Press Gang Appreciation Thread



Memorable Quotes

Julie: Don't take this wrong, but you behave like a real jerk.
Colin: There's a right way to take that?

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Colin: Preservation of animals? You mean like in the freezer?

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Angelo: So why not you and me then?
Lynda: Let me be totally clear: you sweat, you make sucking noises when you breathe, and your body odor is even now rotting my nasal lining.
Angelo: See how you excite me?
Lynda: Die!
Angelo: So if you don't like me, how come we're flirting?
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Julie: Why don't you just tell Spike you give in?
Lynda: Because I'd rather die than let Spike win anything ever.
Julie: Why?
Lynda: You know what he's like, he's so competitive.

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Julie: You're late.
Lynda: You're fired. I win.

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Lynda: Dear diary, it's that cute American again, and he's searching my desk. Does this mean he fancies me? It's so difficult to know what to say in these situations. One wants to be firm with him, but just a little seductive. Find out what the hell he's doing, but maybe encourage him a little. I need style, authority, and sex appeal: Something of interest in my drawers?

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[Spike and Lynda have been reunited live on television]
Lynda: I'm not being unreasonable, I'm keeping my cool. All I want is simply for this person to be removed from the studio and shot dead!
TV Host: But you just said you'd never met him before!?
Spike: I suppose that's what you call an instant dislike.
Lynda: Tell me something Thomson, do you actually enjoy doing this kind of thing in public?
Spike: [to camera] Do I? Answers on a postcard.
Lynda: You're sick.
Spike: I'm sick? I'm sick? [to camera] Do you know what she did? I poured my heart out to this woman, telling her how I feel about her. So she tapes it and sticks the cassette in my girlfriend's walkman. That's sick.
TV Host: How would you two like to come on our video panel?
Spike/Lynda: SHUTUP!
TV Host: Right, fine ...
Spike: Ever since the first day you came into my life you've been screwing it up for me! Why didn't I see you coming?
Lynda: [to camera] Didn't see me coming? For the first 6 months he was following me around my office dragging his tongue, he left tracks!
Spike: [to camera] This was not a one-way thing. If she saw me take off my jacket we had to hose her down!
Lynda: [to camera] This is pathetic isn't it? Phone in if you think this is pathetic.
TV Host: How about we ...
[Lynda pushes him over]
Spike: Hey! You're getting worse you know that? You're a warped, repressed, power-mad bitch! You don't have the morals of an alley-cat and you never had a friend you didn't use!
Lynda: Yeah? Well you've got big lips!
Spike: Is that the best you can do?
Lynda: Try this! [Lynda slaps Spike] Got a smart-alec answer for that, you shallow show-off American lamebrain!
[Spike slaps Lynda]
[Pause]
[They kiss passionately]
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Lynda: You and me Spike, we're held together by a force even stronger than true love.
Spike: Which is?
Lynda: We both want the last word.
Spike: Yeah, well I don't have to answer to that.
Lynda: See what I mean?

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Spike: Do you know what that woman has done to me?
Frazz: Dated you, dumped you, broken your heart, sent you packing back to America, given you a serious complex about all love of women because you know deep down you're still crazy about her and always will be.
Spike: Lucky guess.

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Spike: Why do I stick with that woman?
Julie: Because you're completely obsessively madly in love with her.
Spike: Oh there's gotta be more to it than that.

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Spike: Lynda, I still need help with this form.
Lynda: Look you can read can't you?
Spike: Until my finger gets sore.
Lynda: And you can write.
Spike: Right, I can do that backwards, but I'm getting help for that.
Lynda: Spike this is getting boring. Is there anything you don't joke about?
Spike: Sure.
Lynda: What?
Spike: Nothing ... I was joking. Fun isn't it?
Lynda: I've had more fun with a pencil stuck in my eye.
Spike: You think we're becoming friends here? I think I feel a spark.
Lynda: Spike ...
Spike: So how long before we start going out with each other?
Lynda: What?
Spike: Because I want to know something straight.
Lynda: About what?
Spike: When I dump you - you want a letter, or should I just stop phoning?

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Colin: I'm warning you Spike, just stay away from her.
Spike: I'm trying to! And what are you going to do if I don't?
Colin: Spike, I don't want to get violent.
Spike: [pushes Colin] Violent?
Colin: Well, rude.
Spike: [pushes Colin again] Rude?
Colin: Well a bit off hand certainly.
[Spike grabs Colin by his shirt]
Colin: Well more kind of reserved, you know, distantly. A kind of polite.
Spike: So if I don't stay away from Ruby, you're gonna get polite with me?
Colin: Yeah!
[Spike lets go]
Colin: And that's just for starters!

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Lynda: Don't you think you've got something to say to me?
Spike: Suddenly, she stood before him. Their eyes met. Especially hers. Y'know, you really ought to do something about that squint.
Lynda: I don't have a squint!
Spike: Oh no! Must be me!
Kenny: Here we go!
Tiddler: Yep
Lynda: So what made you come in tonight? Don't tell me you were frightened of little old me?
Spike: You know, if you did have a squint, it might actually improve your appearance.
Lynda: If I had a squint, it would certainly improve yours.
Spike: Oh, were you being funny there? I've heard rumours about you doing this.
Lynda: I've a sense of humour, same as anyone!
Spike: Yeah, you told me once, but I thought you were joking!
Lynda: That's probably because I always laugh when I look at you!
Spike: Ha! You laugh? We'd have to use electrodes!
Lynda: Yeah, on you!

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Tiddler: Colin, what does a rabbit mean to you?
Colin: A four pack of lucky feet.

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Links

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