Still no autograph from Jim.
But Simon signed by Comic-Con magazine!
The episode's title is The Hot Troll Deviation. It looks like Melissa is joining the cast as a regular - she's listed under "Starring" in the program, not as a guest like everyone else, and has a bio like the other main five.
Scene 1 – The Cheesecake Factory
The four guys are at a table. Sheldon and Raj are arguing about something related to the project they’re working on together.
As they’re arguing, Leonard and Howard are just watching and listening. Howard makes some comment about them working together, and Leonard says yeah, it’s like X and X decided to open a Jamba Juice / UPS store (two different takes, with two different sets of names; neither of which I can remember, but they’re people who clearly don’t get along).
Raj starts to argue some point, but Sheldon calls Penny over to the table. She asks what he wants, and he says nothing, he just wanted to make Raj stop talking. Raj tries to whisper to Howard, but he says nope, sorry, Sheldon won.
Penny says she’d ask if they want dessert, but she knows Sheldon doesn’t have dessert on Tuesdays, even if Raj wanted something he couldn’t tell her, Howard wouldn’t order dessert, but instead make some skeevy comment, and Leonard is lactose intolerant, so he can’t have anything without his intestines inflating like a balloon. Leonard says wait, you have a fruit plate, right? Penny says yes, and asks if he wants it. He asks if it has melons, she says yes, and he says no, he can’t eat melons.
Bernadette then enters and is serving a table, and Penny warns Howard that she just came on for her shift. Leonard asks him if it’s been a while since he saw her, and he says not since they broke up. Howard’s watching her, and wondering how he should play it – cool, detached, friendly… And then he suddenly jumps from his seat to hide under the table. Sheldon says, so you’ve decided on cowardly, and Raj says that it’s what he does best.
On one of the small pick-ups during this scene, the director cut in the middle of one of Johnny’s lines. Johnny turned around sort of indignantly, and said, “I was talking!”
Scene 2 – Howard’s bedroom (pre-taped)
Howard turns on some music, and gets into bed. He looks to his left, where he sees Katee Sackhoff lying next to him, and asks if she’s ready to get started. She asks why she’s wearing her full Battlestar Galactica fightsuit, and he tells her something like don’t question the particulars, or they’d never get anywhere.
His mom yells, asking if he’s seen something, and he says no. When he turns back, asking where were they, instead of Katee it’s Bernadette, wearing her work uniform. She says he was just about to rip off her vest with his teeth. Howard asks her what she’s doing there, and she says probably because he saw her earlier that day, and he’s still not over her.
Then Katee’s shows up on his other side, and somehow George Takei ends up standing in his room, too. Howard asks why he’s there, and Katee asks if he has any latent homosexual feelings. Howard says no, and George says something like, “You say no, yet here I am.”
Katee and George end up talking about being typecast based on their sci-fi roles, despite their efforts to branch out, and walk out of Howard’s room together. Howard turns back to Bernadette, and I think she says something about how the others left so they could get started. But before they do anything, Mrs. Wolowitz yells again that she found what she was looking for, but it shrunk, so now she’s spilling out of it.
Howard says oh, that’s not a good visual, and then Bernadette’s gone, too.
Scene 3 – Caltech Cafeteria
Leonard and Howard are at a table, and Howard’s trying to figure out what to do about Bernadette. Leonard asks why they broke up, because Howard never told them, and Howard says it’s because of something he did (Leonard says he figured that), and it’s embarrassing to face Bernadette after it. Leonard says that can range from farting in bed to killing a homeless man. Howard doesn’t say anything, and Leonard says, “Oh my god, you ran over a hobo.”
Howard says no, it’s just not something he wants to talk about. Leonard says ok, so you want to get back with Bernadette, but you’re too embarrassed to face her now. Howard says yes, in a nutshell. Leonard suggests that Howard kidnap Bernadette while she’s at an opera, but he can wear a mask so no one will know who he is. Howard just stares, and then says that he’s never sure when Leonard’s kidding or not.
Sheldon and Raj come up to join them, arguing about whether or not Raj can have a desk in the office. Sheldon says no, and they don’t need desks anyway, because their work is done in their minds. Raj argues that Sheldon has a desk, but Sheldon says he just doesn’t have enough room in his budget to get Raj a desk too.
Raj asks Sheldon, so you have room in your budget for the marshmallow gun, and something else, and a glow-in-the-dark ant farm, but not another desk? And Sheldon says that’s correct.
Raj asks what if he buys the desk with his own money, and Sheldon immediately says no. The other guys ask why, and Sheldon’s stuck, before finally saying that it’s his office. But he relents and says that Raj can buy a desk. Raj clarifies that he can put it in the office, too, and Sheldon says something like, “You really want to dot the I’s and cross the T’s, don’t you.”
