four days." She returned coolly.
"We haven't spoken in thirty four days. You just left." She couldn't say anything more without losing the fight to control her emotions. Her eyes were stinging again, and she really hated that sensation.
"I can't do this right now, Chuck. I have to go." She didn't end the call though. She couldn't.
"I… Blair, you still there?" She didn't respond, but he had to know she was. The call was still connected. "I'm sorry." It was a whisper, and without another word she ended the call, and slipped the phone back into her purse. She contemplated turning it off all together, but she knew he wouldn't call her back.
Blair padded into the kitchen, and nearly had a heart attack when she saw someone standing in there. At first she thought it was Carter from the bottle of Scotch that was out on the counter, but when she recovered from her fright she realized it was Chuck. Everything inside of her went still for a minute, and she just watched him. He hadn't spotted her yet. He was standing off to the side, drinking his Scotch, and watching the storm. He must have just gotten in because he was wet from the rain, and his hair was all askew.
She had the insane urge to brush it aside for him.
"Chuck." His name slipped past her lips before she could stop herself.
He turned towards her slowly. His eyes were dark like the storm, and more than anything she wanted to ignore what she saw in them. She needed to hate him. She needed to stay angry.
She loved him.
Unfortunate, but true.
"Hey." He sent her a crooked smile.
She didn't smile back. Chapter 15;The Weight Of Us "You want to hit me?" It was an offer. She shook her head, and finally glanced away from him. She didn't like him being so close. It reminded her of other times he was that close, and those memories were dangerous.
"I don't want to hit you, Chuck. I don't know what I want anymore," she admitted. "I didn't expect to see you again, I guess." And that was the truth. Or maybe the truth was she hadn't wanted to see him. Or maybe that was all a lie, and this was the moment she'd been yearning for since the morning she'd woken up without him.
"I freaked out-" He began to explain, but she shook her head, cutting him off. "Blair…" He reached out for her hands and pulled them into his own. He was staring at her with this imploring look upon his face, but she wasn't sure what he wanted. She'd never really been sure of anything with him.
"You left me."
"I want someone who's going to be there in the morning." The words escaped her before she could call them back, and in the end she couldn't regret them. They were the truth down to its core. "I need someone who wants to be there in the morning." He looked like he was going to argue for a moment, but when she said her last piece all the fire went out of his eyes. She'd won, and it hurt like hell. "That's not you… is it?"
The child inside of her was dying for him to tell her she was wrong. She wanted him to morph into her fairytale prince, spouting poems of undying love, and promising her that he'd never hurt her again. He was this man that she needed, and he'd just been a fool that morning. Chuck had never lied to her though, and he didn't then. She both loved and loathed that about him.
"I want it to be." His voice was barely above a whisper, but she heard him like it was a roar. It was everything she dreaded, and everything she already knew. "I could try…"
"I think you'd fail… I think I'd end up hating you for it." She wished more than anything that she could be so sure of them. She wished that she could be that towering strength they both needed her to be, but she wasn't there yet. She was still trying to fix herself. She couldn't start fixing him, as well. Life had truly warped him, and Blair was just beginning to see the damage left behind.
Silence lingered between them. Blair stepped up to the railing beside him, and they both stood there staring at what felt like nothing. She wanted to reach for his hand and take it all back. The truth couldn't be erased, though. It lasted through all the lies, and Blair was just old enough to understand that. One truth had more power than a million lies. Blair's truth was that she was tired. She was exhausted, really, and she just couldn't wade through the deep waters that were Chuck Bass… Not right then. She still needed to figure out Blair Waldorf.
She kissed him for the very first time, completely unaware that she was the dream. She was his dream!
♥ Where everything’s nothing without you ♥