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Lemony Snicket
Season One
Quote Survivor

Rules:

• Vote for your least favourite quote.
• One vote per round.
• You are allowed to change your vote before the end of the round.
• Each round ends after a scene reaches 4 votes.
• After a scene is voted out, a new round begins.

Round One

1.

X

LS: If you are interested in stories with happy endings, then you would be better off somewhere else. In this story, there are not only no happy endings, but there is no happy beginning, and very few happy things in the middle.

2.

X

LS: Trouble and strife can cover this world like the dark of night, or like smoke from a suspicious fire. And when that happens... All good, true, and decent people know that it's time to volunteer.

3.

X

LS: If an optimist were to have his right arm bitten off by an alligator, he might say, "Oh, boy, half-price manicures for life." Whereas the rest of us would say, "Ah, my arm!"

4.

X

LS: If you have ever lost somebody very important to you, then you already know how it feels, and if you haven't... you cannot possibly imagine it.

5.

X

LS: As anyone who's been to a doctor knows, doctors are not necessarily your friends, any more than butchers, mail deliverers, or refrigerator repair people are your friends. I myself fought with a most unfriendly refrigerator repair person.

6.

X

LS: If you were allergic to a thing, it's best not to put that thing in your mouth. Particularly if the thing is cats.

7.

X

LS: It is very useful, whether one is young or in late middle-age, to know the difference between "literally" and "figuratively". "Literally" is a word which here means that something is actually happening, whereas "figuratively" is a word which means it just feels like it's happening. If you were literally jumping for joy, for instance, that means you are leaping through the air because you are very happy. If you are figuratively jumping for joy, it means you are so happy you could jump for joy, but are saving your energy for other matters.

8.

X

LS: You may be trapped inside a motel room, with your enemies waiting outside. Shouting "fire" will cause the kind of chaos that will allow you to escape undetected. Therefore, the life it saves will be your own.

9.

X

LS: I'm sure you know that there are two kinds of fears: rational and irrational. Or in simpler terms, fears that make sense and fears that don't. For instance, the Baudelaire orphans had a fear of Count Olaf, which makes perfect sense because he's an evil man who wants to destroy them. But if they were afraid of lemon meringue pie, that would be an irrational fear because lemon meringue pie is delicious and has never hurt a soul.

10.

X

LS: Before things get worse, I would advise that you take note of the three words the Baudelaires were about to find on Aunt Josephine's front door.
Door: Please Go Away.

11.

X

LS: I beg you turn this programme off now. Imagine this story has a happy ending.

12.

X

LS: "Out of the woods" is an expression referring to the fact that woods are dangerous places to be. In Hansel and Gretel, two siblings enter the woods and are menaced by an elderly cannibal. In Little Red Riding Hood, a wolf enters the woods and is menaced by a rude little girl. In Walden, a poet enters the woods and is menaced by revelations that we should abandon civilization and live by a pond. It is for that reason, then, "out of the woods" has come to mean a return to safety, away from menace and disturbing revelations. I am sorry to say while Violet was right that the Baudelaires were almost out of the forest, they were far from out of the woods.

13.

X

LS: Well, in fact, "partners" can mean several things. It could mean "two people who own a lumbermill together, or a cupcakery." Now, with the advent of more progressive cultural moves, not to mention certain High Court rulings, it could also mean...

14.

X

LS: Many people thing hypnosis is only in scary movies. Those people are wrong.

15.

X

LS: I've spent months of research and years crying myself to sleep trying to discover the precise cause of the Baudelaire fire.

16.

X

LS: In my closet, I keep a 200 page book written by the woman I loved. Explaining in great length and specific detail the reason she could not marry me. Which if I were to leave out in the open, I would find myself reading over and over. It would be as if my darling Beatrice were bring me bad news every day and every night of my life.

17.

X

LS: Marriage is like sharing a root beer float, or agreeing to be the back half of a horse costume. Even when it's happening onstage, you should only do it with the people you love.

18.

X

LS: This story will be dreadful, melancholy and calamitous, a word which here means 'dreadful' and 'melancholy'...

19.

X

LS: The scene you see behind me is called a flashback. That is a word which here means "taken place during the events of the last episode."

20.

X

LS: Some things in life are difficult to understand, even after years and years of thinking about them while wandering alone through desolate landscapes... usually during the off season.

21.

X

LS: Friends can make you feel the world is smaller and safer than it really is, because you know people who have similar experiences. When you meet people like that, you may find your world feels a little more complete. Like the missing piece of a puzzle... or two halves of a broken spyglass.

22.

X

LS: To Beatrice - darling, dearest, dead.
LS: For Beatrice - My love for you shall live forever.
LS: For Beatrice - I would much prefer it if you were alive and well.
LS: To Beatrice - My love flew like a butterfly, until death swooped down like a bat.

23.

X

LS: Hello. My name is Lemony Snicket. Here with a brief presentation that likely will... not interest you.

24.

X

LS: I would advise all our viewers to watch something more pleasant instead.

