Communities - The Always Been Single Club 1 - because we haven't found the right person yet - Page 4

~♥~CrazyInLove~♥~ · 06-14-2009, 05:48 PM

My therapist told me something once that I'll never forget. I was telling him how bad I felt when I went out with friends and all men always looked at them and wanted to hang out with them while I was the invisible one, I just felt like crap (but the group itself sucked, so fortunately I don't hang out with those people anymore, lol). Anyway, after I told him all about what happened and how I felt, he said something that I believe is true. He said I probably let it show that I don't want to just kiss a random guy like most girls do. He said, perhaps for them it's enough to just make out for one night and then that's it, maybe they feel satisfied by that, but that's not the case with me (which is SO true), and that even if I don't notice I'm doing this, I somehow send out this signal, you know, somehow it shows in me that that's not what I want and maybe that's why guys don't approach me that way, cause they know they'll get nothing, that unless they want something serious they'll be just wasting their time. I thought about that, and I think it's true, you know. What I look for is so different than what people are willing to give nowadays. I like to know people, talk to them, about everything and anything, I like listening to them and know they're listening to me too, I like knowing who they are. That's how I begin to like someone, and to me, that's the first step before you really start falling for someone. But it seems like talking and getting to know each other is not important to people, I don't get it......people wonder why it's so hard to find someone and to me this is exactly the problem, I never found someone that really likes talking to me and is interested in knowing who I am. Is that too much that I'm asking for?? I'm sure it isn't, but it certainly is the hardest thing to find

Kissing to me is such a big deal, for most people it's nothing, it's just hi how are you, and PAH they're making out, only to never see each other again the next day, why would I want that for myself? I could never just go to a party and kiss a guys I don't know, or a guy that I know, but wouldn't want to have anything serious with, that's just not right to me.

ETA: btw, you can call me Ju

Tiffers · 06-15-2009, 05:15 AM

Ju - Nice to meet you! Good advice from your therapist. Oh I agree with you on all of that. I don't think there is anything wrong with wanting to be with someone that likes talking to you and interested in YOU. That's how it should be...it should be a two way street..both people interested in each other and wanting to know more. If you are doing all the leg work, it's not worth it..just shows the other person isn't into you and you are wasting your time. I agree on kissing..it is such a big deal..I have only kissed one guy..and it was a big deal for me..well maybe because for me it happened later in life than alot of people and first time I had allowed any guy that close to me. Agreed, for alot of people kissing isn't a big deal and they will make out with anyone. Not me, a guy has to get in my head first...if he's got any shot anywhere else

That's an interesting insight from your therapist, you just might be giving off something that says "only men that are serious need apply with me"

You've given me something to think about also..perhaps guys feel the vib that I want something serious. Someone asked me why I don't just randomly flirt with men..I just don't..why would I do that? I have no problem being friendly..but I don't know..just seems inappropriate with someone you barely know (could be a nice guy..could be a psycho??). I flirt when I'm comfortable and have known the guy a while and of course if I actually LIKE him

~♥~CrazyInLove~♥~ · 06-15-2009, 02:52 PM

Quote:

I have only kissed one guy..and it was a big deal for me..well maybe because for me it happened later in life than alot of people and first time I had allowed any guy that close to me.

I'm exactly the same Tiff!

Only kissed one guy too, and it happened last, year, I was 21

I used to feel sooooooooo bad about myself because I'd never been kissed, and everybody I knew had, of course, every time the "when was your first kiss" subject started I always got nervous, praying that no one would ask me, it was so embarrassing to me, cause if you tell people that either they mock you cause they think you're a prude, ot they feel sorry for you cause you don't know what it's like and no one wants to kiss you. I sufferred a lot in high school with this kind of thing. When I had my first kiss I had already graduated from college!

