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Old 02-13-2018, 12:38 PM
  #91
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Originally Posted by secretk (View Post)
I have been lucky for the most part to find quite nice men who know how to treat women with respect.

Now there are idiots everywhere, but I do not imagine a co-worker coming me telling me that they imagine me naked. That's like absurd and it would never happen.
Let alone a man in a position of power... he was her boss!

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We do have more open and free atmosphere compared to what is the usual norm in your country. It seems that we (being more Southern country) are more warm and thus a bit more free and open. Like we do joke around and tease each other, but we try to not cross the line. We try to find the neutral ground and check what the other person is allowing.

For example I obviously know how to joke around with K and M the best because we spend more time together. We like spend 40 minutes together every day when we are travelling and we obviously talk more compared to others in the team. I also get to spend more time one on one with both as K and I live pretty close to each other so we spent like 15 minutes walking just the two of us each day. Then when K decides to stay till late (he does do this often) I travel only with M. One on one interaction kind of leads to sometimes personal conversations that go beyond work day and co-workers.

I have lunch every day with O as well so obviously we also interact more and spend more time together so we know each other better.

As a result I am comfortable around those 3 guys the most in the team, but the rest basically follow their lead and treat me the same way. And M and O kind of moderate the guys in the team when I tell them that I dislike some behavior towards me.
Great you have this with the three of them. Plus, you guys are sort of friends outside of work. I mean, you travel together so it goes slightly past the office environment. Of course casual conversations about different things are going to come up and like you said, personal stuff too if you're with only one of them at times.
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Old 02-13-2018, 12:59 PM
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I've said this before: My boss is the worst combination of a micro-manager and a procrastinator. The meeting has been postponed until tomorrow!
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Old 02-13-2018, 01:03 PM
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I've said this before: My boss is the worst combination of a micro-manager and a procrastinator. The meeting has been postponed until tomorrow!
That is so funny! You would think he cannot come in tomorrow all strong and confident when he wasn't even able to lead the meeting on time initially.
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Old 02-13-2018, 08:53 PM
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Let alone a man in a position of power... he was her boss!
Exactly! Now someone from the ghetto I do imagine telling me something like that, but like I said education and upbringing matters.

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Great you have this with the three of them. Plus, you guys are sort of friends outside of work. I mean, you travel together so it goes slightly past the office environment. Of course casual conversations about different things are going to come up and like you said, personal stuff too if you're with only one of them at times.
Yeah plus the there of them have different personalities. O is the type of man you go for comfort. Just like my best friend he knows how to comfort you so if say I felt disrespected by some male co-worker he would comfort me and basically listen to me as he is great listener. The only disagreement or say difference we have is when it comes to the jerk and the boss. O likes them. That does not stop us from having lunch together every day though. We just accept the fact that we have different opinions.

M is the type of man that you go to if you want solution for your problems. If I tell him that I have been mistreated he will just talk to the guys and tell them to change their behavior and will make sure that they change their behavior. M is basically behind me 100 % when it comes to the boss/jerk thing. He trusts me on my plan and basically he is willing to do whatever I ask him. For example yesterday I asked him to write something in an article my boss started. K started arguing and explaining that the article is pointless anyway. It is in general unless you use it differently than what my boss intended which I obviously plan to do. M does not need to question me. He would not write in the article unless I asked him to, but he basically knows that if I did, I know why I did so he just tells me "I will do it".

Both O and M are protectors in the sense that they know that I am too much in the clouds so they could warn me about dangers around me .

K is the type of guy that would stay till late in the office for me (unless of course he has something urgent to do) so that I am not alone travelling to home. He is however also the most intense out of the three so sometimes his emotions get too much for me. He also dislikes the boss and the idiot, but he does not have the long term vision like me to carry out a plan and on top of that he is not that willing to trust mine and see where I am coming from. Still though he is helpful because he wants to bring them down big time. For him it's revenge. He is most probably the most socially awkward out of the three. He does not always have the tact and does not know when to be blunt and when not so sometimes I need to moderate him.

However with all three of them is sort of office friendship. I mean if say one of us leaves I do not think that we will keep in touch. I also do not think that we would have been getting along if it was not work. I mean if we had met under other circumstances I do not think that we would have been friends.

