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Old 11-13-2013, 12:24 PM
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Scene 1 (Cold Open): Sheldon at radio station
This scene was pre-taped and only played once.
Sheldon is being interviewed by NPR radio host Ira Flatow (playing himself) on his morning show, “Science Friday”. Ira introduces Sheldon as the Caltech theoretical physicist who discovered a new element due to a mathematical error. Ira calls it a “wonder blunder” and compares the discovery to finding a treasure without a map. He asks Sheldon how he feels about possibly getting a Noble Prize in Chemistry even though his life’s work is in Physics. Sheldon says there’s no need to point out that he is “a clown freak”, then gets up and leaves in a huff.

Scene 2: L/S apartment
Sheldon, Amy, Leonard and Penny are having dinner. Sheldon is on the phone with President Siebert. Sheldon tells Siebert to stop yelling at him. Sheldon didn’t go to an interview to get attacked by a morning show jock. If the university needs funds so badly, maybe they should start a swear jar… “ah, there’s a dollar” (presumably in response to Siebert swearing at him on the phone). Sheldon hangs up.

Amy tells Sheldon that she knows he doesn’t like doing it, but interviews help raise the university’s profile which translates into funds. Sheldon doesn’t look happy. He says he feels like a trained monkey dancing for coins. Leonard says that Sheldon is not a trained monkey … people love trained monkeys.

Penny doesn’t know what Sheldon is complaining about: he’s tall, thin and famous. Then she says “Oh my god, I am jealous of Sheldon”. Sheldon says they don’t know how it feels to be famous for something you wish nobody knew about. In the first take, Penny says he forgot about when Leonard wore a fedora for a whole week. In the second take, she says understands because that she did something in Mardi Gras she wishes nobody knew about. The others react expectantly but she does not elaborate.

Scene 3: H/B apartment (same day)
Howard is seating on the couch playing a video game. Bernie comes out of the bedroom with a vacuum cleaner and asks Howard if he could put the game in pause to help clean up. Howard says he’s helping clean up what Joker did to Gotham.
Bernie says that it is his friend who is coming to stay. Howard tells her not to worry; Raj is from India so he’s seen worse. Howard will help to clean during the week. Bernie didn’t know that Raj was staying for whole week; she thought it was only for a couple of days. Howard says that Raj’s building is being tented (presumably to fumigate for termites). “Would you have let him stay for a week if I had told you?” “No”. “There. You gave me no option”. Howard mentions that Raj could not find a hotel that took dogs as well. Bernie is not amused that Cinnamon is staying with them as well. Howard says “I know! The nerve of some people!” and Bernie shakes her head.

Scene 4: Sheldon’s bedroom
Sheldon is alone sitting on the floor Indian-style playing with his train track. “This is the ‘Embarrassment Express’ with stops in Fraud-ville, Wonder Blunder-berg, and Kansas City…because that is a hub”. Amy knocks on the door and asks if she can come in. Sheldon asks if she’s bringing cookies. She says no and he says good because he doesn’t deserve any cookies. Amy comes in and brings Wil Wheaton with her. Wil says “Hi Sheldon, it’s been a while”. Sheldon is surprised to see him and asks what he is doing there. Amy says she knew he was depressed about the radio interview and called Wil in to talk to him because he’s been through a similar experience.

Wil asks Sheldon if it is ok to talk and Sheldon says yes, although at the moment he’s a bit overwhelmed because there are three people in his bedroom so it is feeling like a discotheque in there. Wil sits down on the floor next to Sheldon and tells him he thinks he can help. Wil says he’s done things he wishes nobody knew about too. Sheldon says that he’s seen Wil’s endless tweets and they’re not that bad. Will whispers to Amy: “Now I know why it’s been a while”. He says he’s referring to his time in Star Trek. Sheldon says that Wil played a know-it-all, boy genius with an eidetic memory. How could anybody not love him? Everyone can relate to that! Wil explains that not everybody loved his character and consequently people hated him personally as well. He says that he did interviews all the time in which people were mean to him. Sheldon says he can relate to that. He tells Wil that if he’s ever stuck for tweets, he should tweet about that jerk morning jock Ira Flatow.

Wil says that the point was that he had a hard time back then, but look at him now. He’s a published author, public speaker and even hosts his own web series on board games! At this point, Amy, who’s still standing next to where Wil is sitting, bends down and whispers to Wil “um, we are trying to cheer him up” while making a sign to Wil to cut it out. Wil tells Sheldon that Wesley Crusher was just a small part of his life and he realizes now that he’s glad it’s there. Same will happen to Sheldon. Sheldon says that makes sense and seems to be content with that. He’s in a better mood so he invites Amy and Wil to stay and play trains with him. They say yes and Amy sits on the floor as well. Wil asks “so what do we do?” Sheldon puts on his train conductor cap and says that he (Sheldon) will welcome aboard and run the train while Wil and Amy observe. Wil takes the whistle blower and asks if he can whistle. Sheldon is not amused. He deadpans to Wil: “You should go”. Amy nods to Wil in support of Sheldon and WIl gets up to leave.