It was a guy that I had known since I was 15, we had Math classes together, private classes, you know, it was the two of us and another boy, each of us were a different age, he was older than me, and I remember back then we talked a lot and I thought he was nice and all, but at some point we both stopped taking those classes and never saw each other again. Last year, 7 years later, we met again, on the street, I was going to pay a bill, he saw me and called me, we started talking, then we got to MSN and Orkut, and one day he asked me out. And that's how it happened, we went out once, he even tried something but I didn't let him, then we went out again, and that's when we kissed

It was soooooooo awkward to me

but then again, I think most people find their kiss awkward, lol

Anyway, after that, we went out for two weeks. It was really nice, I don't regret it at all, it was awesome to know what it was like to have someone, even for such a short time

Quote:

Someone asked me why I don't just randomly flirt with men..I just don't..why would I do that? I have no problem being friendly..but I don't know..just seems inappropriate with someone you barely know (could be a nice guy..could be a psycho??). I flirt when I'm comfortable and have known the guy a while and of course if I actually LIKE him

Oh I can't do that either

I remember once I was talking to a student, who is 3 or 4 years older than me, and I said a guy can come and talk to me forever when I'm at a party, I will talk to him, because I like talking and meeting new people, but that doesn't mean I'll make out with him if he asks me to or tries, and she was like "

how can you do that?", can you believe such a stupid question? I just said "Bel, you don't HAVE to kiss a guy just because he wants to

"

Shining Light · 06-15-2009, 05:05 PM

Quote:

It was a guy that I had known since I was 15, we had Math classes together, private classes, you know, it was the two of us and another boy, each of us were a different age, he was older than me, and I remember back then we talked a lot and I thought he was nice and all

My first kiss situation was kinda similiar to this. It was this guy in the year above me at school that I shared Maths classes with, he was 17 and I was 16. I was kinda picked on at school and only had a small group of friends, he was a bit of a comic book and computer game geek and he wasn't exactly the sharpest tool in the box sometimes, and i don't think he had many friends either. At first we just shared that one class, then we saw each other hanging around the same places outside of class due to our similiar social situations, and we started talking and spending time together. I was (and still am) more one of the boys than a girly girl, so we related to each other well, and we got along really well and ended up being great friends. Often he'd act the clown in class and have me cracking up with laughter so much that I could hardly get any work done, he was just such fun to be around and so much nicer than most of the girls I knew. He was like a girlfriend who just happened to be a boy, if that makes sense. One day after school we were just hanging around before heading home and he kissed me, we ended up casually dating for a month or so till school broke up for summer and he graduated. I still see him around sometimes and we still have a laugh and a great time with each other. To this day (I'm 22 now) he's the only guy I've ever kissed, and that mainly came from the fact that we got along so well that it just seemed like the next step for us.

I'm not the kind of person who can kiss guys at random at parties/on nights out and then never see them again, I just don't feel comfortable doing something I see as private and intimate with a total stranger, the very idea freaks me out. I have to know the guy and be comfortable with him and know that we have stuff in common, that he's not the kind of guy who will just forget I exist the next day. Sometimes I feel like a freak or a loser due to my total lack of romantic experience, especially compared to people the same age or even younger than me who are moving in together/having babies etc, but I can't help the way I feel about this kind of thing. That's never going to change, it's just who I am.

Tiffers · 06-16-2009, 05:28 AM

Hey all,

Ju - wow cool we share similar experiences!

Oh I agree..in my early 20s..I was never able to answer that question..people ask about your first kiss and I was like..hmm..not applicable to me

Honestly I think people thought I was very strange!! AWWW I liked hearing your first kiss story. My first kiss story is interesting..I was 25..already in the business world...started hanging out with this guy at work who was 5 years older than me..we would get tea on lunch from this place near work..that actually has amazing tea. Anyways...after having tea for a while..we went out to the movies a bit..on the 3rd date out..I got my kiss

It was soo unexpected

it was in a train station...we usually hugged..but he just kinda went for it after the hug

My memory is his goatee at the time against my face.. Anyways...it didn't end up working out I'm not sure why..but we're friends. I don't regret it either, I mean he's a gentleman and it was a good experience for me. Exactly you don't have to kiss a guy if you don't want to!

Cat -

Oh class clowns are the best aren't they!!

Aww..that's so sweet

Agreed, kissing his private and well it's special. You are NOT a freak or loser!! I know how you feel..people my age are married and having babies..and honestly..you know what was more sad..I'm on the only girl in my family out of my sister and first cousins..who hasn't been in a relationship..they have all had multiple relationships..lived with their SO and/or got married and had kids..it's been very isolating to attend family events and everyone is paired up and has their own individual family and you're like the girl they have that conversation with "so..are you dating anyone..." and when I'm say "not now" I get this LOOK..I swear to god. Hey, I'm a professional and I live on my own and take care of myself..don't feel sorry for me

Half of marriages end in divorce..I don't like those odds

I'm going to take my darn time.

