secretk

It came natural as the boss suggested it himself. Sucks that for him it has to be all or nothing. Like for him O, M and P should become Seniors in the same time because they were hired in the same time. For me it does not matter when they were hired. What matters is their performance. And there I see a difference. All three of them are different and have different strengths and weaknesses but for me if we have to decide who should be promoted to Senior and who not, we need to look at their performance objectively and not box ourselves into the all or nothing thinking mantra. I do consider their time in the team but for different reasons. Like if X person manages to do more after being 2 years in the team compared to another than it means that this person is more efficient, more capable and quite often smarter.

Well I started telling him who could work on which task and who could support them which to me comes totally natural and he was like "That sounds so good" . I am not sure if he was against such organization or he just sucks so much at this that such thoughts did not cross his mind.

O knows how direct I can be . M is just seeing it as on the outside I do look like so nice charming person . It might be related to my looks but most people think that I am this innocent nice girl. And I am not exactly innocent nor nice nor girl . I am a woman who knows what wants and does not fit in the stereotype for women in our society.

At least for now it seems this way. Both M and I sensed a change in our boss, but I need to figure out what happened to make him change his views .

He acted like the salary raises do not depend on him and he has no idea, but I think that he has some. This is why I told him that it's really important to raise the salaries of O, M and P because I can't motivate them only based on being nice to them . In the end money talks. I told him that I know that they get paid less compared to other people on the same position in other companies. He asked me what is the percentage and I gave him a number as indeed I know what M gets for salary and I know two former co-workers that are on the same position, have the same experience and I know their salaries too.

secretk

Good idea to ask your primary . Yeah I don't remember testing my blood pressure before dental work too. It has never happened to me. I know that my blood pressure gets higher because every time they try to make EKG it looks really bad the first time and they have to do it twice .

For me entering my own world helps the best with things like that.

jediwands

What's ridiculous is your boss should be noticing these things on his own. He shouldn't need you to tell him this. Either he hadn't thought of it or he has but he doesn't want to go there if he doesn't have to. If this were the jerk he'd be throwing a party after raising his status.

I just don't think he wants to disagree with you, lol.

Exactly. LOL I am sure they respect it very much. Obviously M prefers your personality over that other girls.

I don't get how he doesn't realize it or shouldn't HR be on top of this?

jediwands

It really does. I hope I can pull it off. Otherwise I have no idea what I'm going to do. Like, what if it's still elevated on Monday and they don't want to take the chance again? Then what? Unless I take some sort of sedative before the appointment but I sincerely don't want to do that. I know the second the procedure gets started I will be fine... it's just seeing all those damn instruments, the numbing, knowing it's going to take a while, etc. The preparation is when I am anxious.

everwoodfan52

This is something new. My dentist does it also.

Michelle, Have you ever considered using Nitrous oxide, (Happy Gas)?

secretk

This is 10000 % true. I know why the boss is in the all or none mantra. The jerk can't stand M and if a suggestion comes to the boss that M should be promoted only the jerk will be completely against it. The boss thinks that he has better chances convincing the jerk if all three are involved. I know that. However this is another proof that the jerk is an issue that has to be dealt with .

That could be as well . The interesting part is why he decided now to agree with me. The evaluation period ended. It's true that I never gave any meaningful or conclusive answer if I am satisfied or not. It's also true that I said that I do not need evaluation meeting to say what I want and need.

I can't pinpoint the reason for this change of behavior.

The funny part was that before this girl started in the team the HR was promoting her for this assertive girl that has a mouth. I have nothing against assertive people if they are smart and competent. She is neither. M just did not know me that much and now he sees me in a different light. While I am assertive I am after all Introvert. I do a lot of stuff that most people do not realize. They have to be in the situation to witness stuff or have to observe me enough. He had never had reason to observe me before which is why he never picked up certain parts of my personality.

For example yesterday he was discussing something not work related with this guy that later on stepped over and told him off. So I went there, I basically positioned myself (physically speaking) between both and asked M work question that he started answering me. At that point the other guy was like "Wow you interrupted us so smoothly and delicately". I was like "Well yeah" .

