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Old 03-09-2011, 01:41 AM
  #187
ennaxor
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So the big surprise was the Barenaked Ladies after all! At the end of curtain call, Kaley came up and took the mike and was saying something about how we all love the theme song, and they thought we could all sing it together... But they had a surprise for us, and pulled back the large black dividers to reveal the band in the guys' apartment set!

They sang through the whole song, with the audience partially singing along (nearly everyone dropped out after the first verse), and the cast stood to the side and watched and clapped along. (Kaley especially was really into it.)

The episode is called The Herb Garden Germination. The usual request, please don't copy and paste elsewhere.

Scene 1 - Bookstore (pre-taped)

Brian Greene (as himself) is speaking to promote his new book. Basically it’s about the possibility of multiple universes, but written in a way that people without any sort of science or physics background can understand it.

Sheldon and Amy are sitting in the back, entertained. Amy thanks Sheldon for inviting her, and says with all the hard work they do, it’s nice to do something fun. Sheldon says just wait until he starts explaining some theory, it’s like a comedy club. Brian Green then started explaining that theory, using an example involving a Chinese restaurant menu, and Sheldon and Amy are still amused.

Amy tells Sheldon that she heard something interesting about Bernadette and Howard, and Sheldon asks if she’s really going to start gossiping. She tells him that Bernadette’s planning on breaking up with Howard, but I can’t remember Sheldon’s response to that.

Sheldon then stands up and interrupts him, and asks something like, you make science available to the masses, right? Brian says yes, then Sheldon asks if he’s ever thought about doing something more worthwhile, like reading to the elderly. Not one of his own books, but something they’d enjoy. Then Sheldon says he kids, he’s a huge fan. Brian Greene smiles, thinking it was a joke, but Sheldon shares a smile with Amy when he sits down.

Scene 2 - Guys’ apartment

Sheldon and Leonard are playing an archery game. Leonard tells Sheldon good shot, and Sheldon says thanks, his father taught him archery when he was a child. And for some reason the memory includes the smell of Kmart liquor. Sheldon prepares for his next shot, drawing an imaginary arrow from the quiver on his back before shooting. Leonard tells him perfect, and Sheldon says he knows, he would have made a great elf.

Leonard gets ready to go, and Sheldon asks what he’s going. Leonard says shooting at the target. Sheldon asks with what, and Leonard says an arrow. Sheldon says that Leonard didn’t take an arrow from the quiver on his back. Leonard says he’s not going to do that. Sheldon tells him that the people at Nintendo have done what they could to recreate an actual sporting activity, but they have to put in some effort themselves. Leonard gives in, draws an imaginary arrow from behind him, and then stabs Sheldon in the chest with it. Sheldon says that was uncalled for, but he’ll play along, “ouch.”

As Leonard takes his turn, Sheldon says he had an unusual interaction with Amy the other day. Leonard asks how he can tell. Sheldon says that she shared a piece of gossip with him. Leonard asks what it was, and Sheldon says he’s not sharing, he was just talking about the incident itself… but then quickly gives in, and says Bernadette’s breaking up with Howard.

Leonard’s surprised and asks why. Sheldon says all he has to go on are his observations from his parents failed marriage, when his mother turned to religion, and his father turned to the blonde at the bar who tried to buy his (Sheldon’s) affections with action figures.

And I think there were another few lines to end this scene, but I can’t remember what they were.

Scene 3 - Guys’ bathroom (pre-taped)

Leonard knocks on the door and asks Priya if he can come in, she says yes. She’s flossing at the mirror, and he freaks out a little, and says it’s okay, she didn’t know, and starts to clean the mirror. He points out a piece of tape on the floor, and tells her that Sheldon doesn’t like people flossing so close to the mirror because of the splash; you have to stand behind the tape. Leonard says he has an evaluation coming up, and he doesn’t want to lose his TV privileges.

