Fez's Diary Entry: #5
Fez needs help with Rhonda
So I heard the most wonderful song on the radio the other day -- “Help Me Rhonda”. It is beautiful, and it reminds me of my beloved girlfriend, Rhonda, and how much she has helped me (by kissing me often -- sometimes even in public). The song is by a group called the Beach Boys, but I saw a picture, and they are not boys at all -- more like chubby old men. I guess the
Beach Chubby Old Men isn’t as catchy, though. But, you must admit, it would be more accurate.
Anyway, I went out and bought the album and gave it to my Rhonda (it cost six dollars, but there’s no expense too great for Rhonda -- nor for the wonderful make-out session this would surely lead to). Well, instead of being overjoyed by my romantic gesture, she got mad. She said the song was about a boy who uses a girl named Rhonda to forget about another girl. I told her there was no other girl, only her -- but she did not believe me and stormed out! Oh, how I now hate the stupid Beach Chubby Old Men and their stupid records! (But I do still like their red and white pinstripe shirts; those are quite fabulous.)
So now I do not know what to do. Hyde says if I want to get Rhonda back, I should give her a cool record, like
Led Zeppelin IV, or the Rolling Stones’
Exile on Main Street, but I don’t see how that would help -- neither record has songs about beautiful big-boned women named Rhonda. No, I think I will do what has always worked in our relationship: I will get on my hands and knees and beg Rhonda not to break up with me. And then, maybe someday in the future, there will be more kisses for Fez!
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