I am close to O and we talk more in general which is why O was not surprised at all. He had already told me that he appreciates my honesty. He knows that I can be direct with him. However I know how to be honest and direct without being disrespectful. If I am disrespectful it's because I wanted to be . There is no mistake there .

She should be, but people tell me more stuff . In general we should not talk about salaries. Like technically I should not know what M gets for salary. Only the HR, the accountant and my boss as a boss should know about this. I obviously know and I told him so. I also know what these two girls get (roughly) because we get along and we keep in touch even now that they are not in the company so I could easily compare. The interesting part is that he realized that he should not ask me how much they get paid, but to give him difference in percentage.

secretk

I hope that you can pull off too . Betty is correct . If the blood pressure is still elevated enough they will have to think about something to calm you down. I understand that you prefer to not go there but there would be no other way. I hope that it goes as smoothly as possible.

jediwands

They've never offered it to me. I had it as a child, I remember. But I don't even know if they'd get that far without my blood pressure being okay and the panic not as strong, lol. What's so stupid is I read what the numbers are regarding Dentist offices not doing dental work regarding blood pressure... I didn't come close to those numbers. I am not sure why they didn't do the work based on my numbers. They were not THAT bad. I guess my dentist office is more strict about the blood pressure. What's stupid is remember when I had that tooth extraction about six months ago? My blood pressure was up then too. The nurse taking it didn't say a word, oral surgeon said nothing, extraction happened, everything was fine, zero complications during and after extraction.

I know what's going to happen Monday... I am going to be anxious over possibly being anxious. I will have to control it somehow. I seriously feel nervous just thinking about it. It's like right now I am in this circle and go round and round without escaping. What's stupid is the second time she took the blood pressure it went down 20 points. Then she took it a third time after I was viewing all the freaken instruments in front of my face and it went up again.

jediwands

I still haven't heard back from my primary. He might have some suggestions. I can't imagine that I'm the only one on the planet who has white coat syndrome and blood pressure goes crazily up at the dentist. There has to be a remedy for this.

jediwands

You nailed it. What's ridiculous is jerk should have zero say in what those titles are for the other three or if they get a pay raise. How stupid is your boss to allow this jerk to dictate what goes on? I cannot believe how lame this is. Why should your boss have to convince him of anything? This is unreal.

I am sure there's a shady reason on his end.

Haha. It is good that you have great communication skills with them. There is a level of comfort and you never have to hold back which they appreciate. That's great!

So true about not knowing salaries. I think that's a rule all around the world in any office. Not that people don't find out. But that's what I mean about the jerk... he should have no idea what everyone's salary is but I'm sure he's given all of the information. No idea why!

jediwands

New thread soon. Title ideas?

secretk

Definitely true! You are not the only one for sure with such syndrome. There has to be a way to deal with this! And it's not postponing the procedure!

jediwands

Exactly. I also think some of it is where the dentist is located. It is 15 minutes from home, which is close enough, and the good part is I literally take one highway the whole way there. But it's in West St Paul... this is where Sara (and Anna in the past) practice mainly at an Indoor Soccer Dome in the winter. That Dome is two blocks away from the dentist. It is not in the safest area. It's not a dangerous area but it's also not an area you could walk around carefree either. I just think the location makes me a tad nervous. I think there's an assortment of little things that have brought out the anxiety for me. I was never this nervous at the dentist office one mile from my house. I don't go there anymore due to insurance change.

secretk

Well yes apparently the boss can't make decisions without the jerk which annoys me to no end because I don't see why we should justify our actions to the jerk. He is not the boss. And I do not care about his personal feelings.

Definitely. I am just wondering about said reason.

Oh yeah. We have found a middle ground where we are honest with each other without offending each other.

Exactly. It's a rule all around the world. And yes in the end people do talk about this. This is what sucks that he has this information and he should not have it. And then he bases his decision on his feelings and I do not care about those.

secretk

I actually believe that they postponed the procedure for another reason and just used this as an excuse. Can't tell you why. It's a gut feeling. Like you said you are not the only one and they have to have a way to deal with this.