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Total Fan
Joined: Dec 2011
Posts: 7,325
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Credit to Monique from the BBT fan site.
Quote:
The things I can’t remember well will either not be posted at all or posted to the best of my recollection which means, not exactly how it will be heard when it airs.
"The Tangible Affection Proof"
Scene 1:
Leonard & Penny are having dinner in Penny’s apartment.
Penny: you will never believe what happened at work today…
Leonard: what happened?
Penny: I saved a mans life! He was chocking.
Leonard: did you Heimlich him?
Penny: No, I yelled, “That man’s chocking!” and the buss boy Heimliched him.
Leonard: *looks at her funny* Wow. You’re a hero.
Penny: Well, that was the point of this conversation.
Leonard: Speaking of work, are you gonna be off Thursday night?
Penny tells Leonard she is free that evening .Leonard is wondering why she isn’t very enthusiastic, as it will be Valentines day on Thursday. Penny explains that Valentines day puts so much pressure on for everything to be special and it never turns out right in the end. Leonard reassures her that it will be because he’s the Romance Ninja *does some karate chop moves with his hands* and she’ll never know what surprises will be in store.
Scene 2:
Sheldon & Amy climbing the stairs.
Sheldon makes a comment about how he believes that when we make a bowel movement which includes a burning sensation after eating spicy foods, it is his belief that the rectum has a sense of taste (Spicy going in, spicy going out).
Amy: I’d concur if you hadn’t changed the subject. What are we doing for Valentines Day?
Sheldon: Oh, you caught that, did ya?
Scene 3:
Howard & Raj at the comic book store. Howard is on his cell with Bernie.
Howard. Okay…. Okay….Okayyy….Okayy….OK! *frustrated*
Raj: Everything okay?
*Howard looks at him annoyed*
He then explains to Raj that Bernie has been cranky since she’s been working 17 hour days.
Stuart walks by.
Raj: Hey, Stuart, got anything going for Valentines Day?
Stuart tells him, “No” and Raj comes up with the idea that they should keep the comic book store open late and host a party on Valentines Day for people without dates for the evening to show people, “The greatest love a man can have is the love for himself…”
Stuart likes the idea.
Scene 4:
Sheldon’s Office. Alex is inside and Sheldon walks in the door.
Sheldon: Oh, Alex, excellent! I have a research problem I think you can help me with.
Alex gets excited and thanks him for the opportunity to help contribute to his research.
Sheldon: Not gonna happen.
He explains to her that he needs her to buy Amy’s Valentines day gift.
Alex: *Looking at him like he’s crazy* you DO realize I gave up an opportunity at Fermilab to come work for you?
Sheldon: Yes and those chaps now have to find someone else to buy their girlfriends gifts.
Sheldon then whips out $2,000.00 and hands it over to Alex and tells her that he thinks Amy likes monkies and the color grey. Alex takes the money and leaves.
Sheldon: *to himself* Ha! contribute to my work. Kids say the darndest things.
Scene 5:
Howards Lab. Howard is working on something and Leonard walks in.
Leonard: you comin’ to lunch?
Howard: One sec, I wanna show you something.
Howard shows Leonard a little something he was working on for Bernie for Valentines day. (I forgot exactly what is is but it’s something super super tiny that has to be looked at through the microscope. It’s something even smaller than a grain of sand that he someone put their initials on or something?)
The theme of his gift was the “micro” bit since he’s wife is a microbiologist.
Leonard:…from a micro husband
Howard asks Leonard what he and Penny have planned for Valentines day. Leonard tells him that they’re going out to dinner. Howard thinks it’s kinda lame right up until he accidently BREAKS Bernie’s gift he spent 12 hours creating in the lab. Leonard invites Howard to bring Bernie and join he and Penny for dinner on Valentines day.
Scene 6:
Leonard & Sheldon’s Apartment.
Sheldon and Alex are there.
Sheldon: Okay, Amy will be here shortly expecting the perfect Valentines day gift. You’re up, kid! Knock my socks off.