ALL OF US have a right to be picky!!! Remember that..you are picking someone to share your future with..pick the person you want when you want and not because you feel you are supposed to by a certain time or age.. <end rant>

Lisi20 · 06-16-2009, 06:50 AM

Can you add me to the list, please?
I've always been single too and its good to know that I am not the only one!

Uh Blah · 06-16-2009, 08:19 AM

Am I the 1st guy to join this club?

I've had my share of relationships, but the majority of them have fizzled out within a few months.

Quote:

Originally Posted by Tiffers (View Post)

Hi

Wow a place I can hang! I'm going to be 31 in a few weeks and I have ALWAYS been single! I think I'm a romantic, my favorite book/movie is Pride and Prejudice, I go to romantic comedies whenever they come out

It's been hard as I got older..just because people keep asking you if you are seeing someone and you're like No and you get this look

and I get

Sorry just a tad bitter

Anyways, just wanted to say hi to everyone and I completely understand!

Hey Tiff! I see you're from Boston too.

I'm going to be 31 on August 6th, so we're practically the same age!

I had a pretty bad experience with my very 1st relationship and that has made me bitter ever since. In the end though I think it's made me stronger and I'm okay with being single. One thing I will not allow myself to do is live life being miserable all the time. I have no problem with meeting women, but I can be a bit picky when it comes to the personality that I click with. I haven't given up hope, but my focus is on myself in the meantime.

Tiffers · 06-16-2009, 09:03 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Uh Blah (View Post)

Am I the 1st guy to join this club?

I've had my share of relationships, but the majority of them have fizzled out within a few months.

Hey Tiff! I see you're from Boston too.

I'm going to be 31 on August 6th, so we're practically the same age!

I had a pretty bad experience with my very 1st relationship and that has made me bitter ever since. In the end though I think it's made me stronger and I'm okay with being single. One thing I will not allow myself to do is live life being miserable all the time. I have no problem with meeting women, but I can be a bit picky when it comes to the personality that I click with. I haven't given up hope, but my focus is on myself in the meantime.

Louis -

No problem being picky, nothing wrong with being sure of what you want. Oh I agree on not being miserable..you just keep doing what you want, live your life. I found just within the past year, joining group on things I care about and just meeting people and enjoyinng life. It's great actually.

~♥~CrazyInLove~♥~ · 06-17-2009, 05:14 PM

Awwwwwwwwww Tiff, that was such a cute story!

Welcome Lisi and Louis

Tiffers · 06-17-2009, 05:18 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by ~♥~CrazyInLove~♥~ (View Post)

Awwwwwwwwww Tiff, that was such a cute story!

Welcome Lisi and Louis

AWW thanks

Lisi20 · 06-18-2009, 04:51 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by ~♥~CrazyInLove~♥~ (View Post)

Welcome Lisi and Louis

thanks

Shining Light · 06-20-2009, 05:37 AM

So yet another girl I know who is younger than me is pregnant and moving in with her bf.

I'm not saying I want that, but yet again I feel like the whole world is moving on without me, like I'm just stuck in this endless rut.

~♥~CrazyInLove~♥~ · 06-20-2009, 06:35 PM

I know exactly what you mean Cat, it's like they know so much more of life than we do, isn't it?

I don't envy that, though

I like feeling that I still have a lot to find out about life and that I can do this little by little, without rushing anything, just enjoying every moment as it comes

Shining Light · 06-20-2009, 06:47 PM

Quote:

I know exactly what you mean Cat, it's like they know so much more of life than we do, isn't it?

Exactly, it's like they're living life, while we're just stuck in neverending limbo.

I'm 22 years old, yet I'm still living at home with my parents, am unemployed (not for want of trying though) and have never had a serious relationship - I feel like I should have a neon sign saying "FREAK!" over my head.

throwawaythekey · 06-20-2009, 06:52 PM

^ wow I'm in the same exact situation!!

hey everyone I'm Kay