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SCENE 8: MRS. W’S LIVING ROOM
Mike is still in on the couch watching TV with Howard on the left. Sheldon is to the right in an armchair staring listlessly at the TV. Penny is to the left in another armchair and Leonard is standing behind the couch working on his phone.
HOWARD- You ever play football, Mike?
MIKE- A little in college. You?
HOWARD- No. But I was tackled in a hallway once. Whole school cheered.
Mike says nothing and turns his attention back to the TV. Leonard finishes on his phone and walks over to Penny.
LEONARD- OK. I downloaded all the paperwork you need for an annulment.
PENNY- Fine.
LEONARD- You can do it as soon as we get home.
PENNY- I said I’d take care of it! I know I screwed up. Do you have to keep rubbing my face in it?
Penny gets up and goes into the dining room. Leonard sits down in Penny’s chair looking exasperated.
LEONARD- Why am I the bad guy here? She screwed up. I’m the victim here!
HOWARD- Sounds like Zack’s the victim. You’re the one sleeping with his wife.
MIKE- You know, I’ve been married for 35 years. Can I weigh in here?
LEONARD- Please.
MIKE- Shut up. I’m trying to watch the game.
Leonard leaves and follows Penny. Camera cuts to them. She just got off the phone.
PENNY- I called Zack. He’s on his way over to sign the papers.
LEONARD- What?! He’s coming here now? Why would you do that?!
PENNY- You keep going on about it. So I’m taking care of it. Isn’t what you wanted?
Raj sticks his head out the kitchen door with a mixing bowl in his hands and snaps at them.
RAJ- Do you mind? People are trying to cook in here.
LEONARD- Sorry, Raj. We’ll be quiet.
RAJ- No. Speak up. I’ve got to turn the blender on and I don’t want to miss anything.
Camera cuts back to the living room
MIKE- I don’t believe that play. How are they supposed to recover from that?
SHELDON- If they bring pressure from one side and drop the weakside defensive end into a zone coverage on the opposite side, they could pull off a defensive blitz.
Howard and Mike both stare at Sheldon.
HOWARD- That’s great because there’s nothing I like more than a blitz with sour cream. You know? It’s funny because blitz sounds like blintz?
MRS. WOLOWITZ- (yelling from upstairs) Did somebody say blintz?
Mike ignores Howard and turns to Sheldon.
MIKE- How does a guy like you know football?
SHELDON- My father was a big fan. He used to force me to watch it before he’d let me do my homework.
MIKE- Hey, you remember that Thanksgiving game when it snowed in Dallas?
SHELDON- ’93. Dolphins vs. Cowboys. Cowboys in the lead with 15 seconds left on the clock. Leon Lett muffs the ball. Dolphins take possession and score another field goal with 3 seconds left. The Cowboys lost. Then I did my calculus homework.
MIKE- I was so mad I wanted to shoot the TV.
SHELDON- So did my dad. Then he did.
MIKE- What’s your dad doing these days?
SHELDON- Nothing. He died when I was 14.
MIKE- Oh. I’m sorry.
SHELDON- It’s alright.
MIKE- So you never got to watch a game and drink a beer with him.
SHELDON- No. He tried to for my high school graduation. But I was 11. So mom said no.
MIKE- Well… (cracks open another can of beer and holds it out to Sheldon) You’re gonna have one now.
(There was basically a silent “Aww” here while the whole audience held its breath waiting to see how Sheldon would react.) Sheldon stares at the beer for a moment, then leans forward and takes it.
SHELDON- Alright.
Sheldon takes a sip and they go back to watching the TV.
HOWARD- You know… (everyone started laughing preemptively here. The tension was gone and we knew what was coming) my dad left me and my mom when I was seven. So… I never got to have a beer with my dad either.
MIKE- Quiet, Howard. We’re watching the game.
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