MalloryKeaton

http://www.click2houston.com/family/3984457/detail.html

Mom Disciplines Son By Making Him Wear Sign In Public

Murafetis Says She's At Her Wits' End

Posted: 6:43 pm EST December 8, 2004
Updated: 10:44 am EST December 9, 2004

KANSAS CITY, Mo. -- What is proper discipline and what is going too far?

You will find both ends of the spectrum when it comes to a punishment served by a 12-year-old Kansas City boy.

The boy has attention deficit disorder, but according to his mother he's also defiant, on the wrong path and spinning out of control. At her wits' end, she meted out a very public punishment Wednesday.

"He is a very smart and intelligent little boy, he just doesn't know how to use his ability," mother Jessica Murafetis said.

But he does know how to walk, and walk he did. Dustyn, who is a seventh-grader, wore a sign for all to see why he was at a street corner in Kansas City.

"And his teacher is the best teacher in the world. She has done everything possible to keep him in school. He got suspended (Tuesday) for the seventh time this year alone," Murafetis said.

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Murafetis had to go to work. Her son came along with his sandwich sign.

Many people noticed Dustyn and his sign, which said he's being punished for being a class clown. Many approved of his mother's methods,.

"It's reasonable, I guess it's better than getting a spanking so putting him out here, let everybody know what he's been up to. He'll think twice about doing it again," Andre Jackson said.

Dustyn said that is true.

When asked what he had learned, he said, "Not to act a fool in school because this is what I have to do every day I do it."

But some people said they thought the discipline went too far.

"That's humiliation for him, I don't believe in that, and it's cold outside," Robyne Warburton said.

But Dustyn's mother said desperate problems require desperate measures.

"I want my son to have an education, to
be something in this world. I don't want him to go to his grave. I don't want to have to bury him before it's time, and that's exactly the way he's heading. He is heading down the wrong path with no one to pull him out but me, and that's what I'm trying to do," Murafetis said.

Murafetis is a single mother of two. She said Dustyn has caused so many disruptions in their family that now she's worried about losing her job.

She said she has gone everywhere she knows of for help, but has been told there's nothing anyone can do until Dustyn gets into big trouble. Murafetis said that she is not waiting.

Distributed by Internet Broadcasting Systems, Inc

Lovesbitch

wow, that's kinda cruel.

embarassing your child is no way to punish them, especially at an age were there self esteem is low enough.

No1important

its crazy and the mother should be thrown in jail. She would be in any other civilized country.

*Lauren

See, I can see both sides of the story. While I can see its embrassing for the kid, maybe he needs to be embarrased? She's making him walk around with a sandwhich board (which seems to say he's a class clown, so nothing too severe) which dosen't seem too bad. Its not like she's beating the kid. And he seems to have learnt his lesson.

Katis

I think it's a good idea. This mother has probably already tried everything else. He's been suspended 7 times since the beginning of the year? I think in this case a parent has to do what they think it going to help their child. At least she's not beating him, and it sounds like he's at least thinking a little about what he's doing now.

Lovesbitch

she is inflicting serious mental abuse to her son.

And the seven suspicions could be related to his A.D.D. I know that several kids in my school got suspended for being tardy to class for 3 times in a row and not going to detention within a week.

Just cause you get suspended doesn't mean that you actually did anything all that bad.

Katis

I don't know what kind of neighborhood they live in or lifestyle they lead but the mother was talking about him going to an early grave, and that he was heading down the wrong path. That, to me, sounds more serious than a case of an overzealous teacher or administrator getting irritated at a child with ADD. I doubt this caused him serious emotional trauma. If he was already outgoing and a class clown it would likely just embarrass him. Kids are more resilient than people think.

Ambular

That seems a little extreme to me. Mild public humiliation - the kind shown in this sort of situation - is not the same as outright abuse or neglect or any other sort of behavior that people could take legal action against. Not saying I would do the same thing she has, or that she's completely justified, but still, it doesn't seem like a reason to be imprisoned, especially since she honestly thinks she's helping him.

Anyway, I don't know. Normally I would think that any sort of method of humiliating your children to get them to respond to something is definitely wrong. But in this case, I doubt the kid would be traumatized. He's obviously been reprimanded and punished numerous times beforehand and it clearly didn't affect him enough to stop causing trouble in school. I know it may fall back to his ADD, but as long as he's on medication to control that, he may simply be a kid who likes to start problems.

In any event, I wouldn't know what else the mother could do, short of child counseling maybe.

ETA - Yeah, Katis, I don't see how he's going to an early grave by being a class clown .. Death By A Practical Joke Gone Wrong? I don't know

Mio

I don't think it's abuse, nor do I think it will scar him for life. They do this to some criminals, so is that wrong? Not sure I will do this to my kids, I have other ways of punishing them, but if she's tried everything else and this is the only route to go, then I don't blame her for it.

Lovesbitch

But the kid is not a criminal.

This is cruel to the child. I would never imagine doing anything so horrible to my children.

And this will have a huge affect on his life because you can't say that this isn't damaging his relationship with his mother. You're parents are supposed to be there to love and protect you, not make an embarassment out of you.

Ambular

But if, at this point, he was considerate of his relationship with his mother, don't you think he would have stopped his behavior, knowing she disapproved earlier? I mean, if he's going to hate her for this, he would most likely hate her for any attempt to control what he did, appropriate or not.

Also, I would completely agree with the second part if her only intention was to make her child look like an idiot or make him feel like crap about himself, but in her mind she honestly was trying to change him so that he would be a better kid. She said she was worried about where his life was going if his behavior didn't change. Maybe she was wrong, but she still seemed more sincere than malicious to me.

Lovesbitch

Parents can think that beating their children will make them into better people, it doesn't make it okay.

And he's twelve, it doesn't mean that he doesn't love his mom cause he gets in trouble and does things his mother doesn't approve.

Who can honestly say that they never hurt their parents because of the things they did as kids.

Mio

Why do I get the feeling that I'm being followed around and bashed for my opinions?

Ambular

Yes, but she wasn't beating her child. She was trying to cause him harmless embarrassment (saying that he was a class clown, not that he was a terrible kid, or is stupid, or anything. The embarrassment comes from talking about his own behavior, not his personality, which is not psychologically damaging) so that he might think twice before behaving badly again, which is not the same as punching him in the face.

I wouldn't assume that the kid doesn't love her, but that doesn't mean he respects her, either. If he's caused problems to the point of the mother nearly losing her job, I think it's a bit more than being an average adolescent nuisance. Yeah, I annoyed my mom and probably said some things that hurt her feelings once or twice, but I didn't outright refuse the things she wanted me to do, or get tossed out of school 7 times.

Lovesbitch

You're not being followed and you're not being bashed.

Ambular There is physical abuse and mental abuse. This is mentally tearing your child down. Trust me, I have seen first hand the results of parents who repeatedly tell their children that they are nothing but an embarassment. Their is premant damage done there.

And you can get suspended from school for numerous reasons. I posted earlier that people from my school got suspended for a day because they got 5 tardies to class.