Thank you so much for posting that. My dad wasn't a perfect man. He made mistakes, a lot of mistakes. He was really rough and touch when I was little. But I wouldn't want any other man as my father. After his second divorce around 07-08ish he would go through cycles of depression. During his depression I he would send me and my sisters a long text message that would basically say he knew that he wasn't a good father to us growing up and he was sorry for that. Can't remember what else. The last one was maybe around 2014ish. It almost sounded like it was a goodbye text. That night before we told them to go ahead and unplug the machines I told him that I know he thought he wasn't a good father but he was the best one to me. But for the most part I'm doing better than I thought would be.

The thing with his mom is that she had manage to swipe some items that should be ours. Like his phone. But now she claims she doesn't have it, she took it to the funeral home and put next to the guest book which is a lie. She manage to swipe the pictures we gave them to use for the side show our copy of the side show (which there was 2 copies one for her one for us and she claims she only has one which is another lie), and the guest book. That guest book is mine. I bought it from a store and had it personalized and paid $60 for it. But she's always been like this. She likes to steal stupid stuff that isn't hers. My mom said she would steal toys from us when we were little. She has my aunt and uncle's wedding album. This woman is crazy.

I was close to him but would go months without seeing or talking to him. I lived about 30 minutes away and he worked overnights and had a crazy schedule. My one sister saw him all the time because she lived 5 minutes away from him.

I'm sorry to hear your dad suffered with depression, I know how hard that is to go through. My dad wasn't a perfect man either, he worked a lot. But he always did his best, and made my childhood fun. He was also an extremely funny man. Both my dad and I had our regrets in the end because he moved away to Cambridge with his girlfriend (an awful person that I wish he never met), but we didn't see each other as much the last few years before he was diagnosed. But it was important that I let him know that he had nothing to regret even though I felt it myself. I didn't put in the effort I wish I had, which is also how he felt. Anyways, like you because my Dad lived away for 2 years before he was diagnosed, and because he worked a lot. I only saw him at holidays and we talked through text a lot. I think because of that I was in extreme denial after he died. Even though I went through everything, and I have his urn in my bedroom because he wanted it to not be buried but to stay with me. With all that, I went through a period where I just felt like it was all a nightmare, and he was just back in Cambridge. So that was hard to come to grips with.

I'm happy to hear that you're doing better for the most part. As for your grandma, that is terrible!! I'm so sorry you have to deal with that. I would lose my mind if someone did that to me. I was my Dad's only child, so he left everything to me and I got first reign on all of his possessions.

We finally got everything back from my grandma. Except for the phone that she claims she doesn't have. That she took it to the funeral home and left it next to the guest book. Which we all know is a lie. But whatever.

My dad was an organ donor. I talked to them the day he passed and actually received a card and grief pamphlet in the mail from the coordinator I spoke to.
Yesterday I get something from an eye foundation which I was confused until I opened it. They were able to successfully transplant both of his corneas in two different people and in their was a small grief book and a donor life pin.
Today there was a package on my steps from the main donor company. In there was a pretty medallion, some more grief pamphlets and an letter. And another donor life pin.

And of course I cried after opening them both.

That is pretty amazing April. :hug: What a beautiful gift he was able to give in a time of tragedy. :hug: I know it wasn't easy to open and read the information but I hope it gives you and your family comfort to know he helped others in such a selfless way. It's a beautiful memorey created in a time of such sadness.

That is incredibly amazing. :nod: Not enough people do organ donation and it is so necessary. :nod:

I'm actually an organ donor too and have been since I was 15. Although I really just wanted the heart on my licenses (I have a thing for hearts).

I always thought of organ donation as the internal organs and not thinking about the eyes which part of me kind gets creeped out about it. But like he had said to me once when he's gone he has no use for any of it.

He also gave money every month to St Jude's and the Wounded Warrior Project.

My brother told me to get off the donor list because he believes they won't even try to keep you alive but just your organs alive.

I believe they won't purposely let me "die" just for the sake a part is needed.....we don't live in a country where organs are ripped out of people's bodies in back allies everyday....I know realisticly there are some "Black Market" organs harvested.....in the US....unfortunately.....:no:

I am remaining an organ donor for whatever is healthy enough by the time I die......want to help as many people as possible....being a retired nurse and all....still wanting to help in whatever way I can!!! :nod:

I've heard that too. How does the hospital know you are an organ donor? Now that I think about it the place that dealt with it had called me within a few hours.

Even though I wanted to blame the hospital that they dropped the ball somewhere, that they should of caught the brain bleed earlier that day or something they didn't do caused it I knew they did their best. I remember the look on the doctors face that night. He looked almost as heartbroken as we did. Even after we left the ICU and was back in the waiting room after everything, me and my siblings went back there again and thanked the nurses and doctor. We know that we got a gift. We got an extra week with him. Even 2 days with him awake and talking. Even being there at the very end. I know most people don't get to be there at the end.

The day they woke him up and while we were waitng for the doctor to come talk to us we were back in a conference room. My one sister said she looked up how much the ecmo maching can cause. And being my father's daughter and inheriting his sense of humor I looked at my siblings and asked who was selling what on the black market.

It says it on my driver's license....you can make sure it says it on the form before any surgery, too...

My mother was an OR scrub nurse for 40+ years and she dealt with organ donation. The idea that doctors won't try as hard to save a person if they see that this person is an organ donor drives her insane. Because it's bogus. They take their Hypocratic Oath seriously enough to do everything in the world to save a person, any person. Heck, for those doctors who think they're God, losing a patient for any reason is not something they get over well at all, even if it can be part of their job.