Alex explains to Sheldon that she went onto Amy’s face book page to read up on her interests. Sheldon says that he never would have thought of that which makes Amy lucky to have a guy like him who has someone like Alex to do that for her. Alex pulls possible gift option number one out of the bag. It’s s mini harp music box which plays one of Amy’s favorite songs. Sheldon argues that Amy has a REAL harp that can play MANY songs. He wanted to see the next option. Alex tells Sheldon that Amy is a fan of the Canterbury Tales and pulls out a framed map of their journey through England. Sheldon isn’t impressed with this gift option either. Finally, Alex pulls out a print of a brain cell drawing signed by Santiago Ramon y Cajal, a famous neuroscientist.
Sheldon is VERY much impressed with this gift for Amy. So much so that he decides to keep it for himself.
Scene 7:
Restaurant.
Leonard & Penny are seated at the table waiting for Howard & Bernie to arrive.
Penny: This place is so beautiful. *she smiles and takes a sip of wine*
Leonard: Romance ninja!! *Karate chop* *Penny smiles*
Howard & Bernie arrive and clearly both of them are unhappy. Bernie angrily plops down in her chair. Howard sits down next to her.
Howard: sorry we’re late.
Penny: oh no worries, we just sat down.
Leonard *to Bernie*: would you like some wine?
Bernie: *all snappy* fill ‘er up.
Leonard pours a bit and stops.
Bernie: *all snappy* I’ll tell you when to stop. *Leonard pours her more wine*
Penny: everything okay? *looks at both of them*
Howard: terrific, couldn’t be better…
Bernie: *looks at Howard*: Bite me!
Basically, Bernie is angry with Howard because while she’s been working hard all week, she’s asked him to do one simple task of washing their clothes and he hasn’t done it. All he does is stay focused on his Xbox, playing games. So she hides his Xbox.
Bernie: *to Howard* you like pushing buttons so much, push one on the washing machine!
Howard: *to Leonard & Penny* She hid my Xbox like I’m a child! *to Bernie* my mom got me that Xbox for my birthday and if you don’t tell me where it is I’m gonna tell her on you.
Leonard: guys, we’re trying to have a magical night here…
Penny: *to Leonard* everything will be fine. *silence for a moment* son of a bitch!
Across the room, is Penny’s ex boyfriend, who is sitting there dining with the girl (played by Kaley’s sister) he cheated on her with, Gretchen (who used to be her friend). Suddenly, Penny allows herself to get so caught up in her ex boyfriend and what he’s doing. Leonard tries to make her feel better about it.
Suddenly, Penny’s ex get’s down on one knee and proposes to Gretchen.
Gretchen: *to Penny’s ex* of course I’ll marry you! *she hugs & kisses him*
Penny gets even MORE upset.
Leonard: Oh, two can play at that game. *get’s down on one knee* Penny….
Penny: Get up! *Leonard gets up off the floor quick*
Scene 8:
Comic Book Store.
Raj & Stuart are preparing for the Valentines day party.
Raj: it’s nice that all the people who don’t have dates can come here tonight and be together.
Stuart: yeah, I’m really looking forward to it. In fact, there’s no place I’d rather be than here.
Raj: except on a date with anybody.
Stuart: literally anybody.
Raj then decides to point it out that if he and Stuart were a couple, it would be the best relationship ever.
Raj: if you were a girl, all our problems would be solved (because they have so much in common, etc.).
He then talks about how their date would go.
Raj: then, I’d take you home, rip off that little black dress and pile drive you into oblivion.
Stuarts looks at Raj like he’s nuts and is very uncomfortable and leaves the room.
Raj: happens every time. I meet a girl I like and then I scare her away.
Scene 9:
Restaurant.
Penny: I cannot believe he’s gonna marry the girl he cheated on me with.
Leonard: isn’t that kinda nice? He was with the wrong person, now he’s with the right person.
Penny: oh, so now I’m the wrong person??
They start bickering and Bernie leans over to Howard:
Bernie: Wow, what’s going on right now in their relationship makes ours look pretty good.
Howard agrees. Their issues get squashed when he promises to go home and do the laundry. Bernie smiles.
Howard: so where’d you hide it? (his Xbox)
Bernie: some where you’d never look…*smiling*
Howard: the washing machine!
They’re both smiling and give each other a kiss as Leonard and Penny are still fighting across the table.
Penny: See? Valentines day sucks.
Leonard: THIS one does and you’re the reason why.
Scene 10:
Leonard/Sheldon’s Apartment:
Sheldon (wearing a suit, ready for his evening out with Amy) answers his door.
Amy: hello.
Sheldon: hello.
