[There You'll Be]

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Originally Posted by sunnykerr (View Post) I said I try to live in the now. I'm not better at it than anybody else. But my past wasn't great, so I'd rather think of happier things.

Yeah, I know you are trying.

I think that says a good thing about you.

Yeah, I'm thinking you're right on thinking of different things than the past, for both of us.

[sunnykerr]

OK.

Because what you said was that it was good that I was good at this stuff.

So I just wanted to make it clear that I'm not.

I think it's one of those things where, as long as you're trying, you're doing okay.

But I don't think I'm getting perfect results for all that.

[There You'll Be]

I mean you're good at it because you keep trying, and make progress.

Even if you backslide even at times, I think you are doing great.

I've been doing a lot of thinking, lesson wise, spiritually, other ways, and to think of things differently.

Like, I've been shut down, and I'm opening up some again?

Our discussions have really helped.

[sunnykerr]

If you're opening up to positive things, I think that's a good thing.

Life always has both sides, good and bad, and I can't imagine it's healthy to only ever see either one, really.

That's all I do, in the end.

I try to keep that duality in mind.

By default, I do tend to be negative as well, so I just try to remind myself of the good.

[There You'll Be]

I'm definitely opening up more again, and it's scary for me, but feels good at the same time?

Does that make sense?

I'm catching myself re-thinking things pretty quickly now, about moving towards the positive rather than negative.

I think that's a good plan, remembering the duality.

[sunnykerr]

It's always scary to try new things.

It's especially scary when you're trying to change yourself, your own reflexes and thought processes.

But it's worth it.

Anything that's worth it is usually a little scary at first.

Because, must as I know focusing on the negative isn't good for you or something you enjoy per se, it is what you're used to.

It may be what comes naturally to you, too.

But you won't know how awesome focusing on the positive can be unless you try.

Even if trying is hard and scary.

[There You'll Be]

That's true.

And there is such a great feeling after trying.

Especially if we succeed.

Trying is definitely hard and scary for me.

I imagine it is for everyone.

But as you said, I think it will be worth it.

I'm sure it will take practice.

[sunnykerr]

See, for myself, I try without really expecting results.

Or without expecting to see the results.

Because I'm trying to not compare with what it's like when I'm being negative.

Because that would mean thinking about being negative.

So I just try to be positive and think of the here and now

I hope I'm making things better and easier for me, but that's it.

I think it's worth it because I'm nowhere near as depressed as I used to be.

But I also know that I have to put in the effort pretty much all the time.

[There You'll Be]

That makes sense-and is a way I hadn't thought of it.

Yeah, when you're depressed it definitely takes effort.

And once you're feeling better, that for sure takes effort.

But it sounds very worth it.

[sunnykerr]

It pretty much always takes effort since it's not how I naturally think.

But then nothing worth it comes easy, so that's okay.

You're right, it must be worth it.

It certainly beats can't be worse than the alternative.

[There You'll Be]

I wish I could maintain any kind of maintenance on it.

Lately I'm all about avoidance.

I know from the past it's worth it, I'm just really, really tired.

I'm glad you're doing the work and maintenance it takes.

[sunnykerr]

I think we all try to avoid whatever it is we find unpleasant.

It's just not a sustainable way of life.

At least, not for me.

At some point, I just had to learn to deal.

But everyone does it.

[There You'll Be]

Yeah, I eventually come to a point where I'm forced to deal with some things.

Then I have no choice.

It's taking me a while to get back into the rhythm of doing things I need to do, but not forced to do.

[sunnykerr]

It's never pleasant to have to confront issues that make us uncomfortable in any way.

And past pain is probably the worst experience to confront of all.

For myself, I try to avoid stuff like that.

But then there comes a point where the band-aid needs to be ripped off if I can ever move on.

And since I would always prefer to be happy, moving on is not an option.

[There You'll Be]

Yeah, it really is.

I'm starting to get more of a grip on it, or at least burying it for a while.

Taking it a little at a time.

That's got to be hard for you, too.

As you said though, sometimes it's necessary.

It would definitely not be an option.