The X-Files - Funny X-Files stuff

**JayDeeMac** · 05-27-2005, 02:48 AM

This is one of my X-Files cards that I got recently that I thought I'd share. I thought it would be good to have a thread for all the funny X-Files stuff.

I know in the past I have seen comic strips and fake pictures of the X-Files that were quite good so if anyone has anything like that or X-Files jokes or funny fan fiction or anything at all post it here

Sorry about the size but for some reason not matter what I do this is the size it comes out at. Whenver I changed my picture in the shipper thread its size on here changed as well so don't understand.

Anyway for anyone who can't read it it says "Face facts, m'Uldah'. There are no Big Pink People!"

A little twist on the search for 'aliens'

EDIT: Nevermind, all of a sudden its size just exploded and I was able to adjust it.

**JayDeeMac** · 05-29-2005, 05:08 PM

Nothing incredibely funny but I just thought the actual cute little drawings were quite funny

groovyk1 · 05-30-2005, 02:56 AM

Those are hilarious. I love their faces in the second one..its like 'huh?'

**milestogo** · 05-30-2005, 04:34 AM

The first one is really funny

**JayDeeMac** · 06-18-2005, 08:34 AM

I thought this was pretty good. Someone came across it and emailed it to me

50 Fun Things For An X-Phile To Do In School

1) Wear a trench coat and a business suit. Carry a fake gun, FBI badge, and a "torch" flashlight"

2) Show your badge before entering each classroom

3) Whenever someone pisses you off, chant "Hate him! Wouldn't want to date him!"

4) Refer to your teachers as "Assistant Director"

5) Answer questions in Navajo and Japanese

6) Whenever someone asks you to do something, respond with "sure. fine. whatever"

7) Run screaming from the room whenever you see a bee

8) Mutter casually under your breath about how mad Skinner will be when you're late for work

9) Get fake blood packets and make your hands "bleed" when writing on the chalkboard

10) Write "sister" on your upper chest with fake blood and make-up. Make sure everyone can see the writing

11) Write "She (he) Is One" on your back. Make sure everyone can see it

12) Constantly jab people in the back of the neck saying "just checking"

13) Whenever someone says the name "Samantha," stare out the windows into space

14) If someone can't answer a question, jump up and yell "the truth is out there"

15) Whenever a teacher calls your name, say "Do you think I'm Spooky?"

16) When someone knocks on the classroom door, yell "Nobody here but the FBI's most UNwanted"

17) When someone asks who shot JFK (bound to happen sometime) yell "CANCERMAN"

18) Call everyone who smokes "cancerman" or "cancerwoman"

19) Call everyone "Agent" and their last name

20) Refer to yourself as "Spooky" or "Mrs Spooky"

21) At exactly 11:21, call your lab partner on a cell phone

22) Whenever a teacher plays a video, say "this isn't your usual form of entertainment"

23) Drink iced tea/root beer and sunflower seeds in every class

24) Play a tape of the song "Walking In Memphis," and ask the person nearest to you of the opposite gender to dance

25) Wear a paste-on "Betty" tatoo and constantly answer it's "questions"

26) Ask people if they know the secret password for reincarnation

27) Claim to know what Alex Trebek *really* does on his time off Jeopardy

28) Dye your hair red

29) Put masking tape x's on all the windows, and refer to your next teacher as Mr. X

30) Work "exsanguination" into every English writing assignment

31) Tell people your phone number is 555-0144

32) Hum the opeing theme really loud, and when asked to stop, say "sure fine whatever"

33) Carry handcuffs

34) When something goes wrong, blame it on a government conspiracy

35) Claim to be your own clone

36) Walk a large circle around parking lot oil spills

37) When asked a question, answer with a long, awkward scientific explanation

38) Whenever someone runs by, yell "FBI! Freeze!"

39) Introduce yourself as an FBI Agent

40) Rig the televisions, so that instead of Channel 1, everyone can watch X-Files

41) Say everything as an X-Files quote

42) Whenever someone ejects a VHS tape, say "whatever tape you found in that VCR isn't mine"

43) Find the main power switches, and turn off all the lights in the gym. Make the bleachers slam into the wall

44) When you do a dissection, record an "autopsy" tape

45) For reports, study the frequency of UFO adbuctions, close encounters, etc..

46) Whenever someone mentions boats, stand on your chair and yell "SHIPPERS UNITE!" then sit down and continue what you were doing before

47) If you see someone with real bad acne, run screaming the other way about bug infestations

48) For every creative writing assignment, turn in fan-fiction

49) Wire all computer monitors to your computer and type "The Truth Is Out There" and other X-Files taglines

50) With your handcuffs, frequently chain people to their desks right before a bell rings and read 'em their rights

**JayDeeMac** · 06-19-2005, 06:20 AM

Not incredibely funny but raised a little smile for me because of how cute it is

**milestogo** · 06-20-2005, 01:02 AM

This is cute indeed

**JayDeeMac** · 06-20-2005, 04:01 AM

I think this pile are my favourites

Quote:

Originally Posted by JayDeeMac

2) Show your badge before entering each classroom

12) Constantly jab people in the back of the neck saying "just checking"

13) Whenever someone says the name "Samantha," stare out the windows into space

14) If someone can't answer a question, jump up and yell "the truth is out there"

15) Whenever a teacher calls your name, say "Do you think I'm Spooky?"

