| karamel |
07-26-2018 05:12 PM |
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“Sometimes, we’ll look at each other and we’re like, ‘We need some intimacy and sex, like, right now,’” she says. “We’re just very honest about it.”
Honesty has always been Bell’s approach when it comes to talking about love. She was candid when she and Shepard started couples’ therapy and has no problem announcing exactly what she finds hottest about her husband. Here, Bell gets real about what she learned from marriage counseling, scheduling sex, and how to opt out of school drop off mom-shaming.
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You mentioned that you and Dax dated for a long time before getting married. Was there a reason?
There is nothing wrong with experiencing love but you don’t need to punctuate it with marriage. If we learned anything from [Frozen’s] Anna of Arendelle, you don’t marry your love at first sight. Dax and I were together and had a child six years before we got married.
As a traditional girl from the Midwest, I remember questioning Dax on why we weren’t getting married earlier in our relationship. It wasn’t to threaten him but to simply learn his feelings on it. He said, “Because how I treat you isn’t going to be dictated by a piece of paper that is filed in the government library somewhere. How I treat you is going to be a commitment I make to your faith, sealed with a kiss and a handshake, and it’s going to live in action every day. That piece of paper is irrelevant.” And I agree. If you’re in love with someone, act like you’re in love with them. You don’t need to rush to sign a paper. The paper doesn’t make you more in love.
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How do you and Dax find time for sexy moments?
It’s a different kind of sexy when you’ve been together for 10 years, and those moments aren’t always readily available because there are little people in the room. But you look for the holes and continue to communicate. We’re very honest with each other when we feel forgotten by the other.
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What tools have you gained from marriage counseling?
The biggest tool we’ve gotten has been recognizing our triggers. We’ve figured out where we fight poorly and have learned how to hit the pause button because adrenaline and cortisol are never going to help a fight.
We’ve had intense disagreements, and then the next day we’ll both be so exhausted of the other person that we completely sweep the issue under the rug. In sync, we’ll say, “I just literally can’t hear you talk anymore. Let’s just forget it. You win.” So as much as we’re taking our communications seriously, we also take everything with a grain of salt. When you have two fighters in a room, which we both are, sometimes it just becomes a power battle.
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What’s the silliest argument you’ve had?
The other night we got into a fight because Dax watched an episode of “Succession” without me, which he would hate if I had done, so I was like, “You made a bad, dirty move,” and made him re-watch it with me. Which by the way, Dax’s worst nightmare is re-watching a television episode or movie. It’s like an unheard experience for him.
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How has your relationship evolved?
It gets deeper and more solid, and starts to contribute to other areas of my life. It’s like building a house. It takes a lot of work but once you have the house, you can now do work inside of it because it’s stable and supportive. The depth of our love has produced so many wonderful aspects and security.
What would Dax say is the sexiest thing about you?
My confidence, for sure.
What is the sexiest thing about Dax?
Not his confidence because that is a mutually overwhelming amount of confidence for me! But his ability to lighten the mood and his comedy is its own musical throughout life.
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Every Couple Should Talk About Sex the Way Kristen Bell and Dax Shepard Do
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