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The rules are different? Not to me. If anything, Barry should be held to a much higher standard, considering that it's his secret and Iris still probably trusts him above everyone else. I mean, she did just confide in him about Eddie cheating, something that she couldn't even talk about with Eddie.
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I make a big distinction between Eddie lying about Mason and not telling Iris about Flash. I don't fault him as much for the latter, that's all on Barry.
But I disagree about Barry being held up to higher standards. Iris herself doesn't think so. She confronted Barry about keeping secrets from her in 1.02, and 1.05, and later asked Caitlin about it. But she never considered leaving their friendship due to those secrets. But Eddie's secrets 1.18 was a deal-breaker.
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Given the circumstances, I don't think Iris staying with Eddie will have anything to do with self respect or lack thereof. IMO, that's rather problematic and premature to say, especially when we haven't seen how it all plays out.
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TV has characters (often females) forgive (male) characters too easily for some really ugly things. It's not problematic to take issue with that.
I seriously doubt the writers even care that much. It'll probably be because Iris doesn't have any friends, her character will just have to forgive Eddie right away so she can have somewhere to stay.