Priya says something like they need to go over the roommate agreement. Leonard says then they’d both have to get a lawyer, and it’s easier to just stand behind the tape. They both start brushing their teeth, and Priya says she got some Dodgers tickets from a guy at work, and asks if Leonard wants to go. Leonard asks that’s baseball, right? She says yes, he’ll have to teach her the rules. He says from what he remembers, you get picked last, get hit with the ball, and then go home crying.

She says she’s actually got 4 tickets, and suggests they invite Bernadette and Howard; she likes Bernadette, and thinks she could get used to Howard. Leonard says that’s not a good idea, Bernadette’s planning on breaking up with Howard. Priya says well she knows one person who will be happy to hear that. Leonard asks who, she says Raj, and Leonard spits his toothpaste onto the mirror.

He rushes to clean it, and asks Raj has a crush on Bernadette? She says yes, and you should hear the (something - I couldn’t hear what she said) he writes or says? But she quoted him - oh Bernadette, won’t you touch my clarinet. And she says that for years their family thought he was the one who liked clarinets. They leave the bathroom, and she asks about the piece of tape in front of the toilet. Leonard says that doesn’t apply to her, she sits.

Scene 4 - Lobby and stairs

Penny’s checking her mail as Leonard enters. They say hi, and Leonard asks if she’s heard about Howard and Bernadette. She says of course, and asks how he knows. He says he heard from Sheldon, who heard it from Amy. Penny says she told Amy in the strictest confidence, she can’t believe she’s such a blabbermouth / some people are such blabbermouths (different lines on different takes).

Second floor. Penny says that Bernadette could do better anyway. Leonard asks if an Indian astrophysicist who has selective mutism and a problem with alcohol is better than a 100 pound Jewish man who still lives with his mother. Penny asks, Raj likes Bernadette?? Leonard says he didn’t say Raj, what does Raj have to do with anything?

Third floor. Penny asks if Raj told him he liked Bernadette, and Leonard says no. Penny asks then where’d he hear it, and Leonard says he can’t say. Penny guesses it was Priya, and Leonard says yes. Penny says that Priya’s a real gossip, and that’s not an attractive quality in a woman, but that’s just her opinion.

Fourth floor. Leonard says the point is she can’t tell anyone, this would ruin Raj and Howard’s friendship. Penny says don’t worry, she can keep a secret, unlike Amy and Priya. Leonard says that she’s the one who told Amy in the first place. Penny stresses that it was under the strictest confidence.

Scene 4 - Raj’s apartment

Raj and Priya are sitting in front of his laptop, video chatting with their parents. Raj says hi mommy and daddy, and Priya asks how they are. Mrs. Koothrappali says they’re very rich in a country that’s very poor, so they can’t complain. They ask how Priya’s doing in LA, and she says good, but if she’s going to stay much longer she thinks she needs to find her own place.

Mrs. Koothrappali asks if Raj isn’t being accommodating for her, then asks Raj why he isn’t being accommodating for his sister. He says he is, and half the time she doesn’t sleep there anyway; Priya cuts him off by grabbing his leg. One of the parents asks where she’s sleeping, and Priya says it’s just an expression, she’s been working late.

Mrs. Koothrappali asks if she’s dating an American, and says she knew this would happen, then asks Raj if he’s letting her date his little friend Howard. Mr. Koothrappali says if he was dating an American, that wouldn’t be a bad choice; the Jewish are typically very successful, and they don’t drink very much.

Raj says no, Howard has a girlfriend anyway. Priya comments not for long, and Raj turns and asks her what’s up with Bernadette and Howard. Priya says she’ll tell him later. Mrs. Koothrappali asks who’s Bernadette, and Mr. Koothrappali says it doesn’t sound Jewish. Mrs. Koothrappali says you can’t always tell by the name, Gene Simmons / Winona Ryder was Jewish (two examples from two different takes). Mr. Koothrapali says they’re getting off-topic, and says something to Raj about looking out for Priya.

Raj says don’t worry, he shares everything with her, including his friend Len - Priya stops on his foot to cut him off, and says bye mommy and daddy as she shuts the laptop. Raj says she nearly broke his toe, and she says he should have kept his mouth shut. He agrees, then asks her what’s up with Bernadette. On the last few takes, they changed his line to, “What up with Clarinet - I mean, Bernadette?”