Amy: *smiling* Happy Valentines day.
Sheldon: Okay.
Sheldon: Shall we go to dinner?
Amy: Hang on *she walks into the apartment* As you know, I had planned a traditional Valentines day evening of romance and gifts…
Sheldon: Yes and as you know I had plans to pretend to enjoy it. I even had a face prepared. *he makes this goofy face like he’s pretending to like something*
Amy: Well, I cancelled all of it…
Sheldon: Really?? *he says smiling*
She explains that she knows that gifts and things of that nature puts so much pressure on him and she thought it would be better if they stayed inside, order in pizza and watch “Star Trekk-Wars stuff” he likes. That is her gift to him.
Sheldon: I don’t know what to say Amy…
Amy: (at this point she says something like that's what girlfriends do, I forgot, but it was so sweet, trust me.)
He goes on to tell her that what she did was so thoughtful (you’ll have to excuse me, I forgot his words). He was very happy with her gift.
Amy: whatever you got me, take it back.
Sheldon: No. you me nothing so I want to give you this *reaches into his pocket and pulls out a paper*
Amy: your employee information form (forgot her words exactly)??
Sheldon: Read the bottom.
Amy: *welling up with tears* “in case of an emergency, contact Amy Farrah Fowler. It even has my number!!!”
Amy is so happy and tells Sheldon that it is the best gift she has ever gotten. She pulls him into a hug as they sit on the couch, his arms hanging down barely able to move them since she has a tight hold on him.
Sheldon: Okay….that’s enough. You’re ruining Valentines day now order my pizza *he pats her on the knee while still in her embrace*
Scene 11:
Leonard & Penny walk silently up the stairs. Both walking towards their apartments when they reach their floor.
Penny: Goodnight
Leonard: Yep.
Penny closes her door. Leonard stands in front of his for a moment and then decides to walk over to hers and opens her door, letting himself in.
Leonard: You know? What you did tonight, that was pretty crappy of you!
Penny: I know, I’m a total bitch.
Leonard: Well, I wouldn’t go that far.
Penny: But I am.
Leonard: Okay, fine, yeah, you’re a bitch.
She apologizes and explains to him that everything is going so well between them right now and one day when he proposes to her, they’ll get married, be stuck together forever and that scares her. Leonard sits down next to her.
Leonard: Okay. I know I propose to you a lot (LOL). I promise I will never propose to you again.
Penny: What? Are you breaking up with me?
Leonard: No, no….but under one condition. If you want to ever get married you have to propose to ME. I want the whole 9 yards, you down on one knee, everything. Just don’t put me on a jumbo tron, I don’t want to be crying on a big screen.
Penny: *smiling and relieved* You got it. *They give each other a sweet kiss* Leonard, can I ask you a question?
Leonard: *surprised* Yes?
Penny: Will you be my Valentine?
Leonard: Sorry, maybe next year. *Penny drops her jaw and he gets up to leave*
Leonard: *turns around* Just kidding!!! Romance Ninja! Let’s have sex!
Scene 12:
Comic Book Store.
The party is going well. It’s full of people who are lonely on Valentines day.
Gil : *walks up to Stuart and Raj* Thanks for the party! Usually I’m sad and alone on Valentines day…now I’m just sad!
Stuart makes one of his usually depressing remarks (which I can’t remember).
Raj: we have GOT to stop beating ourselves up like this. *walks over to the counter to grab a remote and turn off the music* Can I have everyone’s attention please?
He goes on to make big speech about how they should not define themselves by whether or not they’re in a relationship.
Raj: we are not mutants! The only mutants here on in these comic books. We are a community! As long as we are together, we are never alone!
*Everyone claps* a girl walks up to Raj: *awkward* that was a nice speech.
Raj: Thank you. *awkward* would you like to maybe….go out for coffee?
Girl: *still awkward* sure.
Raj: *turning to everyone else in the store* LATER, LOSERS!!! *hands up in the air like he’s a ganster rapper. Follows the girl out of the store like he’s the king mac daddy or something. LOL*
Scene 13 (Tag)
The scene is basically Amy working in her lab getting another of apparently multiple calls of Sheldon related emergencies. LOL. A Chinese bird spider bite…Sheldon thinking he has a brain tumor, etc. She leaves the room saying to herself, “a brain tumor would explain a lot…”
THE END.
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