sunnykerr

I think the fact that you know you're having these emotions about things you can't change is promising, weirdly enough. At least you're lucid, you know?

reason to believe

Yeah, I guess being aware is a good thing. I’m not under any delusions right now!

Gotta be careful and mindful that it’s going to be darker now with the sun going down earlier too.

There You'll Be

Yes, all of what is going on with them, and especially your aunt, is understandable, but it makes it more difficult on the rest of you, not knowing. You don't know exactly what it means, or what the treatment could/will be.

Your mother especially tends to express things with little hope, or little focus on possible hopeful things. Not criticizing her, just it's always kind of seemed that is the way it is.

Have you learned anything else? I know you guys aren't that close really, your aunt and you, but, you're trying to learn exactly what is wrong with her, and learn about treatments, or any news. Your aunt sounds like a really good person, caring,

Leanne, try not to beat yourself up for how you feel. I think almost everyone has triggers, and they bring back the original feelings The only thing I can suggest is just moving through it, because you won't be able to change the feelings you had when it happened.I mean you can't go back in time and make it different.



As for me, I am touch and go. Some days I feel completely broken down, to the point that people here, including med techs, are noticing. They've suggested talking to Crystal, and see if we can work things out, for a while. It's almost impossible to find stable housing in 30 days. Even for a homeless shelter, you have to be registered.

sunnykerr

I had supper with my mother, stepfather, cousin and her husband last night. So what I know now is that there's supposed to be another surgery to my aunt's colon within the next few months, so there will be pre-op exams, which will go some way towards determining if the cancer spread beyond the tumour that was removed.

Also, my aunt seems to have decided that the cancer was removed, so that's over. And, obviously, the surgeon made sure he had good margins, but who knows if it had spread...

The aorta stuff is apparently more pressing anyway, and she's only willing to address her stoma for now.

And I also learned that, apparently, that was my mother being "calm and confident in the outcome." What? Wouldn't have liked to have seen her panicking, if that's true.



Considering the circumstances, Kim, having ups and downs feels very understandable. Do you have options? Is there a way forward, I mean, even if it can happen within the 30-day deadline?

Ropetuned

My dad is spending more and more time with the widow of his best friend who died around the same time my mom did (two years ago) and its fairly obvious they're not just friends and I feel insulted that I confronted him and told me its none of my business


I understand he gets lonely and wants someone to be a companion with but it seems like a slap in the face that he;s preoccupied with her when I need help (I have both mental and chronic illnesses)

Meliana

That does sound bad, Kim. Having only 30 days doesn't seem long enough at all. I have to hope there is some light at the end of the tunnel.

^How did you approach 'confronting' him. Was it done in a way to be sensitive of his feelings? I only ask as there is some truth to as to it not being your business. Is there some reason he should not be with this woman? I suggest if you approach your father again, only tackle the issue of your needs, and how he can help you more. Attacking his relationship with this woman will potentially put a wedge between you, and leave you worse off.

She probably needs to believe it is gone, Sunny. Still until proved otherwise, I see no harm in that.

Leanne I really feel like you need to get out and socialise more. Sitting in your home and brooding over things is something you want to avoid. Memories make us who we are, just try and put the painful ones into a locked box so they can't hurt you anymore.

sunnykerr

Oh, obviously, my aunt needs to believe her cancer's gone and, since there's nothing to be done about it at this point, I am okay with that. It's just the one thing that raised an alarm for me, you know? Otherwise, everything seems to be proceeding as well as could be expected.

^ I think Claire's right. You can't expect your father to wait on you to begin a new relationship, just like he had to know that the news would be difficult on you. It's never easy to see our parents move on from each other.

But I do think that, when you talk to your dad again, you would be well served to approach him from the direction of what you need from him as opposed to taking him to task for this new relationship. He can pursue his own life and still be there for you, after all.

Claire - How are you doing?

Meliana

I understand that, Sunny. It probably is as you say.

I'm doing well right now. Increasing my activity level seems to be helping.

sunnykerr

That's great to hear, Claire!

There You'll Be

Claire and Sunny have given great ideas and suggestions, Mark. Also, I think he can't spend his whole life taking care of you, and your needs, only. He has to have his own life. I think they're right in saying that you maybe feel neglected, and alone, and let him know specifically the ways you need his support. Feeling confronted tends to make others defensive.

That's just the thoughts I have from reading your post.

So, I get to stay here. It was both retaliation and money. They now get every penny I get from Disability, and hopefully the Supplemental Income. Once SSI goes through (if) I get $66 a month. Out of that I have to pay for my monthly medications that Medicaid doesn't cover. So, I'll get $30-$40 a month to live on.

However, I am now not going to be on the street, and if I hadn't talked to her, I would be. I was terrified, though I did it anyway, and now I have a stable place while having the Agency on Aging looking for independent living for me. She realized I wasn't going to go quietly if she followed through on putting me out. Luckily, I know my rights. Most of all, I'm just able to breathe again, knowing I am safe.

Then, the same day, when I called my mother, so told me not to worry about finding storage, that she will keep my things for as long as I need.

So, two blessings in one day.

Claire, I am glad that you are feeling better. I am hoping keeping active will help you through the winter, given how it affects you.

Leanne, I think they're right, getting out will keep your mind freer.

Sunny, that would have set off alarms with me, too. Not accepting that something is wrong...I don't know, it would just concern me.

How are you doing?


ETA: Sorry for writing a book.

sunnykerr

I'm doing mostly okay, Kim. I'm just tired all the time, having been under the weather for the past few weeks, so I'm not exactly feeling my best.

And nevermind about the "novel," do you have any idea how proud you should be of yourself? Taking action even while terrified is the very definition of courage. Good on you. Seriously, your get ALL the pats on the back. You took control of your own life. Doesn't that feel awesome?

And I'm so thrilled to hear that you're moving forward with finding a new, more permanent, situation for yourself. I hope you haven't given up on moving closer to your cousin because I think it could do you a world of good, but I understand that your options are limited somewhat by your circumstances. So just finding a place of your own would be beautiful.

reason to believe

Ok, I am going to try to get out and do something with other people who like art. I just saw in the paper that there will be an Intro To Watercolor Painting class that will happen for a month each Saturday in October and November! I think it will give me something to do other than work to get out on the weekend and I’d like to learn watercolours. I’m gonna register.

Meliana

I agree with Sunny, Kim. Well done you for keeping working towards a solution. I'm so proud of you! Now you have time to find a better situation, and I'm so glad you won't be homeless. I was worried about you.

That's a great idea, Leanne. I have to say I love going to my class too. Learning something you enjoy and meeting people, well done!

I hope you feel better soon, Sunny.

sunnykerr

That's a great idea, Leanne. It sounds very interesting.

- just stand still -

How do you guys get motivated to do things, I'm feeling better but I just can't seem to be able to do anything but go to work. part of it is anxiety I think.