Scene 6 - Cafeteria

The four guys are eating at a table. Sheldon says he was thinking about Brian Greene making science available to the masses. Leonard asks, and? Sheldon says nothing, he was just thinking about it. Now he’s thinking about some equation (I think). Now he’s thinking about the origin of the expression “train of thought.” Now he’s thinking about trains.

Raj turns to Howard and asks, are you listening to this? Howard’s startled, and says sorry, he was somewhere else. Leonard says lucky bastard. Sheldon says now he’s thinking about Jello. Raj asks Howard if something is wrong, and Howard says it’s just something with Bernadette. Raj asks (with fake sincerity) if something is wrong, and says they’re there for him, for the good and the devastating.

Howard says it’s not bad, he’s actually planning on proposing. The guys are shocked, and Howard says he’s just waiting for the right time. Leonard and Raj both say something about how he should wait, and then Howard’s phone rings; it’s his cousin, who was looking at rings. Howard asks him what he found, and then says half a carat is fine, her tiny hands make anything look huge, that’s one of the things he loves about her.

Howard walks off to continue the call, and Leonard says that the poor guy’s going to be blind sighted. Raj says yeah, it’ll be horrible, but he’s smiling. Sheldon asks why he’s smiling, and Raj says a smile means something different in his country - tears of joy and smiles of sadness. Sheldon suddenly says now he’s back on trains, then makes the “whoo whoo!” train sound.

Scene 7 - Guys’ apartment

Sheldon and Amy are drinking tea. Amy asks Sheldon if she’d told him her department received a grant to study addiction. He says no, and she says that she’s taught a monkey how to smoke. He asks if she learned anything, and she says that he looks cooler than the monkeys that don’t smoke. But that’s not much of a contest, because the others just sit around and masturbate.

Sheldon says he’d like to stop listening and start talking, and Amy tells him to go right ahead. Sheldon tells her that Howard told them he’s going to propose to Bernadette. Amy says that’s surprising, considering the last piece of gossip which suggested the relationship was ending soon. Somehow I think they got on the topic of how quickly the gossip spread around, and Amy asks Sheldon if he’s familiar with meme theory. Sheldon says he’s familiar with everything, but tells her to go on.

She says that meme theory suggests that gossip and interesting ideas are actually like living organisms, which aim to spread to as many people as possible. Sheldon says something about having experience with that, given how quickly the phrase “Shelly Cooper’s a smelly pooper” spread through his school in the fourth grade. Amy says that’s not surprising, and “that’s gold.”

They end up deciding to try an experiment, to spread two false rumors - one tantalizing and a boring one, and compare how quickly the two spread. Sheldon says something like, “Look at you, getting me interested in the social science, you sly vixen you,” and they toast.

Scene 8 - Outside Penny’s apartment

Amy knocks, Penny answers. Amy quickly says, “Sheldon and I had sexual intercourse. In other news, I’m thinking of growing an herb garden. Mums the word! Gotta go.” And she walks away, leaving Penny stunned in her doorway.

Scene 9 - Cheesecake Factory

Raj is drinking by himself. Bernadette comes up and says she didn’t see him come in. He says that’s fine, cause it’s not like he was just there to see her anyway. He’s just drinking by himself, cause he’s dark and mysterious like that. She asks, so Howard’s not here? Raj says no, just the two of us. Like when the three of them went to the movies together, and Raj and Bernadette waited outside the bathroom while Howard saw if his Icee turned his pee blue. Then it was changed to they were waiting while Howard threw up something and red vines.

Raj asks if Bernadette remembers that, and she says yes. Penny tells Bernadette that one of the tables wants to order appetizers, Bernadette thanks her, says bye to Raj, and walks off. Raj calls after her something about how this was good, seeing her or something. Penny asks Raj what he’s doing, and says that’s his best friend’s girlfriend, he should be ashamed. Raj says he was when he first came in, but alcohol does wonders for guilt.

