sunnykerr

Yeah, I'm really not great at compromise either.

I think that's why these "vacations" with my mother take so much out of me.

Because I have to fit myself in the way she does things.

She'll call it a compromise, but basically I'm the one who has to compromise, because of her health.

And, honestly, that's not a problem.

Except that it does become exhausting.

Because I'm not good at compromise. Not because I have issues with working around her health problems.

There You'll Be

Yeah, I know what you mean.

It's just reversed here-Mom has to work around my health issues.

We travel well together though.

For some reason it's always been me and her.

sunnykerr

It's long been me and my mother, too.

I'm pretty grateful that it's now me, my mother, and her husband.

Which is actually probably a little ungrateful of me to say.

Because she was there for me forever when I was younger and had my own health issues, and them my emotional and psychological issues which developed kinda as a result.

Now that it's her turn... I sorta can't handle it.

Well, not for long periods of time anyway.

He's pretty awesome at diffusing the tension/stress.

There You'll Be

He sounds like such an incredible person.

Yeah, I get why you feel ungrateful, but I think you handle it the best you can, and it's hard to change roles.

You get stressed, and that's a natural thing I think.

At least to me.

sunnykerr

I'm sure my stepdad would say he's just an ordinary guy.

And I think he kinda is, too.

He just so happens to be exactly the kind of ordinary guy my mother and I needed, for our very different and separate reasons, of course.

Yeah, my mother does stress me out quite a lot.

I feel bad about that, but it's just the way it always winds up happening.



I guess we just both have to work on trying to be more patient with each other.

There You'll Be

I understand about that with your Mom Sunny.

I catch myself a lot about to say or do something and stop before I say or do anything cranky.

I get frustrated, and used to let her know, often.

That's so awesome that he's like that though-I lost out on the dad/step dad lottery twice, so I am SO glad you have a great one.

sunnykerr

I need to work on that.

Catching myself before I say or do something.

Oh, well.

We're all a work in progress, right?

And, you know, my dad was a good guy, but not really father material.

Not abusive or anything like that. Just tempermental (again, in a non-abusive sort of way, meaning he was hard to predict and he yelled a lot).

My first step-dad I didn't get to know much, because I had already left the home and my dad moved away to go live with him.

But he was kinda... well, he had four daughters and he had thrown each and every one of them out of the house at some point in their lives.

So, you know, I wasn't sad that I didn't get to know him better.

This one. This one's a good one.

There You'll Be

Well, it's a constant battle for me-trying to not say anything.

And yep, some things take work, and all of us are definitely work in progress.

I like how you put that.

This one's a keeper. I'm glad to hear that.

Wow, families can be complicated and messy.

I'm glad you guys have him though.

sunnykerr

He's a really great step-dad, the one I have now.

He brings me to Costco when I need it, even though it's an hour from their place to mine.

He's the one who fixes my computer when I need help and who puts in the A/C unit every year and then takes it out again.

And he helps me talk to my mother when she's being a little insane.

Again, full disclosure, I also have plenty of times when I'm being a little insane.

I just think it's nice to have backup.

There You'll Be

That really is sweet that he does those things for you.

You're like his own daughter it seems like.

It's also GREAT that he can calm things when insanity is taking over.

sunnykerr

I wouldn't say I'm like his own daughter.

Mostly out of respect for my own father, who's a good man and a good dad, in his own way.

My stepfather has a knack for doing the things I want a dad-like person to do.

But my dad doesn't deserve my switching alliegances.



That sounds so ridiculous. Like my life is some bad soap opera.

I just mean that I have my own relationship with my dad.

It wouldn't be fair to forget about that.

There You'll Be

Oh!

I just meant that he doesn't treat you like an outsider-he treats you like you're his daughter.

I didn't consider your dad in either way, cause you've always said good/decent things about him.

sunnykerr

Ah, I see.

Well, no, he doesn't treat me like an outsider.

Than again, I'm not, so that's probably a good thing, right?

He also doesn't treat me the same way he does his sons, though.

They're much more self-reliant.

And, by the sounds of it, that's the way they were raised.

I just appreciate having him in our lives, whatever form that takes.

There You'll Be

Well, that's all that matters to me.

I'm happy you're glad he's there, and that he's a positive addition to your life.

sunnykerr

Well, thank you.

I'm pretty glad, too.

Obviously.

And, hey, now my mother has grandkids, even though none of her children have any children of their own.