Some funny X-Files related songs...


THOSE X-FILEY NIGHTS (to the tune of "Arabian Nights" from "Aladdin", as sung by Mulder and Scully)

We come from the basement of the FBI,
A place in Washington DC,
Where it's filled up with crime,
And political slime,
God, we both love bureacracy!
Give us your aliens,
And give us your ghosts,
And anything else that causes fright,
A mutant here and there, mutants everywhere,
It's another X-Filey night!

X-Filey nights, like X-Filey days,
More often than not,
We're hotter than hot,
In a lot of good ways,
X-Filey nights, cause us to bring Mace,
A fool off his gaurd,
Could fall and fall hard,
We'd have a new case!


YOU AIN'T NEVER HAD AN INFORMANT LIKE ME (to the tune of "You Ain't Never Had a Friend Like Me" from "Aladdin", as sung by Mr. X)

Well Cancer Man had a guy named Krycek,
And he almost killed your friend, Scully,
Informants are evil, they go to heck,
I'm not going Mulder, no sir, not me!
I am smarter than those imbeciles,
Did I mention that I hate to gloat?
I'm armed and dangerous, had many kills,
But not your last informant named Deep Throat,

Mister Fox Mulder, sir, I won't come to all your pleas,
I come when I need you and that's that,
You ain't never had an informant like me,
Something big's going on, major conspiracy,
My life is threatened, Mulder you know,
You ain't never had an informant like me,
Yes sir, those people kill anyone,
You gotta watch your back,
Keep your mouth shut,
Cover your butt,
Hope that Cancer Man smokes his last pack,
If you call me again,
I won't respond, you see,
I'm not in the mood, "Later dude",
You ain't never had an informant like me.

Can your friends do this? (he executes someone in the parking lot of Watergate)
Can your friends do that?
Can your friends pull this? (a frozen alien embryo) out of a hat?
Can your friends go pow?
Hey looky here,
Can your friends say "Abracadabra!" and make evidence disappear?

You ain't never had an informant, never had an informant,
You ain't never had an informant, never had an informant,
You ain't never, had an informant, like me!
Never had an informant like me!

DD actually doesn't come out too bad in the Beavis one but poor Gillian. Here is a 'lost' episode.


LOST X FILES CHRISTMAS EPISODE

Mulder: We're too late. It's already been here.

Scully: Mulder, I hope you know what you are doing.

Mulder: Look, Scully, just like the other homes: Douglas fir, truncated, mounted, transformed into some sort of shrine; halls decked with boughs of holly; stockings hung by the chimney, with care.

Scully: You really think someone's been here?

Mulder: Someone or some thing.

Scully: Mulder, over here--it's fruitcake.

Mulder: Don't touch it! Those things can be lethal.

Scully: It's O.K. There's a note attached: "Gonna find out who's naughty and nice."

Mulder: It's judging them, Scully. It's making a list.

Scully: Who? What are you talking about?

Mulder: Ancient mythology tells of an obese humanoid entity who could travel at great speed in a craft powered by antlered servants. Once each year, near the winter solstice, this creature is said to descend from the heavens to reward its followers and punish its disbelievers with jagged chunks of anthracite.

Scully: But that's legend, Mulder--a story told by parents to frighten children. Surely, you don't believe it?

Mulder: Something was here tonight, Scully. Check out the bite marks on this gingerbread man. Whatever tore through this plate of cookies was massive -- and in a hurry.

Scully: It left crumbs everywhere. And look, Mulder, this milk glass has been completely drained.

Mulder: It gorged itself, Scully. It fed without remorse.

Scully: But why would they leave it milk and cookies?

Mulder: Appeasement. Tonight is the Eve, and nothing can stop its wilding.

Scully: But if this thing does exist, how did it get in? The doors and windows were locked. There's no sign of forced entry.

Mulder: Unless I miss my guess, it came through the fireplace.

Scully: Wait a minute, Mulder. If you are saying some huge creature landed on the roof and came down the chimney, you're crazy. The flue is barely six inches wide. Nothing could get through there.

Mulder: But what if it could alter its shape, move in all directions.

Scully: You mean, like a bowl full of jelly?

Mulder: Exactly. Scully, I've never told anyone this, but when I was a child my home was visited. I saw the creature. It had long white strips of fur surrounding its ruddy, misshapen head. Its bloated torso was red and white. I'll never forget the horror. I turned away, and when I looked back it had somehow taken on the facial features of my father.

Scully: Impossible.

Mulder: I know what I saw. And that night it read my mind. It brought me a Mr. Potato Head, Scully. IT KNEW I WANTED A MR. POTATO HEAD. Scully: I'm sorry, Mulder, but you're asking me to disregard the laws of physics. You want me to believe in some supernatural being who soars across the skies and brings gifts to good little girls and boys. Listen to what you are saying. Do you understand the repercussions? If this gets out, they'll close the X-files.

Mulder: Scully, listen to me: It knows when you are sleeping. It knows when you're awake.

Scully: But we have no proof.

Mulder: Last year, on this exact date, S.E.T.I. radio telescopes detected bogeys in the airspace over twenty-seven states. The White House ordered a Condition Red.

Scully: But that was a meteor shower.

Mulder: Officially. Two days ago, eight prized Scandinavian reindeer vanished from the National Zoo in Washington, D.C. Nobody - not even the zookeeper - was told about it. The government doesn't want people to know about Project Kringle. They fear that if this thing is proved to exist, then the public would stop spending half its annual income in a holiday shopping frenzy. Retail markets will collapse. Scully, they cannot let the world believe this creature lives. There's too much at stake. They'll do whatever it takes to insure another silent night.

Scully: Mulder, I -- Scully: On the roof. It sounds like . . . a clatter.

Mulder: The truth is up there. Let's see what's the matter...