Penny again says something about how it’s wrong, and Raj says he can’t help it, he can’t stop thinking about her. Penny says here’s something to think about - Sheldon and Amy had sex. Raj says “shut your ass!” Penny says it’s true, Amy told her. Raj asks how they knew what to do, and did they know what they were doing when they did it? Penny says she guesses they just figured it out somehow. Raj says he can't believe smelly pooper finally got laid.

Scene 10 - Guys’ apartment

Sheldon’s on his computer, Leonard walks in with food and says he hopes Sheldon’s hungry. Sheldon notes how that’s a friendly comment here, but in some other country (forgot which) it’s a cruel taunt, and says he’s learned a lesson about context.

Leonard asks if Amy will be joining them for dinner, and Sheldon says yes. Leonard asks how things are going between them, and Sheldon (catching on to what Leonard’s referring to) just says fine. Leonard says he was talking to Raj, who mentioned that Amy’s been glowing recently. Sheldon asks if the glowing could be because she was tending to an herb garden outside without any suntan lotion on. Leonard says he doesn’t think so.

Sheldon says something about how Indians never make sense, then says something about how he has some work to get to, and Leonard (as he’s walking towards the hall), says I bet you do, you sly dog you. When Leonard’s gone Sheldon opens up his laptop, where Amy’s on video chat, and asks if she got that. They’re surprised the gossip is spreading so quickly. Sheldon says that he’s gained satisfaction from spreading the rumor that they had intercourse, and Amy tells him to slow down, she’s not there yet.

Scene 11 - Same place, later

Everyone except for Penny is there, eating dinner. Sheldon’s getting a drink from the fridge, and Amy walks over to him, saying Bernadette just asked her about her sleeping with Sheldon - their rumor has now reached final penetration. Sheldon asks if the pun was deliberate, and she says no, just a happy accident. Sheldon comments on how it took less than 24 hours.

Amy says that Bernadette asked her for the details, and Sheldon says so it’s moved beyond the fact of it happening, and on to blow-by-blow details. Amy asks if the pun was deliberate, and Sheldon asks what pun. Amy tells Sheldon what she told Bernadette (which I’m blanking on the wording - something like he was timid, but caring? I dunno), and Sheldon says he wishes she hadn’t done that - now he’ll be a chick magnet, and he’s already busy enough with work.

Howard suddenly says he has something he’d like to ask Bernadette, and he can’t think of a better time than right now with all their friends. Leonard says yes, he can. Raj says no, Howard should say it now, and then just let the chips fall.

Howard, kinda confused, says thanks, then turns to Bernadette and gets down on one knee and pulls out the ring. She’s shocked, and asks something like, “is this really happening?” Raj smiles, and says here it comes. Howard says that he knows they’ve had some issues, but - and Bernadette says she’s going to stop him right there. And then she says yes. Howard asks, “yes what?” And Bernadette says “yes I will marry you.” (The audience majorly “awwwwed” here, by the way! So cute.)

Leonard and Priya jump up to congratulate them. Raj stays on the floor, upset. Sheldon and Amy are still to the side, watching. Amy wonders what made Bernadette change her mind. Sheldon says that maybe after hearing about his sexual prowess it gave her hope again in love. Amy says that must be it, then they go over to the group. Amy says congratulations, and Sheldon says mazel tov (with bad pronunciation).

Scene 12 - Outside Penny’s apartment

Amy again knocks, Penny answers. Penny's looking at her phone, and says she just got a text from Bernadette, Howard proposed? Amy tells her that she’s orthodontics, and she’s carrying Sheldon’s baby - mum’s the word, bye, again leaving Penny in shock.

On the third floor, Amy runs into Leonard, who’s walking up and looking at his cell phone. He looks up at Amy in shock, and asks, “You’re pregnant??” Amy leans over to look at his phone, and asks if there’s anything about orthodontics.
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Last edited by ennaxor; 03-09-2011 at 07:25 AM
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