sunnykerr

I don't hate water, Kim. I just can't drink it... It's like drinking air. Since I need to drink more than most people, drinking water is not an option.

Mind you, I don't know that depression and my lack of appetite are connected. I flirted with anorexia back in the day. I never quite "committed" myself to it. So there is mental illness there, for sure. But I've never been one to eat much.

But you have to, right? So I try to find ways.

reason to believe

When I’m severely feeling depressed, I can’t eat, like zero appetite.

Anyway, yay 3 am blues. and to the people who caused the source of it , extra at you.

There You'll Be

Thanks for explaining, about the water, Sunny. I think I've always assumed you drank a lot of it. I'm really glad you never committed to anorexia. I can't imagine trying to fight that.

Leanne, punching them is a good option.

I only get middle of the night blues if I'm just laying in bed. I tend to get up and do things, even if it keeps me up even later.

Unfortunately, staying up even later isn't an option for everyone, even if it did work for them.

sunnykerr

I'm the queen of diversion when I get a dose of the midnight blues. Telling myself stories is how I fall asleep, so I'm already set up to to imagine myself in a happier completely fabricated setting.

It's not a real cure, of course, but my objective at that time is just to get back to sleep. Because nothing sets my depression off like sleep deprivation. And, as we know, "sleep deprived" tends to be my default setting.

There You'll Be

That sounds like a great way to get yourself to sleep. It solves the problem of feeling awful, also with the possibility of feeling better in the daylight.

Sleep deprived...I am impressed you manage to keep from being depressed often, with the lack of sleep you typically deal with. Is part of it that-that lack of sleep is so common for you that you're depression tends to work around it?

Or, are you just not sure why depression doesn't kind of overtake you?

sunnykerr

Yeah, I'm not entirely sure why depression doesn't overwhelm me. I mean, I do have to be careful. Like today, I was really touchy all day and that's 100% because I'm PMS-ing. And I know that, but it still feels like everything is hitting me so much harder, so I need to keep reminding myself that it's the PMS talking and not, you know, reality.

Though, speaking of the PMS, ever since I had my PMSDD diagnosis, I have been taking a low dose of anti-depressant daily. So that probably helps, too.

But, as I've said before, I do try very hard to have what they call "good life hygiene" in French. I try to eat well, drink plenty, sleep enough, ovygenate my lungs some... I could certainly do better, but I try to see every little bit as a win for me.

There You'll Be

I'm honestly in awe that you can remind yourself of why you're feeling sensitive. Even if it doesn't change how you feel, I think it helps to know why.

That medicine probably is helping some.

Hey, every little bit is a win.

I talked to my mom a bit about money. That helped me. She was right about one thing-I need to pay attention to my spending. Accepting that as the truth, made me feel less resentful.

sunnykerr

I spent too many years being borderline suicidal in my youth to be any different today. Contextualizing why I feel the way I feel is how I survived and, by now, it's a default setting of mine.

Anyway, Miss List Maker, every thought of writing down the amounts that you spend? My mother does that with her sorta husband. They keep a list of everything each spend on shared expenses so that they can keep that equal.

But you could get an idea of what you spend on what that way...

I now realize you probably already do that. Sorry!

There You'll Be

You know what's funny about you saying I probably already do that? I don't. That solution is so easy to do, but I never would have thought to do it.

Thanks!

sunnykerr

I just imagined it would give you information about what the reality is. You're the one who'll see what can happen with that.

There You'll Be

I'm very hopeful this is going to work. I think I have no idea how much I spend, and on what.

How are things going with you?

sunnykerr

Things are going better for me today. Getting up early yesterday to go to that church thing with my mother was hard and I had a rough day as a result.

But I slept a lot last night and I still have the whole day ahead of me, so I'm good.

There You'll Be

I'm glad you slept, and that you had the day to do some resting, and some things you wanted to do, today.

sunnykerr

I got my errands run and two loads of laundry done, so that makes me feel like I did get some stuff accomplished, which helps.

I also go the new de-wrinkler going and it was awesome!

There You'll Be

I'm glad you got so much done. That does help a lot to feel better. Sometimes it's hard to motivate yourself, so I'm glad you did.

Really?! That's great! I'm so glad it works so well.

Is it like a steamer? Or, something different? Either way, I'm happy it works so well for you.

I'm feeling really not great these last couple of days. I did call the social help places in town, to set an appointment to get myself set up to get assistance with food, used clothes, and things like toilet paper, etc. So, I should hear from them tomorrow. That helps.

What helps a lot, too, is being here, at FF, where I feel wanted, welcome, and part of a family, and supported/encouraged, a lot more than home.