Right, hope this comes out OK! I didn`t mess around too much with the formatting and used blue for any dialogue rather than a different colour for each, but feel free to do whatever you wish both with the formatting and characters as it is entirely up to you and you can write whatever you choose!

Action!


The regulars at Sacred Heart have been called to the front desk by Bob Kelso for some news...

Bob

"Thank you all for coming, the board of directors asked me to deliver a message and I was kind
enough to take time out of my day to come and tell you"

Dr Cox

"Stop right there Bobbo, no-one here believes any of that for a second, so how much did they pay
you and when are you leaving?"

Bob (laughing to himself)

"Pay is such an ugly word Perry, maybe that`s because when I looked at the cheque I thought how
obscene it was, but whilst my pay is safely accumulating interest somewhere thousands of miles
away the news is about your pay......or lack of it" (he mutters under his breath)

(Everyone looks around slightly concerned)

Turk (leaning over to Carla)

"Why do I get the feeling this isn`t going to be good"

Carla

"Shut up and listen"

JD (moving in between Turk & Carla)

"Relax brown bear, nothing bad will happen today, the Janitor is on vacation and I`ve got us two
tickets to the Unicorn festival"

(He produces 2 tickets from his Scrubs top which Turk snatches out of his hand excitedly and then
quickly frowns and hands them back)

Turk

"These are tickets for the University of Southern California corn festival"

JD (his face drops as he reads the tickets)

"WHAT? that sneaky ticket wizard at the mall fooled me again, curse his trickery and deceptiveness"

Carla

"Will you shut up, this could be important"

Bob,

"Now then as you know patient numbers have been falling at Sacred Heart, and as we aren`t treating
as many people as all the other hospitals we will be closing down unless we average 15 patients a
day, any less and you will all find yourselves looking elsewhere to do whatever the hell it is you do"

Carla

"They can`t do that, what about the patients and the people that rely on us?"

Bob

"They better hope they have bus passes or a cab fare as they won`t be coming here"

Dr Cox,

"Bob, are you really telling us that the dumbass board of directors.."

Jordan (leans in and whispers)

"Careful sweetie, I`m one of that board and I know where you hide your hockey shirt"

Dr Cox (looking slightly worried)

"You mean the (he looks across at a scowling Jordan and mumbles something) board have decided to..."

Bob (cutting him off)

"Perry, I`d love to stay here and listen but I`ve another errand for the board in the Maldives and
the plane leaves shortly, hurry up Ted, that luggage isn`t going to fly itself"

Ted (struggles into shot covered in suitcases and bags hanging off him)

"Just keep reminding yourself of that beach Teddy, it will all be worth it"

Bob

"You won`t be coming Ted, I need you to stay and look after my lawn while I`m away, that wonderful
golf green finish will need plenty of care (He hands Ted a comb) so make sure all the blades face
the sun during daylight hours and don`t get any chemicals on it, that lawn is my pride and joy"

Ted

"Aaaaaaaaaawwwwwwwwww"

(Bob & Ted leave as the rest turn to one another shocked at the news, as Ted walks out behind
Bob he runs the comb through his hair whilst giving the evil/sad eye)

Carla

"I can`t believe this, how can they just tell us to stop and take away all we know?"

Turk (puts his arm around her)

"We`ll be OK, maybe it`s time we all went in different directions anyway"

JD (replacing Carla`s arm around Turk with his)

"And we`ll always have our tags so we`ll never be too far from each other"

(They both lift up their scrubs bottoms to reveal electronic tags)

Carla

"I`m yet to hear one even remotely sane reason why you need to wear those all the time"

JD

"You know why, incase one of us becomes detached from the waist at sea, the other can then dive
in and retrieve them before we reach land"

Turk

"Thats right buddy, together forever!" (they chest bump)

Carla (rolling her eyes)

"Still waiting"

(The glorious and stunning Alex Hanson walks through the door and inbetween everyone turning all the heads and looking divine for no other reason than I think she`s wonderful and should have had more than 3 episodes!)

JD

"Well at least the day can`t get any worse..."(he suddenly goes cold and looks shaken)

Turk (to JD)

"You OK buddy?"

JD

"I don`t know, it`s as if...."

(A thunderclap sounds as JD looks towards the door terrified and sees the janitor stood there smiling)

JD (angrily)

"I thought you were on vacation"

Janitor (walks over towards them all)

"I was, I had to go to Europe to convince a guy to relinquish the title Jan Itor, he refused so I told
him I`d bash his head in with a broom, he still refused and pointed to the diploma on his wall from the
Dusseldorf Ninja Academy so I relented and told him he could have the name John D Dorian, the keys to
your house and all your major internet passwords and suddenly he was a completely different guy"

Carla (smirking)

"You could say you were scared of his DNA" (she laughs whilst everyone else remains silent)
I don`t care what any of you say, I AM funny dammit"

JD (looking stunned)

"You gave him what??? and they don`t have Ninja academies in Europe, how stupid do you think we are?"

Janitor

"Relax, as if anyone would fly halfway across the world to be you"

JD (uncomfortably)

"I don`t find your words particularly reassuring right now, so are we to call you Jan now?"

Janitor

"No you may not, you may call me Englebert"

JD

"Englebert??"

Janitor

"I bumped into a guy with a piano at a mikshake stand by the side of some road and it turns out he
was on tour but his scooter had broken down, so I made a quick call and had a courier bring him yours
and he let me use him name for the rest of the month"

JD

"I`m sorry but I find this whole story completely riduculous"

Janitor

"Believe what you want, it`s not going to bring your scooter back"

JD (narrating)

"I hate him"

(A backpacker appears at the hospital doors and walks over introducing himself as John)

Janitor (goes to quickly leave)

"Well I`ve got work to do, apparently there`s a buffalo loose on the roof that thinks that
restraining order I issued him with isn`t legally binding, he obviously hasn`t learnt anything
from watching me remove that moose last week"

(They all turn to Elliott who walks in with a cup of coffee and smiles at everyone

"Helloooooooooooooooooooo, so what did I miss?"


*End scene*

Over to whoever else wants to take over

JD
We're not meeting the daily quota of fifteen patients a day and Sacred Heart could get shut down.

Elliot
What? They can't do that!

Perry
Well, that's where you're wrong, Barbie. See, apparently the hospital is in fact not a place of healing but a place of business and quotas run by soulless drones trying to tick a bunch of boxes on a sheet and give themselves a pat on the back so they can feel good enough about themselves to finally crack open that bottle of $40 wine they've been saving and sit down with a good steak and finish the fifth season of The Wire, and go into work the next day with their heads held high and an extensive knowledge of Baltimore gangster slang.

Bob (walking past)
Jus' chill out, dawg.

JD
I hear ya brutha!

Perry (giving JD an icy look)
Anyway, unless everyone in a two mile radius fornicates with a chicken and suddenly contracts bird flu, we're pretty much screwed.

__________________

To the Scrubs board: it was amazing while it lasted.