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Old 11-30-2008, 02:47 AM
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With my tears I call out to you

This is the current story I am developing, I have been putting a lot of time into creating the plot. I hope to start the second chapter soon. Anyways enjoy the first chapter and tell me what you think.

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Chapter 1 – Reunion

It was an cold day in the lively city and lonely desert, the wind carried the dust which fiercely sneaked through every opening. But the city did not waver, it was buzzing with excitement, all the people were streaming into the arena, fighting for the best places.

They had found him shivering in the sand of the desert and took him to the palace where timid eyes were watching him while he was imprisoned yet his time ran thin, only a few days passed before the execution was announced. He was staring at the old walls in front of him emotionlessly waiting for the sentence of death. Little did he expect to meet a little girl. Her hands clutched the iron beams containing him, a tall men, torn and worn out but for everyone to see he was once well toned. He must have been a great knight, the small girl thought.

“Xiao-Lian do not waste our precious time here, we must hurry up so that this traitor will be seen to justice!” an elder Asian-looking man said. She gazed at his features wondering what his story was, what he had done but even if she asked they would not taint her purity with such tales, she already knew that. Surprised she took a step back as he suddenly looked up. She was sure she had seen a spark in his eyes but Xiao-Lian could not find it any more. It was as if he was not watching this world.

A few hours later he was staying in front of a huge crowd, on the tower in front of him there was the Lord and and right beside him the shy girl sat quietly guarded by elite soldiers. Lian knew what would happen, she knew what her father was doing, she knew they would execute the broken man but she could not understand why. She did not know whom he had betrayed to be branded a traitor, for her it seemed he had lost the world already. But she could not do anything, it was her fate to follow the tradition. Her ancestors were royal, her parents were royal, she was royal but royalty did not mean power, for her it meant prison. She could not even save one person, not even if he was so close. She buried her face into her arms and sank onto the ground.

While the little girl was crying for the lost one in front of the court, the crowd was yelling and shouting to execute him. Pure hatred was written in their faces they just wanted to see him dead. He had committed the ultimate sin, leaving the order he had sealed his fate. The noise was incredibly loud and only while the judge was citing the crimes the man had committed the crowd was quiet. A few of the guards smiled secretly while the judge was announcing the death sentence.

The crowd began to yell again, but they could not reach the man, he was deeply sunken into himself, deaf to their words, not feeling their touch as they dragged him to the centre of the arena. He only had her, the one he had ultimately lost in his head. This fateful day was carved into his mind, they day losing Cuifen. It had broken him, every minute he was reliving her death, dying with her thousands of times. He could not safe her, he could not save himself. Desire was eating him, slowly devouring his soul. Fate had sold his life.

The guards took their weapons, two long black bladed swords were pulled out of their case. Just for an brief instant he smiled as the blade hurried down and he though: “Finally.”. His lifeless body falling to the ground, the former knight was free, joining her in oblivion. The pain had subsided for once and for all.

The small girl was still crying, she could not understand what had happened. People would plea for their lives or even fight against their shackles until their body was crushed and finally resigned to its fate. But this man died in dignity, not even noticing what was happening. Had he given up his life? When had he given up his life? Questions she could not find an answer two. The only person who could answer just had left this world, leaving her with a riddle of life. Her life just began and the knight's ended.
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Old 12-01-2008, 12:46 AM
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Wow, very haunting! Is this a specific fandom or an original? Either way it's amazing!

Quote:
The small girl was still crying, she could not understand what had happened. People would plea for their lives or even fight against their shackles until their body was crushed and finally resigned to its fate. But this man died in dignity, not even noticing what was happening. Had he given up his life? When had he given up his life? Questions she could not find an answer two. The only person who could answer just had left this world, leaving her with a riddle of life. Her life just began and the knight's ended.
This was really good. I liked the juxtaposition of the knight's POV and the small girl's who didn't understand what he was thinking about.

Well done.
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Old 12-01-2008, 10:55 AM
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It's an original story, I am currently building a world and plot for mmy idea.
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Old 12-01-2008, 11:11 AM
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yer i liked that part too
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Old 12-02-2008, 02:16 AM
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Wonderful
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Old 12-05-2008, 11:23 PM
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Quote:
Originally Posted by silentsnow (View Post)
It's an original story, I am currently building a world and plot for mmy idea.
Great, you're on the right track then.
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