gladluvgrey

Not saying she was..neither was he, although Derek did try to reach to her a bit more...but whatever they were doing was failing as it got them to this point...

LG Stargirl

Derek for sure wasn't easy to live with after he made the decision not to go to D.C. He definitely holds some responsibility there.

But I think the bigger point is the decision they came to when he actually did leave. They decided to try and make it work, long distance and all. It was bumpy, for sure, with them both apparently cancelling visits. However, that agreement means they are both most certainly and undoubtedly unavailable to other people.

Definitely ready for Derek to pull out all the stops to prove his commitment to her. Should be good!

MerDerZola_fan

I wonder if they actually did visit each other once throughout this whole time. How long has Derek been gone in TV time?

darkxtwisty

The only time we truly saw him being difficult was episode 3 and then 8. He was more harsh towards Amelia than Mer. At least with what we saw on screen. hate me for saying this, but I feel like she made a bigger deal out of it than it was. Some of it felt like it was all in her head (And I think of the P!nk song again). She made a bigger deal out of some of his comments than she had to. I know the fandom predominately sides with Mer because we are all women, but I try to see his side too. In his mind his wife is delusional and pushing him away and might not love him anymore.

They did agree to make it work, and it came from her so that's huge because it was the first indication all season she wanted it to work.

I think it's unreal that Der would go months without seeing his kids. :/ Seems ooc. Wish they'd at least mention skyping the kids! It was implied he and Mer talked.

gladluvgrey

Guess those are holes we will have to fullfil in our minds...fill in the blank that the writers always leave... Derek not seeing the kids is completelly OOC considering what Cristina said about him being enamored just seeing Zola put applesauce in her ears...I would like to think they skyped...

I try to be the more neutral when it comes to see both sides but my brain is wired like a man sometimes LOL (blame it on my line of work) ....so sometimes I get more his side than Mer's

LG Stargirl

We don't know at all if she was making a bigger deal out of his comments because she talked about those comments in an episode that takes place over a month in which we never saw M/D talking because it was a calzona centric epi unfortunately. But I do feel the writers put that in there for a reason. And it has nothing to do with her being a woman, it's because he literally hissed at her about skipping work (as if she was a teenager) when she was trying to tell him about Maggie.

In the end, he needed to show more respect for the position she holds in his life by discussing the possibility of moving to D.C. and not just telling her how it was going to be.

runawaaay

probably not. And that is depressing me

megmilli

I really do love Derek but, I'm more in the Meredith camp than the Derek camp on this.

Derek told Meredith that he'd help more at home so she could shine and then he (although somewhat relucatanly at first) took on the initiative over Meredith's strong objections. He became overworked, and things were falling thru the cracks, and then Amelia arrived, and in the end it seemed that if she stayed that everyone could get what they wanted without anyone needing to sacrifice too much. I was so happy when Meredith happily told Derek that if Amelia stayed their problems would be over. Then Derek basically ignores Meredith and says ... let's pick up and move to DC so I can get an even better job and have lunch with The President every week.

I was in shock that Meredith seemed to go along, and I was happy that she finally told him she had a problem with it, although I would have been much happier if she had come to the realization earlier, and without Cristina's 'sun comment'. Then, instead of discussing ways they might be able to make it work long distance, Derek again just makes another snap, black or white decision, and turns down everything instead of trying to figure out a way to make it work.

Then he made everyone's lives miserable afterward. His comment when Meredith took the day off, his comments to Amelia, and it being said that he took it out on her because he couldn't take it out on Meredith, comments about Meredith and Derek glaring at each other at home and not speaking, him not trusting her with that patient.

But all of that said, I certainly didn't like Meredith basically hiding at Alex's house and talking about things she should talk to Derek about with him. I get that she was mad, and Derek wasn't easy to talk to, but she could have made him listen. Trust isn't the only problem they have, communication, and being able to have the tough discussions and compromise, need to be worked on as well.

CileSuns92

I didn't like Mer hiding at Alex's, but she turned back to her old habits. Alex was her comfort with the lack of Cristina. At least she was talking about it to someone, let's see the progress

Their issues have always been the same: trust and communication. They never really dealt with either, they just came to band-aid solutions when problems arose, and forgot about everything when something good happened to put them back in a good place.

I'm not saying they have a crappy marriage, but they avoided a lot of things, from both sides, and this is the moment when everything rises to the surface. They have to put things on the table, pick one of them, and deal with it. They helped one another through difficult times, and surely, their love has grown a lot, there's a lot more intimacy and the basis for a good, strong marriage are there, but until they start talking, and they trust one another, I don't see any way out.

They never talked about Meredith risking her life multiple times, or how suddenly everything was okay after their trial. They found some kind of compromise for Mer to be away from Neuro so that they could still live together, and that was something, but they never dealt with the reason why she needed to be away from Neuro, why she tampered with the trial, and how to get back that trust that was lost.

They both had PTSD after the shooting, after the plane crash, and neither of those moments have been addressed in full, at least for me. They lost a baby, and never talked about it -at least on screen, I truly hope they did it off screen.

I think they both needed the space DC gave them to realize in fact how much they needed the other to be close. That they can be great and succeed in everything they do, but that at the end of the day, they want to share their success with their spouse. Meredith knows, Derek probably already knew after his own awesome tumor removal, but he needed the reminder. Neither one of them is the sun in this. Yes, one can be more in the spotlight than the other, at times, but there can't be a sun in a marriage to work out. I've never been married, but I do know that there needs to be compromise and equality for it to work out. If somebody is the sun and everything has to revolve around them, things will fall apart. And I can't even think about things falling apart for them, to be honest

As much as I wanted it to happen differently, I'm glad we're all worried about him cheating, because at least they can just sit down (or stand up, or do headstands, I don't really care) and talk about all the crap that has been piling up since Addison showed up. The rug under which they have hidden it is overflowing, it's time to do some spring cleaning.

Alright, I'm going back to lurkdom now, sorry about the mini essay here.

megmilli

I'm glad you came out, and I personally agree with everything you said.

Although it might be painful to watch for a while, I have no doubt that they will work things out, and hopefully end up with a much stronger marriage, perhaps a true partnership, in the end.

runawaaay

Yeah it will be hard to see them really delve into their problems and bring up everything that happened but i think it's really really really necessary

I have no doubt in mind that they did have found happiness and maybe that is partly why they dont delve on their problems i mean why ruin it

But they need to really really face it head on. Accept their wrongs and find a way to really mend their marriage. I just wanna see them willing to try

gladluvgrey

THIS! I want to see this. The will to try and the really trying...I think anyway life is just like this...and although I know that even facing your problems might not always be enough, I want to see MerDer be one of those that do fight the odds and make it work...

PatrickDempseyRocks

hey

CileSuns92

It will be tough, but it will be worth it. They will find a way to face the obstacles in their way, that I'm sure of. Otherwise the writers wouldn't keep repeating that they're meant to be and legendary and stuff like that

darkxtwisty

Callie's statements were very telling last episode. The writers know they're meant to be together and are the reason people believe in love. They're not going to screw that up. I'd like to think they wouldn't. Why have Callie say all that and then destroy it all? Doesn't make much sense to me from a writer's POV, unless you're trying to create very mean, cruel irony.