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Not sending her one text message to let her know what was going on with him was part of his grieving though. His whole way of doing things was starting a new life and attempting to dump all the ties to his previous life. Stefan felt if he actually talked to Caroline, she would be supporting and make him want to stay in MF and he didn't want that. Is it something I would do? No. Is that fair to Caroline and the friends he made in Mystic Falls? Probably not. However, he just couldn't deal with that life anymore after losing Damon. He wanted to start fresh, pretend it never happened, make a new life. Remember, apparently he does it all the time. He's used to it and with Damon's death he had an even stronger reason to do it.
It wasn't the best way to handle things but it's not like he knew Caroline had the extra layer of possibly being in love with him as to why she was double-y hurt by what he did. That's on Caroline and yet she felt like she wanted to put the blame all on Stefan because "if I don't hate you for ruining our friendship, then I have to hate myself for ruining it, and I think that I deserve better than that. " I don't think that's really fair. I think it's on both of them.
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I get why Stefan behaved that way and it's completely understandable and in character. But I think Caroline was blindsided by it because Stefan is always level headed and rational even in the worst of circumstances so she let her hurt cloud her judgment. She's only 'human' and so she didn't act in the best way either. In the beginning I was more annoyed with her but then Stefan took forever to apologize so my annoyance with her got cancelled out with my annoyance with him.
That whole quote from Caroline is confusing because she said that after she told him she forgave him. I just see it as the writers stalling so they'd be on bad terms for longer and an opportunity to give Caroline a girl power moment which they love to do even when it doesn't make sense.