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Old 06-15-2018, 07:35 PM
  #31
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PM's probably, cause we can erase the messages that go on in on, in one PM.

I am not sure when I realized. Sometime when I briefly woke up, and could move.
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Old 06-15-2018, 08:44 PM
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Kim, glad it's over That sounded incredibly scary!
Congrats, Leanne!!!
And not sure about the diagnosis. I'm afraid they seem to think it might be auto-immune or at least some kind of metabolic disease. They're trying cortisol but it's a shot in the dark. Will probably have to find myself a specialist.
In a way I'm glad they finally found something. Had started thinking it was all in my head. Just wish it was a bit more mainstream.
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Old 06-15-2018, 09:14 PM
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Kia, I just saw your post. how are you feeling? Are you doing okay being there?

At least it's a start, though not a very fun one. Also, knowing it's not in your head helps.
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Old 06-16-2018, 12:11 AM
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It does Have my up and downs but I am grateful for every bit they find out. Knowing is better than bot knowing
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Old 06-16-2018, 12:43 AM
  #35
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I hope you get a diagnosis, Kia. It must be bad to not know what is wrong.

Congrats on 33,333 posts, Leanne. I'm glad the interview went well.

I hope you're all recovered now, Kim.

I'm visiting my brother today I've not seen him for a while. We've been so busy!
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Old 06-16-2018, 09:46 AM
  #36
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My brother came to visit me today too, Claire. Did you have a good time as well?
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Old 06-16-2018, 09:46 AM
  #37
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I just imagined the musical my name can cause That's like a step towards liking my name more

Anyways I lost the topic because wow second page


I'm weird I guess. Is it bad not being mainstream? Like nowadays people get focused on how bad is drinking and smoking and drug using. I was watching Miami Vice from 80s and now in season two I noticed main character missing his signature cigarette and darn I was so disappointed about that as I realize it was the moment the society and broadcasting company became mainstream with bending towards the ''good appearance'' which kinda ruined the artistic aspect I had over during season one which so made me iconize the show with the very artistic eye of someone who appreciates realistic appearance. Like in Sherlock it would be so fitting for Sherlock having some bad habbit like smoking (which was replaced by patches) but it was against the ''rules of society''
I just came to think people has deemed to have lost the ability to judge what they should follow and what not. Following to trends have become so mainstream that it feels like everyone would follow something entirely stupid if they believed it's something cool.
Yes, smoking might be for some but for heavensakes if it's not on your wishlist why have you become smoker only to cry about that so that eventually media gets censored for such stuff

I'm probably this overwhelmed because I do indeed have brains and commonsense to judge my actions and behaviour therefore actually enjoying if a tv show character smokes for example

Rant over
I'm just frustrated today I guess. Maybe II need a cig or something because usually I just rant over stuff that I find weird other people would fuss about. Like why the heck so many people lack simple brain function to judge if something is logic to do or not. Like all these Pokemon players that just falls into stuff or off things because they lacked simple brain and logic.


Meh, I'm happy I have graduated like decade ago so school is just something I'm happy to not face. Maybe it makes me weird but I never liked majority of schooling things. I did like learn new things but I hated facing other kids that were just mean to me so it ruined any joy of entering that building in the mornings. Like ugh...
So even now I feel traumatized if I see bunch of school kids getting on the buss. Because they are so loud and so arrogant. I just feel their snob beings judging everything around and then I fall back into that depressive anxiety mode as they see me with my colorful hair dressed up as if I wasn't basically as old as I am and my self-consciousness just drops as I feel their judgement fall over me. And that's why I didn't go to uni nor any schooling after high school. I just couldn't face being judged and called names. I know it happens but in my mindset that is rubbish to fuss over because I just don't care how much money someone has nor why they like this or that. I just mostly don't care about million things others made into major fuss session. I might be extremely chill but that's me. I just use common logic and so often cannot understand certain things while I do understand just to me it is something I never notice as it never even budges me.


Pardon I just needed to express. I got frustrated over some people other weekend and something called it back to my mind and I checked my opinion hasn't changed. So basically I get to face lots of things I feel other people are terrible at considering while I do it and react accordingly.
Also I believe I'm old enough to be able to tell them to stuff it however sometimes I cannot avoid my old insecurities blowing my coolness off
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Old 06-16-2018, 10:18 AM
  #38
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I had a great time, thanks, Kia. I'm glad your brother came to visit.

Hi Evita. The thing is societal norms have always influenced what we see or don't see on the screen, it's commonplace these days to have extreme violence or sex on our screens, gore, nudity, etc. far more than in the past, but it's always been influenced by what is seen to be acceptable at the time. The original version of Sherlock Holmes was a cocaine addict for example, when such a thing was commonplace, but I don't think I've ever seen that in any adaptations of his stories. Smoking is more taboo now, and not so commonly seen, but in this country at least, smoking is far rarer than it once was too. Also I'm not sure if actors want to do it or not. I have seen it in period pieces where there is a lot of smoking, but it does seem to be more difficult to show it a great deal. I'm not sure I really want to watch people smoking though, but then I'm not into watching drug-taking, or violence either.

