Wabbeke

I couldn't really find a suitable place to put this, so I'm hoping it's okay if I put it here.

I'm a 23 yeard old student from Belgium. Since I’m in the final year of my college education, I have to write a thesis this year. Because I wanted to do something different from the rest, I’ve chosen a maybe unusual topic. I’ve chosen to write something about how people are notified of the death of their online friends.

To support my research, I created an online discussion panel where everyone can reflect about what happens when an online friend dies. I am very interested in the experiences and opinions of people from all around the world. Because FanForum succeeds in bringing people from all around the world together, I would like to invite you all to join in on the discussion. Maybe you would like to share your own opinions and/or experiences with other people?

If you are interested, don’t hesitate to visit the forum at Cyberdeath Discussion Panel. I hope that with this panel I can help to bring some awareness about the issues surrounding cyberdeaths.

If you don’t feel comfortable with talking about this rather touchy subject with a strange group, but don’t mind doing so here, you can always post something as a reaction to this topic. If you have never experienced the death of an online friend (neither have I), you can still talk about the subject.

These are some of the questions I have:

• Have you ever experienced the death of an online friend?
• Do you have a lot of (close) online friends whose true identity is unknown to you?
• Would you want people online to know you’ve died and not just ‘disappeared’?
• Would you feel justified in mourning the death of an online friend, even if you never really met this person?
• Would you talk about it with ‘real life’ persons or would you keep it to yourself because of it being too personal, or you being a bit ashamed or whatever?
• Would you feel uncomfortable with an online obituary (here at the boards or somewhere else?)
• ...

I would greatly appreciate any input!

Indian Summer

Have you ever experienced the death of an online friend?
Yes. I moderated a forum for about four years when one of the active posters there died suddenly in a car accident. She'd actually met her husband through the forum so he told us.
Do you have a lot of (close) online friends whose true identity is unknown to you?
Hmm, a few. In general, I know most of their real identities since we've known each other so long. I run a medium sized forum now, so obviously there's going to be some people I know online that I don't know off. But most of my close online friends, at the very least, I know their full name and hometown, as well as school.
Would you want people online to know you’ve died and not just ‘disappeared’?
This one's a tough one for me. I'm severely diabetic and even though I manage my condition, I'm known to get pretty bad for apparently no reason at all- my insulin will stop working, or not work well enough. In the past few years I've experienced diabetic ketoacidosis a couple times and been put in a medically induced coma once, so obviously this issue's very real to me. I don't think I'd want them to know because the online friends I'm close with I'm very close with. I'd sort of rather they think I just disappeared than died at twenty, lol.
Would you feel justified in mourning the death of an online friend, even if you never really met this person?
Yes, most definitely. Some of the people who have had the biggest effect on me have been people I meet online, and there's a certain safety in sharing personal feelings and stuff with someone online that you'd be worried about judged for expressing offline. And anyway, I don't think mourning a death could ever be a bad thing since it means that person's life had an effect on one more person, and that's what we all want, right?
Would you talk about it with ‘real life’ persons or would you keep it to yourself because of it being too personal, or you being a bit ashamed or whatever?
It depends. For example, my boyfriend knows about my online friends, but my father and stepmother don't. I think it has a lot to do with who the person is and how much you feel they can connect. My father doesn't even know how to use a web browser, so I doubt he'd get it.
Would you feel uncomfortable with an online obituary (here at the boards or somewhere else?)
Once again, it depends. I wouldn't want my real name used if I died in an online obituary, just because you never know what kind of crazy person's going to stumble across it. Obviously, I'd be dead but I still have my family to worry about. However, I wouldn't mind a couple nice lines and my screenname being used. *shrug*

elisheva

This sounds like really interesting research, but it might be better suited to the Off Topic board. Have you tried posting it there or contacting the mods of that board? Let me see what the other mods of this board think.

migamoo

Have you ever experienced the death of an online friend?
While I've known of people who have died, it was no one I personally knew.

Do you have a lot of (close) online friends whose true identity is unknown to you?
No. Most of the people I chat with online I know in real life.

Would you want people online to know you’ve died and not just ‘disappeared’?
Yes, mostly because it would seem really rude if I just dropped off the face of the Earth without explanation.

Would you feel justified in mourning the death of an online friend, even if you never really met this person?
It would depend who the person was and how close I was to them. I've felt bad more the families and friends of people who have died, but not mourned on a personal level.

Would you talk about it with ‘real life’ persons or would you keep it to yourself because of it being too personal, or you being a bit ashamed or whatever?
It would depend on how well I knew the person who died and who I'd be telling.

Would you feel uncomfortable with an online obituary (here at the boards or somewhere else?)
No, sometimes it's the only way I know people have died. Even those I knew in real life.

Lain

This does sound like something for the Off Topic board But I figured I could post something here while I'm at it.

Have you ever experienced the death of an online friend?
I've known one of the posters here passed away almost two years ago but it's someone I haven't really got to know.

Do you have a lot of (close) online friends whose true identity is unknown to you?
Although I have made a lot of online friends (and have met my current b/f through such medium) and they know a few things here and there about me, I think those who have really opened up to me is when I see their true identity rather than knowing a few tidbits about them here and there.

Would you want people online to know you’ve died and not just ‘disappeared’?
As one person mentioned, it's better than to think that I've disappeared off the face of the earth. But then again, I guess it depends on the circumstances.

Would you feel justified in mourning the death of an online friend, even if you never really met this person?
Although I would be sympathetic, it depends on the person and if I have known them personally.

Would you talk about it with ‘real life’ persons or would you keep it to yourself because of it being too personal, or you being a bit ashamed or whatever?
It depends on who the person is and if I could open up to them personally. It's not only a matter of trust but also if they're willing to listen in on my problems and thoughts. And only very few of my friends, whether online or off, are willing to do that.

Would you feel uncomfortable with an online obituary (here at the boards or somewhere else?)
Not really. I guess people would know what happened though one does wonder what people would say when you die.

Melis

Have you ever experienced the death of an online friend?
Yep.

Do you have a lot of (close) online friends whose true identity is unknown to you?
Kind of hard to say. Since they are online friends, it's really hard to know their true identity. I have a feeling some of things people say online aren't always true. It's just something people do to protect their identity.

Would you want people online to know you’ve died and not just ‘disappeared’?
Possibly some of them but only the close ones.

Would you feel justified in mourning the death of an online friend, even if you never really met this person?
It would depend on how well I know the person.

Would you talk about it with ‘real life’ persons or would you keep it to yourself because of it being too personal, or you being a bit ashamed or whatever?
No, not really. Most people would think I was a bit strange for mourning the death of someone I don't actually know.

Would you feel uncomfortable with an online obituary (here at the boards or somewhere else?)
Yes, I don't feel that I would want my real name online for anyone to see. It wouldn't matter if I was dead. My family would still be alive, and it would important to safeguard them.

Wabbeke

I couldn't find the Off Topic board

Am I so blind or is it very well hidden?

ETA: I made another topic in the Off Topic Folder. I can't believe I missed it! I did look in the Fan Extras folder, but it was kinda late, so maybe I was temporarily blind. Thanks to those who have already commented here!

The new topic can be found here

Lain

You could have asked one of the mods to move the thread to the Off Topic board (they have the power to do so )