Leonard asks Sheldon why he needs an ant farm that glows in the dark, and Sheldon says that they do their best work at nighttime.
Scene 4 – Penny’s apartment
Penny’s picking up some laundry that’s spread through the room when she hears Sheldon knocking at the door. But when she answers it, it’s actually Howard, who’s holding a voice recorder that he’d played Sheldon’s “Penny” on.
He asks if she would have answered if she’d known it was him. On the first take, Penny asks what he wants, and reminds him that her answer is still the same for everything else he’s asked her before, “not in a million years.” (Kaley messed this up on one take, and said, “Of f***er,” and then covered her mouth and said, “Oh, shoot!”) Then it was changed, but I can’t remember what to.
Howard wants to know if Bernadette ever talks about him at work. Penny says sure, just yesterday Bernadette asked why Howard was under the table. Howard asks, she saw me? Penny says not at first, but then she pointed him out for her.
Howard asks if Bernadette’s seeing anyone, and Penny says not that she knows of. Then she asks why the two of them broke up, anyway. Howard says it’s embarrassing, and Penny says that’s what she was counting on, and if he wants her to help he has to tell her.
So Howard explains about how Bernadette caught him having cyber-sex on World of Warcraft with a troll. And Bernadette was so mad that she wouldn’t listen to him try to explain. Penny asks what he would have said, and he says that he doesn’t even know if the troll was really a woman, it could have been some middle aged man. Penny asks, and that makes it better how?
He asks Penny if she can talk to Bernadette for him, but she says she doesn’t really want to get in the middle of things. Howard says sure, he can understand why she doesn’t want to help, he’s just another lonely nerd, living with his mother… And Penny says she’ll think about it. Howard goes on about how his dad left when he was just a kid, and he always felt like it was his fault, that he wasn’t enough of a man… And Penny finally gives in and says fine, she’ll call her, and pulls out her phone.
Scene 5 – Caltech
Leonard and Sheldon are walking down a hallway. Leonard’s telling Sheldon how Penny called Bernadette, and she agreed to meet Howard for coffee. Sheldon asks why Leonard’s telling him any of this? Leonard says that Sheldon’s movements are so lifelike, that he forgets that he’s not a real boy. Leonard walks away, and Sheldon opens the door to his office, only something’s blocking it from opening all the way.
Inside, Raj is sitting in a large chair in front of a huge, carved, wooden desk that takes up most of the room, and Sheldon’s desk is pushed to the side near the door. I can’t remember if Raj said anything, or if he just smiled at Sheldon, who’s in shock.
Scene 6 – Moments later
I think Sheldon asks what it is, and Raj reminds him that he said he could buy a desk. Sheldon said it wasn’t supposed to be a… and then used some phrase that I can’t remember. Raj asks if that was an American idiom for really huge-ass desk. Sheldon says no, it’s British.
Raj asks him to repeat it, and he does. He asks him to repeat it again. Then he asks him to say it three times fast. Sheldon starts, but stops when he realizes what Raj is doing. Sheldon asks how he got the desk in there to start with. Raj says that’s for him and (list of Hispanic names) to know, and for Sheldon to find out.
Sheldon tells Raj to move it out of the office, and Raj says no. Sheldon says yes, and they go back and forth a little (“Yes” “No” “Yes” “No”), before Raj tells Sheldon that he has three brothers and two sisters, and can keep going forever. Sheldon says fine, he’ll move it himself, and Raj tells him to knock himself out.
Sheldon looks at Raj’s desk, and looks at his own desk, and the door, and asks Raj to help him move his own desk. Raj says no, and I think they go back and forth again. Sheldon asks why he needs such a big desk anyway, when it’s size is so large compared to how it’ll be used. Raj says that he got it just to piss off Sheldon, so the size is spot-on.
Sheldon says that he sees what this is, it’s just the first of a juvenile action that will continue to escalate, tit for tat. He tells Raj well titted, and to expect a tat soon. As he’s about to leave, Raj calls Sheldon’s name, then says, “No.” And then says, see how I turned that around on you? Sheldon opens his mouth, but then doesn’t say anything, and leaves.
On one take, near the top of the scene, Jim started to say a line then messed up, so it came out like, “This is ridiculous – s**t!” And Kunal laughed a little, and repeated it, “This is ridiculous s**t.” Then Chuck Lorre ran up to Jim, holding what looked like his Emmy, and the crowd went wild cheering for Jim.