I don't know what country you're from, but I have a friend who is French, who is a total Goth and dresses all in black with red hair, and big boots etc. She can walk around London and no-one bats an eyelid, but if she goes back to the rural part of France where she's from, she gets loads of weird comments and looks. It's not good how people judge others by their looks.
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Old 06-16-2018, 10:28 AM
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Evita, I didn't have a good time in school starting in 6th grade. I eventually pretended I didn't even care. And in many ways I couldn't care, because I also couldn't even relate to their general mindset they all seemed to have in common. Not following their own true interests and preferences and become common sheep and conformists to be accepted and I learned early in my teens I'd rather be me than immature humans pretending to be something to be accepted by people who only make judgements. I don't get a lot of things like that either. And I'm surprised cause despite my awful school experience, I know work in schools but I avoid working in any middle or high school.
(Also I doomed myself for being unaware of fashion cause my first day of jr. high, I wore homemade clothes but then again, looking back, everyone looked dorky cause the early 90's weren't a good fashion anyway )

Sherlock Holmes used to be seen with a pipe in the 1800's illustrations.

I got the beginning of cramps so ugh.

Glad you got to visit with both your brothers Claire and Kia
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Old 06-16-2018, 10:41 AM
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Hi Leanne! I had a nice day. It was lovely and sunny but the wind was so strong! We went to a Thai place and they had only two things on the menu I could eat for our takeaway picnic. Still at least they were informative about which dishes were without MSG!

My nephew is so cute! He was terribly excited to see us!

I had a terrible time at Primary and Secondary school too, Leanne. I was never one to fit in. I've also worked in schools since then too. It's not quite the same, though.
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Old 06-16-2018, 10:51 AM
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Yeah, Claire, we were both our unique selves who could stand out from the crowd, even at a young age. I still can't really fathom grown women who apparently still do it. I was reading a woman empowerment self help book and the first chapter was about how to stop lying to yourself about yourself and I then realized that many grown woman are still living life pretending to love things they don't to be accepted.

That's cute your nephew was so excited to see you

What did you get to actually have off the menu? I'm glad you can now avoid the MSG and feel better after eating food. I am sure pho has it. And today I kind of want some pho now and some Chinese food

Oooh, I'm gonna have to take a pain pill soon.
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Old 06-16-2018, 11:02 AM
  #42
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I'm sorry you're in pain with those cramps.

Yes that does seem sad that anyone thinks they need to fit in that bad. I think women can be like that though. I've seen how some think it's a good thing to make generalisations about others, or their kids/husbands etc. The number of times I've heard, 'Oh but boys/girls are like that, aren't they?' or they try and out do each other with how bad their life is. I made a vow to not enter into those kinds of conversations and ignore the generalisations. I think many women are so busy comparing themselves to others they don't notice what they do have.

I could have had pad thai (which I had), or fried rice. Not many choices!

I hope you do have some.
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Old 06-16-2018, 11:22 AM
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Yeah it's funny how I don't think or predict it, but then come a weekend and my brain just goes "pho!, I want it today"

Yum, pad Thai glad you could have that with no MSG in it.

Well, I never get in any conversations much in person, but I agree with you, Claire!

All the women who are like us, end up on forums to find other females who like what they like and express it all without the side eye!
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Old 06-16-2018, 11:51 AM
  #44
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Evita, you make some really good thoughts, that I hadn't thought about. I know it surprises more now when I see someone smoking that I do seeing them have sex, or doing drugs, or very graphic violence. Smoking have pretty much become taboo in TV/movies now, which shows how much peoples acceptance of the other things have come. OH! And swearing on TV, on regular channels. I about passed out the first time I heard bitch on regular TV.

Kia and Claire, I'm so happy you saw your brothers!

Claire, I bet your nephew was adorable. How old is he now? I'm glad you found something that you could eat.

Leanne, sorry about your cramps. I hope you get your pho. I've never heard of that thai either.

I remember in elementary school, when my friends got mad at me and turned against me (only for a few days, but it felt like it would never end.) and ignored me, walked away when I came into class, came to my house and took all their stuff away. Bleh. I don't miss that feeling in the pit of my stomach.

Jr. High and High school were better, even though midway through Jr. high we moved from where I'd grown up, to Va. Beach. High school-in 11th grade I got tired of teachers telling me what I needed to do, how to behave, and what to learn, so I quit and went to work full time.

I would never have been able to move on to college even if I'd wanted to.

It is nice we found each other, and can be ourselves.

I was still awake at 9am, so here I am, having been up less than an hour now. I probably would have slept longer if severe storms hadn't woken me up.
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Old 06-16-2018, 12:12 PM
  #45
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Hi Kim! glad to see you!

I still have to shower and take a pain pill! That means I have to get up. Which is all well, I'm such a mope when I stay in bed!

Elementary school was fine for me, kids were friendly, I had some friends cause we were young and less judgemental of each other. Sometimes I'd even have meltdowns in the classroom but didn't feel judged by anyone. I only remember two snotty girls, Tina and Sonia

However, I moved cities just in time to enter 6th grade and it was so ice cold, I withdrew and didn't even cry anymore. selective mutism and all!

I don't think anything shocked me on tv. maybe the rarest times tv showed full frontal male nudity
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