[MarissaAngell]

It did. And I get it, totally. And agree.
I have only one true friend for RL and bunch of online friends all over the world.

I'm not even close to being social. And I've always been afraid of people.

So making only couple friends is a giant achievement. And now, on top of that, my relatives are expecting me to get married soon and start making babies

I hope there is a reason for me being the way I am. Because I'm unable to get a job being this way.
I'm too shy, too hesitant, too distant and absolutely avoiding socializing with fellow peers.
But to get a job I must be completely opposite.
Same goes for getting new friends

I'm hoping to get at least back to contact with my old friends from school, at least them I can tolerate

[Doxia]

Originally Posted by MissAndieWitter (View Post) I think everything happens for a reason. I think you meet the people you do when you're supposed to meet them. If you stop talking to them or find yourselves growing distant, whatever the circumstance might be, there's a reason for that. I believe that every thing that does or does not happen and every person that you come across or lose contact with leaves some kind of mark on you, teaches you something, whether you realize what it is right then or not. For a long time I thought that something was seriously wrong with me because I had no friends. I was afraid of people and I had a wall up a lot of the time, preventing me from making new ones. I was afraid that my past would repeat itself, so I didn't see the point. I now know why I had that period of time without anyone in my life...so I can now appreciate the ones who busted down my walls that much more. I've never had anyone do that before. I've never had anyone so desperate and so dedicated in being my friend. I'm glad I was so protective of myself, otherwise I wouldn't have the relationships that I have now. I hope that made sense. My brain kind of just exploded all over the page.

It's interesting because of what someone did to me last year, not only is my wall up and stronger than ever, I've changed the music I listen to. I suppose there was a reason for me being hurt the way I was, but I don't see it. What I DO know is that I'm very picky now when it comes to possible friendships. I want to make sure that it is worth the time I would invest in it. With all the other things in life I'm able to do now, I want to make sure that the time I do have to spend with someone is worth it. Call me crazy, but since this is my time I'm talking about, I want to make sure I'm using it to the best of my ability.

Audrey
aka the quiet one.

[MarissaAngell]

It does make sense, A lot actually.

I used to have a friend I believed I'll be with forever. I knew her since birth because our mom's became friends after our birth.
My mom has (obviously) never been social, so obviously we both hurt in our own way when my friend and her mom met a guy and moved away. We lost contact and that was when I made my first wobly walls. School was really rough (not to say tortuous for a kid with my psyche) and first year turned so evil I immediately regretted my choice. I wished never to have left art classes and so that I'd stayed homeschooled like planned.
But came second year and I met a fellow soul (the friend I lost after many great years only to find her again... changed) So for a while my existence was sufferable. Bullies took most at her (boy side) so I was mostly left to fight through an evil girl (whom I now fully understand) and a boy who was constantly bugging me because we were put to sit together (and he only begun what I should have had developed if I'd been a normal kid with normal psyche).

Looking back at this I realized I was too weak, psychologically inexperienced and fragile. I should have stayed at home but kept to art. It would have been the easiest way, and gentlest nonetheless. I would have been something meaningful by now (an artist)
But I'd never learned to realize my true temperament. Yeah, if only I had the mind to fight against (I was afraid to upset mom if I got into a fight, back then I was a handful drama queen- possibly because I could never cowboy-up for such spectacles at school). I just should have been a bit more courage and more police officer in me...

But now I see that. I see all my mistakes, lack of mistakes, my fears, views and whatnot. I see it all now, when it's too late to change.
But I can only go on, start something new and hope these people won't have to write down on paper that I should be more open, smile more or be myself (we had this exercises at school - each has paper and pass forward, everyone writes something for paper owner and hides it and pass on until full circle, then each open their paper and reads what others think of other)... Now I see that maybe to them I was appearing someone they maybe feared to talk to. Maybe they judged me wrong because I was too quiet, too sad, too closed up.

But despite understanding I still hate them, those who bullied me. I see now it was a proof of how much different I am still, but also a test of personality. A character growing session I failed because they made me close in and climb out only when away.

Just now, after I'm familiar with a tv show, White Collar, I've seen so much about it. I was all the time conning me and everyone else. I was a girl with many faces.
With mom and gran I was one, at school other, with my friend one more, away from home completely other. I was a con artist. And from all the most I had conned myself.

This tv show has opened so much of old closed door that I now see what kind of person I actually am and what I still need to work on.