Not that it's always like that. There are exceptions of course, but for the most part office friends are just office friends. I do keep in touch with two former female co-workers from our team but that's different. We used to see each other outside of work even while we were working together. One of the girls is Introvert and shy so I kind of integrated her with my friends from college and they get along great as they all love to travel (except me ). Those two girls are not my type of people for friends either, but I guess work brought us together and then we just worked on keeping in touch.
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Old 02-13-2018, 08:55 PM
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Originally Posted by Jerry D (View Post)
I've said this before: My boss is the worst combination of a micro-manager and a procrastinator. The meeting has been postponed until tomorrow!
. I bet that you want to be over ASAP. You obviously know how the meeting will go and what will happen afterwards. It's like deja vu.
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Old 02-14-2018, 12:35 AM
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So just today contacted me a guy from the mobile team asking me if I am team leader. I told him that I do not know what my position is exactly and asked him why he is asking. He was like "I see that you are doing a lot more than what is in the scope of Senior Software Developer". I mean even guys outside of my team see this. I guess he is in similar position because he wants us to have lunch together and for me to give him some advise on how I am dealing with this and basically what I did to fore the management to make a decision.
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Old 02-14-2018, 03:11 AM
  #97
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Woke up this morning and my laptop is dead. Crashed. Seems like it’s done. I’ve tried everything. It’s super old. I’ve had it for years and years. I have another laptop right in front of me I purchased a while ago so I’ll set it up later. Using iPad until then.
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Old 02-14-2018, 03:17 AM
  #98
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Originally Posted by secretk (View Post)
Exactly! Now someone from the ghetto I do imagine telling me something like that, but like I said education and upbringing matters.



Yeah plus the there of them have different personalities. O is the type of man you go for comfort. Just like my best friend he knows how to comfort you so if say I felt disrespected by some male co-worker he would comfort me and basically listen to me as he is great listener. The only disagreement or say difference we have is when it comes to the jerk and the boss. O likes them. That does not stop us from having lunch together every day though. We just accept the fact that we have different opinions.

M is the type of man that you go to if you want solution for your problems. If I tell him that I have been mistreated he will just talk to the guys and tell them to change their behavior and will make sure that they change their behavior. M is basically behind me 100 % when it comes to the boss/jerk thing. He trusts me on my plan and basically he is willing to do whatever I ask him. For example yesterday I asked him to write something in an article my boss started. K started arguing and explaining that the article is pointless anyway. It is in general unless you use it differently than what my boss intended which I obviously plan to do. M does not need to question me. He would not write in the article unless I asked him to, but he basically knows that if I did, I know why I did so he just tells me "I will do it".

Both O and M are protectors in the sense that they know that I am too much in the clouds so they could warn me about dangers around me .

K is the type of guy that would stay till late in the office for me (unless of course he has something urgent to do) so that I am not alone travelling to home. He is however also the most intense out of the three so sometimes his emotions get too much for me. He also dislikes the boss and the idiot, but he does not have the long term vision like me to carry out a plan and on top of that he is not that willing to trust mine and see where I am coming from. Still though he is helpful because he wants to bring them down big time. For him it's revenge. He is most probably the most socially awkward out of the three. He does not always have the tact and does not know when to be blunt and when not so sometimes I need to moderate him.

However with all three of them is sort of office friendship. I mean if say one of us leaves I do not think that we will keep in touch. I also do not think that we would have been getting along if it was not work. I mean if we had met under other circumstances I do not think that we would have been friends.

Not that it's always like that. There are exceptions of course, but for the most part office friends are just office friends. I do keep in touch with two former female co-workers from our team but that's different. We used to see each other outside of work even while we were working together. One of the girls is Introvert and shy so I kind of integrated her with my friends from college and they get along great as they all love to travel (except me ). Those two girls are not my type of people for friends either, but I guess work brought us together and then we just worked on keeping in touch.
Totally agree about office friendships being office friendships. Same with my situation. I’m casual friends with quite a few people. We could watch a sports game together if it’s on during work hours. But I wouldn’t confide in them or see them as personal friends. Good that you have some guy coworkers that fulfill different needs during work. That’s nice.

Why does O like the boss and jerk? Are they manipulating him or does the dynamic just work?