Logo from here

Lemony Snicket
Season One
Quote Survivor

Rules:

• Vote for your least favourite quote.
• One vote per round.
• You are allowed to change your vote before the end of the round.
• Each round ends after a scene reaches 4 votes.
• After a scene is voted out, a new round begins.

Round Two

1.

X

LS: If you are interested in stories with happy endings, then you would be better off somewhere else. In this story, there are not only no happy endings, but there is no happy beginning, and very few happy things in the middle.

2.

X

LS: Trouble and strife can cover this world like the dark of night, or like smoke from a suspicious fire. And when that happens... All good, true, and decent people know that it's time to volunteer.

3.

X

LS: If an optimist were to have his right arm bitten off by an alligator, he might say, "Oh, boy, half-price manicures for life." Whereas the rest of us would say, "Ah, my arm!"

4.

X

LS: If you have ever lost somebody very important to you, then you already know how it feels, and if you haven't... you cannot possibly imagine it.

5.
Voted Out - Round One
X

LS: As anyone who's been to a doctor knows, doctors are not necessarily your friends, any more than butchers, mail deliverers, or refrigerator repair people are your friends. I myself fought with a most unfriendly refrigerator repair person.

6.

X

LS: If you were allergic to a thing, it's best not to put that thing in your mouth. Particularly if the thing is cats.

7.

X

LS: It is very useful, whether one is young or in late middle-age, to know the difference between "literally" and "figuratively". "Literally" is a word which here means that something is actually happening, whereas "figuratively" is a word which means it just feels like it's happening. If you were literally jumping for joy, for instance, that means you are leaping through the air because you are very happy. If you are figuratively jumping for joy, it means you are so happy you could jump for joy, but are saving your energy for other matters.

8.

X

LS: You may be trapped inside a motel room, with your enemies waiting outside. Shouting "fire" will cause the kind of chaos that will allow you to escape undetected. Therefore, the life it saves will be your own.

9.

X

LS: I'm sure you know that there are two kinds of fears: rational and irrational. Or in simpler terms, fears that make sense and fears that don't. For instance, the Baudelaire orphans had a fear of Count Olaf, which makes perfect sense because he's an evil man who wants to destroy them. But if they were afraid of lemon meringue pie, that would be an irrational fear because lemon meringue pie is delicious and has never hurt a soul.

10.

X

LS: Before things get worse, I would advise that you take note of the three words the Baudelaires were about to find on Aunt Josephine's front door.
Door: Please Go Away.

11.

X

LS: I beg you turn this programme off now. Imagine this story has a happy ending.

12.

X

LS: "Out of the woods" is an expression referring to the fact that woods are dangerous places to be. In Hansel and Gretel, two siblings enter the woods and are menaced by an elderly cannibal. In Little Red Riding Hood, a wolf enters the woods and is menaced by a rude little girl. In Walden, a poet enters the woods and is menaced by revelations that we should abandon civilization and live by a pond. It is for that reason, then, "out of the woods" has come to mean a return to safety, away from menace and disturbing revelations. I am sorry to say while Violet was right that the Baudelaires were almost out of the forest, they were far from out of the woods.

13.

X

LS: Well, in fact, "partners" can mean several things. It could mean "two people who own a lumbermill together, or a cupcakery." Now, with the advent of more progressive cultural moves, not to mention certain High Court rulings, it could also mean...

14.

X

LS: Many people thing hypnosis is only in scary movies. Those people are wrong.

15.

X

LS: I've spent months of research and years crying myself to sleep trying to discover the precise cause of the Baudelaire fire.

16.

X

LS: In my closet, I keep a 200 page book written by the woman I loved. Explaining in great length and specific detail the reason she could not marry me. Which if I were to leave out in the open, I would find myself reading over and over. It would be as if my darling Beatrice were bring me bad news every day and every night of my life.

17.

X

LS: Marriage is like sharing a root beer float, or agreeing to be the back half of a horse costume. Even when it's happening onstage, you should only do it with the people you love.

18.

X

LS: This story will be dreadful, melancholy and calamitous, a word which here means 'dreadful' and 'melancholy'...

19.

X

LS: The scene you see behind me is called a flashback. That is a word which here means "taken place during the events of the last episode."

20.

X

LS: Some things in life are difficult to understand, even after years and years of thinking about them while wandering alone through desolate landscapes... usually during the off season.

21.

X

LS: Friends can make you feel the world is smaller and safer than it really is, because you know people who have similar experiences. When you meet people like that, you may find your world feels a little more complete. Like the missing piece of a puzzle... or two halves of a broken spyglass.

22.

X

LS: To Beatrice - darling, dearest, dead.
LS: For Beatrice - My love for you shall live forever.
LS: For Beatrice - I would much prefer it if you were alive and well.
LS: To Beatrice - My love flew like a butterfly, until death swooped down like a bat.

23.

X

LS: Hello. My name is Lemony Snicket. Here with a brief presentation that likely will... not interest you.

24.

X

LS: I would advise all our viewers to watch something more pleasant instead.