16) When someone knocks on the classroom door, yell "Nobody here but the FBI's most UNwanted"

21) At exactly 11:21, call your lab partner on a cell phone

25) Wear a paste-on "Betty" tatoo and constantly answer it's "questions"

29) Put masking tape x's on all the windows, and refer to your next teacher as Mr. X

34) When something goes wrong, blame it on a government conspiracy

35) Claim to be your own clone

36) Walk a large circle around parking lot oil spills

38) Whenever someone runs by, yell "FBI! Freeze!"

42) Whenever someone ejects a VHS tape, say "whatever tape you found in that VCR isn't mine"

44) When you do a dissection, record an "autopsy" tape

However my absolute no.1 favourite has to be...

46) Whenever someone mentions boats, stand on your chair and yell "SHIPPERS UNITE!" then sit down and continue what you were doing before

**JayDeeMac** · 06-27-2005, 04:18 PM

Can anyone translate these? They might be absolutely hilarious and we're missing out

**JayDeeMac** · 06-30-2005, 02:22 AM

I thought this was absolutely brilliant, it is titled "David Duchovny - Building Inspector". I'm sure there are a few people who would react the same way on this board.

**JayDeeMac** · 07-22-2005, 06:09 PM

This one is actually quite disturbing

Nikki K · 07-25-2005, 08:13 AM

Wah! I love the comic strip in the first post, John!

Very funny!

So...

This is what happens when you discuss Jennifer Love Hewitt's new series "Ghost Whisperer", her former involvment with giant mutant bunnies and Skinner dressing up for a halloween party with your fellow partner in crime Simon on a really dark and confusing night.

Skinner: "IT'S JUST A COSTUME, LADY. I SWEAR!!! I'm assistant director of the FBI!"

The next day at his office, when he asks the team to go and investigate Melinda Gordon.

Reyes: "She mistook you for a giant mutant bunny, sir?"

Doggett: "That's so fetch!"

Scully: "I'm sure there is a scientific explanation for this."

Mulder thoughtful: "Do you want me to wear a bunny costume for you, Scully?"

Scully: "No Mulder. I do not want you to wear a bunny costume."

Mulder relieved: "Thank God, my ass would have probably looked fat in this!"

Doggett: "I like your ass all right, Agent Mulder!"

Mulder: "@%&â#²?"

Skinner: "Can we concentrate on my problem for a second?"

Reyes: "Sure, sir." pauses "A giant mutant bunny, sir?"

Skinner: "Shoot me now!"

CSM: "Certainly, Mr. Skinner."

Skinner alarmed: No, I didn't mean it... literally!"

CSM shoots. Hits Follmer.

Nobody notices.

Follmer kind of dying: "I'm really hurt!"

After a while...

Doggett: "You recognised Follmer is kind of dying?"

Scully: "Follmer? Who is that?"

Doggett hostile: "Sonofabitch 's Monica's ex-boyfriend!"

Reyes: "I try hard not to remember that."

Doggett: "They were so damn fetch together."

Skinner: "Cut the crap, Agent Doggett."

Mulder: "Yeah. Nobody liked the guy. And I didn't even know him!"

Scully: "Who are we talking about?"

Mulder: "Some guy named Follmer."

CSM: "Who?"

Skinner: "The guy you just shot!"

CSM: "I deny everything."

Follmer: "Ahm. Could somebody please call an ambulance?"

Mulder: "The truth is out there. Scully, we should go and find it. And I think we should start in AD Skinner's closet!"

Doggett: "Is the bunny costume still in there? You guys could destroy evidence..."

Mulder fakes indignation: "I meant to investigate that, Agent Doggett! What did you think I was going to do with Scully in that closet?"

Doggett: "@%&â#²%!?!"

Follmer: "It really hurts! I'm bleeding a lot!"

Reyes to Skinner: "A bunny costume, sir?"

CSM to Follmer: "Who are you again? All those new people around here... make me somewhat - uncomfortable."

Reyes offers CSM a nicotine gum.

Follmer: "URK!"

Skinner: "She said her name was Melinda. She was talking to ghosts and her boobs were BIG. She said... she said... she said she always wanted to have a giant mutant bunny to... to..." starts crying

Doggett: "Please, uhm... don't cry, sir! We'll get the bastard who did this to you!"

Follmer: "Oh, I give up!" crawls out of the door

Mulder: "Did you guys hear something?"

Everyone shakes their head.

TBC?

**JayDeeMac** · 07-25-2005, 11:38 AM

What was that? Apart from incredibely entertaining of course

Did you write that? Poor Follmer

Nikki K · 07-25-2005, 12:06 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by JayDeeMac

What was that?
Did you write that?

Yes, I'm guilty of that.

We fooled around a little on AIM when we came up with that idea of Skinner dressing up as a bunny for Halloween. So yeah. Glad you were entertained.

**JayDeeMac** · 07-25-2005, 12:33 PM

Yes it was certainly entertaining, will it be continued?

Thought this was quite funny

TOP TEN WAYS OTHER SHOWS ARE RIPPING OFF THE X-FILES

10. Roseanne now claims to be alien abductee
9. Cast of "Baywatch" actually cloned from leftover parts of Cher
8. "CBS Evening News" set to replace Connie Chung with a Yeti
7. Jay Leno says his giant chin is the result of government experiments
6. "Larry King Live" changing name to "Close Encounters of the Larry Kind"
5. Mysterious next-door neighbor on "Home Improvement" revealed to be Deep Throat
4. On "Seinfeld," Kramer finds an alien implant in his hair
3. Principal Skinner relates an out-of-body experience he had in Vietnam on a very special episode of "The Simpsons"
2. Regis will look for aliens while Kathie Lee handles the autopsies
1. Dr. Niles Crane will start setting fires with the power of his mind
by Lain Hughes