Scene 5: H/B apartment
Raj is sitting on the couch with Cinnamon and Howard. Raj is holding a tooth brush. Howard asks if he’s going to brush his teeth in the living room. Raj says he’s going to brush Cinnamon’s teeth. Howard says why bother since Cinnamon is licking his butt half of the time. Raj says because Cinnamon also licks Raj’s face all day.

Bernie arrives from work late. She thanks them for waiting for her for dinner. Howard says of course; they wouldn’t have it without her. “So, what do you feel like making for dinner?” Raj tells Howard to stop it; Bernie has obviously had a bad day and she looks tired. Howard says that’s what she always looks like. Bernie and Raj look at him like WTH so he whispers to Bernie “because you married me”. Raj asks Bernie to tell them about her day. He gets her some wine and says he’ll make dinner. Bernie says that first she was late to a meeting this morning due to traffic and Howard interrupts to remind her that he had told her to install that traffic app. Raj tells him that when Howard complained earlier about a tummy ache because of all the Jelly Beans he ate, Raj did not reprimand him about how eating Jelly Beans is for 10 year old boys. He just rubbed Howard’s belly until he felt better. Bernie looks at Howard like WTH and he whispers “I was thinking about you the whole time”.

Scene 6 – L/S apartment
Sheldon is on the phone talking to Siebert. He tells Siebert that from now on, he will be an enthusiastic participant of all the interviews and publicity related to his discovery. Sheldon says he can thank his friend Wil Wheaton for that. Sheldon says he’ll have Siebert know he has nine friends, ten if you count Siebert… then he says “nine it is”, presumably in response to Siebert saying he’s not Sheldon’s friend. When Sheldon hangs up, he says to himself he has ten friends if he counts Wolowitz.

Leonard comes in from work. Sheldon tells him “hello friend” very happily. Leonard notes that Sheldon is having a good day and says he’s about to make it better because he no longer has to worry about all those interviews. Leonard did an experiment today that disproved the existence of the element Sheldon had discovered. Sheldon asks how that is possible since the Chinese team found it. Leonard said that apparently they added simulated signals to the data files and faked the results. Sheldon says that’s unbelievable. Leonard thinks he’s made Sheldon happy but Sheldon is mad that Leonard has robbed him of his claim to fame. He says he’s down to nine friends; nah, make it eight because he’s sick of Wolowitz too. If Leonard wanted to make him happy, he could have told him a joke or showed him a cute video of a panda and an otter bonding. Leonard says that doesn’t make any sense. Pandas and otters do not even share the same living environment. Sheldon says “I know! That’s what makes it an unlikely friendship”. At this point, they’re both really agitated and yelling at each other.

Penny comes in asking what all the yelling is about. Sheldon explains that Leonard disproved his element’s existence and now his claim to fame is gone. Penny says to Sheldon, “that’s great, you must be thrilled!” Sheldon says that’s it, he’s down to seven friends. Penny whispers to Leonard, “he’s talking about hobbits and super heroes, right?”.

Sheldon says that when he thought the element existed, he didn’t want it but now that it is gone, he wants it more than ever. Leonard tells Penny, “Tell him his gone mad” but Penny says she gets what Sheldon is saying. Sheldon says “Welcome back, friend”. Penny says it is kind of like when you’re going out with someone and they’re not really into you but you stay with them because you want them to like you more than anything. Sheldon says he doesn’t know what she’s talking about but they’re ganging up on Leonard so they’re good. Leonard asks Sheldon what he want Leonard to do. If he doesn’t publish the results, it is only a matter of time until somebody else find out. Sheldon tells Leonard he must publish the results. Leonard says “Ok” and Sheldon tells Penny, “Can you believe this guy?!”

Scene 7: H/B apartment
Howard and Bernie are in the kitchen. She opens the dishwasher and is happy to see that Raj has washed the dishes and put them away. Howard asks how she knows it was Raj and not him. Bernie says because Howard only found dirty knives once so he cut a bagel with his teeth.

Raj comes into the apartment with Cinnamon in the stroller and a tray with three coffee cups. He gives Bernie her Peppermint soy latte and wishes her good luck with her presentation. Howard also enthusiastically wishes her good luck, to which Bernie sarcastically replies, “What’s my presentation about?” In the first take, he said “science?” In the second take, he said “how to marry an idiot”. Bernie leaves for work.

Howard immediately tells Raj to stop showing him up. Raj doesn’t understand. Howard says, “you clean the dishes, you bring her coffee, you ask about her life. Who does that?!” Raj tell him to calm down and tries to give him a cup from the tray he brought in but Howard says he doesn’t want any coffee. Raj says he knows so that’s why he brought Howard some hot chocolate. Howard says “give me that” and takes the cup as he tells Raj he is a better husband to Bernie than he is. Raj tries to soothe him saying that it is amazing how well he is doing considering he is the only child of an overprotecting mom. While Raj is saying this, he’s fixing Howard’s shirt, smoothing out the wrinkles and such. Howard asks Raj, “do you think this is weird?” referring to all the fixing Raj is doing. Raj says “one second”, licks his thumb and smoothes Howard’s brows over with it. Howard stares at him and answers his own question: “so …yes.”