Scene 7 – Cheesecake Factory
Howard’s nervously waiting at a table, and Bernadette comes and sits across from him. She apologizes for making him wait, saying she had to clock out. He asks how she’s been, and she says fine, school and work. She asks him, and he says good. He signed up for a scuba diving course over the summer, but… I can’t remember what he said on the first take. On the second he said it turns out he’s deathly afraid of the ocean. So he had to quit. He asks if she knows anyone who wants a wetsuit, boy’s large, but then says never mind, that’s off topic.
He asks if she’s dating someone, but before she can answer Penny comes up, asking if the want any drinks, or if they’ll order any food. Howard says they’re fine, but Penny doesn’t walk away. Bernadette tells Howard that she’s not seeing anyone, and Penny tells her that’s what she told him, and she hopes she wasn’t crossing any boundaries; Bernadette says that was fine.
Howard asks Penny if they could get some privacy, and she walks away, but glances back at them. Bernadette asks Howard if he’s seeing anyone. He says, well, you know men have needs… And Bernadette asks if he's been seeing women, and he says well, not real women. She asks if that means trolls.
Then Penny comes back with iced teas for them, saying that they’re tropical, and new on the menu. Bernadette says I know, I work here. Howard asks Penny if she has someone else to wait on, and Penny says no, she’s on her break. Then it was changed to Howard asking her if she had anywhere else to be, and she says not where she can hear them. Then Penny asks if it’s a yay or nay on the trolls. Howard glares at her, but then says that there are some corners of the internet where the name Wolowizard is whispered (Penny rolls her eyes/makes a face here, which on one take caused Simon to laugh)… basically saying yes, and he asks Penny if that’s enough. She says yeah, that’ll keep her going for now, and walks away.
Howard tells Bernadette that he’s only done that in the past because he didn’t have a real woman. Bernadette tells him he did have a real woman, she was in the next room as he was clicking that troll’s brains out. Howard says yeah, but they’d never… and he trails off. Bernadette asks, “Had sex? And whose fault was that?”
Penny comes up again carrying a tray of nachos, setting it down in front of them, saying it’s on the house, and then walks away again saying something like, “Never had sex, wow!”
Howard asks, what do you mean, whose fault? Bernadette tells him he never made the move. Howard says he didn’t think she wanted him to. Bernadette tells him that no woman would go out with someone like him, with his looks and smart remarks and something about his pants (there was always too much laughter for me to hear it) without expecting him to eventually make the move. Howard’s shocked (and mutters “son of a bitch,” I think). But Penny comes up again, saying this is awkward, but her manager told her that she can’t give away free nachos. So she pulls out a small black folder with the bill inside, and sets it on the table, and says whenever they’re ready. (On the first take, when Kaley got to the table she was laughing, and just said, “I’m sorry,” before walking away.)
Scene 8 – Caltech (pre-taped)
Leonard (by himself?) is walking by Sheldon’s office, and hears Sheldon and Raj yelling inside. He opens the door to find them each crouching behind their respective desks, shooting each other. Sheldon I think with his marshmallow gun, Raj maybe with some sort of Nerf gun.
Scene 9 – Bernadette’s car (pre-taped)
Howard’s telling her goodnight, and leans in to kiss her. Katee appears in the back seat, and is telling him to use more tongue. George shows up next to her, and tells him not to. Basically Howard and Bernadette keep kissing, while Katee and George argue over how far Howard should take things, Katee thinking that he should make the move.
Howard does, but Bernadette stops him, saying that they’re starting a new relationship, and she needs to get to know him again. But she tells him they’ll get there eventually.
Scene 10 – Caltech (pre-taped)
Howard and Leonard walking down the hall. Howard tells him that he and Bernadette are going to try dating again. Leonard asks how the troll is taking it, and Howard asks if Penny told him. Leonard says no, some guy (he gives a name) did. Turns out some dude in one of the other departments was the troll.
Leonard stops by Sheldon’s office again, and when Sheldon opens the door he’s wearing a gas mask. Leonard’s surprised by the strong smell from inside, and Sheldon says he’s mixing some gases to form a pesticide. Raj yells back from inside that it’s not going to work, the smell was worse in India. And he has his scented candles. Leonard asks Sheldon, aren’t those gases highly flammable? And then there’s an explosion from inside, and Raj comes out with soot all over his face, and his hair all messed up.
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And some tidbits about the guest stars for next week's episode... On the call sheet by the entrance to the studio, under the main cast listing for today, it said 4x5 (I'm assuming season 4, episode 5), and the listed below was Mrs. Wolowitz, Stuart, Amy, Zack (yay!!), and some new character named Joy (who I'm pretty sure it said was played by Edi Patterson).