Fan Forum - Blind Deceit [Original, PG-13/15-ish]

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Blind Deceit [Original, PG-13/15-ish]

(aka Blindfold initially if you guys follow my LJ)

Plot:
Ten years ago, a boy is taken under the wing of a mage on the run. A young princess becomes the heir to take the throne. Years later, a forbidden love unravels and secrets long kept puts their trust with each other and their country in jeopardy. No matter how close one may be with another, things are not what they truly seem to be.

After a bit much of hesitation, I decided to make this story that I'm working on more public. However, due to the fact that each chapter tends to run from 1,000 to 5,000+ words per chapter, I decided to put an excerpt/quote from each chapter and link you to said chapter.

Although more than one chapter has been up in both my FP and LJ accounts, if you guys have me as a friend on LiveJournal, the chapters are usually update much faster and frequent than I do on my FictionPress. Still, would definitely love to hear any form of feedback :)

Though I have to add this: If you are a friend of mine on LJ and have followed the story, please leave your comments on future chapters on my LJ rather than here to avoid spoilers (the one on my FictionPress is open for anyone to read but the on my LJ is for "Friend's Only")

Why PG-13/15-ish? There are chapters where things get insanely brutal. And there are those chapters that might mind boggle the young ones rather than those in a somewhat older age level.

Prologue [Link]

Quote:

Getting to his feet, Korin began sprinting down the halls. Rounding his heel towards his room, he jumped out of his window and ran, fighting the urge to look back. He could hear another Rasen soldier going after. Korin had to leap over corpses, many of them, to avoid tripping.

He pushed himself to keep running until he reached a safe distance. When he reached the forest clearing, he saw a figure dressed in dark blue, her boots ankle high made of odd material. Without a second thought, Korin assumed that the stranger wasn't part of the Rasen, especially when their eyes met and its weapons never raised.

"Please," Korin breathed heavily. "You've got to help me. They're after me."

The stranger rose to her feet, approaching Korin. With her hand, Korin was ushered behind her. Rasen guards approached her, surprised to see her there.

"Juno!" one of the Rasen snarled at the mage. "What do you think you're doing here?"

"You didn't happen to see a little boy running through here, did you?" Another Rasen pointed his sword towards Juno's neck.

Juno pointed her staff towards the Rasen. "Keep your distance," she warned them in a soft, callous voice.

"Why should we?" one of the Rasen challenged.

:yay: for the own thread ;)

I added it to the Board Guide as well. :hug:

This looks interesting

IA Dave :nod: I'm intrigued about the rest of the story.

Maybe you could friend me on LJ, Yamiko. my u/n there is zacsgirll

Didn't think this thread would be updated :blush:

Quote:

Originally Posted by follow the sun (Post 26657963)

IA Dave :nod: I'm intrigued about the rest of the story.

Maybe you could friend me on LJ, Yamiko. my u/n there is zacsgirll

Added you. I'm under angel_boogiepop. Just look for the red heels avie.

Right now, I'm (somewhat) working on the new chapter since a previous one had burned me out.

The first 19 chapters are on my Fiction Press but most of the rest is on my LJ. Not sure if I'll keep updating on my Fiction Press (I only update there for those who don't have an LJ account) :)

Here's some excerpts from the next three chapters.

Chapter 1: (Link)

Quote:

"Devil's Fruit!" a stout shopkeeper bellowed out, holding a melon in his hand. "Fruit from Eden for which the Devil has tempted the innocent children."

Curious, Sage made her way towards the fruit stand. Picking up one of the apples, she looked it over, noticing that it was covered in brown spots.

"Of Eden?" she questioned the shopkeeper skeptically. "This fruit you're trying to market is spoiled!"

Whirling his head in Sage's direction, the shopkeeper immediately grabbed her arm. "So, a penniless thief, eh? I've seen your kind everywhere, everyday!"

Chapter 2: (Link)

Quote:

"It's been a while Sage." she said in a soft tone, taking a sip from the cup of water.

"It was not a while at all!" Sage furiously bit in to a melon ball, "More than ten years is not a while Juno! Why did you fled Angelus after mother died?"

Juno placed down her cup of water, calmly fixing her attention on Sage. "How is your father? What about Cyrus?"

"Stop avoiding the subject!" Sage was slowly growing irritated. Juno had not changed after all. She remembered the way Juno was acting the last time she had seen her; vague, distant, and sometimes, daresay, distracted.

Chapter 3: (Link)

Quote:

"I won't say anything to your father," Cyrus' voice broke Sage's train of though. "But with what could have happened to you today in the market square..." he let his voice trail off, watching Sage stared out at the scenery before her.

