My mother in-law had Parkinson's and father in-law had congestive heart failure....both began to have dementia pretty bad and instead of using the weekly med box for each of them I prepared for them each week...they began to line both of their prescription medications along the edge of kitchen counter all mixed up and would take what they wanted whenever they walked by.....what ever was left over at the end of the day, the scooped up and put in the candy dish...:lol: and :no: Scolding them wouldn't do any good because they wouldn't remember 10 minutes later anyway. :lol: Then my mother in-law began to put the paper napkins used at mealtime in the oven and her "Tennis" Shoes in the freezer. So we called a family conference with my husband's two older brothers and their wives and decided they needed to move from their home into Assisted living and began checking them out and tasting samples of their meals. Once we decided on a place and they had an immediate opening, we informed the parents and they fortunately agreed they needed more help with cooking, dressing at times, hygiene and would be nice to be able to socialize more. And for my father i-law to stop driving....he was beginning to get into fender benders in the parking lot because his eyesight and depth perception was way off. All four corners of the bumpers of the car were dented and had scrapes on the sides of the car.....mostly from parking.......hard or most men to give up driving....the last feeling of Independence!!!
Any way best stop.....I always have a story and am writing several books about my life.....

Hard to lose some people in our lives even when we are expecting it...

:group_hug:

Moms funeral and gathering is Saturday.

I'll be the one sneaking off to the bar and getting loaded. :nod:

That is very understandable!!! :hug: Times a billion. I will be praying for you and family for strength that day especially.....hard going to family funerals especially a mom or dad's if you had a good relationship......:hug:
And hard when everyone says "I am so sorry."...and everyone is hugging you...even people you don't really know well or haven't seen for many years!!!

Take care.....

*virtual hug* I don't know you, but I hope you're going to be ok.

I don't know the pain of losing a parent, so I can't know your pain.

be strong.

Thanks for the support :) it really does help even from people you've met. (I know this post is late)

I'm at a point right now where I'm at the denial stage and wondering if pulling the plug was the right thing and we didn't cheat her out of many more years of life.

Every now and then you hear about these miracle cases. I always thought I couldn't make the decison to pull the plug. What if they become a miracle?

With my dad he always told us he would want us to pull the plug. The night he died...my sister ran out of the room and asked the doctor was he sure there was nothing they could do, that there wasn't a small chance. Within an hour we were pulling the plug after everyone got there. I didn't think it would be that soon. And I wasn't ready. But I agreed it was time. I was surprise I was able to do it and I knew he would would of been proud.

Once you're brain dead... :shrug:

Anyway, Kali, I'm here for you, if you want to talk.

At least the option to pull the plug was had, either knowing it was they wanted or what family felt was the right thing to do. to be given a choice in a situation that really doesn't give control to anyone but the universe. To be able to be there, to say good bye. I see that as a small gift. To be able to help end someone's suffering, or to fulfill their wishes.

The end result. It sucks. It just freaking sucks. But it's the little things in between where you find the small gifts. It's hard to see now but in time you'll look back and see one or two.

I apologize if what I said above sounds rude or anything of the sort. It's not intended to be that way. It's purely selfish on my part because I didn't get options, or even an hours notice.

Two weeks ago yesterday, I got phone call telling me that my Grams passed. Suddenly and very unexpectedly. She wasn't sick, she wasn't in an accident. She just...her heart just stopped. I lost the one person who understood me and what I'm dealing with and never once tried to make me feel bad for how I was dealing with my illness. I still don't think I know it's real yet.


:hug: Thanks Sunny

Kali :hug:

For us it wasn't really a choice to pull it or not it was just a matter of when we were ready to let go.

Your grandmother still understands you, Kali. At least, that's my belief. You can still have the knowledge that one person understands you completely, with whatever you're going through, whatever decisions you make.

It's unfair that she was taken away from you so suddenly and at what was already a difficult time. That goes without saying, even though I just said it....

:hug: April It just sucks, no matter who it is or how it happens.


Sunny - logically I know and believe that, it's just the part of never hearing her say it again.



I got texts from her everyday. She was supposed to grow really, really old and just be around forever. Don't get me wrong I love and adore my family and they are always there for me but my Grams she the one where I could tell the worst of it to.

She was such an eclectic woman, well you know from what I've shared. She always told me I was weird like her. She just always made things better. Now I get to have one sided conversations and pray like hell I can feel her.

Well, here's the part where it's less logical. She will visit you in your dreams. That happens. And who knows what all she's doing on the other side to help you with that you're going through with your health.

It's never gonna stop sucking. Rose Kennedy, who knew a bit more about grief and loss than I do, said that the loss of a loved one never heals. It's a constant wound. But, with time, a scar does grow and makes it a little bit easier to not be overwhelmed by it.

In the meantime, remember how much she loved you, because you know she absolutely did. And know that she knew how much you loved her, because we don't get to take anything else with us when we leave this world. All we have is the love we share.

That is all very true. :nod:

Thats the thing about grief, it affects us all differently and we tend to react diffrently to the people we lose in our lives. Sucks to say but some people just affect us harder than others, dosen't mean you love them any less :shrug: Its weird.

We got the notification that her will will be read on Wednesday. I can't be there but my parents headed back up there yesterday. They have to decide what to do with the house, ( my dad already owns it ) and some other grave site things.

Grief is plain weird. It affects people differently and in different ways. The thing, too, is that you can't judge from moment to moment how it is for you. Because you'll think you're fine, and you will be. But then some super random thing will happen and it'll land on you like a tonne of bricks.

Are they expecting any surprises with your grandmother's will or had she pretty much settled everything already?

There shouldn't be any surprises, she had everything planned out, Both she and my grandpa had made their arrangements a longtime ago. Will, caskets, plots and headstones. They didn't want my dad or his sister to have to deal with anything. but apparently there was an issue with the headstone pr something so thats what my dad has to go deal with.

This makes me smile to think about it even though it still really hurts but, My Grams... this is how carefree of a person she was, she told the person who was assisting them that she wanted to "try out her casket because she didn't want to be laying in anything hard forever". and she actually climbed in several before making her choice.