Scene 8: Sheldon’s office
Sheldon is typing away at his desk when Leonard comes in. He says he’s posted his results. Sheldon resignedly says he knows and that he has already posted a retraction. Sheldon is upset because the only time he’d retracted something was when he was seven years old and he told his brother he was the best ninja in east Texas. And he only did it because his face was in his brother’s armpit. Leonard says he’s sorry and it’ll all be over soon.

Kripke comes in saying, “There he is! My favorite super hero: The Retractor”. He congratulates Leonard on his experiment and Leonard says it’s no big deal, but Kripke insists it is. He tells Sheldon that maybe he should consider a career in retail because then he could take things back for a living! Leonard tells Kripke to back off but Sheldon tells Leonard he can defend himself. He calls Kripke “Bawwy”. Kripke seems taken aback and says he has a speech impediment that he can’t control. Sheldon and Leonard look at each other and they seem to feel bad about it. Sheldon apologizes and says he takes it back. Kripke triumphantly exits the office walking backwards with his hands up in the air saying “and that’s what you’re called ‘The Retractor’!”

Scene 9: H/B apartment
This scene was done in one take. Howard, Bernie and Raj are having dinner. Bernie thanks Raj for the dinner and says if he keeps it up, she’ll need new clothes. Raj says, “nonsense, you’re too thin; you need some fattening up”. Bernie asks Howard why he doesn’t compliment her like that more often. Howard says that just this morning he told him she looked like she was wearing Spanx but she wasn’t. Bernie says she wants him to say nice things like Raj and Howard gets upset again about Raj showing him up. I don’t recall the details but Howard says that Bernie didn’t even notice that he was ‘half-assing through their marriage’ until Raj came to live with them and Bernie agreed that lately they have problems because of Raj. Howard is glad Bernie is backing him up. Raj had gotten up from the table to get a bottle of wine. When he comes back, he finds H/B yelling at him because he’s been interfering with their marriage. Calmly, he says he’s just glad to see that they’re united again against something.

Scene 10: L/S apartment
Leonard, Penny and Raj are in the living room. Cinnamon is in a cage. Leonard is making up the couch for Raj to sleep on it. Leonard says he can’t believe H/B kicked Raj out. Raj says he can’t believe they’re still married. Raj says that he forgot his Cinnamon’s tooth brush at Howard’s. He says to Cinnamon, “Don’t worry, you can use mine”. In the first take, Penny says to Cinnamon, “Bark once if you want me to call PETA”. In the second take, she says “nobody would blame you if you bit him”.

Sheldon and Amy come in from work. Sheldon is clearly angry. He points at the cage and demands to know what that animal is doing there. Leonard tells him to relax because Cinnamon is in a cage. Sheldon says, “I have two words for you: Jurassic Park”. Then he says sarcastically that this day just keeps getting better and better, and he sits down at his desk. Amy walks up to him and says that it is a beautiful evening outside so she was thinking that they could go out and take a nice walk together. Clearly exasperated, Sheldon tells her, “Everything is just sex with you, isn’t it?!”

Raj walks up to them and tells Sheldon that he’s only going to get the support he needs from Amy when he understands that relationships are give and take. Amy can only be there for him as much as he is there for her. Amy is pleasantly surprised and says, “Thank you Rajesh”. Then Raj tells Amy that she needs to have more patience with Sheldon instead of pressuring him into accepting intimacy on her terms. Sheldon is looking at Amy and nodding approvingly at this. Amy deadpans to Raj, “You should go” in the same tone of voice Sheldon used on Wil in the bedroom scene.

Scene 11 (Tag): Sheldon and Leonard at the radio station
This scene was pre-taped and only played once.
Ira Flatow welcomes Sheldon and Leonard to the show. He wants to talk to Leonard about his experiment and how he disproved the existence of the element Sheldon thought he’d discovered. Sheldon doesn’t let Leonard talk. He starts talking about his childhood and how he got into physics. He mentions being bit by a dog which led to his first foray with physics: attempting to build a doggy death ray, which he couldn’t finish because apparently you can’t buy uranium. Ira tries to ask Leonard about his experiment again, emphasizing its importance, and Sheldon protests about being invited to the show if he was not going to be asked any questions. Ira says he didn’t invite Sheldon. Sheldon just came with Leonard and Ira doesn’t like confrontations.

Cut to Penny’s apartment, where Penny and Amy are sitting on the couch in front of Penny’s laptop, listening to the live stream of the show. You could hear Leonard and Sheldon arguing in the background. Penny says that this could be a really fun drinking game if they drank every time Leonard or Sheldon said something stupid. Amy says, “Isn’t it a little early to drink alcohol?” and then Sheldon starts yodeling on the radio. Amy stands up and says “I’ll get the vodka”.


#SerialApeist2Premiere #ATSKAA2014*
* ... and then Sheldon kissed Amy AGAIN.

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Last edited by moyrani; 11-13-2013 at 07:45 PM
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