I also grew up in the pediatric wing, okay? I spent the first 20 years of my life watching kids on that list... sign the card. Just, sign the card.

Actually, sign the card and tell every single one of your loved ones that you want to donate your organs and cells and anything that can be useful in the event of your death. Because even if you've signed that card, if your mother, father, child or significant other doesn't want the hospital to proceed with that, they'll try to convince them to honour your wishes, but they won't act against the intentions in the end.

I don't think I ever signed a card just checked a box on forms for my license. But it's listed on my license.

The day of when I talked to the organ donation coordinator she listed off what my father had wanted to donate and asked if there was anything I didn't wish for them to take. I know that they used his tissue for research purposes and told that if I decided I didn't want them to use it anymore that they would destroy any remaining ones. So I did have options to override my father wishes. But I told them to take/use whatever they could. It's what he wanted.

But in the package I received was a copy of his organ donor registration and in bold it said if the person is over 18 at the time of death their wishes must be honor and no one could go and say no. So I'm a little confuse on that.

Ah, see, here, you sign the back of your health-insurance card and that's how they know you want to donate your organs. :shrug: Maybe people with drivers' licences have to check something... I wouldn't know since I've never had one.

I'm inclined to think that, at the end of the day, they abide by the wishes of people who are still around to make a nuisance of themselves. I mean, I would hope that one's final wishes were always respected, but what are the odds really? Maybe it depends on whomever the person having to decide (if ever there's a difference between the paperwork and the surviving loved ones) and how that person feels that day.

I don't know.

But I've seen a lot of reporting on the needs for wills, living wills, etc. to know that the law (in Canada anyway) isn't super clear-cut as yet, so your best bet is to (i) have a will and file it with the notary public and (ii) inform everyone of your end-of-life wishes and then hope for the best.

Here you just sign up through the DMV. Not sure how you would do it without a license but most people that don't have a license should have an id card which looks just like licenses just a different color and I believe you can do it through that.

While he was in the hospital his mother told my sister that he had a DNR and she was off to go find it. Me and my one sister (the one closer to my age) knew he didn't have one. She almost went off but I calmed her down and we went to talked to a nurse. She said it's impossible to forge one and it has to be down with a lawyer because it's a legal paper. But a lot of people confuse DNR with things that people put in their wills. But that is one of the questions that he was asked when he was admitted. And in his chart it said he said no to a DNR which if he did have a paper one his verbal consent is just as good and that would override it.
Although my sort of aunt who is a nurse said that even if he told them yes to a DNR and something happened and he couldn't respond to them us as his next of kin could of override it.

That was the issue when the mechanical heart pump was originally bought up. The younger sister along with his parents was so sure he would say no just from things he has said in the past. When it was first bought up and the social worker talked to us the younger one was so against it (this was before they woke him up and it was looking like we would have to make this decision). She had asked us what if we said yes and he resented us. And we both were on the same page. I rather have him resent me and not talk to me and be alive.

And that's what I was afraid of with DNR. I don't think I could respect his wishes and would of told them to do whatever it took to keep him alive.

I was actually surprise with myself I was in agreement to turn off the machines at that time. I wanted a few hours to come to terms with it. But everyone else said yes. At that point there was nothing else the doctors could do. And that was a wish I knew he had. If it came down where only machines were keeping him alive and there was no hope in recovery he wanted us to turn the machines off. I always joked with him I would keep him on the machines as long as the insurance paid for it. But oddly enough that was a situation I have thought of before. I always thought if you're not married it's your oldest child who makes the decisions (during the week different people insinuated different things some insinuated that it was me as the oldest others was the children as a group. We finally asked someone I tforget what kind of nurse he was but he said it was his job to know all the legal stuff and said in our state it was the majority ruling of the children). But I always knew and felt I could not tell them to take my father off of the machines. But I did. And I know he would of been proud of me for that.

But in hindsight I wished I had asked them for 5 minutes alone with him.

Interesting that your mom was an OR scrub nurse for 40+ years!!! Must have been a facinating career for her!!! I :love: surgery...watching the surgeons...the good ones who love to teach!!!As a student nurse, the doctors were great at explaining everything to me and why...as a nursing assistant during nurses' training I was able to observe surgeries, too. The surgeons got permission from the patients for me to watch their surgeries. Again, doctors would explain things and answer my questions!!!

Organ Donors can save a lot of people's lives....Because of all of my medical issues....my organs will all need to be checked for effeciency......my kidney's have lowered function due to side effects of some meds I use to be on.....I have kidney function checked every 3-6 months. It has slightly improved!!! :nod:

It was a great career for her. She had a true vocation. But it also made her tremendously ill, both physically and mentally. She's had burnout, depression, anxiety issues, a diagnosis of Parkinson's disease and arthrosis, IBS, etc. Not all of which was born out directly of those 40+ years, but all of which were either the result of or incredibly worsened by her profession.

But, as it relates to the loss of a person and the mourning process, throughout her career, my mother was always particularly inhabited by the notion that her role was to be of service to people in need. So she accompanied people through the loss of a loved one, through the giving and receiving of organs, through abortions, through tragedies and miracles.

And, because of her, I can tell you that no one dies alone in a hospital. I know, for having been hospitalized a lot myself, that you can feel like you're no more than a number when you're in there. But they do care. Maybe there are nurses and doctors who really should check where their heart has gone to, but those are not the majority. Sometimes, it's the nature of their job that has taught them to compartimentalize their feelings in order to give care. Sometimes it's just a question of misunderstanding each other.

But they care.