ImmortallyUsed

hah she hated him

S.A.S.H.A.

Sean Bean in "Not Dead" shocker.

Sean "Bodybag" Bean has dismayed legions of fans with his latest film Troy by ruthlessly surviving through to the end of the film. Known for snuffing it in every movie he makes, this new career move has not found favour with Bean’s audience

"We love Sean." said one fan. "We love his powerful screen presence and warm, noble voice. But most of all we love the way his cold dead corpse hits the floor at the end of every movie."

“After seeing Sean's powerful yet moving performances in Lord of the Rings and Equilibrium, we knew that we wanted him for Troy." said director Wolfgang Peiterson. "He was reluctant to do the movie at first when it became apparent that Odysseus didn't die. He wanted to play Achilles, or Hector, or fourth cannon fodder from the left. In the end, I was able to convince him to take the role we were offering."
"Oh man," he mutters. "Big mistake."

It soon became apparent that Bean's non-death was troubling him, according to actor Eric Banna.
"He seemed twitchy, restless. The problems started when we were filming the battle scene outside the walls of Troy. Sean turned up with a bullseye painted on his breastplate and began to moon the archers. Then when we did the camera wide-pan across the field of dead, we'd always see Sean there in a fake beard, clawing at the sky and writhing his final breath."
When asked to confirm reports that he himself had shown up for the big Achilles/Hector fight spray painted green and wearing spandex pants, Bana simply replied that he'd been drinking the night before and "Got Confused."

"Every scene we did, man, ever scene." mumbles Brad Anniston-sorry-Pitt. "Every scene Sean'd suddenly whip out a book of poetry, read a few lines and look at me all expectant."

"It was a real problem during the nekkid love scene between Paris and Helen." muses Orlando Bloom. "I mean, here I am, trying to create a sense of intimacy and passion with an actress and suddenly Sean comes staggering through the shot, dressed in full armour, clawing at his throat and gasping his last. We had to do 60 takes before we could keep him out."
Bloom suddenly goes wistful and begins to drool.
"Sixty takes." he mumbles, grinning.

Problems grew and grew. According to sources, by the tenth day of shooting there were 521 separate outtakes in which Bean had unexpectedly run into shot, shouted “Arrrgggh” and fallen over.

"In the end, I took the bull by the horns." says Wolfgang Peiterson. "I wrote and shot a death in battle for Sean in which he gets stabbed, shot, burned, detonated, crushed, poached and tickled. After that, Sean was no problem at all, turned up every day with a smile on his face and a skip in his stride."
"What I didn't tell Sean was that I had no intention of including the scene in the final
film."

But the scheme reportedly went wrong at the World Premiere. When the end credits began to roll and it became apparent that the death scene had been cut, Bean leapt to his feet, ran up in front of the screen, shouted "Arrrggh" and fell over. He reportedly stayed there until a local doctor was persuaded to pronounce him dead.

The actor's one man show, "Sean Bean shouts Arrrrggh and falls over" is currently touring London's West End.

Sasha

ImmortallyUsed

lmfao that was great

coracat

Troy was not as bad as I thought it would be, lol.

The only thing that destroyed my view of the world was Paris/ Orli crawling on the floor to his brother begging to get his life saved. what a wuss! LOL!!

*MaRiGoLd*

So in a weird way, i was right?¿....i knew it!!!....jajajajaj....
In the end, Achillies is killed by the gods....

Alexander

He was killed by Apolo, yes, b/c no man could kill him in battle, Achillies was a demi-god, which wasn't explained in "Troy" btw, his mother is a regular human being, but his father is an immortal god. However, had he not "defied" Apolo when He was trying to rescue Hector from the front lines, who knows...

*MaRiGoLd*

Yeah...and Achilles had other brothers right?....cause i know that the reason why Achilles had this "weakness" ...is that his father did not want all of his children to be inmortals....so when they were inmersing him into the water (to be inmortal they had to be wash by this holy water or something like that i think)....they hold him by his little feet, and his feet did not touch the water...that's why the only part of his body that could kill him were his heel....

well....that's the way my borther told me the story....if it's wrong, please tell me so i can go and kill him....thanx...

+ - ReD - +

does anyone know where i could find a copy of the script from Troy?

dark noon

that's what i would like to know.

Alexander

I guess a good old faithful "google" search is the best I can do

ImmortallyUsed

i think one thing we do have to remeber is wolfgang peterson was inspired by homer's iliad it was not based

that has alot to do with people's interpretation of the movie

i could only find the draft of troy it opens in acrobat reader

here

hobbitongirl

I think, I ´d change the "burning Troy"-scene...It´s so non-personal, no one catches my eye, it doesn´t really bother me, It seems to me like stones and wood dying, not men...

But the whole rest of the movie is perfect.

I don´t like Diane Kruger, she hasn´t got charisma, but I think it shows the missing importance to the whole Helen thing, Troy is the subject, not that silly woman...

ImmortallyUsed

yeh i agree with that comment about diane
she didnt bring much life to her role, quite a shame

i think they chose a wipe effect with the burning of troy to finsish and conclude the movie more quickly

i would like to have seen more drama in those scenes

Dreamer who loves candy

Oh yeah... the babies would have been so cute....

Dreamer who loves candy

What???!