"Juno asked about you," Sage's head turned enough to face Cyrus, hoping to change the subject. "What was that about?"

This caught Cyrus in an unexpected surprise. He had not seen nor heard from Juno ever since the night she fled from the palace. Instead, Cyrus shook his head and chuckled at the thought. "She asked that, didn't she? It has been too long after all."

"So what in the world is it?" Sage pondered. "Was there something going on between you two?"

Cyrus' expression became unreadable. He stood on his feet, looking out the window. "Juno and I...we just have a mutual understanding. That's all."

:yay: you updated! :D

Quote:

Originally Posted by sweet_zelda (Post 26864245)

:yay: you updated! :D

If you're talking about the thread, then yeah :)

But the chapters in question (or at least for Fiction Press) have been up for quite a long time.

Just to let you guys know, I am still writing after a few weeks hiatus (the last chapter I wrote really worn me out).

So just a small update: I have four chapters left, bringing a total of 31 chapters (including prologue and epilogue) to the story. Yeah, really long. I'm not sure if I will keep updating my Fiction Press account simply for the sake of protecting my story. If you guys have a LiveJournal account, let me know if you want to add me (It's friend-locked, including the stories). The first 21 chapters are on my Fiction Press but it's most likely I'll be updating on my LJ. I won't be posting the chapters here for personal reasons but I guess if you guys are interested, I could mass-PM you the chapters.

Chapter 4 [Link]

Quote:

Sage jumped off of her seat with an annoyed defiance, pointing a finger at the mage. "You're starting to act like my father, Juno!"

"Please sit back down Sage," Juno said in the same, calming manner. "I assure you, I wasn't thinking that way."

"Sage," Cyrus watched as Sage sat back down on the couch. "You must understand. Juno is not aware of anything what your father is doing these days. It's not as if she keeps in touch with him."

"Why not?" Sage questioned Cyrus. "She was my father's adviser long before Leia showed up." She then turned her head towards Juno. "Did something happened between you and my father? Is that why you suddenly left?"

"Far from it." Juno answered in a quick manner, trying to avoid the subject all together. "And I would appreciate if we left this discussion as it is."

Chapter 5 [Link]

Quote:

Unexpectedly, he leaned forward, giving Sage a kiss on the cheek. A return payment as one would call, from her own kiss earlier.

Sage's eyes widened in surprise. Her face flushed a deep red the moment he had kissed her. Was it out of politeness? Courtesy? Or could it possibly be something else? No, she thought to herself. It couldn't possibly be in that sort of category, could it?

Korin took a step back, surprised himself at what he had done. "Sage, m'lady, I apologize. I didn't mean to do that. I swear, it was out of impulse. I should have known better!"

Sage placed her hand upon Korin's own, which was shaking, trying to calm him down. "Korin, I..." but she stopped in mid-sentence when she saw someone standing a few feet beside them.

Chapter 6 [Link]

Quote:

Korin took a few steps towards Juno. Silence between the two filled up the entire room. Juno's head raised enough, but chose to not look up at Korin.

"A love between a commoner and of royalty class is not only forbidden but dangerous."

Korin had not expected her to say that. "Why are you telling me this?"

Juno's eyes lowered to the wooden floor. "I'm only trying to protect you."

Korin grabbed the stool from the bedside before he moved in front of her, seating himself on the stool. "Juno," his eyes attempted to read Juno's impression but through the darkness, he could not. "I've known you for as long as I could remember. I know you have a habit of keeping many things to yourself, but this is pushing it. Are you trying to separate Sage and myself?"

"You don't know her," Juno's eyes had gone icy cold, yet her voice was still in its lost calm. "I don't want to see you hurt."

I'll probably just post quotes from chapters from time to time.

31 chapters? :thud:

:clap:

Quote:

Originally Posted by follow the sun (Post 27755464)

31 chapters? :thud:

:clap:

It's most likely that some of the chapters (particularly in the beginning of the story) would have to be merged because they were short. So at least...er...30? 29? This includes the prologue and epilogue so if I take those out, it would be at least 28.

I'm a sucker for writing long stories. Short stories are fine but not a lot of character development. :blush:

That's true. You can definitely move your characters along when the work is longer :nod:

I'm super impressed that you've stuck with it that long :thud:

Quote:

Originally Posted by follow the sun (Post 27756915)

That's true. You can definitely move your characters along when the work is longer :nod:

I'm super impressed that you've stuck with it that long :thud:

Yeah, I've been working on it for a little over a year now. Can't believe it's almost over. But at the same time, I can't wait to work on my new project. :)

sounds like you have something in mind already. that's great!