And in the middle of it is me, still having my walls up. And still only getting out of this shell I've put myself in from fear of getting hurt by others. I made myself distant and lonely because I was, am, afraid to get hurt like I was all those years ago...



...and now I made myself with this psycho-babble of mine

[MBfan19]

That's pretty tough to go through with a friend moving away which happened to me but the other way around. We lived in Missouri for two years and then moved back to New York and I kept in contact with my friend through penpal. We kept it up for maybe a year and then it stopped. Through out the years I would call her but she never called me and I would try and catch up with her. At some point I just gave up. I dont know why I did but when the other person doesnt make the effort to keep the friendship why should I? I just had to accept that we will never get back in contact with each other. If I chose I could look her up on facebook but I dont think I want to.

[MarissaAngell]

My first friend isn't much for social networks but you gave me an idea for checking facebook I'll try to actually see if more of my old classmates are on db...

I just realized I had another friend. We met only during summers because she moved then to her summer house and I went with mom and gran to our garden. Then we met and played together until I had to go home. I remember only her name but not how did she look because she resembled my cousin somehow. And it seems her name isn't unique.


It is actually a concept I still must learn to accept. But my problem is that I get attached to people and being separated sometimes feels like ripping off a bandaid.
And that small ache for the lost friendship stays, sometimes longer than needed.

I know how you feel. It was basically same with my friend (mentioned in previous post, name's Maya) we we're great friends, our mom's we're friends. And suddenly dang! new daddy comes, takes family to a better life cutting the bond and because mom was upset I never found her again until social network gave me an idea to look her up. We went for a bit by letters but then it died down because obviously she pursued her future and past became insignificant.

It always leaves me heartboken when I loose a friend I've held dear because to me friends are family and I always end up loosing part of myself when friendship is severed.

Guess it's just the kind of person, too friendly for my own good, too clingy and too hoping.
But I guess it's time to loose this childish ideal and grow some because I'm a big girl... and as a song says, "big girls don't cry", I must accept that lost is lost and new is new. Everything happens for a reason, so let's assume there was a reason for what's happened

[MBfan19]

I definitely agree with you that things happen for a reason and we meet the people we meet for a reason. I'm that type of person to get attached to people and may be clingy. One year my best friend's boyfriend was deployed to Iraq and every day that he was there he would call her. So most of her time was waiting for him to call her. Of course I understood the situation but at the same time I was like she wasn't calling me anymore and when we chat it was only for a few mins. I confronted her and we ended up both crying. I told her i'll try to be as more understanding as possible.

[Cadenf]

Does anyone post here anymore?

[Make Them Laugh]

thanks for bumping this Cathy

[LLamacorn In Training]

Yep!

but it's a come and go whenever anyone does.

All I know, is I have resolved a friendship for the better and I couldn't be more pleased than I am to have resolving this one friendship.

[MarissaAngell]

Meh! I dunno what to take of all this... but I'm suddenly having old memories coming back and some weird thoughts pestering my conscience...

So my German friend and former classmate (who moved to Germany and ''came out'') didn't meet me as I had been hoping. But she said maybe summer... I dunno why but I secretly have some weird-ish thoughts about fixing this old friendship...
I'm also pretty much discovering my increasing-dislike towards romantic stuff and the idea of dating is getting the more disgusting than ever....

So I simply don't like men in that way.... nor anyone else atm... it's confusing and I dunno how to feel about it...
But I've been told it's not a bad thing.. So I assume I'm not mental.. yet

[Aurora Cormier]

Does anyone post here anymore?

Hey Cathy!

[Cadenf]

Originally Posted by Miss Chambers (View Post) Hey Cathy!

Hey Ju! Love you! Come visit sometime!

----
I was asking who was here because I need some relationship/kid advice.

[Aurora Cormier]

I will dear, you come visit as well! We'll have a rewatch this Sunday, btw, if you wanna join


And you're in the right thread, you can talk to us

[Cadenf]

Originally Posted by Miss Chambers (View Post) I will dear, you come visit as well! We'll have a rewatch this Sunday, btw, if you wanna join And you're in the right thread, you can talk to us

I popped in the other day. I'll come back later today!

----
I need advice on how to deal with getting the girls to actually clean up after themselves.

But my biggest problem is that my husband doesn't support me in parenting...how can I get him on board as opposed to him encouraging the bad behavior.

[Tina]

Cathy: Maybe this article will help?