Last edited by Wilpen; 02-14-2018 at 03:59 AM
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Old 02-14-2018, 03:19 AM
  #99
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Originally Posted by secretk (View Post)
So just today contacted me a guy from the mobile team asking me if I am team leader. I told him that I do not know what my position is exactly and asked him why he is asking. He was like "I see that you are doing a lot more than what is in the scope of Senior Software Developer". I mean even guys outside of my team see this. I guess he is in similar position because he wants us to have lunch together and for me to give him some advise on how I am dealing with this and basically what I did to fore the management to make a decision.
That’s cool. Hopefully once the decision comes your exact title will be defined too.
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Old 02-14-2018, 03:31 AM
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Totally agree about office friendships being office friendships. Same with my situation. I’m casual friends with quite a few people. We could watch a sports game together if it’s on during work hours. But I wouldn’t confide in them or see them as personal friends. Good that you have some guys coworkers that fulfill different needs during work. That’s nice.
Well we have only 4 women in a team with 22 people. Out of the 3 women one is obviously favorite of my boss and I do not find her that smart. The other two are kind of new and they have used to work together before so they have history together. As I am not Extrovert I don't see myself fitting there. And all those three women have been in the team for less than a year.

So I am obviously left with the guys and I had to find some that I get along to decently enough . But really if M had not offered to travel together 2 years ago when we reallocated the office, I would not have had even that.

Quote:
Why does O like the boss and jerk? Are they manipulating him or does the dynamic just work?
O is aware that he is less competent compared to M and yet they are in the same position and they get paid the same. He is thankful to the boss for this and I do see his point. Basically he benefits from problems I have with the boss .
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Old 02-14-2018, 03:32 AM
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That’s cool. Hopefully once the decision comes your exact title will be defined too.
I hope so too . We had lunch with the guy. For some weird reason I guess he wanted to talk to me for like 40 minutes how he hates that we do not have team leaders in our company but team speakers . No idea why he wanted to talk to me about this.
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Old 02-14-2018, 03:50 AM
  #102
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Well we have only 4 women in a team with 22 people. Out of the 3 women one is obviously favorite of my boss and I do not find her that smart. The other two are kind of new and they have used to work together before so they have history together. As I am not Extrovert I don't see myself fitting there. And all those three women have been in the team for less than a year.

So I am obviously left with the guys and I had to find some that I get along to decently enough . But really if M had not offered to travel together 2 years ago when we reallocated the office, I would not have had even that.



O is aware that he is less competent compared to M and yet they are in the same position and they get paid the same. He is thankful to the boss for this and I do see his point. Basically he benefits from problems I have with the boss .
Makes sense.

Ah I see how the situation with O works. He can’t afford to have enemies since he needs to work harder to remain above water.
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Old 02-14-2018, 03:52 AM
  #103
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I hope so too . We had lunch with the guy. For some weird reason I guess he wanted to talk to me for like 40 minutes how he hates that we do not have team leaders in our company but team speakers . No idea why he wanted to talk to me about this.
Maybe he wanted to tell you thinking you’d be able to do something about it.
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Old 02-14-2018, 03:57 AM
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Makes sense.

Ah I see how the situation with O works. He can’t afford to have enemies since he needs to work harder to remain above water.
Exactly! He is in a different position compared to me and M. Our boss had never supported or trained M. M relied on our previous boss and than on his own.

O knows that he has our boss behind his back. M knows that he has me. O is OK with the boss. M thinks that I have better positions compared to my boss. O is friendly with the boss, M gets along with me better.

So in the end of the day they make their own decisions and find what's best for them. Also O follows authority. He is S type. He values traditions and rules. M and I are N types. Authority is earned for us. So O is like our boss is boss so we should listen to him. M and I are like our boss is not a good boss so we don't care.
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Old 02-14-2018, 03:59 AM
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Maybe he wanted to tell you thinking you’d be able to do something about it.
He is a weird guy . He does not want to talk about personal stuff at work which I respect, but then he would text me in chat and would talk to me beyond work stuff. I am like "WTF". In his words he thought that I would understand him the best because I am team leader in his opinion without having the title officially and despite having other team speaker in the team.

He actually has something against the title team speaker that my boss has. He disagrees with it and he thinks that teams should have team leaders and than he basically told me that I am team leader and not just Senior Software Developer. So yeah that was our conversation for like 40 minutes. We were discussing issues we have in our company. Though he was not too focused on solving them while I was .
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