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Bonnie should have every right to be mad and everyone should feel bad, but I don't see why people have to blame this on Damon and Stefan or they should be labeled as bad guys or why what they did is disgusting.
It's not like they jumped at the chance to kill the Bennett witches, heck, their first instinct was to find another way out of this so that they wouldn't have to attack Bonnie or Abby. The whole plan with daggering Kol was suppose to be their chance to stop Elijah's plan and to make sure no one else has to die. Turning Abby into a vampire was a last resort because they didn't have any other choice and they certainly were not going to let Elena die. They were backed into a corner in this one and Abby was the unfortunate collateral damage. It's not like anyone is cheering over this. They all realized this was bad, it was wrong, but there wasn't any other way.
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I don't even think they should feel bad about it. Abby was a stranger to ALL of them including Bonnie. She was only Bonnie's mother b/c of DNA it's not like they were close & had a long standing relationship. So I totally see why it was easy to make the choice between saving Elena who they all love & have a relationship w/versus some woman they just met. If Bonnie were to flip out or to go dark it would've been more understandable to me after her grams died b/c she barely knew Abby. In Mystic Falls time they've known each other for what like a few weeks? A month? So IMO it's like the equivalent to watching a stranger die, sure you feel bad about the loss of life but you really have no emotional connection to it. That's certainly how I feel as a viewer, I didn't know Abby, she's only been around for a few episodes so I just don't really care about her death (or non death since she's a vampire). We're not talking about aunt Jenna here.