Sunrise at Midnight

The National Domestic Violence Hotline | 24/7 Confidential Support

* There is a warning that pops up on this site, if you feel your abuser can track your computer history, the pop up will give you a number to call instead * I will add the number here shortly.

• On average, 24 people per minute are victims of rape, physical violence or stalking by an intimate partner in the United States — more than 12 million women and men over the course of a year.
  
• More than 1 in 3 women (35.6%) and more than 1 in 4 men (28.5%) in the United States have experienced rape, physical violence and/or stalking by an intimate partner in their lifetime.
  
• Females ages 18 to 24 and 25 to 34 generally experienced the highest rates of intimate partner violence.
  

Let's have an open discussion, offer support, listen...just be here for anyone who needs it.

I only have the link for the US....if you have other links you'd like added just let us know

Sunrise at Midnight

So the reason I started this thread is because of the coverage of Ray Rice and some questions that my niece was asking....and the sad truth is I couldn't answer her questions to her liking.

How do you answer these kinds of questions when as an outsider you don't have all the facts. every answer just wasn't good enough because it just left more questions.

Why did she marry him after he hit her?
Doesn't she know she's telling other women it was okay for him to do that.?
Why did she say it was her fault?

How would you answers these question if a young impressionable girl asked you?

LLamacorn In Training

Sometimes, it is all a person thinks they will be successful in, because that person puts a mind toll game on them, and they convince the person, that they are all they will be. At other times a person is so desperate for love they will take anything. Sometimes, they don't see the behavior until they are far too deep in the relationship and they stay in it because they are threatened of they leave. I know someone who is going through this right now, I gave her two numbers of places that she can get help and she threw it back at me like "I am not going there" blah, blah and so it is her fault she is staying in the relationship because she doesn't think she can do better. I started warning her from day one as to be careful and she didn't listen to me. Now, when I se her husband I can't look at him the same. I ignore his presence and I told mu mom what happened and she informed me to stay away from their house now.

This person who is sort of a friend, but in reality is way too needy for me, said he would never hurt the child, yet though it may not be physical abuse it is emotional when her child sees him hurting her. The child is not biologically his.

Sunrise at Midnight

That's exactly what I was trying to explain to her, but it felt like all the explanations were making it one big contradiction for the woman. This isn't a cookie cutter issue it's such a complicated thing to explain to little girls.

BlackSapphire

Yeah, tolerated domestic violence with my ex husband.


Sorry, I can't tell the story. Too much to handle.
Maybe one day.....

Sunrise at Midnight

Vicki. I was thinking about you the other other day and said a few prayers for you

BlackSapphire

Thank you, Kali.
You are a special lady.

i never learn

any ~explanation there is, is merely an excuse for what happened imo. all i would say to your niece is: this is an example of what not to do... and then arm her with a list of things she'll remember for future reference. i mean, to be perfectly blunt, anyone that would marry a known abuser is asking to be abused again. one and done. it's that simple.

Sunrise at Midnight

See this is exactly how I was raised, love doesn't hurt, emotionally or physically, that is what my sister has tried to instill in her girls.

So my niece is struggling with why a lady would knowlingly marry someone who would hurt her, that she didn't respect herself enough to remover herself so I told her a woman can try to leave but be so fearful for her life or her kids that she just can't without taking a huge risk..there are all kinds of various factors....it's just a endless cycle trying to explain to her.

What really bothers me is trying to explain this to her without putting unentened blame on the woman who is suffering.

Does this make any sense?

i never learn

it makes perfect sense and any victim that has been betrayed by someone they not only know, but love and trust, will often grapple with speaking out against their attacker. i'm at a point though that, and this is more geared towards women with children, but it's hard to feel empathy for someone that would willingly place themselves or their child(ren) in harms way. janay's responsibility is to her daughter, first and foremost. you should tell your niece that she is so strong and unfortunately, others can't be that when they truly need to be. i mean, almost every story you hear about domestic violence ends up with death. both men and women should ask themselves: is this worth my LIFE.

Sunrise at Midnight

This is exactly the conflicting part, we can't condemn her for her decision because like I said before maybe she's tried before but was fearful for her life ...it's very possible she could have been threatened with other things if she didn't marry him. Her defense of him was a bit chilling......we honestly just don't know.

It's so easy to sit on the outside of a suituation and say ...you should, why didn't.. How could ... I guess after seeing what my sister went through with my niece it's super easy to fall on the side of how could you stay ...vs the....we're gonna work it out... My view is so skewed to one side ...

This....the thoughts we're talking about here could also very well be why some women don't come forward when it happens....


I really hope that if someone reading this is in this kind of suituation, it doesn't stop you from getting help.

i never learn

i hope if anyone is going through this and is reading this has a plan to get out. there are hotlines you could call, shelters, etc. even if you live in fear, would you risk your LIFE staying or fleeing? be your own hero. and if you've been so manipulated into believing the only love you've got is the love of another, remind yourself to love yourself above all.

LLamacorn In Training

I partook in a Domestic Violence event at my school and we raised a lot of donations for the local shelter. It was awesome, and it made an impact in my life, and I know that I can go to family and they would help me. But, if I was personally in the situation I don't know what I would do.

It got horrible on Friday, when a co-worker saw the bruise on the sort of friend and her husband was standing right there. The co-worker asked what happened. You could tell she was dodging everything of the situation and stuttering over her words. More importantly is that she told some co-workers that she was not being abused by her husband, and clearly everyone can see it now.. My thoughts to all of this is worry, and the most important thing? Her husband comes to MY work. I want to kill him every time I see him, and I have never felt that way about anyone. I don't want him around the work place at all due to the fact it is not safe. Because I have a high feeling he knows, that I know. I need to some how tell my boss, without telling my boss.

Sunrise at Midnight

It's such a awful thing, to know that its happening to someone and there is really nothing you can do for the person until they make the choice, and even then it's not cut and dry...because that can set the abuser off...

LLamacorn In Training

Exactly, and she said that he kept apologizing, and that he had found a therapy program, but he continues to do it.

She had to be out of the house this weekend with her child, and I'm not sure where she went. Some co-workers asked me if I was able to take them in for the weekend. I simply said "No, because I am not going to have this in my house. I don't want him coming to hunt me down at some point in time, and I am not risking my own family into it." Sure, I understand she needs a place to go, but I've given her the information, and it is up to her to make the decision to go. I'm not sure if it would be a last resort type of thing, before she takes action. I asked my mentor if there were any forms of information at the radio station which I could give her, and he said to me that basically the only thing I can do is keep her in my prayers, which is right. Now, I'll have to see if anything had happened to her on Monday.

There are 3 other co-workers who know and no one is doing anything.. I'm not sure why they are not doing anything, but I believe it's because they don't want to be the end target of it all.